Loss of a member / friend

[missholly]

Hi,

I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this so I was hoping to vent and also maybe get some advice or hear experiences from other girls.

I have a member that I grew very close to and talked to everyday for the last 8 months. He has basically just stopped talking to me over the last 2 weeks. This has made me very sad / I can’t even think about logging onto MFC without crying. I tried not to bother him but after the first week I reached out and asked if he was mad at me. He said no.


Today I see he has blocked me on twitter and deleted me on Snapchat.

Obviously something happened and I just wish I new what I did wrong.

 

[exumpan]

Members come and go, and that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong

Maybe he met someone, maybe he simply felt that the two of you have gotten too close to each other and wants to distance himself for some reason, maybe something happened in his life he hasn't told you about. Could be anything really. Most members don't think you care enough for them to explain anything, and a lot of them seek out camgirls to form temporary relationships with that they can just cut all ties with whenever they want. Could be that they are buttholes and don't think they have to treat you like a human being even if you've had a close relationship, or maybe they don't realize that they mean something to you. Whatever the reason may be it really sucks but I think that it's something you have to live with in this business.

Good news is, new nice members come along. My advice would be to focus on them, and maybe get a nice surprise if he decides to come back

 

[Tedfred79]

Sometimes it is hard to know where that boundary is after long term caming realtionship. He might have felt it was becoming something for him it could never be and versus showimg up unwelcome at your city with flowers he is trying to self regulate?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Always difficult to find out why someone acts the way they do. Speculating on a few different things:

1) Maybe he met someone, and doesn't want them to see the friendship and question "Why are you friends with a model?"
2) Perhaps he felt like there was something that bugged him and he blocks you because of it? This could be real, or perceived.
3) Maybe he's blocking you because he realized how much he's tipped and feels that he's overspent? Not really something you did. More of just a way that he's doing this to "block" himself.

As someone else mentioned, boundaries can be difficult to understand for some people. If it was a good friendship, hopefully he'll come around again. Or, at least explain why.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Maybe he has been reading this forum. A few years ago this question came up, most models said they didn't want to know why somebody stops visiting their room. The answer somewhat surprised me, but I've followed it.

 

[briandf255]

A few years ago this question came up, most models said they didn't want to know why somebody stops visiting their room. The answer somewhat surprised me, but I've followed it.

I can sort of understand this. A more appropriate question would have been if they would want to know why a regular stops visiting their room if it's because of something they did. I can totally understand them not wanting to know if someone stops visiting their room because he found another model he's more attracted to or something like that, because there is nothing to learn from that.

I think for a customer to leave a model he's become friends with without saying anything is kind of rude, so my guess would be that he's either upset about something or the explanation would be awkward and he would rather avoid that conversation (found another girl online or offline, etc.). The blocking makes me suspect it's the former, unless he's one of those people who thinks it's OK treat people like dirt once they no longer need them (even former friends).

It sucks to be on the receiving end of that type of treatment.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I can sort of understand this. A more appropriate question would have been if they would want to know why a regular stops visiting their room if it's because of something they did. I can totally understand them not wanting to know if someone stops visiting their room because he found another model he's more attracted to or something like that, because there is nothing to learn from that.

I think for a customer to leave a model he's become friends with without saying anything is kind of rude, so my guess would be that he's either upset about something or the explanation would be awkward and he would rather avoid that conversation (found another girl online or offline, etc.). The blocking makes me suspect it's the former, unless he's one of those people who thinks it's OK treat people like dirt once they no longer need them (even former friends).

It sucks to be on the receiving end of that type of treatment.

On the flip side, in other threads, there's been models who have raised the point where it's just business and they are friendly to members so long as they tip. Stop tipping, and the model will stop interacting. "Just business" as the saying goes. Not saying all are this way. But, it can go both ways.

 

[Tedfred79]

Hi,

I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this so I was hoping to vent and also maybe get some advice or hear experiences from other girls.

I have a member that I grew very close to and talked to everyday for the last 8 months. He has basically just stopped talking to me over the last 2 weeks. This has made me very sad / I can’t even think about logging onto MFC without crying. I tried not to bother him but after the first week I reached out and asked if he was mad at me. He said no.


