I'm high AF right now. I don't do it all the time. Just once a month. It cost me £150 to get this high today.. I'm going to quit next Friday for real this time.
I thought I'd dump my thoughts to give you something to read in case you're bored..
I drink too much in between these highs. I stopped for 7 months and recently relapsed for seven weeks. No one at work knows as I know how to hide it. I constantly avoid possible relationships with women due to my disorder.
I have a phobia of settling down and having children. If I did get a woman pregnant, I would happily devote my life to making sure I provide for them.
I would rather spend my remaining days, living a life of leisure. I'm planning to move to Thailand. I have to stop drinking and smoking or it will kill me. The damage is already done though. I can do what I want as I have no commitments. I've abused that freedom, but my online business is booming.
Please delete if inappropriate. I really don't want the ban hammer and would never offend on purpose.
I'm missing out on intimacy though, but I have to cull my addictions again before I can be with anyone.
I friend zone women that like me. I'm not even good looking. Ugly in my opinion. I've friend zoned women out of my league! Don't ask me why they tried it on because I don't know.
I had to leave my last job because my coworker fancied me. She was fucking this guy that worked for a blue chip company in Central London.
He was going to her flat for sex and wouldn't tell her were he lived, even though is was very close to her. He didn't reply to her text messages unless he wanted sex. She was saying to me that she really liked me and asked me to take her out for a drink in my local pub. Her behaviour was werid. She called me into the staff room, took my hand and cupped it on her tits and asked me if I could feel her heart beating. We where really close at first, but she was being fucked my another man that she met before meeting me. The next day, she met with the guy and told him she planned to go out for a drink with me, so to counter that, he took her out to an Italian restaurant and she told me he kissed her in the street and she liked it. She likes to try and make men jealous, but that turns me off.
She gives me an erection, but I wouldn't actually have sex with her. We fancy each other, and as colleagues, I visit her flat to say hello and I give her seasons of TV shows on USB that I've downloaded. She's bored AF in the evenings and new to the UK. I told her to watch The Walking Dead and gave her season one and she rejected it and said it was stupid if it has zombies in it. She stayed up all night watching it back to back on her laptop and was scared to leave her room to go for a piss lol. She was having a rough time so the TV shows were to distract her and give her some personal time. I didn't like seeing her suffer. If the other guy wasn't in the picture, we could of had a nice relationship. Guys stopped their cars in the street and ask for her number.
I help people were I can at work. I might be on the spectrum (autistic) but that's another story. As a work colleague, I was generally concerned as there were days she would come to work without going to sleep at night. Her depression was off the chart. I don't know what he was doing to her, but she was fucked up royally. Catatonic sometimes. She asked me to read her current instagram and it was about her having a hard time. At the end of it she mentioned meeting me and gave me a hug. I knew she was seeing other men, so I didn't stick my neck out.
So she asked me to meet her in a coffee shop on the high street. She broke down in tears and was saying how she was being treated like she was nothing.. worthless. It was a bit werid. She started showing me photos of herself on her iPhone. She moved into shared accommodation and her room wasn't decorated. This compounded her depression. I wanted to see her right as we worked together and I didn't like seeing her like that. I've decorated several houses, so doing one room wasn't a big deal. She kept saying he wasn't her bf and they were just friends. Her guy refused to help her decorate. Said he couldn't due to his cancer, yet rode his bike on marathons. Her room was worse than I thought and took 4 days to fix.. I had to plaster holes and do all kinds of shit to make it nice. She helped out sometimes and wore see through leggings. I could see her pussy through the leggings and she really cocked her ass out and kept turning around to see if I was looking. I got a hard erection, but I just can't share the 'honey pot' with another man. I don't want to catch anything. I'd honestly prefer to choke the chicken than get mixed up in that shit. There were other incidents that are too numerous to mention. I was working with a Karen.
