Switch/Femdom/Findom newbie advice?

[MillyNoelle]

Hi! (sorry for my english in advance, I'm scandinavian)



I live in a full time ddlg relationship in which I'm very happy. I've always been very bratty as a little but recently I've been exploring my switch/femdom/findom side (online) which has been very fun and empowering for me. I would think of myself as more of a "Princess" than an actual domme, since my little side is very ingrained in me.

I'm very new into this part of myself (I plan to start camming in the next couple on months on SM) and I'd like some advice.



What's your most important tips in general when it comes to:

- Findom

- Femdom (I like humiliation a lot, I also have huuuge feet which I plan on exploring with more)

- Switch (I'm very comfortable as a sub, but my princess/domme side is a bit weak)



I really enjoy getting my way pretty much all the time, the only person that I feel truly comfortable and eager to fully submit to is my irl live-in partner.



I know it's not easy, but I'm very excited and driven so I know it'll all work out in the end if I put in the time, effort and creativity.



Thanks!

 

[MarieElise]

Hi! (sorry for my english in advance, I'm scandinavian)



I live in a full time ddlg relationship in which I'm very happy. I've always been very bratty as a little but recently I've been exploring my switch/femdom/findom side (online) which has been very fun and empowering for me. I would think of myself as more of a "Princess" than an actual domme, since my little side is very ingrained in me.

I'm very new into this part of myself (I plan to start camming in the next couple on months on SM) and I'd like some advice.



What's your most important tips in general when it comes to:

- Findom

- Femdom (I like humiliation a lot, I also have huuuge feet which I plan on exploring with more)

- Switch (I'm very comfortable as a sub, but my princess/domme side is a bit weak)



I really enjoy getting my way pretty much all the time, the only person that I feel truly comfortable and eager to fully submit to is my irl live-in partner.



I know it's not easy, but I'm very excited and driven so I know it'll all work out in the end if I put in the time, effort and creativity.



Thanks!

In an online context it is safer as a switch to lean more to the Femdom side than the sub side. There are a lot of “Doms” online who don’t know what the hell they are doing and who will try to hurt you.

It’s really saturated by guys calling
themselves “Dom” and “Master” who don’t have the first clue about consent, communication, or limits. They basically just want to use us to practice on like guinea pigs, with no forethought at all.

Getting a good Dom show, even when they are paying you is rare as hell.

IMO it’s way more work to Domme them, but a lot more rewarding and most importantly safer on the body and psyche. It can pay a lot better too.

 

[MillyNoelle]

In an online context it is safer as a switch to lean more to the Femdom side than the sub side. There are a lot of “Doms” online who don’t know what the hell they are doing and who will try to hurt you.

It’s really saturated by guys calling
themselves “Dom” and “Master” who don’t have the first clue about consent, communication, or limits. They basically just want to use us to practice on like guinea pigs, with no forethought at all.

Getting a good Dom show, even when they are paying you is rare as hell.

IMO it’s way more work to Domme them, but a lot more rewarding and most importantly safer on the body and psyche. It can pay a lot better too.

Thank you so much! I absolutely agree! Since I'm naturally a sub, it's gonna take some time to learn how to think a bit differently, I do have a slightly (hehe) malicious and demanding/stern side to me... I just have to explore it more so I'm more comfortable.

I'm happy that I at least have a really good daddy dom at home

do you have any advice on how most subs on SM are and how to deal with them? (I know everyone is different, but I mean generally, since I'm not used to this side of me)

Is it a turn off for subs if i tell them to inform me about their limits and turn ons in private/exclusive before we get into the show? I feel that safety on both ends are very important.

 

[MarieElise]

Thank you so much! I absolutely agree! Since I'm naturally a sub, it's gonna take some time to learn how to think a bit differently, I do have a slightly (hehe) malicious and demanding/stern side to me... I just have to explore it more so I'm more comfortable.

I'm happy that I at least have a really good daddy dom at home

do you have any advice on how most subs on SM are and how to deal with them? (I know everyone is different, but I mean generally, since I'm not used to this side of me)

Is it a turn off for subs if i tell them to inform me about their limits and turn ons in private/exclusive before we get into the show? I feel that safety on both ends are very important.

A lot of the subs on there want to jump right in and it takes a bit of work drawing stuff out of them. But it’s worth it. Just takes a lot of patience.

