Crumb said:
so, uh, has Evvie retired or something?
I have indeed unceremoniously retired.
Camming provided for me in my early adult life, but as my circumstances changed I've decided to quit, at least for the time being. I can't remember what I've shared (or who particularly cares!) but I'll go ahead and sum it up for the curious.
When I started camming at 19, I had already been suffering for chronic pain issues for over a year. For the most part my symptoms were manageable, but over the past two and a half years they began to spiral out of control. For a while, camming was the only job I could hold because my symptoms often left me disabled for hours at a time. At the end of summer, it progressed to the point where I could not walk without assistance for a few weeks and my pain advanced to moderately high levels 24/7. After seeing three specialists and dealing with a misdiagnosis, a rheumatologist on the coast finally decided I had an autoimmune disease.
During this autumn, my time spent on cam dropped and dropped, because I didn't have the physical ability or willpower to work. I was unable to go to the store to drown my sorrows in spirit alcohol because I couldn't walk a hundred feet without significant physical pain, nor could I even complete a Gold show on Streamate without discomfort. After a trip to San Fransisco to bang retired pornstar Mister Torn, I realized just how badly my everyday life had gotten due to this disease. When I got home, I also realized that camming wasn't fun for me any more. Instead of an enjoyable experience, it became a painful struggle. My earnings went down because I didn't have the energy or ability to have a good time. Instead of wanting to look good for the camera, I had become resentful that changes to my appearance could negatively affect my income. In my mind, camming had become yet another limitation on my life and body. I quit doing shows altogether.
Camming did a lot for me in my life, made me amazing friends and supported me, and I once wanted to do it for a long time. Now, however, I am content to move on. I am happy that I cammed and I'm happy that I quit.
My time now is spent working for my parents and trying to regain my health. Although my body still hurts, mentally I have never been healthier. I am excited to wake up each morning and happy when I go to bed at night. I feel at peace with myself and the world, like some sort of hippie. I am also very proud to report that this past week I was able to walk a couple of miles without significant discomfort, something I haven't been able to do since high school. For the first time in my adult life I don't feel like something is holding me back, and that's a damn good feeling.
I don't think I'm mature enough right now to cam again without falling back in to that same pattern of thinking. So, for the time being, I'm gone. Although sometimes I still do like to log on to ACF and spy on my old friends