Thoughts from a models boyfriend

[Picnic]

A lot of you seemed lost and confused and think this is an okay job that anyone can do. It definitely takes a certain type of person to perform this work. (Not in a bad way)

I guess I can agree with the first part quoted here, but when did anyone say this was a job that "anyone" could do? Or that it's easy? I think you described it as "easy money."

@AmberCutie definitely nailed it!

Re-reading this, I think perhaps I misunderstood what you were trying to say. You werent claiming it's an easy job (in this segment, at least )

Most of us on ACF are inclined to agree that this isn't the type of job for everyone. Is this your way of saying you don't think she's the type of person for the job? I know you said you'd be back to discuss it a little more in depth, but yeah. Just wanted to get that out there cause I did get a little defensive.

 

[JickyJuly]

She's already lied. If the two of you were working on how to make this a more comfortable situation, she's made that a lot harder (on top of you making it a high pressure situation re: finances). Once someone lies to you, anything they say is open to doubt. I'm in the middle of trying to rebuild trust with my husband after a big lie, and no matter what he says to me, I question it. It's not fun. She's open to meeting up with others and isn't making intimacy with you a priority. Ultimately, you can't let or make someone do anything. You can just decide if their choices are something you can live with. Unless there are bigger things tying you to this situation (ie kids, owning a home together etc), I might be weighing out the pros and cons of staying.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

We also had a few rules and 1 of them was that she wouldn't actually watch the guys but I caught her lying when I peaked in the door once and saw a guy on camera.

Personal opinion. You have a real problem here. Sounds to me like you just spilled the beans on your own insecurities.

She may want to look at other people. She may want to get aroused while doing it, who knows. You don't have to like this. You don't have to feel good about it. But you do need to realize this is your problem, and you need to deal with it without placing impossible restrictions on her. Who came up with this rule? Her, or you?

If her, then she has obviously changed her mind for whatever reason.
If you, then you need to understand that this is just. not. fair. She is human.

I also got her texting and skyping one and they had plans to meet up so I'm really heart broken right now and she's crossing all of the lines and boundaries of our relationship. I've tried telling her how i feel and she's brushing almost everything under the rug. She always had low self esteem and I believe she's getting addicted to the attention and the easy money. I belive there is zero chance she would choose me over the camming.

I am honestly sorry you are heart broken; but there is no point in sharing any more of your feelings with her. She has ceased to care (if she ever truly did at all).

It does not matter if it is because she is needing a boost to her self-esteem, or attention, or easy money; at least for the moment, you are not enough for her. I wish you all the best in working your way through this.

 

[KatVonnegut]

I'm really curious as to how you know they had plans to meet up.
Texting and skyping a regular isn't completely rare or unheard of. A lot of girls do Skype shows and sell their phone numbers.
But if she's not communicating with you like you said, how do you know what she's been saying to her members?
To be quite frank, this relationship doesn't sound like the healthiest one and i don't think its the job that's the problem. Relationships are built on trust and communication, both of which seems to be lacking in your case.
I would feel suuuuuper creeped out if my partner was peering through the windows or the door to catch my show. If you can't talk to your partner about what's making you uncomfortable or how you can address your discomfort then there's some serious changes that you both need to consider.
Camming, in my experience, really strengthened my communication with my partner. So, camming doesn't lead to mistrust or miscommunication. That's something present between the two of you sans camming.

 

[Teagan]

Once, just once, I'd like to get both sides of a story here. These BFs never find this site and say to their partner "Hey I found this forum of camgirls, and members and I think it may be really good for your career while camming, but maybe we also could get some help or insight on how to work on us and issues it seems to be bringing up too. I think it could really help. You game?" Why does that never go on?!

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Why does that never go on?!

My guess? Guys don't like to hear hundreds of camgirls all say "Lose that f*cker" in unison.