It took me a long time to learn to lean to the more dominant side too.
You really do have to be stern. I’ve had a lot who have hit me up to be my “slave” but then don’t pay per message etc So they get dumped really fast.

Some of them really need “encouragement” to fully understand that it’s a time limited interaction. Strong boundaries are definitely a great place to start. The notes feature on SM is really handy too since they can all be so individual in their limits, and preferences.

A lot will say they want JOI but can’t do it very well ie don’t have very good orgasm control or edging abilities. So what most of them mean when they say that is that they want joe or jerk off encouragement.

I don’t think it’s a turn off for them if you ask that first. Maybe for some who aren’t that serious about it, sure. But who cares about that. The ones who are serious and more into it will appreciate that. The ones who aren’t you can always read and just go with their fantasy that they are doing bdsm but just basically do a normal show with some light phrases or whatever thrown in that make them feel happy, like they are for real. Then I just make a note on it to remember for next time. Lots of serious SPH guys on SM though.

 

[MillyNoelle]

A lot of the subs on there want to jump right in and it takes a bit of work drawing stuff out of them. But it’s worth it. Just takes a lot of patience.

How do you mean by drawing stuff out of them? Are the guys shy?

Some of them really need “encouragement” to fully understand that it’s a time limited interaction. Strong boundaries are definitely a great place to start. The notes feature on SM is really handy too since they can all be so individual in their limits, and preferences.

I'm totally new to SM, I just need to save up for some lighting and small stuff to get started. What do you mean by time limited interaction?

The notes thing seems very handy, I have the worst memory haha ^^

Lots of serious SPH guys on SM though.

SPH is fun! It fits my personality a lot, i like to humiliate and laugh a lot I like ruining orgasms so I hope there are a lot of guys I can do that to.. cum denial and stuff like that.


This might be off-topic, but I'm struggling with my prizing. Is 5.59/6.69 for private and 8.89 for exclusive a good rate for a beginner? I don't want to sell myself short but I don't want to scare customers off at the same time.

Thank you so much, this is very helpful!

 

[MarieElise]

How do you mean by drawing stuff out of them? Are the guys shy?

I don't know if it's truly shyness with all of them. I think a lot of it is just they are guys, and their brains are wired differently where communicating in detail, isn't their strong point. Sometimes it's brokeness, I'm sure. Sometimes it's that one hand is busy and their technology doesn't allow them to type much or fast (ie they are on the celly). But I think a lot of it is inexperience, shyness, and just needing support in communicating. A lot will say some general vague thing that they want but it's not what they truly want, so you have to ask them a bunch of questions to narrow it down. One common misconception I dealt with a lot at the beginning was with humiliation fetish. People will come in and ask for Femdom, or "BDSM" but some mean they want just mainly humiliation. And then others mean they want more bondage or cbt, and aren't even really into humiliation at all. But they won't say that up front, they think by using a general term, we can automatically read their mind and know exactly what they mean.

What do you mean by time limited interaction?

With me they pay for a session. They don't get 24/7 messaging after that unless they are paying PER message. Guys will say they are into BDSM and want to be your 24/7 online slave (lmfao). Then they won't pay for that. They will try messaging you up the fucking Nile, but not sending appropriate tips or payment with that. Naivety, you know.

Is 5.59/6.69 for private and 8.89 for exclusive a good rate for a beginner? I don't want to sell myself short but I don't want to scare customers off at the same time.

I think that sounds great, as you are already experienced in the BDSM world. However, you can also change your rates as much as you want, even within a single shift. I advise never going below $4.99 per minute for either though, or you're basically asking for a world of abuse, frustration, and ungrateful low-ballers. It's nice (and refreshing as hell!) to hear a newbie model thinking about confident market value rates, so many undersell and undervalue themselves (or perhaps just lack confidence). Good on you!

 

[MillyNoelle]

And then others mean they want more bondage or cbt, and aren't even really into humiliation at all.

Ohh, okay ^^ How do you even do cbt or bondage on cam? Give them commands and instructions/tasks?

With me they pay for a session. They don't get 24/7 messaging after that unless they are paying PER message.

Do you charge a flat fee/gold + the pre-set amount by the minute? Do they tip per message then?

