Cheating member scammed - but still in love

[Sat Nam]

First I would like to thank AmberCutie for this forum and all forum members for some excellent threads.... :dance:

Now I need some advice in a complex situation...

A bit about myself. I'm in the mid 40's. I'm married since 10 years with my wife who I met 20 years ago.
I'm required to travel quote a bit in my work, and have about 2 nights away from my family each week.
Unfortunately my wife was diagnosed with a neurological disease a few years back. She suffers from fatigue.
One result of this is that we don't have as much sex and intimacy as we used to do. I miss this part of our relationship.

On one of my business trips a few months ago I discovered the "webcam world".
It was a pleasant experience. I have visited a few performers who I found to be incredible intelligent, nice and sexy persons.

About a month ago I came a cross this woman 'M' in the non-nude section of a particular site.
She's from eastern Europe (Not Romania )and in her mid 20's. We have been chatting on about 5-7 different occasions, sometimes shorter and sometimes
longer conversations. We only talked about usual stuff, like interests, food and so on.
However as time moved on I felt that she was trying to scam me. She was complaining about having no money for school, rent and so on.
I also had a strong feeling that I couldn't trust everything the was saying. So the last chat we had I said that I had to say goodbye, I tipped her well (100$) and then send her a message saying that I thought she was scamming me and that I had to quit chatting with her. I also told her that I had strong feelings for her and liked her very much. I then cancelled my chat-account and terminated my email address.

However during the time we chatted I found myself very attracted to this person. The few conversations I had with her made me feeling really good, and I felt like a better person. I now realise that I have a crush on her. I haven't been feeling this way since I first meet with my wife, 20 years back.
It's a wonderful but also devastating feeling. She is constantly on my mind.

It seems that Love is really blind...

I still love my wife and would never dream about leaving her, especially in the difficult situation that she's in. But I cannot help thinking about 'M'.
This crush I'm having just hurts so freaking much. I just want to continue these conversations with her
I know my wife would totally freak out if I told her. I know that I'm cheating on her, and I feel very bad about that. But I can't help my feelings.
I don't want to have a relationship with 'M' or meet her in person. I just want to know her better and be her friend.

A question for the cam girls here in the forum: If you were 'M' - would you think of me as a scumbag? Because I cut off communication and she couldn't defend herself. Perhaps she was really having money troubles and in a really bad situation looking for help? Perhaps the real reason for me was to get out of this situation to stay faithful to my wife?

A question for the forum: Can you please help me with some tips how to get over 'M'? I'm not strong right now and I fear that I will try to contact her again...

 

[Mott_]

Hey Sat Nam, apologies that your wife isn't well and it can't be easy for both of you.

All I have to say is this: step away form your computer. Go home, hug your wife, look at some old photos, videos or whatever of you both together. Don't do anything stupid. This will pass.

All the best :thumbleft:

 

[Sevrin]

Pretty much. Also find stuff to do that will fill the time you used to spend with this person, preferably offline. The most important thing is to connect with other people. If you do it online, try to do it in a less intimate way, such as in an MMORPG.

Then time will help with the rest.

 

[Anonymous]

A question for the cam girls here in the forum: If you were 'M' - would you think of me as a scumbag? Because I cut off communication and she couldn't defend herself. Perhaps she was really having money troubles and in a really bad situation looking for help? Perhaps the real reason for me was to get out of this situation to stay faithful to my wife?

No, I don't think you're a scumbag. A scumbag would've met up/had sex with the model, and bragged to his friends about the sneaking around and having some chick on the side. That's what scumbags do, which doesn't sound like you. You seem like a good guy.

If it was me, I'd wanna know why you stopped visiting my chat (to be told via PM or MFC Mail), and I'd understand.

 

[Jessi]

As camgirls, I think most of us understand that members come and go. It sucks when its someone we've gotten to know, but it kinda happens. A short memo that you're getting on with your life wouldn't hurt but I really don't think its necessary.

Sometimes members do get emotionally attached to models, but in 99% of the cases Id say the feelings in return are only friendship. It sounds like you're doing the right thing and cutting yourself off at your limit.

If someone is using MFC as their ONLY outlet for friendship/human interaction, then you should to find other ways of getting that. And there are LOTS of avenues to persue that which are non-sexual (which can muddle your feelings). Meetup.com, MMOs, Reddit are all great ways to connect with people online.

It sounds like you're lonely and stressed, perhaps you should consider talking to a therapist. You don't have to be crazy to talk to someone, just getting it off your chest to a trained professional (not an internet stripper ) can be really, really helpful.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

What seems to sometimes happen with a lot of people around your age who've been married for a certain amount of time is they almost go back to base one when it comes to new lust/love relationships. You become over comfortable, you become naive, delusional in many ways. Essentially you'll start acting like a 12 year old. Like someone who is having their first crush. And in a way it kind of is, the way our mind's and bodies change we're not really the same person as who got married ten years before, meaning when we get a crush it can feel very intense and difficult to handle.

