So yes, I guess this is another ‘I’m in love with a cam girl’ post, and I apologise for that. I’ve read around, I’ve read about the back tattoo (I’m not considering a back tattoo, for what it’s worth), I think honestly I just need to let this out more than anything. So here goes, and apologies for this being so long.
Since late last year I’ve been talking to a cam girl. This started when I was travelling with work and used a cam site during those long, lonely, hotel nights, as I have done for around 2 years now. It was just casual fun and I can afford it, I’m a pragmatic and rational man and I generally am able to tell fantasy from reality, it’s never been a problem in this way for me before.
But then this girl happened. At first it was like any cam girl interaction, some chat followed by cam sex. I saw her a few times in a couple of weeks.
It’s important for me to say that at this point neither she nor I made any outlandish moves. We chatted through her site, sometimes having cam sex, other times just chatting in her free chat for a couple of hours when it was quiet. I started to kind of look forward to her being online.
After Christmas, there was a change in pace somehow and she started to ask me to share more of myself with her - pictures, to start with. I’m extremely privacy conscious and never show myself on these cam sites, never do cam to cam, or any of that. I used a fake picture, mainly because I enjoyed talking to this girl and I didn’t want to stop talking to her, so I felt that was the only way to continue that without compromising myself. I didn’t consider this to be a problem, because this was still the camgirl experience game to me at that point and I figured we were both manipulating each other to some extent at that point.
Fast forward a few weeks. She dropped some hints about maybe wanting to chat outside of the site, which I put down to her flirting and kind of disregarded, I genuinely didn’t think she was serious.
One day we had a particularly pleasant, long conversation, just in free chat, and then couple of days later a really intense private chat. She asked me for my personal contact details again afterwards. I was enormously flattered, honestly, and obviously lost in a post orgasm endorphin flood. I’m a normal, early 30s man from Western Europe. She’s very pretty, late teens, from an Eastern European country. I relented and made an account on her preferred messenger to talk to her, again with no personal information about me on it.
At this point I was honestly still assuming that this is simply an extension of the cam girl experience, and that she was probably planning on using this as a way to keep me on the hook and coming back for more. But whatever, she’s pretty, I enjoy her company, I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts.
We started chatting regularly. Far more on the messenger than her site. Late night chats. I learn more about her. We text fuck. We talk about stuff from our lives that is increasingly intimate and personal for both of us, and I start to view her as a friend. There is almost no mention of money, other than to explicitly say that she’ll never ask me for any, and although I still continue to pay for her time on her site from time to time if she’s online, she absolutely doesn’t pressure me into that. I make it very clear that talking to her is just fun for me, and I wasn’t interested in a relationship at that point even with people in real life, mainly due to my constant travel with work.
She mentions a couple of times that she would like me to visit her one day in real life, first of all as a fuck buddy. I’m torn. I’ve been sending her fake pictures, but actually I really quite like this girl and now I know her better I seriously begin considering trying to go to her country for a weekend, to see what happens. I oscillate between really wanting to go, and thinking it’s the most stupid fucking idea I’ve ever had, particularly as I’ve lied about my appearance to her. Regardless, my work is too busy at this point for visiting to be a realistic idea. Deep down I still regard this as her flirting and trying to keep me on the hook, really.
I go through a very rough patch after lockdown starts in my personal life, and end up with some very complicated family issues to take care of. I stop talking to her for a week when things got very bad, in the middle of lockdown, mainly because I just didn’t want to drag her into my drama, because now for some reason I see this girl as a friend, but also partly because I was aware that I was getting quite deeply into this girl. I start to realise that I’m in love with her, as ludicrous as it sounds.
I message her after the week and apologise, try and explain. She accepts my apology and then reveals that she’s discovered that my photos are not of me. I freak the fuck out, and delete. Fucking. Everything. Figuring that she must surely hate me now.