Today I see he has blocked me on twitter and deleted me on Snapchat.

Obviously something happened and I just wish I new what I did wrong.

As a member I need to back off some of my activity. Cold turkey seems easiest. With a little time missholly would you prefer little note or cold turkey?

 

[AudriTwo]

As a member I need to back off some of my activity. Cold turkey seems easiest. With a little time missholly would you prefer little note or cold turkey?

You do what is best for you, first and foremost.

 

[eyeteach]

Perhaps he was getting a little too attached and felt the need to stop the friendship before he got in deeper? Maybe the realization that he thought of you as more than just a friend, plus the realization that this relationship couldn't actually extend beyond cam model/regular was too much to bare so he ended the only way he saw feasible?

 

[Tedfred79]

You do what is best for you, first and foremost.

Good point

I crossed boundry need to pull back to reality.

 

[RogueWarrior]

As a member, this is a "Where did you go"/"Where have you been?" situation. While both of those questions are similar, they mean two totally different things.

"Where did you go?" is possesive. Meaning "where you have you gone while abandoning me?"

"Where have you been?" is not implicating. Maybe the member has been out of town, dealing with something, just not online. Or maybe said member has found a new favorite model. Again, this is not implicating.

It's not a dynamic that one would run into in most everyday life. It's a business transaction that sometimes has emotions attached. There is a fantasy/realism dynamic that doesn't apply to most situations.

Personally, I've tried to never get so close to a model as to where if I were absent for a bit the first question would not be "Where did you go?" That has implications behind it.

However, I have been in a room enough times where when I come back the first question may be "Where have you been?"

Yeah, it may be semantics, but words matter. Especially the meaning behind those words.

 

[mutantdonut]

This being the internet, i've had to come to terms of how online friendships can evaporate like so, since it's so easy for one person to walk away as if there were no strings attached to begin with.

This being on a camsite adds whole new layers (or complications if you will) to that online friendship. That brings me to reiterate a question i posed before... When a model retires or a member decides to stop visiting camsites, where does that leave the online friendships?

 

[Tjeezers]

There can be many reasons why they do this. Sometimes they re-live a previous experience from a relationship and this is the way how they project it on you. So he might have been dumped out of the sudden and re-enacts this emotion with you so he can experience a reversed emotion and he uses this to find out about himself more. When it comes down to the truth, only you and he can speak about this. We, we can only guess, but for sure it is not your fault. You seem like a person that is nice to talk too.

On a side note, this is our product. right? We offer a temporary companionship with no strings attached. So, sometimes we are just social workers/helpers, elevating the members to a new level (In a perfect world).

 

[Deleted member 37064]

As a member, this is a "Where did you go"/"Where have you been?" situation. While both of those questions are similar, they mean two totally different things.

"Where did you go?" is possesive. Meaning "where you have you gone while abandoning me?"

"Where have you been?" is not implicating. Maybe the member has been out of town, dealing with something, just not online. Or maybe said member has found a new favorite model. Again, this is not implicating.

It's not a dynamic that one would run into in most everyday life. It's a business transaction that sometimes has emotions attached. There is a fantasy/realism dynamic that doesn't apply to most situations.

Personally, I've tried to never get so close to a model as to where if I were absent for a bit the first question would not be "Where did you go?" That has implications behind it.

However, I have been in a room enough times where when I come back the first question may be "Where have you been?"

Yeah, it may be semantics, but words matter. Especially the meaning behind those words.

Honestly, I view it as semantics more than anything since it's the implications of the person asking, as well as the interpretation of the one being asked, that takes it to a particular level.

For me, they are both innocent enough questions. Also, given that the camming world is around the world, and language interpretations are not exactly 1:1. So, someone from a different language may not understand specifics/intent of word placement.

When I'm not around much, I'm usually asked how I've been as they haven't seen me online in a while. One model recently asked me if she did something to upset me. She hadn't, which I let her know, as well as explain a few things as to what's going on in my personal life as to why I hadn't been able to visit her as much. We're both extremely busy in our personal lives, and I hadn't been able to make it to her room while she's on. But, I will also admit that when shit happens, and I need to buckle down and concentrate I go into severe withdrawal mode and kind of become a hermit until it goes back to a more tolerable level. So, I can completely understand her asking and feeling like I did. Sometimes, I'm a bad friend for this and break all contact. I need to learn to stay somewhat open, and reachable in times like that.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

This being the internet, i've had to come to terms of how online friendships can evaporate like so, since it's so easy for one person to walk away as if there were no strings attached to begin with.