 

[Lacie]

I think what i've said had been misunderstood.I dont think a lie is healthy for a relationship.I wanted to say that she might felt like telling a little lie in order to protect his feelings (maybe she knows hes jealous and she felt that telling him a lie was the good choice).Being cought with bigger lies is a little different.
Or maybe she is not happy in this relationship and this is her way to find somebody else...
This is, anyway, different from couple to couple.Some are more interested in what their partner does on cam, some are not.Some ask a lot of questions about that, some don't.Some have personal issues, some don't.And so on.

I also agree on not placing impossible restrictions on her. (maybe this is the reason she started to lie)

 

[SoTxBob]

My guess? Guys don't like to hear hundreds of camgirls all say "Lose that f*cker" in unison.

you took the thought right out of my head... lol. Despite all the wonderful women on here, in the years I've been here, there seems to be 1-2 very common things... man haters abound that love to cast the darkest possible cloud available, and there seems to be a lot of contempt for anything leaning toward a traditional loving relationship between a man n woman. ......There's always gonna be exceptions to everything.

 

[Empress Mika]

As others have stated, there were clearly relationship issues *before* your girlfriend started camming. These issues were not the *result of camming*. It's certainly important to recognize this. Now that camming has provided more clarity in what issues you have, now you can work them out with her, deciding if it's best to stay or it's best to split up. Best of luck to you!

 

[Honey_Suckle]

I really feel for you. My bf and I are in a similar situation , he gets nervous from time to time but we have set boundaries and you were right to do the same .. the boundaries being that my boyfriend is my room moderator .. he receives access to private and group shows whilst being moderator. He does my videos and photographs for me via his tablet and gets involved in couple shows from time to time so he feels part of what I do. I do shows via skype that my bf can't get involved in but we set a time limit on skype shows so that nothing personal comes of it and we share my work email addy to check for any sale requests coming in etc. I have some of my high tippers on my mobile but I run them past my bf to keep him in the loop. I agree that it's a lot for a guy to trust a woman in this sort of field so you really need to keep your guy reassured. I can also see your gf point of view about not wanting to stop broadcasting .. its very rare to get a job that can offer you a few hundred pounds in a couple of hours from the comfort of your home and you set your own working times. You both really need to sit and talk things through to find a happy medium.

Best of Luck to you both

Honey xx

 

[TacoBelle]

So, I feel like the odd one out cause I'm about to go against the grain here. I think there are more factors to this whole story. Given just what you've told us, you were with her BEFORE she started camming. THIS IS A MAJOR FACTOR. If you had gotten together AFTER she had already been camming, then this would be a totally different story, and I'd agree with most of the posts above. However, you were together, in a (seemingly) decent relationship prior to her starting this new job. In my opinion, that means that your feelings do matter, and she should ask for your opinions/ok on things. But only if she sincerely wants the relationship to continue. If she values the relationship more than a job, then she should respect you enough to warrant your opinion/feelings valid.

Respect is the main thing here. She asked your thoughts on it. You said, "Sure. But let's talk about this before you get started." Rules were made. By whom, it doesn't fucking matter. You both agreed to these rules that were supposed to be set in stone. Now, if she said, "I don't think I want to do XYorZ..." (like @AmberCutie said about penetration) and decided to do that later, that's ok. She wasn't breaking a rule. She was simply learning what she likes and learning her boundaries. If you had both agreed that you both didn't want any form of XYorZ beforehand, then yes, she deliberately broke that rule. She knowingly did something outside of the honesty and trust of your relationship, similar to lying or cheating. She did not/does not respect you enough to give a shit what you feel/want. Huge warning sign, right there.

Now, you said you "peeked" in on her. Regardless of whether it was you watching her cam from another computer, peeking through a crack in the door, or even knocking and seeing what was on the computer, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I know, I know. Most of these other lovely ladies do. And that's why you'll notice that all women have different comfort zones. Personally, I think that in a committed relationship, you shouldn't have anything to hide. And therefore, nothing that would warrant being SUPER UPSET by someone watching your cam (in whichever way). This is a huge change for you. She should be taking strides to help make you as comfortable as possible with the brand new idea of having her masturbate for other men. Even if that includes her telling you about the way the site works, talking about shows she's done, inviting you to watch her (on cam or in person), asking for help on videos/pictures, etc. Open communication is the only way that I can perceive a couple lasting through something as trying as camming or a polygamous relationship.