I spend another week feeling like I’ve fucked up something, and missing her terribly. I get drunk on my own one night and send her a huge confession and apology I’ve written, and admit that I’m in love with her. I honestly don’t expect a reply, I just need to tell her. She replies straight away, in the middle of the fucking night. She says she’s in love with me too, and that she’s missed me and has had to go on anti anxiety drugs while I’ve not been in contact.
So we decide to start a ‘relationship’. I show her myself, finally, breaking every rule I’ve set myself for online interactions, because I’m now infatuated with this girl. Lockdown prevents me from travelling to her, but at this point I’m lost in lust and fresh love and if there weren’t travel restrictions I would have. I‘d still like to, I think.
So far, so standard, I guess. However, there are a few red flags that have popped up recently.
Firstly, we decided to have a zoom date a couple of weeks ago, and she was very specific about saying that we shouldn’t have cam sex during that date, as she’d ‘promised her boss that she wouldn’t’. That statement rang some alarm bells in my head, but I guess I glossed over it at the time because I really only wanted a conversation with her anyway. And the conversation was great, regardless. We’ve had a couple of zoom dates since and each has been really pleasant.
It’s a bit inconsistent though, honestly. I know she broke the site/studio rules to get my personal contact details, and I know that either her bosses found out about this or she told them. We text/voice fuck, and send dirty videos to each other in our messenger conversations anyway, so we’re already doing all but cam to cam video sex.
Is this a sign that actually she wants to keep me on the hook to do video sex only though her site so she still gets money from me? Or is her boss more involved in this than I think?
Secondly, I decided to be that asshole and watch some of her cam show via a guest account a couple of weeks ago. I can’t pretend that her being a cam girl and being in a ‘relationship’ with her is easy. I’m trying to get my head around the idea that she’s performing intimate acts for other men for her work, and that’s hard, particularly since I’ve been one of her customers myself. It’s my first time dating a sex worker, and while I will make it work if I can, I need time to adjust.
Broadly speaking her room was as you’d expect, but I noticed that when I’m not there, with a couple of her regulars she uses intimate language similar to how she spoke to me before we started messaging off the site. I don’t know whether I’m just being jealous (and probably I am), but it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. If she’s talking like that to them in free chat, god knows how she’s talking in private.
I’m not naive enough to imagine that there’s not other men she’s also given her personal contact details to, and there are obviously men who are interested in her in real life, too, though she says she’s single. But she seems to spend a lot of time talking to me, and I feel like she’s sincere in how she describes her feelings for me. Should the way she talks to some other members be a red flag for me? Or am I being an asshole?
I’m trying to be rational about this. I realise I’m addicted to the dopamine hit this ‘love’ gives me, and it’s likely clouding my judgement. I do genuinely care about her, though, in a way I’ve probably never felt before, which sounds ridiculous now I write it down. My work post-COVID will be very different and I’m in a place where I’d be willing to try and make a long distance relationship work if I can.
I really feel like we have a connection that goes beyond camgirl-client. We talk a lot about just every day shit in our lives, in the same way that real couples do. Maybe that’s what a smart camgirl would do, and maybe I’m just getting a heavily curated version of her real life.
Admittedly I’m still paying her on the site occasionally, but far less frequently than before, perhaps once a month I might send her some tokens if I can see she’s having a shit day. She honestly doesn’t seem to care if I do or don’t, though she’s obviously grateful when I do. But again maybe that’s what a smart cam girl would do, I don’t know.
I think my biggest concern is about whether I’m being scammed. If I travel to her, is there a risk that this is an extortion scam and I’ll be bribed or something by her studio bosses? In her country camming is illegal so her studio is probably ultimately being run by organised crime rings somewhere up the food chain who have the local police in their pockets. Does that seem like something I should be concerned about?
I find it very hard to reconcile the idea that she might be a scammer in my head. She’s incredibly sweet, funny, genuinely caring, and her real life persona (or what I’ve got to know of it, I guess) is a million miles from her cam girl persona.
Deep down I obviously want to believe that this is real, and that we might somehow have a future together, or at least that it’s worth trying to find out if we have the same connection in real life as we do via messages and zoom dates. But I’d appreciate any opinions, I guess.
