Is watching porn cheating?

[PunkInDrublic]

So like, can the goobers that facepalmed my post explain what they didn't like about it or would that be too much to ask?

 

[TacoBelle]

So like, can the goobers that facepalmed my post explain what they didn't like about it or would that be too much to ask?

I can't answer for them, since I wasn't one that rated it. However, I can see why they would have. Because you said

If your girlfriend/wife is an insecure/paranoid and over controlling lunatic that doesn't want you to even look at other women, then yes, totally cheating. Not sure about normal women.

The bolded parts in the above statement are derogatory and negative. You might not have personally meant any hate or shame in it, but that's how it comes across. That any woman who might have a problem with porn must be insecure, paranoid, over-controlling, crazy, and not normal. Stacy just posted that she thinks that those feelings might be valid or understandable and no one should feel ashamed of having them. She's trying to be honest with the OP and give him a realistic answer, because, (let's face it) here on ACF, we are quite a bit more openminded and receptive to the idea of pornography than the average citizen. So if poor Guy were to get a girlfriend and finds out said girlfriend doesn't like porn, Stacy was trying to make him know that it might be because of other reasons (her upbringing, him hiding it, him knowing the model, etc) instead of her just being insecure/paranoid/overly-controlling.

Then you went and dug the hole even deeper with this gem:

Sorry but that is just your opinion. You can feel it was a shitty thing to say and I can not give a shit what you think. No offense. Was no hate or attempt to shame in the post but you can take it however you like.

Yes, it might be her opinion. And that might be yours. However, it's hard to take something seriously when one resorts to name-calling or "talking shit" (for lack of a better word). You're being a dick there, Punk. I know you think most people on this forum are out to get you or hate everything you write simply because you wrote it, and you might be right about some of the viewers. However, I've found some of your posts genuinely helpful/funny/endearing/other positives. Then you go and do things like this that just make me roll my eyes. And yes, that is just my opinion, but if you had simply said, "Hey, I didn't mean anything hateful in my post, and I wasn't trying to shame anyone. I guess we just have differing opinions." It would have been done. No need to go any further. Even though your initial post might not have been meant as hateful, this second one definitely was.



Remember: the rating system is meant as an easy/fun way to respond to posts. People rate things different ways for different reasons. DO NOT TAKE THEM TOO SERIOUSLY!!!

 

[morment]

I personally don't and neither have any of the women I've been in relationships with, but I understand that some people do. Although, like several people have already said, it's probably more down to the lack of communication on the subject than the actual porn.

 

[SoTxBob]

Iris my dear, you always go the extra mile. Sometimes I think you missed your calling as a teacher for little kids.... or at times, special ed.




Ok ladies, allow me to twist a hypothetical here. You are in a relationship with a guy and are aware he's got an x wife. Things are above board and honest, the trust of fidelity is built and in place. There are no secrets and you are aware of each others actions and everything is in the open for the most part.
How would you feel if he was still frequenting the room of his X and watching /buying her porn? They were together for a few years and the split up was because she 'physically' cheated on him with another guy. He kicked her out because she broke the trust and she moved to another country soon after .
Would you consider his not cutting ties to her like that as a form of cheating?

 

[SaffronBurke]

Iris my dear, you always go the extra mile. Sometimes I think you missed your calling as a teacher for little kids.... or at times, special ed.




Ok ladies, allow me to twist a hypothetical here. You are in a relationship with a guy and are aware he's got an x wife. Things are above board and honest, the trust of fidelity is built and in place. There are no secrets and you are aware of each others actions and everything is in the open for the most part.
How would you feel if he was still frequenting the room of his X and watching /buying her porn? They were together for a few years and the split up was because she 'physically' cheated on him with another guy. He kicked her out because she broke the trust and she moved to another country soon after .
Would you consider his not cutting ties to her like that as a form of cheating?

I wouldn't consider that situation cheating. I would say that he's not remotely over the ex yet and shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else until those feelings are resolved.

 

[SadieSixx]

I think it's important to remember when asking cam girls this question, is that they technically produce porn themselves, so the majority aren't going to feel that watching porn is cheating. The definition of "cheating" can vary so greatly from one person to another - the most important basis of any relationship should be Open, Honest Communication. There's not going to be a black or white answer for any question of this sort across the board. Communicating with your own unique partner is essential to define these things.

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

@Guy
Ehhhhh I mean, I still refer to caming as doing porn. Many girls make their own videos videos but even the ones that don't still have capped shows circulating on tube sites. Thus...porn? Yeah it's kinda a weird grey area but if anyone can see a video of you masturbating...you have porn out there, right? IDK, thats how I see it.