This doesn't mean you're in love with this girl, or really that there's all that much about her. It's you being currently inexperienced with different women, having a few problems in your marriage bed that can't be helped, and probably sexually and emotionally wanting a bit of a thrill.

This camgirl hasn't scammed you as such, or not in the way I would consider naming a scam, but if you mean all she wants from you is money? Then yes, technically all camgirls are scammers, because money is exactly what we want from you.

Remember, camgirls aren't real. I know that sounds silly because obviously we are real people, but the people we portray and give you on cam don't really exist. You only see this one side of the girl which is not the side you would get if you knew her in real life. We are there to be enticing, to be sexy, to make you want us. What we are not there for is genuine friendships and romance. Not saying those cannot sometimes come out of it, but they are not what we're there for.
With camgirls, or in fact anyone you meet online, you see the good parts of them, the sides they want to show you, and then you make up the rest in your imagination, so yes it is very easy to form very strong attachments. I've "fallen in love" with quite a few people after having long interactions with them online, it's never real though, it's just my mind creating what it wants.

Don't worry, you're not the first, nor the last. You've made the right decision in stepping away from this girl, though a bit harsh to call her a scammer. I would not ever contact her again, and actually I would steer away from camsites altogether. You're clearly in a vulnerable position, something you need to work on, camsites are not for you. Try and get this woman out of your mind. She's not real. What you are doing is obsessing over a figment of your imagination. Do not ever think you can be "friends". That's not what you want and you know it. And you cannot be friends with someone who you feel that way about. Friendship is about mutual feelings.

It is not real love. Remember that. What you are feeling is no different from the many many overwhelming crushes I developed as a teenager on guys who really were just total idiots. What you are feeling is much closer to lust and obsession than love. It's not anywhere close to love. The feeling will pass, it could take more or less time, just try and not dwell on it, cut out any idea of going back to her out of your mind. Otherwise you really could mess up your head which in turn could mess up your life.

 

[zippypinhead]

Telling her you think she's a scammer seems a bit harsh. If this was her only job, and folks were sitting around, chatting her up, and not tipping her, she could very well not have money for school, rent, and so on. It's a two-way street: she's giving you her time in exchange for money. Reminding you of that may feel somewhat distasteful, especially if there's guilt involved, but a scam is trickery, deceit, which is something else, entirely.

EDIT TO ADD:

Hug your wife, hug your kids, and count your good fortunes that you have what you have. Desire is an integral part of camland, but it's fantasy. Don't let the fantasy fuck with your reality.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Like others have said, step away from the computer. If you're finding it hard to cut the cam girl out of your life now, it'll only become harder the more time you spend with her. Find other things to fill your spare time with. Pick up an instrument, write, join a few forums, go see a movie, buy a new games console, whatever.

 

[Sevrin]

Oh, and one other thing you can try that I have found to be therapeutic: Find yourself another cam girl whose main attracton is that she is really hot, in whatever way turns you on, but does not remind you of your ex-infatuation. Let yourself get all turned on in a private, a public show you tip for or whatever other way works for you. Be as unfaithful to your ex, on her turf, as you can. Yeah, you might feel guilty for a bit, but the idea is to put some distance between you and your ex, and guilt works as well as anything.

PS: Pick a girl with a low camscore, if possible. There are untold riches on the second page. That way, you will still feel like a slut, but you will also have made someone else's day.

And yes, this is a serious suggestion, but only try it if all the above recommendations don't work. Hair of the dog, and all that.

 

[JickyJuly]

Watching cams is an escape, but sometimes when real life is TOO messy getting to peer into the (likely manufactured) life of someone else can make our own real life look even worse. Does that make sense? Tend to your wife and your life. Take time for yourself that doesn't include other women who want things from you. If you feel like a scumbag, you're probably not being the best man you can be for your wife, and it sounds like she needs you more than any camgirl will ever pretend to.

 

[CharlieSays]

Unfortunately, I don't think there's any quick-fix to let go of strong emotional feelings for someone. Time and distance are the only things that have ever helped me. Being distracted can also be useful.

I hope this doesn't offend, but have you considered that you maybe don't WANT to let go of the feelings themselves? Not so much HER, but that intoxicating, butterflies, infatuated feeling that you get in the beginning of relationships? The deeper connection you have with your wife is more real, and more sustainable. But having your heart jump when you see a message from someone new is a little addictive. Damn dopamine.

 

[Brad]

I don't have any great advice for you other then don't hide stuff from your wife. Be honest, be open, and communicate.

 

[BobbyB]

Life is short so make the best out of it....

