Is not having a car a dating deal breaker?

[AmberCutie]

I cant drive because of my aspergers

Then you already have an obstacle to get over. No offense. The car is a secondary issue to the social stigma you have to get past on first dates. It's sort of a package deal in your situation.

Sorry I'm not trying to be rude, just bluntly honest about something you're probably already aware of.

 

[Guy]

Then you already have an obstacle to get over. No offense. The car is a secondary issue to the social stigma you have to get past on first dates. It's sort of a package deal in your situation.

Sorry I'm not trying to be rude, just bluntly honest about something you're probably already aware of.

Have you ever heard of aspergers?

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I cant drive because of my aspergers

Well, on the bright side, this kind of makes the not having a car a moot point for you. You can set it aside as a non-worry, because there is nothing you can do about it.

Don't know if you're interested, but...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/02/why-dating-with-autism-is-so-hard_n_6923220.html

Edit: and I would not put too much stock in what I see on VH1. or any of the basic cable channels for that matter.

 

[JimsX]

I've been lucky with dating and not driving (medical reasons). I know that it is definitely a dealbreaker to some (many) women but fortunately not all. The women I have dated were friends first, so they were totally aware of the situation and fine with it. Depends on the person really.

 

[gingerhobbit]

I've been lucky with dating...

I think I hate you right now.

 

[Guy]

I wish i didnt start this thread this is all making me sad

 

[gingerhobbit]

Guy, don't sweat it. There's somebody for everybody, I promise. More than one somebody, usually. When you aren't even looking, she'll land in your lap (or he will or whoever).

 

[AmberCutie]

Have you ever heard of aspergers?

I think most people have. Yes.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Have you ever heard of aspergers?

I think most people have. Yes.

Betting Jerry Espenson from Boston Legal is where most people have heard of it.
I never had before that show. Haven't since either, until this thread.

 

[sexyvanessa4u]

I've never had a license and never had a desire to get one. May be a deal breaker for some guys, but I've never had issues, luckily. I think once that they realize that it's not out of laziness that I don't drive, they're cool with it. Honestly, I'm scared to learn and never really been interested in owning a car. I remember being almost 16 and all my friends were really excited about taking drivers' ed and getting learner's permits and licenses and I never had that excitement.

I've never begged people for rides and have always enjoyed walking or taking the bus wherever I need to go. Although, it is a little tougher here. I lived in Chicago for four years and public transport is very convenient, just like New York City. Lots of people don't own cars there because parking is a hassle, it's expensive, and it's very easy to take the train or bus because they run very often. Now I live in a small town in Wisconsin and our buses only run once every half hour or hour. It still doesn't bother me though-just requires a bit of planning if I take the bus somewhere. And I love walking, except in the brutal winter.

I think it's definitely tougher for guys who don't drive than women though. I've never met a guy who was annoyed by my lack of license and car, although I'm sure there's some out there. I think a lot of women would be hesitant to date a guy who doesn't drive. Like others have previously mentioned though, a lot depends on where you live.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Guy, you don't have to get over anything. That's not how it always works and even should work. You just have to find someone who is right for you. Having Aspergers isn't going to stop the right girl, not having a car isn't going to stop the right girl. Lots and lots of wrong girls yes but they aren't worth your time anyway.

 

[JimsX]

I think I hate you right now.

Well if it makes you feel better, I have had way more misses than hits. Just not too many for reasons I cannot change

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Men in tiny, foreign sports cars turn me off personally. I can see girls driving them and dig it, but... those cars just seem so prissy.

Yup I dig guys that drive practical rather than flashy.

And personally, I think it's okay if someone doesn't drive, as long as one of you drives...that way if you get into a relationship then it works out mostly.

 

[StacySins]

In Scotland, having a car is a luxury item and a symbol of status - it is in no way necessary to have a car here as we have really good public transport.

