When is it going too far with a joke/prank?

[sahi]

Was debating whether or not to post this, as I thought maybe it's a personal matter & it might look strange on here. But thinking about it some more I thought that actually it seems to me like an intriguing subject in general. Because not only do jokes/pranks get taken too far in general life around the world or maybe taken too seriously (depending on your viewpoint). But I've seen it happen on this forum as well.

So onto my own situation. Basically this week I've been amping up my search for a date. Because it's been far too long since my last one. I had some success & arranged a date, which I had today. But before that I had a call from this person from the Philippines (living in London I think). This person was very provocative from the start & kept saying they like it in the ass. And then they said "only in ass, not pussy". And when I asked why the person told me they didn't have one! I politely said that I wasn't interested & we ended the call.
And so today I was talking to my cousin who I'm really close with. I told him all about that & we laughed. I said to him that I'm pissed that I didn't give her his number. He then said I could've given it to our other male cousin.
Before I explain what happened after our convo I should mention that I have Aspergers. Which makes it difficult to know what the right thing to do is some of the time. Which may explain why I wasn't sure about that "other" thing some months back to do with that girl which some of you may remember.

Anyway what happened a little later after talking to my cousin was that I messaged that person & told them that my cousin is into that kinda thing that they mentioned on the phone. And later on my cousin phoned me, pissed off, telling me not to call him back. I sent him a text telling him I'm sorry I've upset him. But at the same time my opinion is that he has overreacted big time! He's married & maybe he felt it looked bad in-front of her. But a) she knows what i'm like & b) it's not like I gave the person her number to make it look like he's been fooling around. So I really don't know what harm I'm supposed to have done.

So yeah.....do you guys think this joke/prank went too far? Or is he overreacting? And does anyone have stories/examples of their own they'd like to share?

 

[Nordling]

Maybe I'm a dull person...maybe I have no sense of humor, but I've never liked jokes and pranks...too often they turn into something really ugly. They are unnecessary to enjoy your life, so why take a chance on, at best, pissing someone off?

 

[Sevrin]

This might have been a fun prank to pull on a single person, but you could have caused serious problems for your cousin's marriage. You might want to stay out of the pranking business if you can't figure that out for yourself.

 

[fandango]

Eh I love a joke and prank, I dont surround myself with people who take themselves that seriously i find them too miserable. For people I dont know very well I'm more cautious but for my friends, brothers or cousins I would have happily done exactly the same to them and laughed if they did it to me.

In fact I've had a friend try a similar prank on me but with emails they knew my GF at the time would read. She got mad then I laughed it off and she laughed too and then we plotted some sweet revenge. It was much more fun then wasting our lives away being mad.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Never mind apologising to your cousin, it's the innocent Filipino you should be apologising to.

 

[sahi]

Never mind apologising to your cousin, it's the innocent Filipino you should be apologising to.

I did feel kinda bad at first, and didn't revel to the Filipino that it was a prank in order to spare their feelings. I just told the person that I'm sorry & that I thought my cousin was interested, that I got it wrong. Not sure if I should've felt bad though, cuz this person seems like they might be one of those people who don't give up. Cuz they tried calling me like three times after talking to my cousin, lol. So I'm not sure if they would really give a crap even if they knew it was a prank.

 

[Roger]

In my opinion, pranks and jokes should be evaluated on a case by case basis. Too big of a range people's emotions to have a one size fits all answer. Below are some of my concerns with your prank that would push my boundaries:

1) I don't like random strangers to have my personal info like phone number. A person who opens the conversation with anal also gets me a little worried and I flag that person as maybe not all there. That might work fine in MFC, but in the real world...I guess I am just a prude.

2) Wife & kids are tricky (you mentioned wife so I just threw in kids as another example). Somewhat related to # 1, you now have to consider the safety of other "innocent bystanders."

3) If the butt stuff girl was truly serious herself, you are playing with her emotions.

4) Sometimes with pranks, things can go sideways really fast. I remember someone tried to scare me in my sleep and I woke up terrified and swinging for the fences until I recognized my friends. Someone could have gotten really hurt if I reached for a weapon or something.

Overall, I think if in your prank was replaced with a girl whom both you and your cousin were mutually friends with, I would not think that the prank would go too far as most of my main safety concerns would be removed.

In any case, always good to consider the potential consequences of actions you take. Just some general life advice. If you have trouble with those thought processes, tread lightly and carefully. Or wear a lot of personal protection equipment.

 

[SoTxBob]

I side with Nord and Sevrin here. It's one thing if you know all parties well and joking between you is a mutual thing. When strangers are involved, then its best you spend a bit of extra thought to consider the fallout.[wife, kids, the stranger, etc]
It seems that youtube is overrun now with idiots "pranking" anyone and everyone just to get something to upload. I'm not talking about the supposed "couples" that are so scripted or do absolutely mean shit to each other and have half a dozen cams in the house. They deserve what they put up with. Most of the other folks seem to forget about the fight or flight reactions. The brazilian ghost girl in the elevator finally got a boot to the face and was int he hospital as a result. IRL, how many of the "killer clown" and "stupid white boy in the hood" pranks would get someone really truly hurt? They may be funny to watch but I know many many folks that would react faster [sometimes lethally] than these idiots could say "its a prank bro".
....... just my 2centavos.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

So yeah.....do you guys think this joke/prank went too far? Or is he overreacting? And does anyone have stories/examples of their own they'd like to share?