I haven't really figured out the chat yet, do they see each others messages in the guest chat or are everyone hidden so just you can see? Is it the same in paid chat?

 

[MillyNoelle]

I think that sounds great, as you are already experienced in the BDSM world. However, you can also change your rates as much as you want, even within a single shift. I advise never going below $4.99 per minute for either though, or you're basically asking for a world of abuse, frustration, and ungrateful low-ballers. It's nice (and refreshing as hell!) to hear a newbie model thinking about confident market value rates, so many undersell and undervalue themselves (or perhaps just lack confidence). Good on you!

Thank you! ^^ I think it's mostly lack of confidence, I'm working on mine currently.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

I'm a switch & like you I am only comfortable being submissive to my irl partner. I only will do femdom or vanilla online because the members who want to dominate tend to be very abusive, understand very little about the actual kink dynamic and seem to think being dominating=being a rude, pushy person.

My best advice is do things that you're comfortable with doing over and over again & you naturally cultivate a following that is into that. On SM, for subs I try to have them tell me exactly what they are looking for. Some can really beat around the bush (Example: some guys are looking for 'cock ratings' but basically WANT sph & turn it into sph--I'd rather they just be upfront from the start so I can give them exactly what they want) Some SM subs tend to bring up what they want specifically--I don't think it's a turn off to ask. We're not mind readers & going too far out of someone's comfort zone is something I avoid. If someone says nothing and just takes me exclusive I'll start with "Hi there! What did you want to do with me tonight" --type of thing.

It sounds like you're on the right track to explore, have fun & make that $!

 

[MarieElise]

Ohh, okay ^^ How do you even do cbt or bondage on cam? Give them commands and instructions/tasks?


Do you charge a flat fee/gold + the pre-set amount by the minute? Do they tip per message then?

I haven't really figured out the chat yet, do they see each others messages in the guest chat or are everyone hidden so just you can see? Is it the same in paid chat?

I don’t do cbt on live cam, but many ask for it or want it. I do do bondage. But you have to have ropes and knowledge and stick within site TOS.

On SM they pay per minute for shows. In group gold shows you decide what you are doing and they either pay for that and fit in with that, or they don’t take part.

On any of the sites I am on if they want extended messaging then they either send an appropriate amount of gold per message, or they open my messages that I set a certain rate per message for. Or they risk getting no response or a brief response at best. I have not had too much BS with 24 hr slave wannabes on SM, mainly on IWC.

On SM if they have themselves set to invisible ( which shows after their screen name like this: FootLong6969 (invisible)) then only you can see. Everyone else who doesn’t have parenthesis after their name says stuff everyone can see.

 

[MillyNoelle]

On any of the sites I am on if they want extended messaging them they either send an appropriate amount of gold per message, or they open my messages that I set a certain rate per message for. Or they risk getting no response or a brief response.

Is it on private messaging then, and not in the guest chat? ^^

Is it good to respond in guest chat verbally, even to the invisible guys? Should I say "Hi.. FootLong6969" or just "hi" on invisible guests?

 

[MillyNoelle]

I'm a switch & like you I am only comfortable being submissive to my irl partner. I only will do femdom or vanilla online because the members who want to dominate tend to be very abusive, understand very little about the actual kink dynamic and seem to think being dominating=being a rude, pushy person.

My best advice is do things that you're comfortable with doing over and over again & you naturally cultivate a following that is into that. On SM, for subs I try to have them tell me exactly what they are looking for. Some can really beat around the bush (Example: some guys are looking for 'cock ratings' but basically WANT sph & turn it into sph--I'd rather they just be upfront from the start so I can give them exactly what they want) Some SM subs tend to bring up what they want specifically--I don't think it's a turn off to ask. We're not mind readers & going too far out of someone's comfort zone is something I avoid. If someone says nothing and just takes me exclusive I'll start with "Hi there! What did you want to do with me tonight" --type of thing.

It sounds like you're on the right track to explore, have fun & make that $!

What is it about men and not being direct and upfront?

Do you know a good starting phrase in private too? Is private like one guy is the target customer and the others watch but don't say anything?

 

[Carmita Bonita]

What is it about men and not being direct and upfront?

Do you know a good starting phrase in private too? Is private like one guy is the target customer and the others watch but don't say anything?