She's very tall and skinny and looks a bit like Julia Roberts. A very stupid version... Her legs and ass are amazing though. The guy that was screwing her said he couldn't have anymore kids as the cancer treatment he was getting killed his sperm, so he was fucking her without a condom and she was in and out of the sexual heath clinic due to abnormal discharge. I took her to the fucking airport when she had to fly home to Lisbon on holiday as she had no one else to take her. I tried to carry her luggage (as you do for a lady) and she switched on me "You're only supposed to guide me to the airport!". On the bus she snuggled up and was saying I was more like her husband than just a friend. I took her to a solicitor when she was underpaid from her previous redundancy. I didn't want to fuck her, but I see all my friend's right. She sometimes suggested about being my gf, but constantly checked to see if the other guy was online 24/7. He was online but didn't reply to her texts for hours each time. It was none of my business. Other staff mebers told be not to get involved with her as she was trouble.
She kept using me to make her guy jealous and kept talking about him to me to see if I was jealous. "I know I'm beautiful. My friends are ugly". I always checked if other staff members needed my help with anything. I checked on her and got, "You sound like a boy. I need a man, not a boy"
Work became a toxic enviroment with her. I backed off being friendly and just did my job. She took that personally and didn't speak to me for 4 months. Not even a good morning. She started attacking me out of the blue (literally screaming in my face for minor reasons that were no concern of hers) and kept reporting me to management for not doing my job properly. "I'm going for a drink with him tonight. We don't have a connection, but you and me have a connection" A fucking nut job, but a hot one. I lied and told her I had a g/f in an attempt to break her negativity towards me. Her reply "Don't talk to me unless it work related from now on! You don't do your job properly!" Literally a Portugese 'Karen'. She gets away with it cause she's hot AF.
She got really, really sick one time for weeks and had a constant pain in her ear drum. She was getting hospital appointments but wasn't on the system when she arrived and was turned away. I went to the hospital with her and sorted it out. She had 2 accounts registered and I fixed it. We sat in the ER for 6 hours. A lot of guys were looking around at her when their wives weren't looking. She cuddled up with me and asked if I was single. She started texting me the next day, saying that she likes me and saying I need a gf. But she was still chasing the other guy. Fuck that. The doctor said she needed to take probiotic yoghurt, so I bought a pack and dropped it off at her flat as she was off sick.
"How much was that?"
Me: IDK
(I honestly didn't know. I just picked it up with my other shopping)
Her: "You are a FUCKING liar!"
She lost her shit, but I know she had problems and was venting.
"I really like you and you always make it right when I'm down. Am I making you nervous?" Totally fucking delusional. She could never make me nervous.
She wanted to go to Hampton Court Park on a Sunday and asked me to go with her as she had never been there. I did as colleagues and it was nice. I knew she was in a bad place and when we spend time together, she forgets about her problems. I wanted to buy her lunch at the restaurant and cut through the park. It's nice and has free roaming deer and shit? She wanted to take the long route outside the park along the path. She was all cuddled up to me and revealed that her guy wasn't answering her calls and this path is were he walks his dog. She wanted to make him jealous by him seeing her with me.
So after lunch she switched on me, "You don't want a gf do you! You just want to play with yourself!!"
WTF? Does she want to fuck two guys?
All I was doing was trying to help her depression and I did help it. She was positive most days at work. I had no interest in fucking her. I would have fucked her lights out if she wasn't whoring around. She had been in the UK for only 8 months and fucked a lot of guys. She even said to me, "Men want my body but not the relationship". I had to work very closely with her each day and I'm very positive by nature. Her on the other hand was in a fuster cluck of shit. You wouldn't believe what she came out with sometimes, "How much do you earn a month and what are your out goings" I showed her a photo of an F1 bengal kitten I was buying and she stopped talking to me and sulked because her cat in Lisbon died a month before...
So I walked past her section and she said "We should go out. I haven't been out in awhile". I wasn't enthusiastic about it but asked when she wanted to go out. "This Saturday?" Ok.. She clocked that I didn't really want to and postponed it for a few weeks.... awkward.
I was offered another job somewhere else and took it as it was getting too werid. She said, "I really like you and he's really rude. What I need is someone that not only good for me but great with everyone else. Someone like you. He just text me and left xxx at the end, so that's something".
Seriously?
