When to get real?

[Hildiesub]

I'm a cam model on Chaturbate and very active in the local kink community. The chances that I cross paths in real-life with some of my viewers is pretty high. My question is: when and how to stop the trash talk and bring things down to reality. Talking safe sex is breaking my online persona, but whenever a local comes in my chat room, I have to consider the possibility of an in-person meeting. When do you backtrack on all the slut talk and talk real-life? It's such a downer to do even in a private room. I'd much rather take my chances that we will never meet and keep my web-cam persona, but that makes things more awkward if a meeting ever happens. What's your experience with this? Do people understand and accept that my job as a model is to feed their desires and fetishes in a way that I wouldn't necessarily do in reality, or do they usually take things too literally.

 

[Marceline]

Geoblock your area. Yeah, geoblocking doesn’t work all the time, since it’s easily bypassed with a VPN, but it can definitely prevent some people from your area from accessing your room.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm a cam model on Chaturbate and very active in the local kink community. The chances that I cross paths in real-life with some of my viewers is pretty high. My question is: when and how to stop the trash talk and bring things down to reality. Talking safe sex is breaking my online persona, but whenever a local comes in my chat room, I have to consider the possibility of an in-person meeting. When do you backtrack on all the slut talk and talk real-life? It's such a downer to do even in a private room. I'd much rather take my chances that we will never meet and keep my web-cam persona, but that makes things more awkward if a meeting ever happens. What's your experience with this? Do people understand and accept that my job as a model is to feed their desires and fetishes in a way that I wouldn't necessarily do in reality, or do they usually take things too literally.

I have never had an interaction where someone I know from cam world actually does anything, other than giggle or look Gobsmacked, when seeing me out and about. I would imagine there are a lot of people who take it literally, just like there are a lot who are smarter than that, and aware of context. There are definitely a ton of people out there who don't think about things though, and have no contextual awareness whatsoever.

I'm lucky, all my interactions like that have been positive, cool, and non boundary threatening. I don't think that's the norm though. I just got lucky... So far.

 

[AudriTwo]

The first several months camming, my ex boyfriends best friend found me. He said it's uncanny how much i look like this girl *my actual name* he knows in public chat. At the moment i knew there was no way trying to play it off, so i pm'd him not to post my name in public, and asked who this was. Thankfully he told me.

Luckily he was chill, shared with me what horrible thing my ex done to him and why they are no longer friends, told me he always was attracted to me, bought a video of me sucking my husband's dick, and would visit for about a year or so.

Im lucky he was chill and my ex burnt him so bad. I believe if they didnt have their falling out i could have been outed a lot sooner.

This happened to me before i blew up in popularity. I was still very much new.

 

[BrookeRidess]

If you do happen to run into someone you know in your kink community I think they would understand online your an actress playing a character and when they meet you online there not meeting your character there meeting you.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I assume that CB is like most cam sites and you can block your region so I would start there.

Regarding situations where people recognize you- this can happen in and out of the kink community… like it can happen at the grocery store.

Just set boundaries. Boundaries are good in fantasy too…

Be careful discussing anything about meeting online that may get you banned.

 

[Hildiesub]

Thank you all for your suggestions. While I've considered local blocks, I don't do them because I'm not so much afraid of being recognized in real life, I'm pretty much "out". I'm more concerned with their disappointment that I'm not quite the anything goes slut that I appear to be to my viewers. I regard "my job" to help viewers fulfill any ethical fantasies and fetishes that they may have, just in real life I have to backpedal into safe-sex -- well safer-sex than I talk.
Also, I happen to be a male model, I know that might reduce my credibility among those of you who actually can make significant money on web-cam sites. This wasn't an intentional omission, I'm new here and haven't uploaded my photo yet. But it's a good example of how the real person (me) and a perceived online persona conflicts. My apologies.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Thank you all for your suggestions. While I've considered local blocks, I don't do them because I'm not so much afraid of being recognized in real life, I'm pretty much "out". I'm more concerned with their disappointment that I'm not quite the anything goes slut that I appear to be to my viewers. I regard "my job" to help viewers fulfill any ethical fantasies and fetishes that they may have, just in real life I have to backpedal into safe-sex -- well safer-sex than I talk.
Also, I happen to be a male model, I know that might reduce my credibility among those of you who actually can make significant money on web-cam sites. This wasn't an intentional omission, I'm new here and haven't uploaded my photo yet. But it's a good example of how the real person (me) and a perceived online persona conflicts. My apologies.