So for SM when I'm in a premium show with multiple members some will be more vocal others will just be silent fappers. I don't ask them what they want me to do because if they want to direct the show they can take me exclusive lol. I keep it vanilla in premium (stripping, twerking, soft masturbation etc) so I can please the majority of people in the show instead of scaring someone off with a fetish they don't like if they pop in. I save my femdom stuff for exclusive. My greeting for premium shows are more like: "Hey there! How are you?" or "mmm wanna play with me?" or " Hello! How's your night going?" etc. Just greetings/asking how they are to get past the first 30 seconds before I start doing my thing. I will do some requests in premium chat within reason if it's something easy & non-fetishy (like changing position or something).

 

[MillyNoelle]

So for SM when I'm in a premium show with multiple members some will be more vocal others will just be silent fappers. I don't ask them what they want me to do because if they want to direct the show they can take me exclusive lol. I keep it vanilla in premium (stripping, twerking, soft masturbation etc) so I can please the majority of people in the show instead of scaring someone off with a fetish they don't like if they pop in. I save my femdom stuff for exclusive. My greeting for premium shows are more like: "Hey there! How are you?" or "mmm wanna play with me?" or " Hello! How's your night going?" etc. Just greetings/asking how they are to get past the first 30 seconds before I start doing my thing. I will do some requests in premium chat within reason if it's something easy & non-fetishy (like changing position or something).

Oh, I get it now ^^ so, premium is more "i do what i want/tame"?

 

[Carmita Bonita]

@lilbabymilox
For me it is. Some models run their cam like this, others don't. But this method of softcore in premium and harder stuff/fetishes in exclusive has worked out for me. It keeps things simple.

 

[MillyNoelle]

I'm planning on starting on SM in 1-2 months... is summer a crappy time to start with? I also have trouble setting a schedule... I want to work 6h on sundays, and 3-5h monday to friday. I don't know where most customers are from and when they're online. My day usually starts at noon CEST and I usually go to bed around 3-5am CEST.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I wouldn't worry too much about what time of year is best to start. The best time to start is when you feel ready, and when you can give it your best effort. It's really easy to get caught up in the details, but at the end of it all, just showing up is the most important part. Especially with streamate, a schedule is not as important as getting the hours logged overall.

 

[MillyNoelle]

I wouldn't worry too much about what time of year is best to start. The best time to start is when you feel ready, and when you can give it your best effort. It's really easy to get caught up in the details, but at the end of it all, just showing up is the most important part. Especially with streamate, a schedule is not as important as getting the hours logged overall.

That's true! Is it worth setting a schedule on my SM profile to help customers know when I'll mostly/probably be on? or do i just stream whenever? I know I can't post any social media on SM, but I'm thinking about tweeting before I broadcast to give a heads up.... (i don't have any followers yet but in the future maybe?)

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I have never posted a schedule anywhere for camming in all my years. I am not the kind of person who can stick to it, and I don't want to be unreliable so I just forgo it entirely. But if you want to have a schedule and post it, there's nothing bad about doing so! Just make sure you will hold yourself to the commitment. I think it is helpful to be able to give notice somewhere somehow when you will be available. How you do that will depend on your audience, your platform, and you. I have some regs I message directly on some platforms, sometimes I mass mail, sometimes I post on twitter. Depends on what I want to accomplish with the message and where I'm doing whatever I'm doing. With SM, there's no real need to worry about outside marketing since you can't give out info about offsite points of contact, but they do have a new social feed kinda feature that you could probably also use to post updates about getting online if you didn't want to have a posted schedule, I am considering trying this out for my own camming since I am not a posted schedule gal.

That's a lot of words to say, yeah if you are going to work a schedule, there's no reason not to post it!

 

[GoddessKaeli]

Streamate doesn't post our schedule on our profile anymore, so don't bother. Not sure why they haven't just removed it from our dashboard altogether....same with "headline", it doesn't show up anywhere either.

 

[MarieElise]

Is it on private messaging then, and not in the guest chat? ^^

Is it good to respond in guest chat verbally, even to the invisible guys? Should I say "Hi.. FootLong6969" or just "hi" on invisible guests?

It depends on your persona. I usually only say hi if they have been there a while, I already know them, or they initiated convo first. But it’s really up to you.

