Serious question about a regular customer

[xbabydollx]

Okay, I speifically joined to ask about this.
So, i am pretty new to web camming, Ive been doing it for about a month now, Before web camming though I have been doing fetish photography and had a good fan going.
Anyways, from the second night camming, i got this guy to come in and spend the whole night chatting, nice guy, first night he chats with me he goes over to a private session to basically talk and drops 700$ to chat privately for 2+ hours about really nothing except his likes and dislikes etc.
I think "WOW! Amazing!"

Well, he bought me a TON of stuff from my amazon wishlist and keeps buying me stuff, he keeps blowing up my fetlife just wanting to "talk" and compliment me (like how great and beautiful i am etc,etc)

I have ALWAYS made sure to NEVER, EVER, EVER use the term "Friend, Love, Like" to ANYONE I refuse to even imply it. I say he is a nice person to be polite and say thank you and I am always encouraging him to get out and find himself a girlfriend. I make sure to ignore his messages on my advertise pages, and I use a P.O Box 45 minutes away with a false name and NO skype.

But tonight he sent me a message telling me how he hopes he has a "special place" in my heart for him. and THAT is sending up HUGE red flags right now in my head, I mean he KNOWS I have a BF, I had my BF on cam as a guest and they spoke, i ALWAYS let everyone know I am 100% monogamous with my BF and we are happy together, I only speak about how happy I am in my relationship so as to never give anyone any other idea.

BUT- I am unsure of what to do, I have been ignoring his messages and kind of backing off chatting while on cam, but he still comes in every night and is still spending money and I am not sure how to handle this situation.
Am I being crazy? should I just ignore him? has anyone else ever dealt with this kind of situation?

Any and all opinions are GREATLY appreciated!

 

[eyeteach]

I'm awfully hesitant to reply to this before a model does but you asked for all opinions. As a member, I'm assuming what you've said is totally 100% accurate; I've seen no evidence that you've done anything wrong. It seems your room member has developed a romantic attachment to you, so what do you do? You need to be honest with him, tell him that this is your job and although you appreciate his time, you appreciate him buying you gifts and paying for privates that there can't be any romantic attachment between you and he. Just be honest with him. If he begins to make you feel uncomfortable then I can't see any other recourse than for you to cut ties with him; that may be harsh but again this is your job and your job is to make as much money as you can. Again, only my opinion...

I wish you all the best.

 

[Ambers Troll]

The models here should be answering you, they must know this type well? (I do, I have been this type to some extent, never a regular)
He sees you in a way your S.O., is probably ignoring by now.... it isn't much of the real you, but definitely a part of you. You can set your boundaries with him, it will hurt him a little, but that is ok, he is breaking many of yours too.
It is ok to like him a little, if you do keep communication open when his fantasy collapses, he may in future make a good camming companion. Keep your boundaries where you need them to be.
Losing this fantasy for him will be hard, he wont easily let it go (even banning him may not work). You are not leading it or taking advantage, with this type of admirer you must simply trust yourself, not encourage it, and be honest when you can. You seem to be doing that.

Don't feel bad that he admires you and is obsessed in his fantasy.... this is one part of the camming game. It is a strong indication that you are sharing the best in yourself with others. Enjoying the company of other regulars is perhaps the best way to demonstrate that he is part of a select group, not someone individually special to you.

Hope this helps a bit.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

How long ago was this two hour private that he gave you? A lot of guys can get clingy especially after being so 'generous' but it wears off.

I guess my biggest question would be what has his response to you ignoring him been?

I'm a firm believer in women's intuition. If this guy is giving you an uneasy feeling then I would take that very seriously.

 

[BarbieLuv]

No amount of money is worth your peace of mind, and if there are red flags going up there IS A REASON! Trust your gut feeling on this, for sure.

I would send him a (nicely worded) MFC mail saying that you really appreciate his support in your room, but that you have no interest in romantic/emotional relationships with members. Be sure to put a positive spin on it, like "Hey! So you've been saying some really sweet things lately about how much you like me, and I really appreciate it! But they do make me a bit uncomfortable, as I'm in a committed, loving relationship and am not looking for anything other than friendship and to have fun on MFC. I love hanging out with you on-cam, but just wanted to give you a little reminder that any off-cam relationships just aren't my cup of tea. That's a hard limit for me, and something that's really important to me personally. Thanks so much for your support and understanding and for all the lovely gifts, I can't wait to use them together soon!"

If he reacts badly, 60-day ban the guy and put him on ignore. Overly clingy members can pull down the vibe of a room and run off other potential tippers, not to mention put you on guard any time you see their name pop up! Better to cut it off at the root than let it run on too long.

 

[mynameisbob84]

I imagine most models have to deal with moral dilemmas like this one at least occasionally. I guess some will turn a blind eye to it and let the member continue to tip in the vague hopes that something romantic/sexual might eventually come of it, whereas some (most, I'd like to think) will do exactly what you're doing: making it clear to him that your relationship will never become more intimate than it already is, that this is your job and you're not here looking for companionship, etc. etc.