It was announced at a staff meeting that I was leaving and that really pissed her off. Someone asked in the meeting why I wasn't giving her English lessons and she said I wanted to give her body lessons but she didn't want me. My bad.. when I was drunk in the evenings I don't give a fuck and returned her advances when she texted me on Whatsapp. When I come to work in the morning, I'm sober and don't want her as I know shes whoring around with other guys. I go to leave and get shit like "Where do you think your going?" I have a 7 inch erection and I know I can satisfy her, but I'm cock blocked by her promiscuity.
She started telling him that I was good to her and he was asking for my home address and were I worked. Asking what I did for a living. Asking it I slept with her. She enjoyed telling me this. I decided to stay away as she was trouble. Everyone at work was telling me to stay away or she'll get me in a fight with other guys.
I don't think anyone would attack me as I'm 6'4", workout, and mad as the Irish, but you never know.
I minded my own business, but she kept sending people to ask me to see her, saying she wanted my help with things she could easily do herself. It was werid. I'd see what she wanted and she'd flirt. I really wasn't interested. I would rather have a wank than fuck her after the shit she put me through. I couldn't even hate fuck her (ok, I could, but I would regret it the moment I busted a nut). It's not her fault. She's just thick as fuck.
She finished with the other guy and told him she was sorry his dog died of cancer but wasn't sorry about his cancer. She texted and phoned me all the time after that. Sending me kiss emoticons. If you live in the real world, you'll know that you can easily go missing if you step on the wrong toes. (If you've ticked off the wrong person). It will be over money or a woman. I didn't know who else she was involved with.
I wrote off her antics and forgave her as she's thick AF. So I gave her the next season of TWD on USB for her laptop. We had a good chat about the first season. She was pissed off as the USB didn't work so she text me and was mad as she was looking forward to it all week and I ruined her Friday evening. I told her I'll be passing her area the the next day and I'll fix the USB at her place. She asked me to meet her at work and go to a market with her before I fixed her USB. I said ok. "Dress up really nice ok? You never know who you might meet tomorrow (wink)". I met her after work and she was dressed up nice. I got an instant boner.
We went to the market but it was closing up, so she suggested that we went to the park. She spent all the time at the park on her phone talking in Portuguse to friends in Lisbon... A couple of men walked past and said, "His gf is really fit". A couple walk past and she made a comment about the size of the girl's nose, "In Portugal we would call her elephant nose. She was ugly".
I said I wanted to fix her USB so I could go, but she suggested that we got some sushi and walked back to her flat to eat. She started talking about the guy again and that they bumped into each other in the high street recently and she was complaining that he didn't phone her. As we entered her front door, she was saying that the receptionist said she was beautiful and she knew of a guy that worked there that fancied her, but she wasn't intersted as he was too young. So we were eating sushi together and she started talking about how she was lying in bed with that 'idiot' and kissing and cuddling him. Total boner kill. I couldn't wait to leave.
Then she said, "If I like a guy and think he's good looking, we can go to the park, kiss, have sex, but he has to make the first move".
I didn't want to have sex with her. I had no idea who else was coming to her flat for sex.
I just said, "I'm the same about the first move. I'll definately fix your USB before I leave"
I fixed the USB so she had something to watch for her weekend. I usually kiss her as friends before I go but she turned away.
If I was with her, she'd be trying it on with other guys behind my back and looking to drain my bank account. A devious gypsy.
So I handed in my notice and they bought me a cake on my leaving day. Everyone sat around my table, but she sat two tables down and looked at the floor.
The manager asked her to join us and she did, but looked away. They gave me a card signed by everyone. The manager asked her if she signed it and she said no. "I wish him all the best BUT I'M NOT SIGNING HIS CARD!". The manager told her to leave and she stormed off. I went to her department to say bye, but she got angry and said I embarassed her infront of all her colleagues by leaving.
I bumped into a colleague that still works there recently and she said she had mental problems. Apparently she's looking to get fired as she has friction with the management there and has verbally attacked 2 members of staff.
This was the short version...
mako is a thing (rolled in algae), and sushi another and not especially based on fish but on the way to cook the rice (vinegared rice)
www.cbr.com
@AmberCutie
