Some topics turning quite toxic lately?

[Amazingtimesarecoming]

Hey everyone I haven't been a massively active member here but I'd like to ask/address some concerns I'm having lately which are stopping me contributing alot more.

In my opinion I've noticed from alot of members, models and users that some topics or posts are ending up completely toxic or off topic. What started as an interesting topic or conversation ends up turning into a slug fest of insults because someone said something that someone doesn't like or finds offensive. Instead of a constructive conversation a few members just resort straight into flinging abuse at each other.

I'm not calling people out but seeing how some members get vilified for trying to actively engage in a conversation is quite off putting to join in and post.

I'm not defending the idiotic posts or completely offensive ones but someone could generally have a valid opinion which may upset alot of people here. Instead of insulting them or telling them where to go perhaps it's best to see from their pov or try to get more information before driving them from the site.

I understand that alot of models have to endure ridiculous comments in their work but when some topics are interesting or users have valid questions, to see the thread devolve into petty fighting. It seems abit of a waste. I assume aswell there's alot of frustration about with the slowdown around the globe but remember everyone is in the same situation.

Anyway this is my two cents hence why it's in random chat. I look forward to seeing if people agree that some of us could be abit nicer to each other and understand 99% of people are generally curious or looking for advice.

Kind regards everyone

 

[Marceline]

I can’t help but think some of my recent posts might be included in what you consider abusive or mean, so I’ll clarify.

A lot of the people who post here actively have been on the forum for awhile. Just speaking for myself, I come on here when I’m waking up or smoking a cigarette and read most of the posts. After awhile, you’ll notice two trends.

One, regular posters who continuously make the same off putting or tone deaf posts. There’s been a handful of members over the years I’ve been active here who you’ll see get called out for what they post, and then continue making the same posts they got called out for. Very, very few have actually done some self reflection and realized what they post can come off as insensitive or rude and rectified their behavior. In those cases, you’ll see that they don’t get the same backlash they used to get. But when that behavior is not rectified, yeah, their posts get scrutinized more and they get backlash. Perhaps more so than another member who didn’t have the same post history would get if they posted the same thing, because it’s frustrating to see people keep on doing the same thing over and over again. You also learn a bit about that person from their post history and learn to read between the lines. So, something that may not seem all that bad ends up becoming so because you’re aware of this person’s history and behavioral patterns. Is it always fair? No, I’ll concede to that. But, it’s human nature to judge people on their previous actions and treat them accordingly. It’s also natural to get annoyed when you see the same thing happening over and over again, which brings me to the second trend.

Two, new members who come here asking for “advice” on a situation with a model. I put advice in quotations, because nine times out of ten the moment we give them advice they don’t want to hear they reject it. Which proves they don’t want advice, just confirmation bias. I don’t think it’s right to give a member who has an unhealthy, and sometimes unrealistic, view of his relationship with a model hope that they’ll run away into the sunset together. Amber put together an entire thread linking “in love with a model” threads, so that new members who come here wanting to know if that model they visit everyday is really in love with them can read. There’s actually thoughtful advice in a lot of those threads. I’ve personally put a lot of time and effort into some responses for members who came here and were actually nice.

However, a lot of these new members ignore all that, ask us the same questions, and then refuse to accept our answers. It’s frustrating. Not only that, but some of those members end up getting rude and outright ugly. Of course they will get backlash and possibly insulted as a result.

In the end, we’re all adults here and I don’t think that adults need to be coddled when they can’t act right. Because if you do, it only encourages that sort of behavior. Plus, we’re all human. We get annoyed. And I don’t believe that anyone is owed kindness.

You’ll also see that it’s not every member who gets that sort of treatment. There’s a bunch of awesome members who have posted here over the years and still post here that have never gotten any sort of backlash. It’s because unlike the people who do get negative treatment, they’re respectful and thoughtful and positively contribute to the forum.

Amber does a terrific job of running this forum. She’s not quick to ban anyone with different views, she steps in when things do get too heated and out of hand, and when someone does act incredibly out of line then she’ll ban or put them in the dog house (but only when they truly deserve it). The truly vile or toxic threads gets locked and the offenders get banned, but other than that, the rest of the threads where things get a little bit heated or “mean” are allowed to run their course because like I said before, we are all adults. And in the end, if someone doesn’t like the consequences of their own actions, they can either change their actions or move on.

 

[Amazingtimesarecoming]

I can’t help but think some of my recent posts might be included

I'm not naming or shaming anyone so don't think I was targeting anyone! It was just a general observation as no one wants a site which has loads of positive members and advice being ruined by negativity.

Not only that, but some of those members end up getting rude and outright ugly. Of course they will get backlash and possibly insulted as a result.

Of course you'll get members being rude and insulting but it shouldn't turn into a playground where everyone joins in. I know mods can't be everywhere at once to ban or warn but common sense should prevail and the user shouldn't be attacked by everyone replying. It's a vicious cycle as once one comment starts in can spiral.

There’s a bunch of awesome members who have posted here over the years and still post here that have never gotten any sort of backlash

Oh I agree! I just wanted to point out that people's opinions matter and because they shared that opinion, they shouldn't be insulted for it. It might not be a nice opinion but for the right person it could be the advice they are looking for.