Doesn't really matter if we think it went too far or not. It went too far for your cousin.

And yes, I have a story of a joke that went too far...

I was in my late 20's, my coworker was in her early 40's (she was still attractive, in spite of her advanced years).

One day she was bent over in front of me (facing me). It was hot, and she had the top snap of her uniform undone. She was showing a lot of boob, including what I estimate to be about one-third of a nipple. (Heads up @Guy, she had big natural breasts...)

I did the gentlemanly thing; I informed her. She covered up and laughed it off. Then, for the next several weeks, it turned into a running joke between the two of us.

Things got really out of hand. We both got carried away. She would tease, flirt, and dare I say GOAD, me with her breasts. And somewhere along the way, I allowed this succubus to strip me of my gentlemanliness.

The situation came to a head one night in front of about 4 or 5 other co-workers. Our private joke had by this point become something we were having fun with regardless of who was around.

So she started up with the ta-ta torment. I playfully warned her. She kept going. Then I reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt with both hands, and pretended to rip it open.

Except I forgot to let go of the shirt. I really did rip it open. Every snap. Idk, some sort of Freudian slip maybe?

Anyway, she looked stunned for about 1 second, then she covered up and turned very red. I gawked (along with everyone else) for about 1 second, then I turned very red and began wondering if there was anywhere I could crawl off to and die.

That was the end of that joke. I apologized my ass off, desperately trying to convince her I didn't mean to really rip her shirt open. Neither her, nor anyone else in attendance, reported me to HR. And her bf (who worked on the other end of the factory), decided to let it slide without a word.

Could have turned out a lot worse.

 

[Zoomer]

Erm, what did you think would happen? The "innocent" third party (the person you texted) was going to call up and ask if they wanted to fuck, they only like it in the ass... and then your cousin would fall about laughing at the genius hilarity of the call? Who actually called and what did they say - who took the call etc. Find it all out first before wondering if your cousin is being unreasonable. Maybe it was his wife who answered the phone, went ballistic and it all kicked off - and it took him ages to try and reason it was just a "hilarious prank by my cousin". I imagine that's what they all say

You had no control over any of the parameters of the prank - the time, the place, the people involved even. It wasn't really a "prank" - you basically gave your cousins number out to a nuisance caller.

Now you wonder why he's pissed?

Anyway - "Too far" for me is anything that costs (loses) people money (i.e. breaking things, spoiling things, spilling things), anything involving unsuspecting participants beyond the target (who must be known), not knowing them well enough and anything that'd genuinely cause unreasonable fear and/or alarm (so I don't think pranks of a 'body' being chopped up in a garage by a chainsaw wielding maniac, blood everywhere, who then chases after the people who accidentally walk in on the scene... to be a prank. Nor people who walk up to strangers and kiss the stranger's partner as if they're lovers - that's assault and they do not know the "prankers" at all).

A lot of Youtube pranks aren't pranks, its just douchebaggery. "Just for laughs" pranks are more pranks I recognise (such as the race where they get a bystander to fire a starter pistol in the air... and out drops a "dead" pigeon or squirrel).

 

[marchards]

Once I convinced my ex-wife's mother that I was a serial killer and I had locked her in the basement. She was just about the call the police.

She was Filipino too, actually. And I did apologize. In Tagalog.

But it was funny.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

I'm all for jokes and razing people...but there are 2 problems here.

1. You let an innocent person get involved. Who has real feelings. Someone that...based on what we know here has probably dealt with discrimination or had people be awful to them at some point. So that was mean.

2. He is married. The potential of messing up his marriage is not worth a joke. She may know "how you are"...but she didn't know initially that YOU set this up. You also never know what is going on in someone else's marriage. They could have had issues in the past and she might already have limited trust in him.

For example...I had a boyfriend once and I caught him lying to me about a ton of stuff. I almost ended things but decided to give him one more chance. Then we were out with his friends one night and a friend of his said "xxxxxx told me something but he made me promise to never tell you..." I said "What....?" He wouldn't tell me. This went on all night. Him "joking" with me about it. It caused me to argue with xxxxxx all the way home. I ended up leaving that night...ending things with him. I decided I couldn't ever trust him and that drove me over the edge.

His friend called me the next day upset...apologizing. What xxxxxx told him that he couldn't tell me? That he planned a weekend getaway for us. Xxxx sent me the receipts from 3 days prior when he paid for it.

It didn't matter. I had ended things. It was over. I wasn't changing my mind.

Jokes/pranks can and often do go too far.