All my friends say I do porn

 

[Lelo1]

General rule of thumb, is would your partner consider it cheating?
Second rule of thumb, is would you consider it cheating if your partner did it?

There are some sites that now use interactive fucking machines. Which may challenge some peoples boundaries and limits.

 

[SoniaSilk]

There is a secret magic that turns everything into not cheating: just be fucking honest.

"I'm having the hots for this friend, I can't get over my Stoya crush, I think that teacher might be great in bed and cought myself having fantasies."
You feel it, you find words for it (the simpler, the better), you say it.

It's all about being mature enough and responsible for your desires.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Anything can be cheating if it crosses the boundaries for that particular relationship, and in turn everything is OK in a relationship that has deemed it so.

 

[eyeteach]

I guess it's depends, are you paying for it? If no then yeah, you're a cheater...and considering the amount of time I've spent on xvideos.com I must be one one cheating sonuvagun.

 

[Miss AnniKa]

Depends on your relationship boundaries. I had one boyfriend who said 'yes' and one who said 'no.'
'

 

[xDollPartsx]

Going to agree with most that's been said. Watching porn isnt cheating, however...neglecting your partner in exchange for watching porn definitely indicates a problem. Essentially it depends on the relationship. Upon entering one there's usually(or should be) an open discussion about boundaries. Some wouldn't consider cheating as the same thing as others but usually even regardless of whether or not this talk has been had it stands to reason that if you feel the need to hide it, it is cheating and you know it or you wouldn't feel that need for hiding. Personally I feel hanging out with and tipping other camgirls and ESPECIALLY buying their videos would be considered cheating to me. To me, that crosses lines into very aggressive emotional cheating even if the emotions are one sided. Some ways I feel emotionally cheating is worse. But really they both suck. I'm the type who has a VERY, almost impossible, hard time trusting someone again after my trust is violated no matter how much I would like to. But really the bottom line here is that it is between the two in the relationship to discuss boundaries and stick to them if they expect to maintain a functioning relationship. The end.

 

[Rosia]

I think if a man in a relationship is watching cam girls it is cheating, but if he is watching pornhub or spankwire or something like that, then no. If I was in a relationship I'd watch porn, but not cam guys (or cam girls unless he has specifically given me the OK to do so, if it is a cam girl who is a real-life friend of mine)

 

[Lucyxx]

I think if a man in a relationship is watching cam girls it is cheating, but if he is watching pornhub or spankwire or something like that, then no. If I was in a relationship I'd watch porn, but not cam guys (or cam girls unless he has specifically given me the OK to do so, if it is a cam girl who is a real-life friend of mine)

I agree to a certain extent, watching a cam model is a lot more personal than watching regular porn. But I also think it is *usually* just as harmless. I'd just say if you're watching cam models (with it being more personal) its even more important to be honest with your partner and only do it if both parties agree it is ok.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Cheating is relative. Cheating is whatever either party in a relationship believes it to be. Which is why it's important to have these conversations before getting into a relationship with someone.

It's also never okay to lie about something because YOU don't think it's wrong when you know that your partner does. Just tell the truth...man up and accept that you aren't a match if you don't agree on these things and move on.

 

[xDollPartsx]

Cheating is relative. Cheating is whatever either party in a relationship believes it to be. Which is why it's important to have these conversations before getting into a relationship with someone.

It's also never okay to lie about something because YOU don't think it's wrong when you know that your partner does. Just tell the truth...man up and accept that you aren't a match if you don't agree on these things and move on.

100% agree. The WORST thing that a lot of people tend to do is lie because they know their partner will disagree. This is the absolute dumbest.

 

[Rosia]

I agree to a certain extent, watching a cam model is a lot more personal than watching regular porn. But I also think it is *usually* just as harmless. I'd just say if you're watching cam models (with it being more personal) its even more important to be honest with your partner and only do it if both parties agree it is ok.

actually I was thinking about it a few hours after I posted, and honestly I think the only things that can really cross the line either 1) doing it while knowing your SO isn't okay with it 2) tipping ANY amount, purchasing ANYTHING for the cam girl. spoiling her with ANYTHING materialistic. or 3.) talking to the cam girl in a way that glamorizes his takenness... such as saying he wants an affair with her, or she looks better/does something better than his girlfriend or wife or something along those lines.

 

[JickyJuly]

Am I reading this wrong or are some of you suggesting that watching camgirls without tipping is cool but the act of tipping somehow makes it cheating? Because that sounds crazy to me. If my husband is watching camgirls, I'd prefer he tipped (his own money or with me), was polite and treated everyone involved the way he would want my room to treat me.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Am I reading this wrong or are some of you suggesting that watching camgirls without tipping is cool but the act of tipping somehow makes it cheating? Because that sounds crazy to me. If my husband is watching camgirls, I'd prefer he tipped (his own money or with me), was polite and treated everyone involved the way he would want my room to treat me.