Onto the next point: you said she was planning to meet up with one of them. However, you also said that she wasn't talking to you at all about camming. So this leads me to believe that you did some "investigating" of your own. (From this point forward, I am purely speculating. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I'm not trying to offend you. I'm just trying to help you see it from a different light.) Perhaps you read her private Skype logs/emails/text messages. Whatever. This is different than you just taking a quick glimpse to see what's going on. This is you deliberately violating her trust. You knowingly went against her wishes to spy on her. You expected to find things that you wouldn't approve of. Unlike you just watching her cam, which could have been curiosity. You don't respect her enough to trust her.



Honestly, I don't see this relationship lasting. With or without camming. Even if she quit today, there will probably always be some form of lying and distrust in your relationship (from both sides). TALK TO HER. Confess about what you did. Be honest with her about how you feel and what you expect/want in this relationship. Find out if she's still on the same page. If you both still want to make it work, then start a new chapter. You both have to come to a compromise about what you are both comfortable with (in camming AND in the real world). If you can't come to a compromise, then leave the relationship. Get your shit and go. It takes a very secure person to be ok with their partner in this line of work. If you can't handle it, no one will judge you to admit that and decide that you should both go your separate ways.

 

[Curvey_Sasha]

I was ready to feel bad until I saw the word "let".

 

[justjoinedtopost]

..Get your shit and go. It takes a very secure person to be ok with their partner in this line of work.

Excellent post.

I would add...it also takes a very secure person to walk out the door when the time comes. If it becomes clear the ship is sinking, you don't run to the wheelhouse and try to steer; you jump off the damned thing and start swimming like crazy.

 

[SoTxBob]

Iris my dear... once again you are the voice of reality and common sense.

 

[SNATCH]

She's already lied. If the two of you were working on how to make this a more comfortable situation, she's made that a lot harder (on top of you making it a high pressure situation re: finances). Once someone lies to you, anything they say is open to doubt. I'm in the middle of trying to rebuild trust with my husband after a big lie, and no matter what he says to me, I question it. It's not fun. She's open to meeting up with others and isn't making intimacy with you a priority. Ultimately, you can't let or make someone do anything. You can just decide if their choices are something you can live with. Unless there are bigger things tying you to this situation (ie kids, owning a home together etc), I might be weighing out the pros and cons of staying.

There are SO many sides to this story... I agree with Amber a lot, as well as Jicky.

From what has been said here by you OP, yes, your gf lied about some things. I'm not sure if she intentionally did it, but Amber is right, boundaries can go RIGHT out the window, ESP in the first few months, etc of camming, because everything is totally new && things can happen in the heat of the moment, esp when you are new, && if someone is tipping you a lot... I know I personally felt... Like I HAD to, to show gratitude, etc. [Had to, as in, had to do things that I said I wasn't going to do] Of course I knew that I didn't ACTUALLY have to, but I felt like I wanted to, or should, since the person was being so generous, etc. That's not to say this happens a lot, or all the time, or never at all, just that I think almost every camgirl has felt like... They should give something more than what they were tipped for sometimes, like... I don't pull that stuff anymore, as I now have rules/boundaries that I set for myself, that I never break... I know myself better now, && this job more, so I feel I am about to deal better with that for myself personally.

But I want you to know, that she more than likely didn't do it on purpose, && it was probably just heat of the moment thing. If that is true, etc. She probably should have come to talk to you about it. Communication is VERY important in any relationship, but I think it's even MORE important in sex worker relationships.

I started camming AFTER I got married. It has been something we had discussed for years.... Then dropped, then all of a sudden, it came up, he said he was okay with it... I dropped it again, then one day just went for it.

