Online relation and money

[lola_dolla]

Good evening dear community! Hope lack of my English knowledge will not be a massive problem and you will understand what I am trying to say.

Dear models , I am struggling to solve the problem with my tipper and a friend. We had a few password shows, he sent money after first. Then it was needed to me to remind him, he did sent money but less than I expected.
After long talks it appeared he doesn't want any commercial relation.

But first off all I am a model. I do shows for money. Yes during our online evenings I did more, I was getting over myself. And I thought I deserved to be rewarded.

I am in desperation. I considered that man as a possible boy friend. He said me he loved me. Now I am crying like a little girl.

Maybe I am wrong but it seemed to me that his words and actions are not the same. For me, in this situation, money showed the not best at all attitude towards me.

 

[QuinnLane]

Wait... you did the show and he paid you for it AFTER?
Rule #1 of anything in this industry: make them pay first before you give them ANYTHING. If you don't take payment FIRST, most likely case is you're going to get scammed (like this guy is scamming you) and the person will disappear after the show and never send you a cent.

 

[SMuser69]

Good evening dear community! Hope lack of my English knowledge will not be a massive problem and you will understand what I am trying to say.

Dear models , I am struggling to solve the problem with my tipper and a friend. We had a few password shows, he sent money after first. Then it was needed to me to remind him, he did sent money but less than I expected.
After long talks it appeared he doesn't want any commercial relation.

But first off all I am a model. I do shows for money. Yes during our online evenings I did more, I was getting over myself. And I thought I deserved to be rewarded.

I am in desperation. I considered that man as a possible boy friend. He said me he loved me. Now I am crying like a little girl.

Maybe I am wrong but it seemed to me that his words and actions are not the same. For me, in this situation, money showed the not best at all attitude towards me.

A true relationship and a member relationship really can't go together. One is for money the other is for genuine emotion. If you actually consider him your boyfriend then I understand why he doesn't think he needs to pay however then he also needs to not spend time with you while you're working because you're going to need other members to take his place as income sources. You need to very clearly separate these worlds.

If you only want him for money then you need to cut this talk about him being your boyfriend and continue to treat him as a member only performing after he's paid. Else you're just manipulating his emotions which will probably lead both of you down a horrible path.

 

[AudriTwo]

Don't believe what strangers on the internet say. He is using emotional manipulation to take advantage of you. This man doesn't love you. If you are using camming as a means to live, start treating it business instead of an online hookup to meet your emotional needs. Don't worry, every cammodel gets scammed first starting out or fell for a customer who broke our heart. I'm really sorry this situation has gotten you so upset.

Hugs bb. And yeah payment ALWAYS first.

 

[Pia]

Sorry to read u cried for him, but as girls above me say... money first, why? 'cause is a job!! If u go to a hair salon u might eventually tell all ur life to ur hairstylist, maybe go to a café, share personal experiences and be friends BUT it doesn't mean u have free hair cuts!! Even if he plays being ur boyfriend. I'll tell u a story that a cam boy told me. He was in a similar situation, he fell in love with that "lovely" man, they started a long distance relationship and after a few months, that man suddenly disappeared. Months later came into my friend's room just to tell that he was just "ROLE PLAYING" pffff!!!!! that "lovely man" got many photo sets, videos, skype dates, and time from my friend and it was just a scam. If he loves ur body, soul and company.... he has to show support as we all know.

 

[lola_dolla]

Wait... you did the show and he paid you for it AFTER?
Rule #1 of anything in this industry: make them pay first before you give them ANYTHING. If you don't take payment FIRST, most likely case is you're going to get scammed (like this guy is scamming you) and the person will disappear after the show and never send you a cent.

Before our first password show we spent months talking in messenger. I felt that I started like his company, share his view on life, and etc. I am feeling so sorry that that online times makes us distant..

And yes - I will take your advice - no matter it is random guy or person I like, a friend... No matter...

Thanks for your advice!

 

[lola_dolla]

A true relationship and a member relationship really can't go together. One is for money the other is for genuine emotion. If you actually consider him your boyfriend then I understand why he doesn't think he needs to pay however then he also needs to not spend time with you while you're working because you're going to need other members to take his place as income sources. You need to very clearly separate these worlds.

If you only want him for money then you need to cut this talk about him being your boyfriend and continue to treat him as a member only performing after he's paid. Else you're just manipulating his emotions which will probably lead both of you down a horrible path.