Devil's Advocate: I can kinda see some logic in it. A wife might not be at all bothered to learn her husband jerked off to free porn and live internet sex shows while she was away for the weekend. That same wife might be very bothered to learn her husband spent the weekend online in the company of another woman he was tipping and showering with gifts the whole time. Not saying I agree with the logic, but I can see it being the case for some couples.

 

[xDollPartsx]

Am I reading this wrong or are some of you suggesting that watching camgirls without tipping is cool but the act of tipping somehow makes it cheating? Because that sounds crazy to me. If my husband is watching camgirls, I'd prefer he tipped (his own money or with me), was polite and treated everyone involved the way he would want my room to treat me.

No no that's not what I meant (Not on my end anyway) I figured I had specified but I'm not always as clear outside my own head as I think I am. For me anyway, I really don't like the idea of a partner even hanging out with other camgirls. There are a lot of different reasons why most of which are still hard to pin down even for me other than it just gives me a really yuvk feeling just thinking about it. But I had gone on to say as well that ESPECIALLY tipping them(which we all know is for lots of reasons but most often to purchase something or another and/or gain favor and have somewhat of a connection of sorts) and buying their videos takes it about ten steps further in my opinion. Kind of solidifies the "emotional" or even somewhat "familiar" aspect which, to me, crosses a line. As previously stated it's going to be subjective and in the end it's up to the people in the relationship to establish these boundaries and have these discussions but in my brain/feels spot it is the same as taking an acquaintance of even stranger out and paying for drinks, dinner, etc flirting and eye fucking them the whole time(even tho said person probably will never be looking at it the same as they are) THEN jerking it to photos of them regularly. I dunno maybe bad analogy but I am kinda scatter brained right now. Either way the point being that I would consider them doing that emotional cheating and feel embarrassed and betrayed and probably worthless and hurt by it. I may be a total Weiner or maybe it doesn't make sense to most considering I am a camgirl, but I also can't control how something makes me feel or effects me, so I may as well be honest about it you know? If someone can't at least care to respect that boundary and/or how it would effect me then they are entitled to that as well but it isn't someone I feel I would deserve in a relationship. Hence the having the discussion off the bat to avoid extra hurt feelings or wasted time.

 

[Bocefish]

No no that's not what I meant (Not on my end anyway) I figured I had specified but I'm not always as clear outside my own head as I think I am. For me anyway, I really don't like the idea of a partner even hanging out with other camgirls. There are a lot of different reasons why most of which are still hard to pin down even for me other than it just gives me a really yuvk feeling just thinking about it. But I had gone on to say as well that ESPECIALLY tipping them(which we all know is for lots of reasons but most often to purchase something or another and/or gain favor and have somewhat of a connection of sorts) and buying their videos takes it about ten steps further in my opinion. Kind of solidifies the "emotional" or even somewhat "familiar" aspect which, to me, crosses a line. As previously stated it's going to be subjective and in the end it's up to the people in the relationship to establish these boundaries and have these discussions but in my brain/feels spot it is the same as taking an acquaintance of even stranger out and paying for drinks, dinner, etc flirting and eye fucking them the whole time(even tho said person probably will never be looking at it the same as they are) THEN jerking it to photos of them regularly. I dunno maybe bad analogy but I am kinda scatter brained right now. Either way the point being that I would consider them doing that emotional cheating and feel embarrassed and betrayed and probably worthless and hurt by it. I may be a total Weiner or maybe it doesn't make sense to most considering I am a camgirl, but I also can't control how something makes me feel or effects me, so I may as well be honest about it you know? If someone can't at least care to respect that boundary and/or how it would effect me then they are entitled to that as well but it isn't someone I feel I would deserve in a relationship. Hence the having the discussion off the bat to avoid extra hurt feelings or wasted time.

I can see both sides of this. However, if you wouldn't like your partner hanging out with other camgirls and/or tipping them, what would you say to your partner if they didn't feel comfortable with you taking privates or doing tip shows?

 

[Gen]

...most often to purchase something or another and/or gain favor and have somewhat of a connection of sorts) and buying their videos takes it about ten steps further in my opinion. Kind of solidifies the "emotional" or even somewhat "familiar" aspect which, to me, crosses a line

I agree. To me, it's like - for $10 you can sign up to one of those porn sites that signs you up to a hundred other sites. Or, you can buy one relatively cheap video on MFC. The willingness to pay so much for what is, functionally, the same as free (or cheap) porn usually comes from familiarity or endearment (in my opinion). Just the same way that I will pay more for music, for example, from artists I know and like than I would if I was just like "I feel like some jazz music, let's fire up Spotify" where I care less about WHO and more about WHAT. Kind of a clunky analogy but to me, tipping is usually a product of having a connection (or wanting to), and that would make me feel weird. Especially if we had shared finances and/or not a lot of money.

