Am I The Overreacting?

[rockin_rod]

where I'm from when you have a problem with someone you speak to them directly, not through mutual contacts.
can you pm him directly and ask if he has a problem with you?

I'd agree with this where face-to-face interactions are possible. Never going to be effective on the internet. The written word can be construed very differently than the spoken (and witnessed) word because there is no other context (body language, eye contact, intonation, etc) to help convey the message as it's intended. And of course, folk become far braver behind the safety of a keyboard, just read any troll posts.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Thank you everyone. I wrote and deleted several messages to her and finally sent one last night. I told her that he made me uncomfortable and unwelcome. I told her I did not want to upset her or cause problems. I told her I feel like I may not return to her room. She responded and was upset at the situation. Obviously the ball is in her court. But at least she knows how I feel.

At least now she and I are talking. I basically avoided her for the past week because I did not want to respond until I had my thoughts straightened out. And I did not want to pretend everything was okay. That is probably how we got to this point in the first place.

Thanks again for the advice and perspective.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Thank you everyone. I wrote and deleted several messages to her and finally sent one last night. I told her that he made me uncomfortable and unwelcome. I told her I did not want to upset her or cause problems. I told her I feel like I may not return to her room. She responded and was upset at the situation. Obviously the ball is in her court. But at least she knows how I feel.

At least now she and I are talking. I basically avoided her for the past week because I did not want to respond until I had my thoughts straightened out. And I did not want to pretend everything was okay. That is probably how we got to this point in the first place.

Thanks again for the advice and perspective.

Good luck. Hopefully it sinks in for her...and I hope she's talked with him about it since your last conversation with her. The next time you're in her room (If she's keeping him as a mod), she needs to shut down Mod dude real quick if he starts acting a fool again.

You said earlier that you're not sure if he treats other tippers that way, or just you. If you're curious about it, the next time she's on cam you could log out of your member account and enter her room in guest mode for a little bit. That would be amazing if his behavior has changed (for the better) since your last conversation with her. But if he's still in there being an ass and trying to intimidate people - and getting away with it - you'll be able to leave the room without having to deal with his annoying-ass, or either of them knowing you were there.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Thank you @yummybrownfox and everyone else.

 

[Life_Happens]

@Jay_Storm - any updates on how mod guy is acting now?

 

[Sukisuu]

Okay. I hope I am overreacting and I probably should have waited to post but whatever.

I have been following a model for just over six months and my most active time was early on but I try and visit occasionally. Our schedules do not align now that I am back in the office. But we chat offline most days just to check in.

Anyway, a few months ago she got her first and only mod. And this guy always seems to be ushering me out of the room. Subtle but I feel it. She has told me he is jealous of me but I figure she says the same to him about me. I visit occasionally to see her and say hello but avoid her room because of him.

Last week I visited for the first time in a month. I mentioned that I could not stay long because I had to go to work. Immediately he says "okay, see you later." So I was annoyed and left.

Today I decided to visit again because I had the day off and could hang out. She was happy. We chatted and were having a nice time. We decided to play with her Domi. I had tipped about 1,500 tokens and as we were winding down, the mod asks her "Are you ready to cum?" And he slams her with a few very large pattern tips and then says to me "thanks for coming."

My response was "Oh, am I leaving?" I still had over 2,000 tokens and about an hour before I had to leave.

But I left.

I don't know if he treats every tipper this way or just me. Am I overreacting? Should I have said something to her? Or just leave it alone?

You're definitely not overreacting and it seems strange to me that she hasn't noticed. Whatever the case, i hope you reached out and got it sorted!

 

[Jay_Storm]

@Jay_Storm - any updates on how mod guy is acting now?

First off, I am fully aware that I might be the asshole here and I might be the problem. But I don't know.

TLDR: my favorite model has a mod who seems to always be trying to usher me out of her room and always seems to be trying to keep her attention focused on him.

Last night was the first time I have visited since. In the meantime she has been messaging me, sending me photos and videos, offering to set up passwords for when I visit, etc. I thanked her but told her she didn't owe me anything.

So we spoke yesterday morning. She told me when she would be online and I told her when I could probably visit. We continued to check in throughout the day. Once I was home from work and had settled in I noticed she had messaged me. She begged me not to leave if he was in the room as she had been waiting for me all day.

I went to her room. He was there but said nothing. We were the only two users there. She and I chatted and eventually started to play and everything was fun and nice.

Backstory, I really like how a woman looks without make up. A natural beauty is my favorite. She is a cosplayer who wears contacts and a lot of make up. When I used to visit a lot, we would go into pvt for her last 30 minutes and she would clean up and get into her street clothes. I loved seeing her without the make up and contacts.

So, after we play, she asks if I want her to take off her make up since she was preparing to end her broadcast. So we are chatting and she is removing her make up etc, and he starts slamming her with tips...