 

[MillyNoelle]

This thread has been extremely helpful for me! Thank you all sooo much!

 

[GothHostess]

On the topic of keeping it lighter in private on SM, I highly recommend doing this! When I first started (I do femdom only) I didn't have any differences between private and exclusive, but oh my god, the chaos you face when one guy likes CEI and the other has a homewrecker fetish and the other one is a sissy and they're all talking at once....it's a lot. These days I only offer JOI and goddess worship in private, with no C2C. Everything else they have to go exclusive for.

In chat, whether they're invisible or not, I say their name when I'm replying to them, otherwise people sometimes get confused as to who you're talking to. When you're talking to people in chat, don't be afraid to call them out if they're trying to dirty talk for free. Some of them will take you private because of it, and if they don't, you know they were just time wasters. To find out what they're into, I do ask people sometimes when they start chatting me, and if not, I say something like "so, what kind of things is my dirty little kinkster into?" once we go into exclusive. Also, Idk if this matters that much but I always put my boundaries in my profile but also my room topic. That way if someone wants me to do something I don't do (masturbation for instance) I just point out that it's literally in my room topic that I don't do that....not my fault they didn't read it, haha.

You'll definitely grow into your domme side! I'm submissive in real life but I have great reviews on SM. Make sure you take the time to learn about different fetishes and kinks - something that helped me a lot was looking through what the top categories on IWantClips were and then researching the hell out of them. It really helped hide the fact that I didn't know what I was doing at first, haha.

A note on findom - don't fall into the trap of thinking that everyone who says they are into findom is actually made of money. In my experience, about 50% of findom guys that will come into your room are all talk, 25% will spend a small/reasonable amount, and 25% will drop a toooooon of cash. So until they prove it with their wallets, don't give them any extra attention or anything. I think that's what a lot of the ones who are all talk are actually looking for.

 

[MillyNoelle]

On the topic of keeping it lighter in private on SM, I highly recommend doing this! When I first started (I do femdom only) I didn't have any differences between private and exclusive, but oh my god, the chaos you face when one guy likes CEI and the other has a homewrecker fetish and the other one is a sissy and they're all talking at once....it's a lot. These days I only offer JOI and goddess worship in private, with no C2C. Everything else they have to go exclusive for.

In chat, whether they're invisible or not, I say their name when I'm replying to them, otherwise people sometimes get confused as to who you're talking to. When you're talking to people in chat, don't be afraid to call them out if they're trying to dirty talk for free. Some of them will take you private because of it, and if they don't, you know they were just time wasters. To find out what they're into, I do ask people sometimes when they start chatting me, and if not, I say something like "so, what kind of things is my dirty little kinkster into?" once we go into exclusive. Also, Idk if this matters that much but I always put my boundaries in my profile but also my room topic. That way if someone wants me to do something I don't do (masturbation for instance) I just point out that it's literally in my room topic that I don't do that....not my fault they didn't read it, haha.

You'll definitely grow into your domme side! I'm submissive in real life but I have great reviews on SM. Make sure you take the time to learn about different fetishes and kinks - something that helped me a lot was looking through what the top categories on IWantClips were and then researching the hell out of them. It really helped hide the fact that I didn't know what I was doing at first, haha.

A note on findom - don't fall into the trap of thinking that everyone who says they are into findom is actually made of money. In my experience, about 50% of findom guys that will come into your room are all talk, 25% will spend a small/reasonable amount, and 25% will drop a toooooon of cash. So until they prove it with their wallets, don't give them any extra attention or anything. I think that's what a lot of the ones who are all talk are actually looking for.

Thank you so much for the info! I'm trying to learn as much as possible... I've been watching lots of domme videos but I'm finding it hard to know what to say and when. JOI for example, I just don't know what to say and when. Maybe it's just my anxiety and shitty self-confidence making my hyper-aware of every little thing I say or do... even though I want to get things my way - I have a hard time not thinking about the other person and if im potantially hurting someone without noticing all the time.


I've filled out all the stuff on SM and I'm just waiting to get my new proof of address since I'm moving next week... The thing is, as an insecure sub, my profile doesn't sound like me at all haha. My partner thinks that I should just "be my brattiest self" and that I can practice my Princess role with him on cam until I get more comfortable. I'm starting to doubt myself, but I guess it's normal when you're trying something new.