Once again, apologies for the length of this post and thanks for reading if you actually got this far.
Since late last year I’ve been talking to a cam girl. This started when I was travelling with work and used a cam site during those long, lonely, hotel nights, as I have done for around 2 years now. It was just casual fun and I can afford it, I’m a pragmatic and rational man and I generally am able to tell fantasy from reality, it’s never been a problem in this way for me before.
But then this girl happened. At first it was like any cam girl interaction, some chat followed by cam sex. I saw her a few times in a couple of weeks.
It’s important for me to say that at this point neither she nor I made any outlandish moves. We chatted through her site, sometimes having cam sex, other times just chatting in her free chat for a couple of hours when it was quiet. I started to kind of look forward to her being online.
After Christmas, there was a change in pace somehow and she started to ask me to share more of myself with her - pictures, to start with. I’m extremely privacy conscious and never show myself on these cam sites, never do cam to cam, or any of that. I used a fake picture, mainly because I enjoyed talking to this girl and I didn’t want to stop talking to her, so I felt that was the only way to continue that without compromising myself. I didn’t consider this to be a problem, because this was still the camgirl experience game to me at that point and I figured we were both manipulating each other to some extent at that point.
Fast forward a few weeks. She dropped some hints about maybe wanting to chat outside of the site, which I put down to her flirting and kind of disregarded, I genuinely didn’t think she was serious.
One day we had a particularly pleasant, long conversation, just in free chat, and then couple of days later a really intense private chat. She asked me for my personal contact details again afterwards. I was enormously flattered, honestly, and obviously lost in a post orgasm endorphin flood. I’m a normal, early 30s man from Western Europe. She’s very pretty, late teens, from an Eastern European country. I relented and made an account on her preferred messenger to talk to her, again with no personal information about me on it.
At this point I was honestly still assuming that this is simply an extension of the cam girl experience, and that she was probably planning on using this as a way to keep me on the hook and coming back for more. But whatever, she’s pretty, I enjoy her company, I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts.
We started chatting regularly. Far more on the messenger than her site. Late night chats. I learn more about her. We text fuck. We talk about stuff from our lives that is increasingly intimate and personal for both of us, and I start to view her as a friend. There is almost no mention of money, other than to explicitly say that she’ll never ask me for any, and although I still continue to pay for her time on her site from time to time if she’s online, she absolutely doesn’t pressure me into that. I make it very clear that talking to her is just fun for me, and I wasn’t interested in a relationship at that point even with people in real life, mainly due to my constant travel with work.
She mentions a couple of times that she would like me to visit her one day in real life, first of all as a fuck buddy. I’m torn. I’ve been sending her fake pictures, but actually I really quite like this girl and now I know her better I seriously begin considering trying to go to her country for a weekend, to see what happens. I oscillate between really wanting to go, and thinking it’s the most stupid fucking idea I’ve ever had, particularly as I’ve lied about my appearance to her. Regardless, my work is too busy at this point for visiting to be a realistic idea. Deep down I still regard this as her flirting and trying to keep me on the hook, really.
I go through a very rough patch after lockdown starts in my personal life, and end up with some very complicated family issues to take care of. I stop talking to her for a week when things got very bad, in the middle of lockdown, mainly because I just didn’t want to drag her into my drama, because now for some reason I see this girl as a friend, but also partly because I was aware that I was getting quite deeply into this girl. I start to realise that I’m in love with her, as ludicrous as it sounds.
I message her after the week and apologise, try and explain. She accepts my apology and then reveals that she’s discovered that my photos are not of me. I freak the fuck out, and delete. Fucking. Everything. Figuring that she must surely hate me now.
I spend another week feeling like I’ve fucked up something, and missing her terribly. I get drunk on my own one night and send her a huge confession and apology I’ve written, and admit that I’m in love with her. I honestly don’t expect a reply, I just need to tell her. She replies straight away, in the middle of the fucking night. She says she’s in love with me too, and that she’s missed me and has had to go on anti anxiety drugs while I’ve not been in contact.