I didn't tell him that I have started feeling something towards him. I preferred to hide my emotions. I didn't manipulate anything.. Just told true that he have become closer person to me. It makes me sick that my work ruined everything...

 

[lola_dolla]

Don't believe what strangers on the internet say. He is using emotional manipulation to take advantage of you. This man doesn't love you. If you are using camming as a means to live, start treating it business instead of an online hookup to meet your emotional needs. Don't worry, every cammodel gets scammed first starting out or fell for a customer who broke our heart. I'm really sorry this situation has gotten you so upset.

Hugs bb. And yeah payment ALWAYS first.

Broke my heart - yes , its exactly how I am feeling.

I wonder is there any possible solution to not offend friends or just good persons but still make money? How to explain them that money shows their warmth, caring feeling... I am really sensitive I guess maybe it would be better to forget about it, but I don't want to hurt anyone. In my life I was hurted a lot, don't want to make it to other people.

 

[lola_dolla]

Sorry to read u cried for him, but as girls above me say... money first, why? 'cause is a job!! If u go to a hair salon u might eventually tell all ur life to ur hairstylist, maybe go to a café, share personal experiences and be friends BUT it doesn't mean u have free hair cuts!! Even if he plays being ur boyfriend. I'll tell u a story that a cam boy told me. He was in a similar situation, he fell in love with that "lovely" man, they started a long distance relationship and after a few months, that man suddenly disappeared. Months later came into my friend's room just to tell that he was just "ROLE PLAYING" pffff!!!!! that "lovely man" got many photo sets, videos, skype dates, and time from my friend and it was just a scam. If he loves ur body, soul and company.... he has to show support as we all know.

Thanks for your message! Thanks for your examples.

I deeply happy to find this place. I just came across on it in Mila's video recently but its indeed a great place. It happened that I don't have anyone to talk about my job, my emotions... It will be my shelter.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Anyone who meets you in your workplace, but can only be your friend while taking you away from working without compensating you, is not the kind of person you should want as a friend anyway.

 

[AudriTwo]

My best friends are both dog groomers. When they come to visit, they are going to groom my dogs. I will pay them what I would any dog groomer because I respect their services and want to support my friends' business.

I would never ever want to take advantage of someone who sees me as a friend for my selfish gain.

I wonder is there any possible solution to not offend friends or just good persons but still make money? How to explain them that money shows their warmth, caring feeling... I am really sensitive I guess maybe it would be better to forget about it, but I don't want to hurt anyone. In my life I was hurted a lot, don't want to make it to other people.

Yes. Lots of us have developed friendships with our members. You need to lay out boundaries and stick to them. Don't be afraid to offend everyone, because it is gonna happen regardless. I have offended people for calling them "sweet pea" or any other pet names. I would definitely go speak to a councilor if you are dealing with these feelings. I too have suffered a lot of hurt that has made me incredibly sensitive. therapy helps a lot.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Hey, so .. I got feelings for a member and decided to take it further. I ended up married to him.

here's the long and short:

If he's a customer, money first and keep it strictly that.

If he's potentially something more, then NO MORE MONEY at all need sto change hands. Ask him to stop tipping, and start talking to him outside of your regular hours not during them.

It's one or the other in my book. If you mix the two you'll end up with a nightmare. But if you actually want to develop a potential relationship with him then you need to be very clear, upfront and remove it from your business/work all together.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Feelings and money get real messy sometimes.

 

[BeautifulContradiction]

These types of stories kind of go both ways, and it can be difficult to make sense of them at times. Both models and members are very well capable of manipulation. It's very well possible that he "groomed" you in the sense that he's expecting free/cheaper shows. It's also possible that he's just confused and doesn't want to continue a $$$ relationship anymore. It kind of depends on his...psyche I guess? Not sure if that's the appropriate word.

I will be honest and say that I was a bit obsessed with a model (and I think I loved her), but at the same time I still understood that this was her job and supported her when I could. (the only thing that bothered me was the salesperson routine she gave sometimes...) I'm a bit more inclined to believe that if he actually meant it when he said that he loved you that he would be tipping you appropriately for shows.

