Same. You know they work for their money and it's just doing right by them.
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Cam model addiction
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I totally understand. In my case I've tipped between $50-$100 every night for the last two weeks, the models are offering me freebies because I'm an undemanding member, and assuring me it's okay if I don't tip one or two nights and asking me to come keep them company when they're broadcasting even if I'm waiting for my next paycheck to clear.
I apologize for tripping over an etiquette rule, and wasn't trying to tell people to not tip. I was universalizing my own very specific rules that have helped me navigate cam sites without it becoming damaging to my finances, because I really, really love to tip models, but I failed to realize that not everyone is tipping or interacting with the models in the same way I am so I'm sorry if it seemed like I was telling people to not tip.
No, no, you didn't give that impression at all; certainly not to me and I don't think to anyone else reading. All's good
yummybrownfox
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- May 24, 2015
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I know you said you don't tip more than you can realistically afford, but over a couple of weeks that amounts to between $700 and $1400. In anyone's book, that's a lot. Makes me feel like a bit of an impostor
In other news, feel less guilty about the model situation now. Better to have cut it off before she started to get even crazier ideas. She already had a picture of me (hand drawn) in her room and referred to me to other users as her "future husband" so probably a bullet dodged
Well, obviously more money is preferable but that given, what's really despicable are free riders. Someone whose ass is broke and can't get laid loitering in a model's room like it's the neighbourhood library isn't going to be anyone's favourite person.
And I forgot about the characters who have it and just don't tip, those who spent their money elsewhere, and the douche who gives a tip early on and acts like it's a season pass.
My point here being that anyone who relies on tips for income appreciates that you honestly *do* tip.
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If you're giving you're giving and you're absolutely not an impostor. I give generously because I have been very fortunate and lucky, and because my favorite thing to see in a cam show is a genuine smile or a surprised laugh. I wasn't always in the position I am in now.I know you said you don't tip more than you can realistically afford, but over a couple of weeks that amounts to between $700 and $1400. In anyone's book, that's a lot. Makes me feel like a bit of an impostor
Oh yeah. She had it bad for you. Definitely better that it ended now rather than there be more and worse heartbreak for her and guilt for you further down the road.In other news, feel less guilty about the model situation now. Better to have cut it off before she started to get even crazier ideas. She already had a picture of me (hand drawn) in her room and referred to me to other users as her "future husband" so probably a bullet dodged
At its root, "addiction" is best defined by what effect something HAS on the other aspects of your life. And I hope you'll forgive me if I don't rush out to find the number of (whatever "A.A." would be for webcam model viewers) based on your 9pm dinner schedule. I don't know the parameters of your working from home, so I can't pick a side on that factor.
Of greater importance is the truly remarkable environment that webcamming has completely created all by itself... a place which has incentivized (women, we're gonna say) from just about everywhere on the globe... to all seem to be in ONE spot... AND in an environment where those women can be "safe", and comfortable, merely expressing themselves (in ways that many of them simply could not DO in the societies which surround them outside of their studio/bedroom).
It is my impression that it is more "intoxicating" than truly 'addicting'.
Add to what I said the general reality that instead of these being the 1-in-500 porn specimens of the past, they are a far more VAST array of humans... a good solid number of which will have their own tantalizingly unique bodies and features, many of the sort that we just don't so often SEE in any element of our worlds beyond the cam sites.
Heck, just for a moment consider women with small breasts... we KNOW that they're everywhere... all around us... darting to and fro... HOWEVER they (those women) are not so typically FLAUNTED in much of the media, or in much of unclothed society... SO the very exercise that is small breasts being boldly FLAUNTED is something that we so seldom SEE, that we are in that way 'conditioned' to *notice* such activity as being unique and significant.
Those ideal-seeming specimens that were the (women, we're sticking with) of the past were so often air-brushed, and probably presented with so many tricks, that we got somewhat used to some supposedly-high-scale level of femininity. It is likely that too causes us to take more notice when we see so many webcam models boldly presenting their flaws along with their beauty. In many ways these are the essence of completely real people where the porn of the past always came to us much like an antiseptic fantasy.
So often it's their seeming boldness and directness which is the WOW-factor... and I don't think you are "addicted" if at root it is so many of these elements which find you unable to turn away.
As to the specific woman from Columbia of whom you speak... It's probably wrong of us to not accept her feelings as having been "genuine", regardless of the potential economic factors which could have contributed to them.