So we decide to start a ‘relationship’. I show her myself, finally, breaking every rule I’ve set myself for online interactions, because I’m now infatuated with this girl. Lockdown prevents me from travelling to her, but at this point I’m lost in lust and fresh love and if there weren’t travel restrictions I would have. I‘d still like to, I think.
So far, so standard, I guess. However, there are a few red flags that have popped up recently.
Firstly, we decided to have a zoom date a couple of weeks ago, and she was very specific about saying that we shouldn’t have cam sex during that date, as she’d ‘promised her boss that she wouldn’t’. That statement rang some alarm bells in my head, but I guess I glossed over it at the time because I really only wanted a conversation with her anyway. And the conversation was great, regardless. We’ve had a couple of zoom dates since and each has been really pleasant.
It’s a bit inconsistent though, honestly. I know she broke the site/studio rules to get my personal contact details, and I know that either her bosses found out about this or she told them. We text/voice fuck, and send dirty videos to each other in our messenger conversations anyway, so we’re already doing all but cam to cam video sex.
Is this a sign that actually she wants to keep me on the hook to do video sex only though her site so she still gets money from me? Or is her boss more involved in this than I think?
Secondly, I decided to be that asshole and watch some of her cam show via a guest account a couple of weeks ago. I can’t pretend that her being a cam girl and being in a ‘relationship’ with her is easy. I’m trying to get my head around the idea that she’s performing intimate acts for other men for her work, and that’s hard, particularly since I’ve been one of her customers myself. It’s my first time dating a sex worker, and while I will make it work if I can, I need time to adjust.
Broadly speaking her room was as you’d expect, but I noticed that when I’m not there, with a couple of her regulars she uses intimate language similar to how she spoke to me before we started messaging off the site. I don’t know whether I’m just being jealous (and probably I am), but it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. If she’s talking like that to them in free chat, god knows how she’s talking in private.
I’m not naive enough to imagine that there’s not other men she’s also given her personal contact details to, and there are obviously men who are interested in her in real life, too, though she says she’s single. But she seems to spend a lot of time talking to me, and I feel like she’s sincere in how she describes her feelings for me. Should the way she talks to some other members be a red flag for me? Or am I being an asshole?
I’m trying to be rational about this. I realise I’m addicted to the dopamine hit this ‘love’ gives me, and it’s likely clouding my judgement. I do genuinely care about her, though, in a way I’ve probably never felt before, which sounds ridiculous now I write it down. My work post-COVID will be very different and I’m in a place where I’d be willing to try and make a long distance relationship work if I can.
I really feel like we have a connection that goes beyond camgirl-client. We talk a lot about just every day shit in our lives, in the same way that real couples do. Maybe that’s what a smart camgirl would do, and maybe I’m just getting a heavily curated version of her real life.
Admittedly I’m still paying her on the site occasionally, but far less frequently than before, perhaps once a month I might send her some tokens if I can see she’s having a shit day. She honestly doesn’t seem to care if I do or don’t, though she’s obviously grateful when I do. But again maybe that’s what a smart cam girl would do, I don’t know.
I think my biggest concern is about whether I’m being scammed. If I travel to her, is there a risk that this is an extortion scam and I’ll be bribed or something by her studio bosses? In her country camming is illegal so her studio is probably ultimately being run by organised crime rings somewhere up the food chain who have the local police in their pockets. Does that seem like something I should be concerned about?
I find it very hard to reconcile the idea that she might be a scammer in my head. She’s incredibly sweet, funny, genuinely caring, and her real life persona (or what I’ve got to know of it, I guess) is a million miles from her cam girl persona.
Deep down I obviously want to believe that this is real, and that we might somehow have a future together, or at least that it’s worth trying to find out if we have the same connection in real life as we do via messages and zoom dates. But I’d appreciate any opinions, I guess.
Once again, apologies for the length of this post and thanks for reading if you actually got this far.
Good point.