If I was back in the dating game whether the guy had a car wouldn't really be a big deal, sure it's alot nicer to have the use of a car but it's not essential like it is in the US.

(Plus I drive anyway so whether he had a car or not would make no difference to me!)

 

[gonegirl2352]

I am an Aspie and I drive a Subaru Forester that has a boosted engine. It's basically an STI now. WTF does having Aspbergers have to do with the ability to drive?

Anyway, the truly rich don't have to drive. They have drivers.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I am an Aspie and I drive a Subaru Forester that has a boosted engine. It's basically an STI now. WTF does having Aspbergers have to do with the ability to drive?

Anyway, the truly rich don't have to drive. They have drivers.

Anxiety for some people. For others it's the sensory processing aspect and your brain just won't work in the multitasking way that is needed if you want to be a remotely safe driver. People with sensory issues being unable to drive is quite common.

 

[AmberCutie]

Betting Jerry Espenson from Boston Legal is where most people have heard of it.
I never had before that show. Haven't since either, until this thread.

View attachment 55692

I don't know who that guy is, actually. I learned about Aspergers like 10 years or more ago, and have met a lot of people on MFC who have it. It seems the Internet and cam sites are a comfortable place for many people who suffer from it to interact with ladies and fun people since in-person social situations can be overwhelming or undesirable due to the sensory issues they experience.

Guy, you don't have to get over anything. That's not how it always works and even should work. You just have to find someone who is right for you. Having Aspergers isn't going to stop the right girl, not having a car isn't going to stop the right girl. Lots and lots of wrong girls yes but they aren't worth your time anyway.

I didn't necessarily mean that he had to literally "get over it" just that I understand he already has some difficulties with the dating life due to his Aspergers, as I know that it can make for uncomfortable social situations. I agree with your post. (Sorry, I felt I had to respond and clarify since this directly called out my wording.)

 

[Ambers Troll]

I imagine in the US in particular it is even worse than in my country... massive deal-breaker, you will most likely be single if you don't drive beyond a certain age. As old fashioned and quaint as cars are, they still seem to have their place in dating.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

I am an Aspie and I drive a Subaru Forester that has a boosted engine. It's basically an STI now. WTF does having Aspbergers have to do with the ability to drive?

Anyway, the truly rich don't have to drive. They have drivers.

Plenty of wealthy people still choose to drive.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

I don't know who that guy is, actually. I learned about Aspergers like 10 years or more ago

South Park is where many first heard of it I'm guessing. First I had heard of it at least. Same with tourette's. Not sure if South Park is the best way to be introduced to it but yeah.

 

[dilligaf0]

So many things are "deal breakers" you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out.
Be yourself and be patient about finding somebody that will like you for being you.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

Guy, you don't have to get over anything. That's not how it always works and even should work. You just have to find someone who is right for you. Having Aspergers isn't going to stop the right girl, not having a car isn't going to stop the right girl. Lots and lots of wrong girls yes but they aren't worth your time anyway.

Explaining my disagreement.

I love having aspergers because it shapes the way I look at the world and enriches many aspects of my life, but I spent the majority of my youth trying to work with it and figure out how to bridge the natural gaps in my behavior and thinking process. I studied facial expressions and social dynamics and also delved deep into the positives of it and figured out how to use it to my advantage. You're right that you can never just "get over" it but I kind of feel like I did. After so much time trying to, and being honest with myself about my natural tendencies and strengths, Im really glad I'm able to live the life I do instead of having just accepted all my issues and still being incapable of looking another human in the eye or having found a lifestyle/job in which aspergers is a credit instead of a disadvantage.

Viewing social dynamic as a science helped a lot. Study study study. Find patterns. Make logical conclusions. Carry out social experiments. Learn. Repeat. These are strengths that many aspies have and I wish people with aspergers were taught more often how to use their different brain to overcome obstacles as opposed to simply "being taught" by neurotypicals. Infinite feedback loop, teach a man how to fish, yada yada.