AND I would suspect that a random person who presents herself in true comfort, likely with her personal guard down, is perhaps MORE inclined to create a scenario where because she presented her genuine self, it was THAT genuine aspect that drew another person near in some way.
I can think of an online friend from my long-ago who basically conditioned herself to slowly invest her sincere personal thoughts in one far-away man she knew only from the online world, when the rest of her social life had been repeated efforts to go out to bars to find a man to bring home and f*&# for a night (with her dreamy petite frame and ample breasts on that small frame). Her past life conditioned her to crave that near-term attention while at the same time she was made to slowly invest herself in the far-away person.
It was (no surprise, really) to later hear her talk of the man from far-away even as her immediate personal life took a turn and a path into marriage.
Somewhere there could be a parallel in terms of what the Venezuelan girl IN Colombia was gaining from interacting with you, and indeed there likely were environmental factors on her end that perhaps made her more susceptible to such a distant interest.
Anyway, I am not sure whether you (the OP) should use the label "addiction"... OR whether you might gain from reminding yourself of how rare and unique webcam environs tend to be.
Maybe it is OK to just... enjoy.
A week has passed since I last spoke to her and I have to say that my take on it now is that she was probably more upset at the loss of a companion to get her through a long shift rather than a love interest. I mean I could be wrong but she's not been in touch since which would suggest that she's not exactly heartbroken or unable to continue without me. At no point did she ever try to take the conversation outside of the platform which to me indicates that her main concern was that I was in her room, not just that she was communicating with me.
Many other "love" stories on here usually feature an element of luring the customer back for more privates. She was never like that. There was never really a financial angle on it and she seemed a bit awkward at the idea of a private if I ever raised it and she would decline it. I think she just found me funny and entertaining and I made a long night pass more quickly. I think from her perspective, if I'd started paying for multiple privates in that time then she'd probably have felt a bit guilty. I'm sure some other guy has already stepped up to the plate and is no doubt making her chuckle until 1am or 2am every night. I'm just relieved that's no longer me. A younger, less cynical me might have actually pursued her through blind stupidity and sheer horniness back in the day. Thankfully I'm older and wiser.
It's certainly made me aware of how utterly mind-numbing a shift for a cam model on a slow night can be.
Oh yes, if I had found cam-sites 30-35 years ago, I would have fallen madly, totally, head over heels in love many many times.
(Ahh the follies of youth
)
And a week has passed for her and maybe she regained some perspective. I'm sure you're right that you helped her pass the time more quickly. I suspect that she also had some fantasies that were not unflattering. Even knowing they are fantasies, it's still a dash of cold water when reality turns up.
A small update on this story because it's been a while.
About 3 weeks ago, the model sent me a message saying she missed me. Perhaps against my better judgement at the time, I returned to her room. Since then we've chatted regularly and it's safe to say that it has developed into a nice friendship. Nothing financial involved at all, just two people who enjoy each other's company. I only returned at her suggestion. I'm pretty stubborn so I would have stayed away if left to my own devices.
I have to say that the webcam world can lead you as a customer to be quite cynical sometimes. However, this friendship (I hope I can call it that - she's certainly asked me for nothing) has maybe shown me that two people can just enjoy each others company, make each other laugh etc and it be nothing more than that. No money involved, no dreams of eloping together. It's been quite refreshing. I'm not planning on a flight to Colombia and I've not been researching back tattoos. It is exactly what it is and that's enough. It's certainly weird to care for someone you've never met and are never likely to meet but it's also quite life-affirming. People are just people and want that human connection. There doesn't always need to be something bigger at the end of it. Live in the moment.
About 3 weeks ago, the model sent me a message saying she missed me. Perhaps against my better judgement at the time, I returned to her room. Since then we've chatted regularly and it's safe to say that it has developed into a nice friendship. Nothing financial involved at all, just two people who enjoy each other's company. I only returned at her suggestion. I'm pretty stubborn so I would have stayed away if left to my own devices.
I have to say that the webcam world can lead you as a customer to be quite cynical sometimes. However, this friendship (I hope I can call it that - she's certainly asked me for nothing) has maybe shown me that two people can just enjoy each others company, make each other laugh etc and it be nothing more than that. No money involved, no dreams of eloping together. It's been quite refreshing. I'm not planning on a flight to Colombia and I've not been researching back tattoos. It is exactly what it is and that's enough. It's certainly weird to care for someone you've never met and are never likely to meet but it's also quite life-affirming. People are just people and want that human connection. There doesn't always need to be something bigger at the end of it. Live in the moment.