I guess one thing that might help you gauge things better is how much his tipping has declined. Or was there any particular moment where you noticed a shift in his behavior? I recall another model posting here about giving a generous member access to all of her videos, and then after that he stopped tipping. If something similar happened for you then I would also be more inclined to believe that he's playing games with you.

Anyway... Sorry that this has made you upset. Getting over things like this is never fun, but it will pass as most things do.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Agreed with what many others have said: Figure out where both of you are, and decide from there. If you have feelings for him, ask him what he thinks of you and make a decision to move forward with it, or leave it behind and keep it a transaction based relationship. Like Audri mentioned, one should be supportive of their friends and not take advantage of services they may do as a profession. Doesn't matter if their a groomer, stylist, computer or automotive technician as well as models.

I think if a model and member come to the point where they have feelings for each other, it's up to them to decide how they want to handle the online aspect of it. If the model decides the member doesn't need to tip, I think it's up to them to come to an agreement where the member isn't taking advantage of the situation. IMO, as a member if this happened to me, I'd still visit the model's room and tip her. Perhaps not as much due to other expenses potentially coming into the picture such as gifts, phone calls (thinking long distance calls if not using an app), any travel, etc.

Above all else, another aspect that needs to be decided if it goes beyond model/member friendship is if this will be made public as may significantly impact a model if word got out.

 

[lola_dolla]

OK guys. Yesterday I was confused. We decided to be friends since my last message here. But he still tells me romantic things and that he loves me.

Right now I have some problems with my tuition fees. And my friend suggested "to give me loan". Of course I refused.

I just wonder, he decided to put commercial things in our friendship? Or its kind of punishment for the past? But look, it was my job. I'm frustrated.

 

[NotYou]

OK guys. Yesterday I was confused. We decided to be friends since my last message here. But he still tells me romantic things and that he loves me.

Right now I have some problems with my tuition fees. And my friend suggested "to give me loan". Of course I refused.

I just wonder, he decided to put commercial things in our friendship? Or its kind of punishment for the past? But look, it was my job. I'm frustrated.

The one thing I have noticed a lot of on camsites is the fact guys over use the word "love". They seem to use it to try and impress the models and to try make them feel special.. So I honestly wouldn't rely on the fact him saying that word, to literally mean it. It will all boil down to how else he is with you. Have you been in love and had someone be in love with you? If so, is it the same kind of feeling you're getting back, to how it was from your previous partner that loved you? It's really difficult to be able to judge, with not knowing how he is with you to be honest, but from what I have read here it genuinely just sounds like he is trying to exploit your own feelings, to get more of what he wants from you.

I would definitely say never borrow anything from him, as it could easily create a hell of a lot more problems than it is worth.

 

[AudriTwo]

I had an ex who would not stop telling me he loved me after we decided to be friends. It felt super manipulative and disrespectful since he knew I no longer had romantic feeling for him.

I'd tell him to stop saying the L word. Set up those boundaries. Friends don't normally say they love each other romanticly. If he keeps breaking them, you have to ask yourself, do you want a "friend" who doesn't respect boundaries.

 

[Sevrin]

I had an ex who would not stop telling me he loved me after we decided to be friends. It felt super manipulative and disrespectful since he knew I no longer had romantic feeling for him.

I'd tell him to stop saying the L word. Set up those boundaries. Friends don't normally say they love each other romanticly. If he keeps breaking them, you have to ask yourself, do you want a "friend" who doesn't respect boundaries.

Maybe you could stop being so gosh-darn lovable?

 

[AudriTwo]

Maybe you could stop being so gosh-darn lovable?

his love for me allegedly saved him from a bear mauling. he was walking down his snowy drive way because his car wouldn't of made it without getting stuck. he saw a black bear. closed his eyes, and pictured me and how much he loved me. felt its paw struck his face. next thing he knows he is waking up on the ground. miraculously he didn't have a scratch on him.


love me if you want to protect yourself from bears!

 

[Emberblaze]

his love for me allegedly saved him from a bear mauling. he was walking down his snowy drive way because his car wouldn't of made it without getting stuck. he saw a black bear. closed his eyes, and pictured me and how much he loved me. felt its paw struck his face. next thing he knows he is waking up on the ground. miraculously he didn't have a scratch on him.


love me if you want to protect yourself from bears!

Would this work on plush dog attacks... Asking for a friend...

 

[AudriTwo]

Would this work on plush dog attacks... Asking for a friend...

yes