No it doesn’t reduce your credibility but it does shift somewhat the level of safety concerns you’ll have… (though obviously not entirely.. be careful)

Just set boundaries. I really mean.. if you’re in the kink community and you’re used to safe sex talk and you’re comfy being out ..then boundaries are something you’ll be familiar with. then when you’re online mention that this is a fantasy play space, a place to explore fantasies and get to be sluttier than you could be in person etc.

I CONSTANTLY have to remind overly attached dudes that what we do online is fantasy, not reality. That we can talk about x y z but this is strictly fantasy.

Imo there is NOTHING wrong with making those lines clear and it should be something more people are exposed to healthy fantasy like that. You sound keen on education so.. just package it as fantasy and move forward.

 

[LilyLaughing]

I used to have a lot of crossover IRL/online when in the swinger/kink scene/living in Vegas with lots of SW friends. Never felt unsafe with that in particular. I had a pretty scary interaction with an online stalker when I went to/promoted a public party around the Vegas trade shows.

These days, when someone can't accept the answer "West coast, USA" or "PNW, USA" as my location and wants me to drill down, I tell them I live in PocketTown, USA aka in your pocket on your phone. If they persist, I start asking them really personal questions until I get annoyed and block them.

But honestly ... if you are worried you 'won't measure up' to how you act/look online ... all I can say is relax. You do. You are more beautiful IRL than on cam. Trust your voice, expressions, and body language all come across, your personality is more noticed IRL, and you are not responsible to be in a performing state (and may be considered annoying, ask me how I know LOL) when at an event like that.

 

[BrookeRidess]

I thought u all might get a lil laugh out of this so I thought I'd share. My first day on mfc I'd been camming maybe a week on flirt4free so I was brand new. This guy comes in my free chat n was like so this is what you do now in hawaii. I was like that's wierd how he know im in hawaii. I freaked out turned off the cam n was messaging him. Turned out it was my parents next door neighbor son. I almost quit camming. Been hear now camming about 10 years 7 full time n never had another person say they knew me.

 

[MaryCorner]

If I were you, I would put a disclaimer somewhere in my room or on screen that this is fantasy play.
Plus, always start a sexual interaction with mentioning boundaries and safe sex practices. (in a sexy way of course!)
Enjoy your job AND your personal life!!!

 

[Hildiesub]

Thank you for suggestions. @BrookeRidess Yes, beginners luck goes both ways, good and bad, and you had the bad luck there. I've made many contingency plans for the day when someone I know catches me. I might look for that thread here. Looks like you got away with it without too much fallout.
@MaryCorner I'll have to put a carefully worded disclaimer on my CB profile. In sure beats the worry of having to explain things in a kink event setting.
@LilyLaughing Thank you so much for the encouraging post. My shows often venture into humiliation/objectification type play and, while I'm experienced with that sort of scene, it does start to interfere with self-confidence after a while.

 

[LilyLaughing]

@LilyLaughing Thank you so much for the encouraging post. My shows often venture into humiliation/objectification type play and, while I'm experienced with that sort of scene, it does start to interfere with self-confidence after a while.

Awww, happy that made you feel better! I do a lot of light / silly / gentle humiliation but there is a LOT of love expressed at the same time.

Just know that kink scene generally is open minded about online play and they usually meet you where you are - right in front of their face as a real life person! You got this.