I'm sure a few of you are probably going to point out that it might be a long game she is playing. I'm aware of that and will be vigilant. I don't think so though. She's successful enough without the meagre amount I would be able to lay out on private shows. Either way, I'm in no position to participate in that type of game, even if emotionally I wanted to. Somehow though, I think this is just exactly what it is. Two people who get on and make each other laugh. It passes time pleasantly for both of us.
Probably a guy in the studio writing that she misses you... Maybe she does just like to chat, but I think you know it's not a real friendship like she has with her real friends
He's a very good ventroliquist as well then
I didn't say it was like a real life friendship. I said it was two people who enjoy each other's company in the context of a cam site interaction. I'm well aware that's not the same as in real life. I'm not talking to her in real life and I've no intention of crossing the boundary into real life either.
I certainly think there's a wider spectrum of interactions than just "lovedrunk back tattoo guy" or "you're actually communicating with a bloke called Jorge who works in the studio". If it really was a guy in the studio, I'd like to think he'd be a lot more responsive than he is to messages I've sent, which can lie ignored for weeks.
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And I'm not discounting the idea that it could still, very possibly be a pitch to keep me hanging around for the long term, but if it is then I'm pretty sure she's doing it herself and it's not someone else messaging me.
People on this site are a little overly cynical about this stuff imo. It's understandable, the consequences of being wrong that someone isn't conning you and you getting fleeced are much worse than the consequences of being wrong that someone is conning you and is actually innocent. But I've said it before that Colombian models are like anybody else and there's a mix of good and bad and dishonest and honest models. They're not this species of super-liars that they get made out to be. I totally believe she finds it enjoyable to pass the time with you and have you there to keep her company. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about it and you won't let it go anyplace where you could be exploited if it is a con, so enjoy it.
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Thank you. I'm pretty long in the tooth at this point in my life. I know what it's like to be in love having been in love a few times in the past. I can tell the difference between being in love and caring about someone. I'm not walking about thinking up songs or poems about the girl or planning to jump on a plane. She's not constantly on my mind. In fact, given the original thrust of this post, hanging in her room is actually a sure fire way of stopping me aimlessly drifting through cam models and inevitably getting horny and spending more than I can realistically afford. So she is in fact having the opposite effect to what people might think.
The only reason I posted an update really was because I was myself surprised that this type of interaction between cam model and visitor is actually possible and isn't awkward especially given how our earlier interactions ended with some upset. If we both get something out of it then that's good enough for me. I'm old enough and wise enough to know that it would never work in any other format than the current set up. If it gets awkward later on then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
There's not enough in the way of happy interactions in the world just now, especially not online. Through her I've got to know a few of her friends at the studio and I agree with your summary. These girls are decent, work incredibly long hours and suffer a lot of verbal abuse and sleaziness at the hands of some of the less considerate punters that cam models attract. I have a lot of respect for them as a result.
Well, you hit it off with somebody. Who cares if it's Jorge?He's a very good ventroliquist as well then
I didn't say it was like a real life friendship. I said it was two people who enjoy each other's company in the context of a cam site interaction. I'm well aware that's not the same as in real life. I'm not talking to her in real life and I've no intention of crossing the boundary into real life either.
I certainly think there's a wider spectrum of interactions than just "lovedrunk back tattoo guy" or "you're actually communicating with a bloke called Jorge who works in the studio". If it really was a guy in the studio, I'd like to think he'd be a lot more responsive than he is to messages I've sent, which can lie ignored for weeks.
Perhaps you can see that this is an effective strategy then?
I sure hope you're still tipping her........this is her livelihood.
They get a lot of shit from people offline too. I recently visited Colombia for a few reasons but one was to connect with family that I've mainly known through Facebook, including a younger relative who is a cam model. She offered to hang out with me while I was there, so we were sending a lot of messages back and forth leading up to it, and afterwards we have stayed in touch. I noticed she had this thing that she did, where any time she would tell me about a problem she was having in her life, she would send me documentation to confirm it is true. Like she all of a sudden had to find a new apartment because the one she lived in was sold, and she sends me pages of photos of letters from her landlord that I can barely read because my Spanish sucks but are notifying her of the sale, when she has to move, etc.