My husband does NOT like that I cam. It's always been an issue, on the back burner. He just doesn't like it. He doesn't think it's appropiate. He wants me to make more money. We had the same issue a few years ago - as in he was giving me a hard time about $$, etc. To the point where it got FUCKING RIDICULOUS. So, I basically started doing whatever the fuck I wanted to do, going against the boundaries I had set for myself, because it was making me more money. I FELT PRESSURED because the money issue was serious && he was RIDING MY ASS about it 24/7. It caused a LOT of fucked up problems. So, I found a compromise... Between the boundaries I had set for myself, && what we had previously discussed that I do not/won't do. I started doing way more things, && I started making way more money. I felt slightly uncomfortable, because I felt like I was being dishonest, even though technically I wasn't, because I had previously asked him about stuff, etc. Money issues can be a huge deal breaker, && it can put ANY relationship under a huge amount of stress, no matter how close or connected the couple is, it can still cause relationship strain.

Now, I am NOT trying to justify her actions, it sounds like regardless, she told you one thing, then turned around && did another thing, that is partly opposite from what she told you. I'm just saying I don't think it was done intentionally, with malice, etc. I think it could be she feels a lot of pressure from camming, && perhaps whatever money problems you guys had, && now she feels more free, independant.

As for me, I've always been a housewife. I can't hold a traditional job because of health issues... So when I started camming, I wasn't making jack shit, but I LOVED IT. Because I can be my own boss, I set my own hours, && I can have a damn flexible schedule, because my life is complicated. It also allows me to work on my own agenda/schedule && work it around the shit storm that my life always is [As far as being busy, or just random shit coming up] I felt independant, as fuck. Because camming is MINE. That has been the only thing in my life for the last few years that is TRULY MINE. I don't need anyone's help, I can do it alone, myself, && it allows me certain things.

You guys are going to need to talk - A LOT. BOTH of you need to come to a compromise of some sort, that no matter how uncomfortable it can be, that you always talk it out. You're also going to really have to look at the pros/cons of things with this job && having a relationship with her. Does it make her happy? Can you trust her? Can you both be open, && communicate with each other about this job, so that she can feel safe talking to you about things, && so that you don't feel threatened?

Lying about shit is not going to help. I'm in the same boat as Jicky, a couple years ago, my husband had a few big lies... && rebuilding trust is NOT easy. Once people start lying about anything, even little shit, starts to open up every doubt, etc. && that shit isn't fun, I feel you on that. It can take a lot of work to rebuild trust, but it is possible. I think that if you feel more comfortable, she will talk to you more, && not feel like she needs to lie, for fear of you being unapproving, or mad, but in order for you to not have an issue with things, she needs to let you know wtf is going on. I don't really sense any reassurance on either side here....

I'll tell you what though. Having a partner that doesn't like your job MAKES IT HARD AS FUCK to work && have the relationship. I've worked my fucking ASSHOLE off at trying to keep the peace/balance between. My husband && I have a weird agreement... He has requested me to NOT tell him things about camming. There's just certain things he doesn't want to know. Is that ideal? Not for everyone. Does it work for us? Honestly, we've tried everything, && out of everything, this is what works the best. There are things we do not discuss... Like what I did that day for work, like I don't tell him EXACTLY what I did. I'll say yeah I had a Private today, && that's it. Like, I don't go into detail. I've told him EVERYTHING && showed him EVERYTHING about this industry, the good, the bad, the amazing, the horrible, etc. He knows for the most part what I do/don't do. Then there's things we don't ever discuss, because it's been requested that he doesn't want to know. However, I have asked him about certain things, etc && he said that's fine, if it makes me enough $$ that I am comfortable with it, etc. He just doesn't want to hear about it.

I personally am not comfortable camming when he is home, but I have done it, && do do it, he just goes downstairs, or in the garage && finds shit to do.

I'm really concerned about the fact that you say she said she has plans to meet up with someone... That is really bothering me right now, because that's not cool. She couldn be just saying that for the $$, but even if she is, that's not cool either. [I don't think saying that kind of shit to get $$ out of someone is okay] As far as her texting someone, that could also be a liability, because of personal information... Like I would NEVER give out my phone number to anyone, because I don't need anyone to find out where I live, my name, etc... Because that info is easy to find. So I hope that she's not giving out her real number, && is using a service.