He has been in her room all day. And in the last five minutes, while she is doing something special for me, he suddenly needs to unload 1000 tokens? I mean good for her but should a mod be drawing attention away from a user or interrupting an interaction with a user?

Like I said, I might be the asshole here.

Anyway, she continued to message me and send pictures after she she logged off and has sent me good morning messages as I am typing this. So, I am hoping to try and ignore this guy and maintain my relationship with her.

Am I am asshole or a sucker?

 

[CheeseMoon]

Am I am asshole or a sucker?

Neither. If this guy had *any* situational awareness he would stay in the shadows while she did something a little bit extra special for you. It's just basic politeness and respect.
You don't actually notice in "good" rooms when the knight/mod just self mutes and stays the hell away from a model/tipper interaction because it's so hard to see something that isn't there, but that's the way it should be.

I understand your creeping self doubt about this guy, but IMO you are allowed to be irritated. I'm behind you here.

 

[rockin_rod]

Geez though, I don't understand why the model doesn't remove his mod status, or at least reset his boundaries where they should be. Her room, her rules.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Geez though, I don't understand why the model doesn't remove his mod status, or at least reset his boundaries where they should be. Her room, her rules.

Short answer: money. He showers her with gifts. She recently went independent and he pretty much bought her everything on her Wishlist and continues to do so.

It is a smart play on her part but she told me she does not want him to drive away her "real friends." So she is in a tough position.

I am touched by how much she wants to maintain a relationship with me. She has offered to do free password shows so I will visit. Of course, I do not want to take advantage so I decline. She owes me nothing. But that is the only reason I haven't walked away. I think we have become friends in some manner. But it is kind of like when your friend dates an asshole. You kind of have to step back and let it play out so you so not become the bad guy.

 

[rockin_rod]

he pretty much bought her everything on her Wishlist and continues to do so.

well, he's acting like he thinks he bought her too, and if she lets him dictate how she behaves with regulars, that's gone too far

 

[LaceyRoyce]

God.. I remember being in a situation like this. Big tipper who I felt like i depended on running off all my other regs.

Eventually it escalated to him abusing me and I banned him and the MOMENT I did my slow room picked up, my old regs trickled back in and picked up the slack and I made more $$ than ever. But it was terrifying... banning someone who was 60 or 70% of my income

I bet she feels very torn if he spends as much as he does on her. If she really feels like she can't afford to lose him the best thing she could do is try to steer him into private interactions.. but it sounds like he likes being the asshole in the room.

People like this .. who enjoy controlling the models they tip and manipulating the room.. this will not last. Eventually something will give and he will run out of $$ or get angry his $$ isn't buying him more of her or whatever.

 

[yummybrownfox]

well, he's acting like he thinks he bought her too, and if she lets him dictate how she behaves with regulars, that's gone too far

This. I'm disappointed to hear that she's keeping him as a mod, but can't say I'm surprised. Money was the deciding factor here. But he's still being a prick. It'd be nice if he would just naturally reach his "expiration date" with her, and move on.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Eventually something will give and he will run out of $$ or get angry his $$ isn't buying him more of her or whatever.

I keep hoping he leaves. The only real conversation we have ever had he told me he wasn't going to be able to sustain his mod schedule but that was at the end of September.

Like I said, I don't know if he treats other users like this or just targets me because she and I are close.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Like I said, I don't know if he treats other users like this or just targets me because she and I are close.

I told you before that you could log out of your account, and peek in there as a guest to see how he treats other members.

 

[Finchomatic]

@Jay_Storm

I read your posts and I will say this. No, you are not over reacting, you just don't want to be someone's target because they are jealous.
But just remember, this is just online. Don't let it affect your day to day real life activities with what you do in the offline world.
I learned the hard way with getting too entangled with online drama. In the end it is just not worth the toxicity for both you and the person who shares themselves on camera with the online world.

I don't like mods. Never have and never will. It's not their name in the room address.

 

[Jay_Storm]

@Jay_Storm

I read your posts and I will say this. No, you are not over reacting, you just don't want to be someone's target because they are jealous.
But just remember, this is just online. Don't let it affect your day to day real life activities with what you do in the offline world.
I learned the hard way with getting too entangled with online drama. In the end it is just not worth the toxicity for both you and the person who shares themselves on camera with the online world.

I don't like mods. Never have and never will. It's not their name in the room address.

I know what you mean. CB was supposed to be a distraction during lockdown but I have developed good offline relationships with four models. I kind of equate them with Pen pals. Just someone to chat with about whatever and visit maybe once a week. There is almost no drama for three out of the four.

Also, agree with you on mods. However, I am one in two rooms through no fault of my own and one of those I am almost never there. The other room I visit maybe 30 minutes a day and have a good rapport with the regulars.

 

[CheeseMoon]

sustain his mod schedule

What the hell *is* that? He's "working" more or less the same hours as the model?

 

[Jay_Storm]

What the hell *is* that? He's "working" more or less the same hours as the model?

He works from home currently so is in her room all day everyday.

 

[CheeseMoon]

He works from home currently so is in her room all day everyday.

Well so do I, but no way I have time to be on camsites until late-ish at night or on weekends. Oh, well ...

 

[rockin_rod]

He works from home currently so is in her room all day everyday.

then he's likely not really achieving much quality *paid* work.......

 

[Jay_Storm]

Just a quick update: she just announced her new schedule and it completely overlaps with my work schedule making it impossible for me to visit. Problem solved.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

Problem solved.

There you go. I can't understand, personally, how you could put up with all this bs, drama and nonsense. There are thousands of cam models out there 24/7. Nobody's worth such a fuss and drama. Let her mod manage her room, if she's cool with it, and spend your money elsewhere. Not your problem. My 2 cents here.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

late-ish at night or on weekends. Oh, well

Exactly. He might be her bf or whatever. Their problem not OP's problem. My 2 cents.

 

[Jay_Storm]

I told you before that you could log out of your account, and peek in there as a guest to see how he treats other members.

Okay @yummybrownfox I took your advice. Sort of. I created a new account and went in to watch. He was really quiet. There wasn't a lot of activity. He and the model were obviously chatting in PM. I got bored so I bought some tokens and started tipping. Became the high tipper. And he was quiet. Said nothing.

She and I chatted. She never seemed to know it was me. This made me feel creepy BTW. I just made up a bunch of stuff. But he was silent.

So, I guess it is just me that he messes with.

And I guess that is good for her and other users.

 

[rockin_rod]

Okay @yummybrownfox I took your advice. Sort of. I created a new account and went in to watch. He was really quiet. There wasn't a lot of activity. He and the model were obviously chatting in PM. I got bored so I bought some tokens and started tipping. Became the high tipper. And he was quiet. Said nothing.

She and I chatted. She never seemed to know it was me. This made me feel creepy BTW. I just made up a bunch of stuff. But he was silent.

So, I guess it is just me that he messes with.

And I guess that is good for her and other users.

Ah, TBH I would have told the model straight up (via tip note or PM) who you were, and why you were using a different account.
If there was trust between you both before, that's at risk if you don't id yourself when interacting with her.
Not really any of my business of course, but if the problem is the moderator, play a straight game between you and the model; maybe she'll see the difference in the mod's behaviour too and understand what you've been experiencing.
Course, if you suspect she tells the mod your new username and his behaviour changes again towards you, then that also answers any doubt remaining about the situation.
Good luck

 

[Life_Happens]

Makes me think you may have unknowingly said something in the past that he took offense to. If what you explain is true, he seems to have something personal against your "real" account.

Sorry this is happening, I hope it all works out. I am the kind of member who is loyal to my favs too. I imagine this must be bothering you a bit.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Ah, TBH I would have told the model straight up (via tip note or PM) who you were, and why you were using a different account.
If there was trust between you both before, that's at risk if you don't id yourself when interacting with her.
Not really any of my business of course, but if the problem is the moderator, play a straight game between you and the model; maybe she'll see the difference in the mod's behaviour too and understand what you've been experiencing.
Course, if you suspect she tells the mod your new username and his behaviour changes again towards you, then that also answers any doubt remaining about the situation.
Good luck

I know what you mean. TBH i felt creepy.

 

[Jay_Storm]

Makes me think you may have unknowingly said something in the past that he took offense to. If what you explain is true, he seems to have something personal against your "real" account.

Sorry this is happening, I hope it all works out. I am the kind of member who is loyal to my favs too. I imagine this must be bothering you a bit.

I think he is jealous of how close she and I used to be.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Okay @yummybrownfox I took your advice. Sort of. I created a new account and went in to watch. He was really quiet. There wasn't a lot of activity. He and the model were obviously chatting in PM. I got bored so I bought some tokens and started tipping. Became the high tipper. And he was quiet. Said nothing.

She and I chatted. She never seemed to know it was me. This made me feel creepy BTW. I just made up a bunch of stuff. But he was silent.

So, I guess it is just me that he messes with.

And I guess that is good for her and other users.

So he was hogging up her attention via PM.....

Yeah, if I were you I wouldn't have felt good either about the 'making a new account and pretending to be someone else' thing. But then again, I don't think I would've tolerated that crap for as long as you have and I definitely wouldn't have been as nice about it as you have. And I probably would've moved on to a different model a long time ago. I just can't see myself being comfortable in a room where a model has some other dude moderating for her...especially one who's a jerk like him. I prefer the kind of model who's not afraid to tell even her best tipper to chill when he's being a dick to another member.

You have a history with this model where you used to be close, so if you'd like to continue visiting her you should be able to do so from your original account without having to pretend to be a newbie. It's never gonna feel right to you. And you shouldn't have to throw away all that history all because of some controlling, jealous asshole who doesn't wanna play nice.

And this is on Chaturbate, right? Are they going to be okay with you having two different member accounts? I see so many threads on here about people's accounts getting banned, so just be careful with that.