And I think I know what's going on, but after a few times of her doing this any time she's talking about problems in her life to me, I decided to straight up ask her why she keeps sending me "proof." She says she has a hard time getting close to people because when they find out what she does for work, they begin to think everything she says is a lie to get money, so she sends these photos to make sure I know she's telling the truth. It broke my heart. Imagine trying to get close to someone, and trying to confide in them about your problems, and getting accused of selling a "sob story" any time you do. She avoids any talk of money for the same reason. People immediately go in full alert mode, even if she isn't asking for help and is just talking about her life.
So I tell her to relax, that we're family and I believe her and trust her, and she can talk to me about anything anytime. And to please stop sending me legal documents lol. So now I have a new best friend who messages me literally all day long, and you could tell she was starved for this kind of connection and trust. So I'm both really happy to give that to her, and really sad that it is so hard for her to find this with guys her age or non-cam model friends.
Colombia's a conservative country, and while being a cam model is not uncommon there it has a bad reputation, and women who pursue it are viewed as lazy and deceptive. Just on the things that you've said here you seem like an even-headed guy who is open minded and non judgmental, and not likely to do something stupid like send her all your money or go into a paranoia spiral, so it makes perfect sense to me that she'd enjoy having you around and connecting with you. The work can be boring and difficult, and having a friendly person to keep you company, who isn't treating everything you say as a lie and who doesn't seem likely to suddenly go toxic any second has to be a huge relief.
This is interesting to me, because one Colombian model I became friendly with does the exact same thing, without being prompted.
She could tell me the most mundane detail about her day - I went to class, I was helping my aunt clean, I went to a church, I’m watching Netflix etc etc - and no matter how big or small the activity was, she followed it up with a photo or short video. Same with big things or problems. She’ll send screenshots of documents and things I really have no business seeing.
She just feels compelled to provide documentation of everything she tells me. I always just figured she was worried I might not believe her.
Yeah, although things have taken a twist since yesterday. I sent her a message just re-iterating that she has the right to tell me to leave her room if I'm getting in the way etc. I know that I shouldn't be her main focus and I wanted her to know that I know that. She replied with a message saying we were good, although I didn't need to feel the need to spend all my time with her but that she "loved me so much". Obviously that complicates things but it's further complicated by the fact that I then asked her if she thought I came to her room too much to which she replied "of course". So now I'm sitting here deliberately not visiting her and with no idea what is a reasonable period of time before visiting again, despite the fact that she is online. The whole thing was a real mixture of warmth and utter coldness and I'm now clueless as to what to do next. Sitting here missing her, which I didn't think would happen. Trying to read between non-existent lines for a clue as to how to proceed.
She's blown hot and cold before in the time I've known her and there have been many moments where I've misinterpreted her actions as being cold and dismissive, only for her to come back to me all smiles later but I do find myself wondering if this will eventually end in tears regardless of the level heads involved.
Are you sure she understood your question? Was it via translation?
I learned over time that “too much” translated to Spanish can sometimes be interpreted as “so much / a whole lot” which doesn’t carry the same negative connotation as “too much” (which implies you need to do it less).
If she thought you were asking if you visited her “a whole lot” then she was basically agreeing with that, not necessarily telling you you’re visiting TOO much.
No. It was clear because she told me she didn't want to tell me in case I took it badly. She then asked me if I was upset. To be fair, it's a head fuck. I enjoy the time spent but I did find I was questioning myself today as to whether the whole thing was just going to end in difficulties anyway and whether I'm just prolonging the inevitable. It's left me in a bit of a mixed up state today. Once someone says that you are doing something too much then you just become paranoid every time you do it. So I'll likely be dipping in and out as quickly and infrequently as I can now which renders the whole exercise a bit pointless.
Take a break for a while. Clear your head and get some perspective and some space. Once you start getting the emotional ouchies it's good to pull back.
Be very careful interpreting this in any context beyond 'I enjoy your company', 'I like to have you in my room', 'you're a nice guy' etc.
Like/love/enjoy can become confusing when translated.
And people often use the term in alternative meanings, even when there is no translation involved - for example:
I love my morning coffee. I miss it like crazy when I can't get it. But I'm not seeking to settle down and make little ristrettos with it.
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