You should refer her to these forums. There's a model only section, && I think having you both here to discuss these sorts of things, or even just reading things here, FROM BOTH MODEL AND MEMBERS SIDES would be really beneficial. I think the more you know about this work, the more you will be comfortable, because things are not always as they seem.

Sorry for all the babbling. I hope this was somewhat helpful.

 

[lovergirl]

This sounds very strange to me. If it was really "for the money" her actions were not necessary.

Skype, texting, and definitely meeting up is not necessary.

This has less to do with camming and more to do with her personal trustworthiness.

 

[LittleLei]

A lot of models offer Skype for shows and designated phone numbers for camming. It's services that are really popular. As for meeting up, while we all know the many dangers and factors that come with meeting a stranger, that's their prerogative (I'm not condoning or disapproving of this decision because there are just too many factors to list for each point).

The skyping, texting, meeting up part was really vague for me to have a comment on it.

While it's "not necessary" it's a part of daily business for many girls and guys too, as there are so many other services to offer.

Edit: Also it's been over a month, so I hope that things worked out for both parties, together or separate.

 

[SamanthaGrant]

This thread is a little old but in my opinion it doesn't sound like it was a heathy relationship to begin with. Unfortunately camming just seemed to push it over the edge it sounds like. I will chime in on the lack of sex drive due to camming and my own personal experience. I have found that I'm a bit exhausted at the end of camming sessions but it typically has less to do with the cam session and more to do with personal life.

Like you, my boyfriend and I live together and it's a family new arrangement. We moved in together about a month ago and I'm still adjusting quite a bit. I'm also a full time student going for a rather difficult degree in college that requires a lot of time. Because of this the house mess builds up over time and it's really is exhausting coming home from school to find a really messy place and know I've got to get online to cam in a short few hours.

I know if my boyfriend cleaned up and did more around the house my mind might not be so preoccupied on the mess and more on things like cuddling, sex, watching a movie, etc. Instead I just find myself overwhelmed at everything I need to get done. But here's the catch my boyfriend is, well, to be frank partially disabled at the moment due to a bad knee injury which he has neglected far too long. I can't exactly get mad at him for not doing house work when it hurts him to be on his feet long. It is another stress entirely of itself that he hasn't seen the doctor to get it reevaluated for a possible second surgery.

My point here is that camming is probably the last thing that is keeping your girlfriend from wanting sexy time with you. Perhaps you could try asking her "Hey hun, I noticed you haven't been interested in xyz lately and I'm wondering if there's anything I'm doing or anything thats been going on that's upsetting you or has you stressed. I really miss that special time with you." Just make sure you aren't coming off as trying to bribe her into it. It's important you are genuinely concerned about her well being and conveying that when talking to her about a topic as sensitive as this one.

Anyways hopefully that didn't come off as me trying to complain a bunch. I'm grateful for all I have and that I have a special someone to call my own but life can get in the way of those special moments at times. Communication really helps a lot in these situations. My boyfriend is completely on board with me camming and it's really nice to have his full support (one less stress on my shoulders). We are also polyamorous which helps me out a lot knowing he can get his needs met elsewhere if I'm really just not up for it. Hopefully this helped give you a little insight at what could possibly be going on but you'll only know for sure if you ask and communicate with her.

 

[NerdyLuna]

As I read this thread, my heart beats faster and louder in my ears. I feel like I'm your girlfriend, in a "I'm-putting-myself-in-her-shoes" kind of way. I'm trying to break up with an emotional abusive boyfriend who sounds a lot like you, (I hope that didn't offend you, I'm just being honest), and I wanted to sit down and discuss our relationship and the power dynamic of it. He has been supporting me ever since we're first got together, and him being insecure ruined my love for him. I do everything behind his back, even playing video games, because he doesn't make me feel right to do anything I want in front in of him.