My general rule with any kind of long distance relationship is never invest more than you can afford to lose...
This can be financially and emotionally...

See it as it is , set a budget for entertainment and if the demands go over your budget look for someone new...
This means forget all the thoughts about scams and so, there is nearly no way to determine what is "true".

The emotional side is a bit more tricky, if the girl makes your life more fun, good for you, if this girls causes you mental headaches maybe better to make the cut....

It is your life so the decisions are up to you

 

[Sat Nam]

Wow - you are such a wonderful crowd! Thank you for all your good advice.

I did go hug my wife, and we actually ended up looking at some old photos. I have also been on the treadmill for an hour, trying to distort my thoughts.

I now realise from my own post that it probably was the cheating thing that made be quit connection with miss "A". I have send her an email with my apologies for calling her a scammer, and asked if there is any last thing I can do for her. Don't worry - I will not engage in further chats with her.

I did go to a therapist some years ago. So I'm pretty "clean" and have been working out most of my issues from the past. And yes this is probably some delusional part of my mid life crisis. As some of you suggested - I will try to be more honest and open with my wife.

Now I'm just waiting for the time to help me.... :handgestures-salute:

 

[JoleneBrody]

Oh, and one other thing you can try that I have found to be therapeutic: Find yourself another cam girl whose main attracton is that she is really hot, in whatever way turns you on, but does not remind you of your ex-infatuation. Let yourself get all turned on in a private, a public show you tip for or whatever other way works for you. Be as unfaithful to your ex, on her turf, as you can. Yeah, you might feel guilty for a bit, but the idea is to put some distance between you and your ex, and guilt works as well as anything.

PS: Pick a girl with a low camscore, if possible. There are untold riches on the second page. That way, you will still feel like a slut, but you will also have made someone else's day.

And yes, this is a serious suggestion, but only try it if all the above recommendations don't work. Hair of the dog, and all that.

I would have to disagree with you on this a bit. I would actually think that higher camscore rooms and public shows are a much better option for someone like OP if watching cams is still going to be happening.

In a more popular room you, dear OP, are sharing space with a group of people and a more social setting rather than one on one. The less popular a girl is the more personal attention you are going to receive and as you stated earlier, you're vulnerable. Not a good idea to be doing much of anything in the way of "private" or one on one with a cam lady.

Cams can be a lot of fun and a great way to socialize with not only pretty ladies, but members. IMO you (OP) need to stick to the bigger, more social rooms if you're going to be visiting cams at all.

 

[Sevrin]

I was thinking more of a down-and-dirty one-off than a new home, hence the reference of "making her day".

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I was thinking more of a down-and-dirty one-off than a new home, hence the reference of "making her day".

That kind of behaviour pattern suits some people but not everyone. It doesn't seem to me that the OP is the sort that can just be satisfied by that sort of thing. If it works for you then great, but everyone is built differently and enjoys different things. Seeing as the OP is in a vulnerable position and has his feelings open enough that he's managed to develop feelings for a camgirl then it's not just something you can simply switch off.

 

[AmberCutie]

Oh, and one other thing you can try that I have found to be therapeutic: Find yourself another cam girl whose main attracton is that she is really hot, in whatever way turns you on, but does not remind you of your ex-infatuation. Let yourself get all turned on in a private, a public show you tip for or whatever other way works for you. Be as unfaithful to your ex, on her turf, as you can. Yeah, you might feel guilty for a bit, but the idea is to put some distance between you and your ex, and guilt works as well as anything.

PS: Pick a girl with a low camscore, if possible. There are untold riches on the second page. That way, you will still feel like a slut, but you will also have made someone else's day.

And yes, this is a serious suggestion, but only try it if all the above recommendations don't work. Hair of the dog, and all that.

I would have to disagree with you on this a bit. I would actually think that higher camscore rooms and public shows are a much better option for someone like OP if watching cams is still going to be happening.

In a more popular room you, dear OP, are sharing space with a group of people and a more social setting rather than one on one. The less popular a girl is the more personal attention you are going to receive and as you stated earlier, you're vulnerable. Not a good idea to be doing much of anything in the way of "private" or one on one with a cam lady.

Cams can be a lot of fun and a great way to socialize with not only pretty ladies, but members. IMO you (OP) need to stick to the bigger, more social rooms if you're going to be visiting cams at all.

100% this.

 

[Just Me]

Oh, and one other thing you can try that I have found to be therapeutic: Find yourself another cam girl whose main attracton is that she is really hot, in whatever way turns you on, but does not remind you of your ex-infatuation. Let yourself get all turned on in a private, a public show you tip for or whatever other way works for you. Be as unfaithful to your ex, on her turf, as you can. Yeah, you might feel guilty for a bit, but the idea is to put some distance between you and your ex, and guilt works as well as anything.