Sadly, I get this in my personal offline life as well. Of which, as stated in my previous post, I'm somewhat guilty of it myself. I may not reach out. But, if someone reaches out to me, I'm usually one to at least respond with a "I'm alive, just dealing with some shit. Hope things are good with you" response.

This being on a camsite adds whole new layers (or complications if you will) to that online friendship. That brings me to reiterate a question i posed before... When a model retires or a member decides to stop visiting camsites, where does that leave the online friendships?

Agreed, camsites add a whole different dynamic to it because it's based on a transactional basis. If the friendship is strong enough due to common interests outside of camming, and there's an ongoing interaction w/o monetary exchange to keep it going, then it should be okay for the time being to continue at least. There is a downside in that due to distance, commitments, etc, that they may eventually taper off. But, this happens to offline relationships as well.
Some people, may feel that the "friendship" only occurs because of money exchanging hands keeps it going so they might drop all contact when it ends. In a sense, I fall into this category even if it isn't the case. I'm one who really doesn't like to be a bother/burden to others, even if my world is collapsing in on itself. I'll hold my own until I succumb, which was also nearly my undoing a few years back. So, if a model retires, or I stop visiting, I'm more than likely not one to make the first contact since I don't want to bother her as I'm sure she's dealing with a lot of needy people wanting to take her time. Which may also put the nails in the friendship coffin, as perhaps she might not understand that and be waiting for me to reach out.

 

[fantasy707]

Sometimes it is hard to know where that boundary is after long term caming realtionship. He might have felt it was becoming something for him it could never be and versus showimg up unwelcome at your city with flowers he is trying to self regulate?

ya nevver know.

It really could be anything. Out of the entire world population that looks at and pays well for porn, there's so many different personalities/troubles/under the radar crap out there. Could be a good reason or a bad reason, but it sounds more likely it's a good one tbh.

Maybe he is trying to change his own personality, and sees things in you that remind him too much of his current self. Not saying that you or your personality are bad at all!! Just the sentiment behind it, that it's too much of a pesky reminder for right now.

Anything goes. The important thing is that he is not being obnoxious about it. Sounds like a mature man, not a creep, so that's good That's very good

Not gonna lie when I saw this title my mind instantly went to death. Losing a common custy would suuuck, because it's like "am i supposed to be sad" "how is this gonna affect my income and lifestyle" and then, I've actually always wondered, I feel like the MAJORITY of the time if this happens, the camgirl wouldn't even know, because how?? Who's gonna tell her lmao
This is gonna sound so weird but when I was very young and my family was naieve to what and how easily kids get into things, I knew my dad watched and made calls to camgirls. I was 7. My family has always been pretty naieve, so it makes sense that they thought I'd be oblivious to the porn pop ups ALL OVER THE DAMNED SCREEN, lmfao. That was back when computers were just coming out in houses, I think (I was born in 97, so ya'll can do they math & find the era, lol), and he didn't realize that the account he had me on for play stuff had his pop ups come up sometimes (I feel so old, lmfaooo). Well anyways, my dad is dead now, had been for a few years, and it sounds so weird but I have this vague image in my head of somebody who looks like SaffronBurke, I think he may have talked to her :O His name was Raymond/Ray and he was a chef (well tbh idk if he was still going on those sites when he started chef school of not) and ik she is on this forum, so @SaffronBurke if you have ever lost a good long-term custy Ray and have been wondering wtf, there ya go

OP, now I just thought of something else. Maybe your custy didn't even block you, but perhaps a wife or girlfriend did. And then they talked about it, he agreed it was in bad taste to be visiting your cam behind her back, and they decided to work on their relationship. Judging by your OP you seem like if you did do anything that COULD have come off as offensive, that you wouldn't have meant it that way at all. And I think that shows and is beautiful and I'm sure he sees it, too Best of luck girly