This is not a topic I want to shorten to make it easier to read, so it will be a wall of text, sorry in advance.
I met a girl on MFC that was initially a skype show relationship. However, I talked a lot with her when she wasn't working, which has gradually grown into a relationship over the last couple of months. It has been difficult, especially at the start because I just assumed she was only into me for my money. We decided to meet up in real life, but she lives in another country, so I had to plan some vacation around it. At the start I was in it mostly for the ride, I thought it would be fun, she is super cute, and I love her personality. If things go good, they go good, if she is just stringing me along for the money, then in the long run I have lost a little money but nothing serious.
The problem is that I have fallen in love. After meeting her in real life, and being with her for a week (which was suuuper awkward in the start, hah!). I also know for a fact that she loves me too, and I no longer have any doubts about whether she is trying to trick me along for the money or not. She genuinely likes me. So the issue presented itself when I came back home from the trip, and she needed to go back to work.
You can probably guess where this is headed. I do not consider myself a jealous person, I have had girlfriends before, and I have never felt jealous of them being with guy friends or anything like that. I consider myself mentally to be a very sex positive person, and in my rational mind I recognize that getting naked on camera and masturbating, is just a job like any other. Just like in any customer service profession you have good days and bad days, and days where you can get some super shitty customers to deal with. You have to pretend to be happy when you are not, and you might be on your third masturbation show in a row when all you really want to do is go to bed. You might be on your period and trying desperately to hide it and pretend that it is not there, so you will not offend any of our delicate male sensibilities. So even if the job can be fun and rewarding, it's still a job.
Even so, I got jealous, and I feel it gets worse every week. I really really love her, and I know she loves me too. However, every time she goes online, and I think about her being in a private show with someone else. Masturbating, or dancing, or whatever. It just kills me, and I hate it. I am trying all I can to stay positive and pretend i am not "too" bothered by it. I have told her about it (I think it's best to be open and communicate), and she knows I am having a hard time of it lately. As a result she now only works every 3rd day or so, compared to every day before, of her own volition. Which makes me feel awful, because I know how much money she would make if it wasn't for me. I kinda feel like an asshole.
She says she wants to quit, that she enjoys the work on some days, but hate the days when she tries really hard, with 100 people watching, and she gets 0 tips. She can't quit fully until the day where we move together (which is at least a year from now), and she doesn't want me sending her money to cover for her loss of income.
So, I just need some guidance on how to deal with the situation. When I get jealous I get in a really bad mood, to the degree that I do not want to talk to her, and it also puts me in a bad mood when I am at work. I just get these awful images in my mind of what she is doing for her customers, even if I do what I can not to think about it (what if she does a show with a new customer who is like me, that she likes even more, who is prettier, funnier and who doesn't bitch about her job!). I feel that the smart thing would be to just end it and move on, for my own sanity.
However, I just love her so damn much. I have never been as happy as when I am with her, we have a really great chemistry together, and I know the camming is just a temporary gig. What is the next 10 months compared to the rest of our lives? (assuming we don't hate each other after year 6, get a divorce, and spend the rest of our lives doing custody battles, heh...) Do any of you have significant others that can tell me how they handle the situation? Are they just cool with it?
I am also really worried that it will just get worse, especially the more I meet her in real life, and that I will grow to resent her for it. Or I am worried that she will grow to resent me for being so jealous when she works, because she feels bad when she works because of me. I try not to complain too much, but it's also hard for me to say nothing at all when I am having such an issue of it.
If you read all of this, thank you for taking the time, and all advice is appreciated.