I can see both sides of this. However, if you wouldn't like your partner hanging out with other camgirls and/or tipping them, what would you say to your partner if they didn't feel comfortable with you taking privates or doing tip shows?

I do think they're quite different (one is work, one isn't; one is making money, one is spending it; etc) but ultimately I think both are fair positions to take. I can 100% understand why a dude wouldn't want their girlfriend to cam, and I probably wouldn't date a cam model myself. I think in either situation it's best to work it out at the start of the relationship, but I could see either being a dealbreaker.

If I started dating someone tomorrow, I'd lay it out fairly soon and if they had a problem with camming, we probably shouldn't date. But if my long-term boyfriend suddenly became uncomfortable with it, I'd give it a lot more consideration and my decision would depend a lot more on where we were at in the relationship, what else I could do (like could I get another job that paid decently well, or is he footing the bills, etc).

You asked DollParts but I figured since my answer was similar I would jump in

 

[Mikey_P]

It is probably safer to have an emotional affair with a cam girl than an IRL person where feelings can escalate into trust violating behavior.

 

[JickyJuly]

It is probably safer to have an emotional affair with a cam girl than an IRL person where feelings can escalate into trust violating behavior.

I think women tend to find an emotional affair way less forgivable. We can accept that all tits are gorgeous, but we want to believe that our partners find us to be the most interesting person in the world.

 

[Gen]

It is probably safer to have an emotional affair with a cam girl than an IRL person where feelings can escalate into trust violating behavior.

Is...not having an emotional affair an option?

 

[xDollPartsx]

I agree 100% with what @GenXoxo said. (And not that it really matters specifically as it's more a hypothetical and just giving views type of thing but I don't do explicit shows private or otherwise) even if I did those..like gen said it would be completely understandable and not any reason for me to act like they were some sort of bad guy for having their own feelings on certain boundaries in the relationship as well. But also as gen said, if I were already in the relationship and I had been camming the entirety of it then suddenly it was an issue I would also have to evaluate all the aspects of the relationship and the reason for the change, how important camming or just what I choose to do on cam really is to me as compared to said relationship and although I don't have to agree in order to compromise, if it's at a point where both of us feel so strongly opposing of each other's boundaries then it just needs to be ended. Dont get me wrong, both ending a new or an old relationship over such a vast difference in views would be extremely painful in a lot of ways, and being me and how i am i know regardless i would beat myself up over it for a long time..but if it was what was fairest to us both then unfortunately as an adult(or so I pretend to be sometimes) I would have to do the respectful thing for us both and choose to walk away before it dragged us both down and caused any more bad feelings for or because of the situation. Ugh my sleep deprived ramblings are back. Sorry if it didn't make sense.
TL; DR: I agree with gen. Thanks gen you're a peach

 

[Vicki]

I think there's this weird fuzzy grey area with visiting cam models. There's so many factors involved. Do they have an account? Do they spend money on models? How ismuch? Do they interact with the models? How much? Do the models recognize them as a regular? How much time do they spend on these websites? Do they give the chatrooms their full attention? Do they only visit fetish models or non-nudes?

I don't think I'd expect someone who spent a lot of time on cam sites to immediately stop once they got into a new relationship, but I think as things get more serious it's not really appropriate to be spending so much time with another woman, giving her money and watching her get fucked/strip/flirt.

Is it cheating? I don't know. What does cheating mean? Not what do you "consider" cheating, but what does it mean?
Using another person to take your partner's place and being dishonest about it. That's as far as I got. With cam sites I think there's a lot of potential for that. With porn I think there's a lot less.

Also, it doesn't have to be cheating to cross a line or be something your partner isn't comfortable with, it's not like everything that is "not-cheating" is magically okay.

 

[Mikey_P]

I think women tend to find an emotional affair way less forgivable. We can accept that all tits are gorgeous, but we want to believe that our partners find us to be the most interesting person in the world.

Reasonable, selfish, reasonable, understandable and also explains why a true interest in one's partner is a way to cut down on emotional and intellectual affairs. I can see myself having an intellectual affair more so than an emotional affair. An IRL emotional fair is just as bad a cheating, at least to me it is.

 

[mutantdonut]

Almost the same thread discussed here...

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/is-it-considered-cheating-to-visit-cam-sites.16081/