PS: Pick a girl with a low camscore, if possible. There are untold riches on the second page. That way, you will still feel like a slut, but you will also have made someone else's day.

And yes, this is a serious suggestion, but only try it if all the above recommendations don't work. Hair of the dog, and all that.

I would have to disagree with you on this a bit. I would actually think that higher camscore rooms and public shows are a much better option for someone like OP if watching cams is still going to be happening.

In a more popular room you, dear OP, are sharing space with a group of people and a more social setting rather than one on one. The less popular a girl is the more personal attention you are going to receive and as you stated earlier, you're vulnerable. Not a good idea to be doing much of anything in the way of "private" or one on one with a cam lady.

Cams can be a lot of fun and a great way to socialize with not only pretty ladies, but members. IMO you (OP) need to stick to the bigger, more social rooms if you're going to be visiting cams at all.

100% this.

If you become the center of attention in a less popular room and the main provider for the model, it becomes unhealthy for both. Sadly, that is what the OP is looking for though, someone to give him the attention that he felt he is not getting at home. I can not really add any advice that the previous posters have not provided. Staying busy and keeping your family involved are always good options. Exercising is also another good relief for the feelings.

 

[Sat Nam]

Short update:

I send miss "M" my apologies, which she accepted. She said she was going through a tough time being a lonely mother and having no money for rent. I ended up transferring 500$ to her.

Maybe I got scammed.
Maybe I paid it forward and helped a fellow human being.
I will never know.

But for me it was a lesson learned. Stay faithful and keep your integrity.

Sat Nam

 

[zippypinhead]

Short update:

I send miss "M" my apologies, which she accepted. She said she was going through a tough time being a lonely mother and having no money for rent. I ended up transferring 500$ to her.

Maybe I got scammed.
Maybe I paid it forward and helped a fellow human being.
I will never know.

But for me it was a lesson learned. Stay faithful and keep your integrity.

Sat Nam

You've done your good deed for the day, now run away and don't look back.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Short update:

I send miss "M" my apologies, which she accepted. She said she was going through a tough time being a lonely mother and having no money for rent. I ended up transferring 500$ to her.

Maybe I got scammed.
Maybe I paid it forward and helped a fellow human being.
I will never know.

But for me it was a lesson learned. Stay faithful and keep your integrity.

Sat Nam

You've done your good deed for the day, now run away and don't look back.

This exactly.

At least you're a nice member. We get a lot of these threads, and usually they're posted by complete idiots who just want us to tell them that the model loves them. At first we'll give advice, try and help, but it usually just ends up them repeating their actions and not taking our advice whilst asking for the same advice hoping we'll tell them what they want to hear.
You seem different, I empathise with your situation, I'm sure we all do. Both camgirls and members all know there can be a fine line to when emotions can get too much. What as a camgirl I hope for in this situation is for the member to act rationally and not lose his head completely. I also would hope he'd not blame me for it and would simply step back.
You seem like you've treated her nicely, but after this I would block her from your myfreecams profile completely and cut off all ties. Treat it as a parting gift. As a model she may be sympathetic to your situation and therefore would want you to back off for your own sake and hers. If she just wants income from you then she may well try and make profit off the situation and your vulnerable position. This doesn't necessarily mean she's a scammer, it means she's a hard business woman. But it also means that she thinks of you more as a customer than a friend. By doing this she would reel you in more, keep speaking to you, trying to keep the contact. Basically, back away.

I hope you will be different from the others and will heed our advice and move on. I also wish you the best of luck in life and hope things will start to get better.

 

[Sevrin]

If your motive is to do good, give your money to a charity you trust. You were just looking for a reason to give her more money. Let us know if you're still clean in a month. This is bullshit.

 

[Brad]

Short update:

I send miss "M" my apologies, which she accepted. She said she was going through a tough time being a lonely mother and having no money for rent. I ended up transferring 500$ to her.

Maybe I got scammed.
Maybe I paid it forward and helped a fellow human being.
I will never know.

But for me it was a lesson learned. Stay faithful and keep your integrity.

Sat Nam

 

[mynameisbob84]

Short update:

I send miss "M" my apologies, which she accepted. She said she was going through a tough time being a lonely mother and having no money for rent. I ended up transferring 500$ to her.

Maybe I got scammed.
Maybe I paid it forward and helped a fellow human being.
I will never know.

But for me it was a lesson learned. Stay faithful and keep your integrity.

Sat Nam

Don't send her any more money! If this is what you needed to do to give yourself some closure then it was probably money well spent, but if you ever find yourself back in her room spending money on her then it will prove to be a monumental waste of money I fear.

As a general rule of thumb, if a cam girl gives you a sob story about needing money to keep a roof over her and her child's head, she's at best a shit cam girl, and at worst a con artist; either way, do not send her $500 :twocents-02cents: