Found worlds worst camgirl, promptly fell for her

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

A couple of decades ago, I went with some other guys to a strip club. A not-particularly attractive girl came over and chatted us up, and one of the guys in our group quickly became smitten with her; tipped her until he was broke, he did. He also professed his love for her, and pleaded for her to take his phone number. Please call me. I've never loved anyone like I love you. I want to take you out sometime. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Of course, he got nowhere with her, and on the ride home he would not shut up about it. He was absolutely heartsick. “Do you think she will call me?” he asked us over and over. We tried to help him by loudly laughing at his condition, but he barely even noticed. Our ridicule meant nothing to this man in love. I thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever seen.

But let us return to the present, where apparently it is my turn to be an even more pathetic lovesick fool.

I stumbled across a webcam girl named Julianna. Since I am a lover of the softcore tease type stuff, she immediately drew me in (she spends most of her time lounging in panties). She has an incredible body when she shows it off, but I am just as content to watch her when she doesn't. She also does not show her face.

Her shows are, in a word, terrible. I have downvoted her in spite of my fondness for her, just as a warning to others. She is hands down the worst performer I have ever seen. A small tip will convince her to sit up and show her breasts for 30 seconds or so, then she is right back to laying on her stomach. And her sound is usually off. She is not cut out to be a camgirl. Or at least not a successful one.

But I am nonetheless consumed. Chatting with her has been a delight. The incredible body alone would not have made her noteworthy, but the conversations have seared her into my memory.

I do not want to meet this girl, nor do I want know more about her personal life. I'm not going to try to find out her real identity. I don't want to know who she is on Facebook, or what her email address is. None of that sinister crap. But I am definitely obsessed.

When I check and she is not online, the internet seems a darker place; when she comes online, my heart gives a little leap. I have not been sleeping well at all lately; dreams of her wake me. And as the dreams slip away from me, they are replaced with an overwhelming sadness.

I raise my fist to the heavens and curse the gods that I was not born in a time and place that this girl could have been mine.

Now I must turn to some unpleasant business. I've got to spend the next little while figuring out how to avoid watching this girl. No more tips. No more chatting. I have to go cold turkey, rip the band-aid off and get it over with.

Feel free to ridicule if you think this is the dumbest thing you've ever seen.

tl;dr miserable after falling in love with camgirl; could use a proverbial slap across face and "SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!"

Poker_Babe · Feb 27, 2015

Well you could always just show her this post you made about her, and when she bans you after reading about how you said she's the worlds worst camgirl your problem is solved.

Albert_1 · Feb 27, 2015

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

Poker_Babe said:
Well you could always just show her this post you made about her, and when she bans you after reading about how you said she's the worlds worst camgirl your problem is solved.

:lol:

That may have been going too far. She may not be the worst. There may be one or two others out there who are more inept, but you would be hard pressed to find them.

Sometimes I have watched her as a guest (window minimized) just so I could hear if she started getting tips. I wanted to be able to log in and help out with a little token encouragement if she started getting it right.

weirdbr · Feb 27, 2015

Now that you have received your deserved Gibbs-slap...

I won't (and can't) ridicule you because that's something that can happen to anyone; personally I fight against this sort of behaviour frequently because I know that camming allows me (and I guess all members) to meet a lot of very cool people that, if circumstances were different, I would be really happy to have a relationship (friendship and/or dating) with.. Just accept that cam sites are not dating websites and that in the best case you will meet new friends and then you will have an easier life.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

weirdbr said:
accept that cam sites are not dating websites and that in the best case you will meet new friends and then you will have an easier life.

Yes, this unexpected unpleasant predicament I find myself in has nothing to do with wanting to meet her. She is too far away, wouldn't do it if she was here in my town. I actually plan to remain single for the rest of my life. I'm done with relationships, period.

But your sage advice bears mentioning nonetheless.

ACFFAN69 · Feb 27, 2015

You aren't the first person to fall for a camgirl that has come here, and you sure won't be the last one. You come across slightly bitter, but not the most bittter I've read around here either.

IsabellaSnow had the best comment I've read on the subject, it really hit home for me:
https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/viewt ... 23#p537123

IsabellaSnow said:
I have a theory when it comes to people a dating/meeting someone. People have these subconscious versions of traffic lights. When you're in a relationship you tend to be steady red, but sometimes you flick to amber or green for various reasons (usually because of personal life issues or issues in the relationship). A lot of single people tend to stick around amber, flicking occasionally to red and green, interested in other people but not really opening up completely. Sometimes you then become ready and almost instantly you meet someone you like and start falling for them. You might have known this person for ages but it just hits you. I've experienced this while I've been single and in relationships. Sometimes it just "hits you".

That would be the reason why you've started having these feelings now. For whatever reason your body and subconscious is telling you that you're ready to meet someone and as you're frequenting camsites rather than meeting a nice girl in real life who could have mutual feelings you've started attaching yourself to a camgirl.

The only real advice I can think of for you is to take a break from camsites. You don't need to leave them forever but right now you're wanting something more than just watching sexy girls have fun online whether you realise it or not. I'm sure this camgirl is amazing but that's not why you're crushing on her like this. This is purely your own mentality. It's actually a really good headspace to be in, you're just not in the right place for it.

My advice to you is to take a break from camming, you're just not in the right headspace for it right now and are just going to hurt yourself. I know it's easier said then done, but it's the smartest thing to do.

mynameisbob84 · Feb 27, 2015

I can safely say you're not in love with this person. From what you've said, you barely know this person, or more accurately, the parts of this person they've chosen to share with you (which may or may not be fabricated). And what you do know of this person, you don't seem to particularly like.

My advice would be to step away from the computer, sir. Sever ties with this girl (politely) and don't look back. Try to fill whatever void she's currently filling (or you're trying to fill with her) and fill it with something productive. Easier said than done and not much fun in the short term, but in the long term, you'll be glad you did :twocents-02cents:

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

ACFFAN69 said:
You come across slightly bitter, but not the most bittter I've read around here either.

Oh no, not bitter at all. Maybe a little annoyed that some primitive part of my brain has taken over and put me through such an emotional upheaval complete with appetite/sleep disturbances, but that's about it.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

mynameisbob84 said:
I can safely say you're not in love with this person.

My advice would be to step away from the computer, sir.

Logically, you are correct, and I know it. But "in love" mode has been triggered in my brain. I can't figure out what it is about this girl that set it off, but I take comfort in knowing it will die down in time.

The second line of yours that I quoted is the closest I have come to the stiff slap across the face I came here seeking. Thank you.

zippypinhead · Feb 27, 2015

For one, I enjoyed your little short story. I don't think this particular forum is too well-tuned to irony. Unless, of course, I'm misidentifying your tone, in which case, how fucking ironic would that be?

And your precious flower, Julianna, sounds like a pretty standard Eastern European studio model who is probably multicamming across ten sites all at once. She ain't bad, she's just busy.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

zippypinhead said:
For one, I enjoyed your little short story. I don't think this particular forum is too well-tuned to irony. Unless, of course, I'm misidentifying your tone, in which case, how fucking ironic would that be?

And your precious flower, Julianna, sounds like a pretty standard Eastern European studio model who is probably multicamming across ten sites all at once. She ain't bad, she's just busy.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I am afraid there is little irony in my post.

I am quite capable of irony though. For 25 tokens I will let you watch me write some, 50 if you want me to play with my teats as I type.

And yes, Julianna is an Eastern European studio girl. Sometimes she is busy, other times not so much. But she is also bad. Trust me on this.

Sevrin · Feb 27, 2015

A lot of being a cam model is simply being there for members to project their thoughts onto; to be someone to capture the members' imaginations. Since this model has managed to do that with you, it appears that she has done her job, and can't possibly be as bad as all that.

Now go tip her.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

Sevrin said:
can't possibly be as bad as all that.

Now go tip her.

She is, without a doubt, as bad as all that. An awful performer. Simply awful. I am beginning to wonder if that may not be part of the reason I have such a bad case of it for her. Maybe I see her as a damsel in distress. Who knows.

But tip her? :lol: I am at the point that I am going to have to take out a small loan to cover the tips I have already given her. Not ten minutes ago I bought even more tokens to give her. I have tipped her too much, swore I wouldn't do it anymore, and then turned around and tipped her too much all over again. I have tipped her and told her it was a gift just so she wouldn't feel obligated to give me another bad performance. Tip her? Bad advice in this case.

I am in over my head. I made up my mind earlier I was done with her, but her cam is up right now on my other monitor.

ThePrincessLuxy · Feb 27, 2015

Dude, what if you see her face and all your dreams are shattered and you throw up?

Not saying she's necessarily ugly, I'm just saying maybe you're feeling this way because there's enough hidden about her that you can easily imagine up the rest to fit what you are most attracted to. You like the mysteriousness?

I agree with Poker. :lol: Send her this and she'll ban hammer you to hell.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 27, 2015

Luxy Reid said:
Dude, what if you see her face and all your dreams are shattered and you throw up?

Not saying she's necessarily ugly, I'm just saying maybe you're feeling this way because there's enough hidden about her that you can easily imagine up the rest to fit what you are most attracted to. You like the mysteriousness?

I agree with Poker. :lol: Send her this and she'll ban hammer you to hell.

Oh thank you thank you thank you! :lol: I laughed so hard at your post, and believe me, I needed it. Poker gave me a chuckle, but you absolutely broke me up. You have no idea how much your response means to me. I have tears running down my face. You highlighted the absurdity of my predicament perfectly. Conjured up the image of a cartoon I saw long ago, where the beautiful woman removed her veil.

whew

But now that I've calmed down, I don't think the mysteriousness is a factor here.

Poker_Babe · Feb 28, 2015

Maaaaaaaaaaaybe just maybe, she does the best cam shows, and you're actually so smitten by her, that you're only saying that because you want her all to yourself?

JoleneBrody · Feb 28, 2015

justjoinedtopost said:
Luxy Reid said:

Dude, what if you see her face and all your dreams are shattered and you throw up?

Not saying she's necessarily ugly, I'm just saying maybe you're feeling this way because there's enough hidden about her that you can easily imagine up the rest to fit what you are most attracted to. You like the mysteriousness?

I agree with Poker. :lol: Send her this and she'll ban hammer you to hell.

Click to expand...

Oh thank you thank you thank you! :lol: I laughed so hard at your post, and believe me, I needed it. Poker gave me a chuckle, but you absolutely broke me up. You have no idea how much your response means to me. I have tears running down my face. You highlighted the absurdity of my predicament perfectly. Conjured up the image of a cartoon I saw long ago, where the beautiful woman removed her veil.

whew

But now that I've calmed down, I don't think the mysteriousness is a factor here.

Wait so you agree that you haven't even seen her face? I know you said she doesn't show it during shows but you really haven't seen it at all?

Oh yeah man... uhhhhh... that's kinda odd.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 28, 2015

Poker_Babe said:
Maaaaaaaaaaaybe just maybe, she does the best cam shows, and you're actually so smitten by her, that you're only saying that because you want her all to yourself?

This would be a poor attempt to keep her all to myself, a poor attempt indeed. But you are thinking skeptically, and I like that.

But I am so smitten by her that I wish she was all mine. I have thought of little else lately. I absolutely freaking ache for her, and I do not mean that in a sexual way. I am so miserable.

I can assure you, my post is as advertised. It is the truth. No ulterior motives. Just a pathetic loser sick with love for a terrible camgirl.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 28, 2015

JoleneBrody said:
Wait so you agree that you haven't even seen her face? I know you said she doesn't show it during shows but you really haven't seen it at all?

Oh yeah man... uhhhhh... that's kinda odd.

Yep. There is one pic of her with a little bit of her lip showing, but that is all I have seen. I don't think you are right to call it odd though. It's more like downright ridiculous.

Usually the face is the make or break for me. I have been in relationships with women with not-so-hot bods but beautiful faces, and wouldn't have changed a thing about them. Good bod with ugly face? Forget it.

Makes my current situation all the more perplexing.

JessieWolfe · Feb 28, 2015

disregard emotion

justjoinedtopost · Feb 28, 2015

JessieWolfe said:
disregard emotion

This may be the cure for what ails me. Maybe pasting Leonard Nimoy's head on Julianna's faceless body is just what I need.

R.I.P. Spock. Boldly go...

gonegirl2352 · Feb 28, 2015

Ask her how much it would be to see her face, tip that amount, go broke, question is answered on all accounts.

There are a few reasons why a camgirl will not show her face:

1. She has some sort of defect, birthmark or perceived trait that she believes will detract from her getting customers
2. She is shy about being identified
3. She is really ugly
4. Studio told her to hide her face

Is it her personality at least? Is she an expert in crafting witty and humorous remarks that capture the heart and dick? Or, are you projecting all your misguided fantasies onto this headless archetype?

You sound like a really intelligent, funny and dare I say it, romantic guy who deserves something real from a woman who is reciprocating back to you all that you secretly desire. In the end, you end up with what you think you deserve. Don't you think you deserve more than a torso with bad sales skills?

ComicOzzie · Feb 28, 2015

She has an incredible body when she shows it off, but I am just as content to watch her when she doesn't. She also does not show her face.

You are in love with a mannequin, dude.

Sevrin · Feb 28, 2015

How is spending money on a model who shows her face different from spending money on a model who does not? She's getting what she wants out of camming, the member gets what he wants out of visiting. If the member has spent too much money, that's a completely different discussion, and it doesn't matter what the model does in her room or who she is.

Who's to judge how a model runs her room, as long as she's not performing illegal acts? The only issue might be that she's not showing her face because the person on cam is underage and not actually the registered model.

JoleneBrody · Feb 28, 2015

Sevrin said:
How is spending money on a model who shows her face different from spending money on a model who does not? She's getting what she wants out of camming, the member gets what he wants out of visiting. If the member has spent too much money, that's a completely different discussion, and it doesn't matter what the model does in her room or who she is.

Who's to judge how a model runs her room, as long as she's not performing illegal acts? The only issue might be that she's not showing her face because the person on cam is underage and not actually the registered model.

I don't think anyone is judging her for not showing her face in a professional sense or him tipping her in the same professional sense, though I would never advise a girl to do that.

At least my specific post was directed at OP being "in love", and that being this wound up around a girl who's face he hasn't even seen is pretty dumb, since the eyes and facial expressions have such a core direct connection to our human emotional reaction to others.

I think you might be driving down a different highway in this thread than the rest of us Sev, no one has actually said anything bad about her accept the OP (haw)

Also, OP? Are you jerking off right now because I can't figure out the point of your thread otherwise.
What exactly are you hoping to get out of this thread other than a place for you to talk about how pathetic YOU think you are?

If it's just a place to vent to relieve pressure that's cool, maybe just let the community know what you're looking for out of this so it doesn't seem like a Sub bait thread just looking for free humiliation and degradation. (yes this is very common in case you are not familiar)

justjoinedtopost · Feb 28, 2015

HyoriKim said:
Ask her how much it would be to see her face, tip that amount, go broke, question is answered on all accounts.

Is it her personality at least? Is she an expert in crafting witty and humorous remarks that capture the heart and dick? Or, are you projecting all your misguided fantasies onto this headless archetype?

The face thing is out out out. I chatted with her at some length about this, and she says her concern is with her family finding out. Several days ago, I mentioned that I had found some screen caps of her cam going back to last year (only to say how good she looked in some of her different outfits), and it scared the hell out of her. She asked me over and over "what about face?". I kept telling her "no face". And she just kept asking. I felt terrible. So bad, in fact, that I had a nightmare about finding a face pic of her that night.

I am not an exhibitionist, but about 10 years ago I went through a brief phase of playing on cam in some seedy chatrooms. One night I got drunk and showed a lot of face. This caused me a great deal of torment for weeks afterwards. I would not want this girl to go through that. I was dying to see her face when I first started following her; after seeing how much it concerns her, I do not want her show it.

Her wit and humor? Hard to say. For one thing, her English is pretty rudimentary. Most times she gets by, other times I am like "Huh?". We have talked about her tips a good bit; she wants to make more, but has no idea how to go about it. She is very envious of the girls that get tips in the thousands, but she tells me she is not willing to be a "nasty girl" to do it. Not being a "nasty girl" is very important to her (keep this in mind).

There has been some really stupid talk also, puppy love type stuff. She has repeatedly asked me to promise to not watch other girls anymore. I have repeatedly promised her that I have lost all desire to watch other girls (and unfortunately I have). Don't bother to point out the numerous stupidities here. Believe me, I know.

Now I really do not want share this next part. It is so embarrassing. I'm going to tell it to get it off my chest, and after that I plan to deny it ever happened. So let me climb out on Utter Humiliation limb and saw like mad...

The other day, she was giving me a private show. Nice close up view of the promised land while she did her thing. And she asked me "Do you like nasty or nice?". I thought she was asking "Do you want me to really go to town on this thing?", so naturally I said "Nasty".