Anyway, yeah, it depends where you live. In Portland it would never be blinked at.

Edited to add: I will always be weird and different because of my place on the spectrum and I would never change that, nor would I ever date someone who had an issue with it. All of my lovers have accepted it as being a part of me and most of them have loved it. I've even dated plenty of people on the spectrum as well. Yes, dating can be more difficult, but that's true if you're an oddball of any degree. You just gotta find the right people and be the best version of yourself that you can be.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

@VeronicaChaos Thanks for explaining! I definitely agree that people should try to better themselves, I know I certainly do. But self-acceptance is also important. For me I always was taught to fit in and do what other people do, I have social back and forth memorized and I can do it no problem but I hate it and would never spend time with people who expected me to keep that up. It's the accepting that I was never taught so I guess that's something that's more important to me as an adult. It's going to be different for everyone. I don't think anyone should take their issues, no matter what they are and just accept them. Aspergers is just like anything else and you can definitely hold onto that and use it as an excuse to not grow or live with it, I certainly don't support that. I guess I take "getting over" as a very negative thing but that's just wording that doesn't sit right with me for my own personal reasons which is why I didn't quote you or disagree @AmberCutie because I knew that you didn't mean it in a negative way.

 

[fandango]

I live in central London now and cant actually keep a car here. Fortunately London has great public transport and it's actually faster to get around that way then it is by driving what with all the traffic. I keep my car at my parents house and probably only use it about 3-4 times a year its basically been stolen by my 18 year old brother and I just take it back off him whenever I need it.

Anyway not driving where I live is not much of a problem but if I still lived with my parents or in the town they lived not having a car would be a social life ruiner. The nearest train station is about 5 miles away and the buses stop at about 7pm. So if you want to leave town at night the only way is with a car or cabs.

 

[Shaun__]

I have a car and a house, and neither one has women fawning over me. I would not worry about the no car thing.

 

[EmilyConrad]

As you've probably already gathered from the mixed replies - for some it can be and for others it isn't. I think there are a lot of understanding people out there who would be willing to date you even though you don't drive but have you ever considered Uber? It probably wouldn't work all the time because the cost would add up and you wouldn't always want a third wheel but once in a while if you were seeing a girl you could take an Uber to and from her house to make dinner and watch a movie or something. That way things feel a little more balanced and it'd help show her that even though you can't drive, you're still willing to make an effort to see her without her being the one to always drive.

 

[Guy]

As you've probably already gathered from the mixed replies - for some it can be and for others it isn't. I think there are a lot of understanding people out there who would be willing to date you even though you don't drive but have you ever considered Uber? It probably wouldn't work all the time because the cost would add up and you wouldn't always want a third wheel but once in a while if you were seeing a girl you could take an Uber to and from her house to make dinner and watch a movie or something. That way things feel a little more balanced and it'd help show her that even though you can't drive, you're still willing to make an effort to see her without her being the one to always drive.

I dont own a smartphone. But thanks anyway. You are very sweet.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Alright, so we have established that sports cars are super foofoo and prissy. Hummer dudes are compensating goons that hate mother nature. What about guys with luxury cars? What do women think about them?

 

[ramblin]

Alright, so we have established that sports cars are super foofoo and prissy. Hummer dudes are compensating goons that hate mother nature. What about guys with luxury cars? What do women think about them?

Telsa P85D? It's one of the fastest production cars out there and runs on magical electrons that are totally not generated by burning fossil fuels in your local power plant?

 

[AmberCutie]

Alright, so we have established that sports cars are super foofoo and prissy. Hummer dudes are compensating goons that hate mother nature. What about guys with luxury cars? What do women think about them?

I'd rather ride in someone's Mercedes or Lexus than a Corvette or Porsche any day.

I also want a Tesla really badly. The Model X... even though I find the doors a turnoff the rest of it is sexy sexy.