So how about this? Let your girlfriend be. This is completely new for her. She doesn't know what she's doing and she probably won't for a while. Support her. Make sure you speak about your feelings and her feelings. Don't just speak either, listen. Understand her perspective and get her to understand you as well. She's your girlfriend, who probably loves everything about you. And this is the moment where she needs you the most.

 

[teeber]

As I read this thread, my heart beats faster and louder in my ears. I feel like I'm your girlfriend, in a "I'm-putting-myself-in-her-shoes" kind of way. I'm trying to break up with an emotional abusive boyfriend who sounds a lot like you, (I hope that didn't offend you, I'm just being honest), and I wanted to sit down and discuss our relationship and the power dynamic of it. He has been supporting me ever since we're first got together, and him being insecure ruined my love for him. I do everything behind his back, even playing video games, because he doesn't make me feel right to do anything I want in front in of him.

So how about this? Let your girlfriend be. This is completely new for her. She doesn't know what she's doing and she probably won't for a while. Support her. Make sure you speak about your feelings and her feelings. Don't just speak either, listen. Understand her perspective and get her to understand you as well. She's your girlfriend, who probably loves everything about you. And this is the moment where she needs you the most.

I wouldn't have replied to this, as it's elderly and he's probably not coming back, if not for you, Pink. He also roused memories in me of emotional abuse, although of course I don't truly know their situation- I just know the way he talks makes her sound ALL BAD, but also pathetic, but also USING, but also like an emotional wreck that he's been nurturing, and WHY CAN'T SHE JUST APPRECIATE THAT DAMMIT.

I met my sweetie honeybunch camming- yes, I was fool enough to run away with a custie and even to move to another country for him. In my defense, he jumped through some damn HOOPS for me first. Sweet man. He's a good man and a wonderful man, and I'm very, very lucky. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. It's been a hard row to hoe. But he's not abusive; he never limits me; he never assumes I've done things to hurt him.

I remember being a young camgirl, and having a very hard time saying no to things. Customers expect some ridiculous things, really, it's silly! But the funny thing is that all the yeses these abusive boyfriends train their women to say turn around and bite them in the ass when it comes to sex work- no wonder he might hate the idea.

 

[RebeccaT]

This thread reinforces how happy I am to have a husband who loves that I cam and is proud of me for it.

 

[NerdyLuna]

I wouldn't have replied to this, as it's elderly and he's probably not coming back, if not for you, Pink. He also roused memories in me of emotional abuse, although of course I don't truly know their situation- I just know the way he talks makes her sound ALL BAD, but also pathetic, but also USING, but also like an emotional wreck that he's been nurturing, and WHY CAN'T SHE JUST APPRECIATE THAT DAMMIT.

I met my sweetie honeybunch camming- yes, I was fool enough to run away with a custie and even to move to another country for him. In my defense, he jumped through some damn HOOPS for me first. Sweet man. He's a good man and a wonderful man, and I'm very, very lucky. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. It's been a hard row to hoe. But he's not abusive; he never limits me; he never assumes I've done things to hurt him.

I remember being a young camgirl, and having a very hard time saying no to things. Customers expect some ridiculous things, really, it's silly! But the funny thing is that all the yeses these abusive boyfriends train their women to say turn around and bite them in the ass when it comes to sex work- no wonder he might hate the idea.

I know it's old, but I was having any emotionally night and decided to write it out. I'm sorry!

 

[teeber]

I know it's old, but I was having any emotionally night and decided to write it out. I'm sorry!

Oh girl, I didn't mean to call you out and pull it all up or anything! It's just, emotional abuse is so friggin' common. We're not alone. I'm really glad you shared it. Thank you so much.

TBH camming has been really helpful for me in making me the Bad Ass Bitch(TM) I am today. (Also, of course, working on my shit.) But in camming you learn to say no REAL fast if you want to make a go of it. It really helped me figure out where MY lines lay. There are always more beggars, more pushers, more people ready to see how far you'll go. True in camming and in private life. But you set the boundaries.