Again I'm grateful a site like this exists as I'm sure alot of people would never have gotten where they were without a good community. I don't want the hard work of Amber or anyone else behind the scenes being tarnished by endless arguments which could be avoided with a gentle nudge!

 

[AudriTwo]

 

[Deleted member 64633]

View attachment 95876

I want a SUPER LIKE function. Now.

 

[Amazingtimesarecoming]

I see that perhaps I was mistaken in that it's not the users on this site that are the problem.

 

[Deleted member 64633]

 

[Amazingtimesarecoming]

Just trying to have constructive conversations but it seems impossible when straight away everyone is so hostile!

I apologised twice as it was a misunderstand but instead of talking about things it's playground stuff everywhere. I didn't expect to be a victim of my own topic not within an hour of posting it.

 

[AudriTwo]

I see that perhaps I was mistaken in that it's not the users on this site that are the problem.

 

[Marceline]

I just wanted to point out that people's opinions matter and because they shared that opinion, they shouldn't be insulted for it.

Rarely is someone attacked and insulted by an active poster here. And even rarer does that happen for absolutely no reason.

There’s a difference between being blunt/direct, poking fun/being snarky, and straight up insulting/attacking someone.

I just don’t think that some people can differentiate between them and they take anything that isn’t overzealous agreement as an outright attack. Especially when it comes from a woman.

I didn't expect to be a victim of my own topic not within an hour of posting it

You’re not a victim. No one has insulted you here. If you can’t handle bluntness and memes, the internet may not be a good place for you.

 

[Ozzie_]

Oh I agree! I just wanted to point out that people's opinions matter and because they shared that opinion, they shouldn't be insulted for it. It might not be a nice opinion but for the right person it could be the advice they are looking for.

I know he's been banned but I just wanted to add that, while everyone is entitled to an opinion, if it's batshit crazy or just plain wrong, the rest of us have a right to challenge that opinion.

Freedom of speech does not equal freedom from consequence (or responsibility)

 

[Vixxen81]

I know he's been banned but I just wanted to add that, while everyone is entitled to an opinion, if it's batshit crazy or just plain wrong, the rest of us have a right to challenge that opinion.

Freedom of speech does not equal freedom from consequence (or responsibility)

I'd like to add that viewers don't control who we are and what we are willing to do or to suggest we be anything other than that.

"I'd love to see my favorite model do [x]" is vastly different than "if you [as a model] do this, you will get x in return from viewers".

 

[MarieElise]

I can be really blunt sometimes, but genuinely don’t mean to be insulting. With me it’s more blunt observations. I try not to sting at people unless they’ve been insulting first. What a dramatic topic to post a thread on. Weird

 

[HermesPonyo]

Wow...

As a new member here I never felt attacked or anything. I feel welcome and I learn a lot about myself and many other topics (like English, number of monitors... ).

I want to reassure members here : this community is very welcoming !

I went for an issue and I stay for the people.

The problem stay the same that we see in your business. Some peoples forget that they don't own you... You won't react like they want you to react. You're human beings !

I'm more upset about the way they react to some jokes than the way you made some fun, sassy and good jokes...

Anyway, don't change guys! You made me change a lot (in a good way) and I really enjoy my time here.

 

[MarieElise]

I caught up and saw this persons posting history. Now I get it. I think this thread is more a weak and passive aggressive attempt, to get back at a few people who (rightly) called OP out for being rude, in another thread.

Basically he’s projecting a bunch. And likely pissed no one agreed with him. Glad he’s gone.

 

[HermesPonyo]

I caught up and saw this persons posting history. Now I get it. I think this thread is more a weak and passive aggressive attempt, to get back at a few people who (rightly) called OP out for being rude, in another thread.

Basically he’s projecting a bunch. And likely pissed no one agreed with him. Glad he’s gone.

There's a lot of men who act like teenagers.
When you put some boundaries to them, they make a tantrum.

That's why I think it's important that a member who isn't performing have to be humble as it's a work we don't know.

 

[AmberCutie]

I think this thread is more a weak and passive aggressive attempt, to get back at a few people who (rightly) called OP out for being rude, in another thread.

I think he created this thread, then immediately went back into another to argue just to prove the point in this one. It's why I told him he had fulfilled the prophecy when I banned him.

 

[MarieElise]

I think he created this thread, then immediately went back into another to argue just to prove the point in this one. It's why I told him he had fulfilled the prophecy when I banned him.

Ah I see. Yes when I skim read last night that part did confuse me a little what a convoluted waste of time but also kind of funny. People are so bizarre.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

We should change the way we reply to some posts, so that more people will make those kinds of posts? I'm not policing my tone for that purpose.

 

[HermesPonyo]

 

[AudriTwo]

We should change the way we reply to some posts, so that more people will make those kinds of posts? I'm not policing my tone for that purpose.

its super misogynistic to be telling mostly women and afabs that we need to be polite and nice to the men who come into our space and cause conflict. might as well tell us to smile.