But that's not what she meant. She was asking "Do you like those nasty girls, or do you like this nice girl?". And for that question, "Nasty" was the wrong answer. I know, because funtime stopped so that she could express how bothered she was. She was upset because she thought I had lied to her about liking nice girls. If I had an erection (and I'm not saying I did), it quickly subsided.

I sat there in shock for a minute. Then the thought ran through my head "Bless...her...heart...". Then I started bawling like a baby. Cried until I was thirsty. Couldn't stop. It was just too precious. Too adorable.

And now that I have aired that bit of dysfunction, I would like to state for the record that it never happened. And if it did, I wouldn't admit it.

As for the projection of fantasies...I don't think so, but it is hard to say with certainty, at least at this point. Looking back after this has passed I will undoubtedly have a clearer view.

justjoinedtopost · Feb 28, 2015

JoleneBrody said:
Also, OP? Are you jerking off right now because I can't figure out the point of your thread otherwise.
What exactly are you hoping to get out of this thread other than a place for you to talk about how pathetic YOU think you are?

If it's just a place to vent to relieve pressure that's cool, maybe just let the community know what you're looking for out of this so it doesn't seem like a Sub bait thread just looking for free humiliation and degradation. (yes this is very common in case you are not familiar)

No, I am not jerking off. And may I say, such coarse insinuations are beneath a person of your stature.
Yes, I am pathetic for allowing myself to get in the mess I am in, but usually I am insufferably arrogant.

I am airing my soul, pondering the feedback I am getting. Sub bait thread? Free humiliation and degradation? Madam, we live in two entirely different worlds. Those are not my things at all. I am not here for that. I am not trolling.

I am being completely sincere. I find myself in a bad spot, and I am just trying work my way through it.
But I do apologize, for I realize I have dumped a fair amount of drivel upon your doorstep.

JoleneBrody · Feb 28, 2015

Errrrrr, M'Kay Shakespeare.

I'll just wring out my drivelly doorstep then. :lol:

(Lollllllll my stature. My stature is years of experience eith people trying to manipulate free wanking material with self deprication. Not different worlds at all. Welcome to cam sites, m'lord.

TacoBelle · Feb 28, 2015

OP, I'm going to be frank with you. I think you're lonely. It seems that this is the most attention you've gotten from a female in a long (or ever) time. And that's ok. Nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. But that is probably the most deciding factor as to WHY you've fallen so hard for this girl. Can't eat or sleep? It's because she's all you're thinking about. This happens to everyone when they develop a strong crush. And that's what you've got. A crush.

Now, you say that she's the worst camgirl ever, but your posting actually proves that she's doing her job quite well. A camgirl's job is merely to find a way to make the viewer want to tip, regardless of the reasoning behind it. Whether it's getting him so turned on that he ejaculates tokens, appealing to his Oedipus Complex, making him pity her (damsel in distress), being a shoulder to cry on, or anything. The list could go on forever. All that matters is that she is making the viewer want to tip. She's done that to you, so obviously she's doing her job. Although she might not be doing the same thing as most other models, she's still making a paycheck. End point.

Now, this crush is pointless. But you know that. You have 2 options that I can see. A) Continue visiting model or B) Quit visiting model. Basically, if you enjoy having her in your life, keep visiting her. Learn to control your tipping habits and embrace this as a new friendship. If you don't think that you are mentally stable enough to continue a friendship with this model, close your camsite account. Block the website (like parents do for children). Of course, you could still get around these, but it would help with your self-control to not make it so easily-accessible.

I highly suggest you try to replace that feeling with something else to fill the loneliness gap. Start learning a new hobby. Start hanging out with coworkers in the breakroom. Take your dog to the park (if you don't have one, GET A DOG. They take so much time and work to train, and the loving that you get back is tenfold). Sign up on a site to meet friends with similar interests (look on meetup.com for D&D games or whatever you're into). Sign up on a dating site to just talk with new people.

Loneliness is one of the most under-rated emotions, in my opinion. Having been through major periods of both, I would say it's on the same par with depression, but there are no drugs to help with loneliness. You have to work through this yourself. And in doing so, you'll find that you're happier in the long run. (I'm not sure if there are hotlines for loneliness, but maybe someone else knows???)

Found worlds worst camgirl, promptly fell for her

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