I think you're doing the right thing, and short of blocking him, I don't know that there's much more you can do. Make it explicitly clear to him that you don't view him romantically in the slightest, and all the tokens in the world won't change that. From there, if he wants to continue to tip generously and lavish you with gifts, that's his prerogative. While it would be extremely shitty to lead a member on for monetary gain, I don't think you should have to feel guilty accepting gifts from somebody who happens to think you're awesome either. Just as long as it's made clear where you stand. :twocents-02cents:

 

[Alexandra Cole]

I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's trying to take the place of your boyfriend. By saying that he hopes you have a "special place" in your heart for him, he could be saying that he hopes he isn't just a paying customer to you, that there's something more human between you. I wouldn't be concerned until he makes some indication of crossing a boundary, which means it's important that he understands what those boundaries are. So if you'd rather not have any personal connection with him at all, then you should let him know.

And if anything he says makes you uncomfortable, you should also let him know. Words often mean different things to different people and it could just be a matter of miscommunication. But if he knows it makes you uncomfortable and still persists, then I'd pull back.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's trying to take the place of your boyfriend. By saying that he hopes you have a "special place" in your heart for him, he could be saying that he hopes he isn't just a paying customer to you, that there's something more human between you. I wouldn't be concerned until he makes some indication of crossing a boundary, which means it's important that he understands what those boundaries are. So if you'd rather not have any personal connection with him at all, then you should let him know.

And if anything he says makes you uncomfortable, you should also let him know. Words often mean different things to different people and it could just be a matter of miscommunication. But if he knows it makes you uncomfortable and still persists, then I'd pull back.

I agree.
I don't think what he has said is anything to be alarmed about, at the moment. He could have meant that in a friendship way. I definitely have a "place in my heart" for some MFC members but they are well aware it's only from a friendship point of view.

 

[MintyFlowers]

I wouldn't expect that the member has those sorts of feelings for you. If you're that worried, definitely TALK TO HIM about his feelings.

I have a regular who supports me a lot, talks to me all the time offline, we laugh joke, share our lives, and I love him very much. Our friendship is extremely valuable to me, and if I were in his shoes, I don't think it'd be presumptuous for him to feel like he should have a special place in my heart.
(I have a few regulars who I love and cherish very much but I'm talking about this one specifically because we talk the most).

But like I said, you need to talk to him. Everyone who goes into my room knows I am not interested in meeting them offline, dating them, looking for love, looking for a hookup, or trolling for a boyfriend so you need to make your boundaries clear from the get-go.

 

[xDollPartsx]

Im with all of them on this really. Honesty and being up front is always best. You feel uncomfortable for a reason, be it because of his words or actions, or maybe its because you have something else going on in your mind with things(i know when i am stressed or when i am afraid something will happen or upset someone i tend to read too far into things they say) One would think that a person should know what they are getting into when it comes to camsites, but as we all know, thats not always the case. So again, i will say... just assuming anything be it good or bad is never the way to go about things and have them be clear for you both. Try to calm down about it, if he brings anything up again or trips your red flag alarms, then definitely be up front and honest about it. You must know him fairly well having spoken to him a lot, so you would probably know the best way to approach it with him. Best of luck! Also: you should get verified here and you will have access to so much awesome models only info! Welcome!

 

[MiniatureKiwi]

Hi babydoll,

While I cannot comment from a model standpoint, I can comment from a viewer's standpoint, who actually did something similar, which I paid the price for, but it was a good lesson.

A year into my MyFreeCams viewing pleasure, I had the opportunity to meet a model (no longer using the website) who was going to cam for the first time. I spent time with her going over the basics, I helped her with her profile, I helped her with some room ideas, I also helped her with her wishlist. It got to a point where she was, or which I assumed she was, sending me signals that she cared about me more then just a viewer in her room, and it got to the point where we would call, text, and talk all the time. It got serious enough to where I mistakenly asked her to go out one day, and from there it got weird. I will leave it at... it did not end well.

There should be no reason at this point to ignore, ban, or prevent him from viewing you. I would just make it clear, like everyone has said, in a nice but serious way, that you are not looking for that type of level of a relationship. If he truly cares about you, he would respect that. If he refuses to accept the fact, then I would throw that red flag up and take appropriate action.

 

[xbabydollx]

Thank you everyone for your awesome replies! I could very well be reading too far into things as I have let him know that I have ZERO interest in any kind of relationship, and do my best to re-establish that.

I will send him a nice message letting him know that i appreciate his support and kindness and reminding him that I am in a serious loving relationship with my BF and have no intent on changing that.

I will let you all know how it goes and thank you all once again, It helps me a lot to know that a few others have gone through a similar situation!