It took me all I had to get through high school. It depressed me so badly that I had to be monitored closely by two different psychologists for the whole five years I was there because I would just try to kill myself every chance I had.
After I graduated, I was pressured into going to college because "That's just what people do. If you want to have a nice life, you have to go to college, that's just how it is."
I dropped out of college three times because I started getting depressed again each time I set foot in a classroom. One time, I had a panic attack that was so intense, I left school and somehow ended up at my dad's house with no recollection whatsoever of how I had even gotten there and he had to give me Xanax because my body just wouldn't calm down. It was to the point where I looked like I was having a seizure - my body was twitching, I couldn't breathe and I was convinced I was dying.
I'm tired of people telling me that I'm lazy and that if they can do it, then so can I. Because I genuinely cannot, and I really wish I could.
What worries me is that what people are saying is true... That you can't have a nice life if you don't go to college. I'm worried that I'll struggle with money my entire life and that, in twenty years, people will tell me I should've just sucked it up and gone to college. I'm worried that I will work hard my entire life, but never get to live comfortably like everybody else around me. I'm worried that I'll never get to be carefree.
Dang, this ended up being a lot deeper than I'd intended. Sorry about that!
