Is it considered cheating to visit cam sites

[mutantdonut]

Originally i was going to post this question as "...considered cheating to watch porn," but cam sites adds a whole other dimension. That dimension being cam models are interactive resulting in many model-to-member friendships, which adds an emotional component to the equation. Under the circumstances of watching [primarily] women get naked and doing naughty things for the pleasure of others, would you consider it cheating if that member already had a significant other?

 

[AmberCutie]

If a spouse hides it and/or lies to their loved one about their adult entertainment endeavors, it's unfaithful. In my opinion, any time someone hides something from their loved one, it's bad.

 

[LilyMarie]

I agree with Amber. I used to be more insecure about it.

Check out this thread I made 2 years ago on exactly the same topic, there's lots of interesting replies in there.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

anytime you break trust with a loved one, its cheating.

each relationship has different rules and expectations agreed on by the two parties so obviously this answer will differ for every relationship.

 

[Reina Lynn]

I do not think it can be stated in so nearly black and white of terms.

When visiting camsites without the spouse knowing:
1. Cheating? Hmm, don't know about that.
2. Disrespectful? Most likely, and maybe not.

I don't agree that it's "cheating", especially when a husband has been in a platonic relationship with his wife for a number of years, and the primary reason they don't get divorced is financial hassle and complacency that they aren't miserable and can live as acceptable housemates. Many long-term marriages fall into this camp.

Disrespectful? That is more likely to be accurate, but I still think it's difficult to wave a broad brush.

I also think camgirls need to flip it around. If visiting us is "cheating", then that makes us "the other woman" or a "mistress". Since many of us consider what we do different because it's all online, a fantasy, and no one is touching us, I have a hard time with the perception that we can then call all men in relationships who visit us "cheaters". We are a part of that equation.

If I had a spouse or significant other and found out he was visiting camsites and spending money on camgirls without my knowledge, would I be hurt? Absolutely. Feel betrayed? Absolutely. Pissed? Hell yes. Would trust be broken? Yes. Would I consider him cheating? I don't know. It would depend on the relationship, how we could talk through it, and how we could fix any problems in our relationships.

I think I'd be more pissed if he'd spent a significant amount of money than I would that he was fapping to a pretty girl he liked and found enjoyable. She really isn't a threat to the relationship. Why he's doing it may be the threat to the relationship, and I'd want to know what those reasons were.

 

[eviTulvcas]

If the couple has discussed what they consider cheating, and this is one of them, I'd consider it cheating. Anything that either partner considers cheating is cheating in that relationship. Every couple should have this talk before getting truly serious, so no one gets hurt. For me, I would consider it cheating. I'm not going to explain why, but it's something I discussed in my relationship. He told me everything that he's not okay with, and I did the same. And of course, whatever I'm not okay with for him, I wouldn't do either. I may consider something cheating, and he may not as much. But since I do, I would be cheating on him If I were to do it myself (also since I consider whatever cheating, he would now consider it cheating too since it'd upset me). So couples need to agree on all of that. I feel pretty secure in my relationship. That's because we talk a lot, and agree on things together. There will be plenty of different answers on this topic, since for people this varies so much. Some people consider flirting cheating, others don't. Same goes for pretty much everything.

 

[SexySteph]

I think watching camgirls is very different from watching porn, so not cheating, but it can be disrespectful. I look at it the same way as getting coffee with a friend of the opposite sex; it's okay if you let your partner know about it and don't treat that friend better than you treat her. But when you get coffee with that friend every day, always buy her drinks for her, buy her presents constantly, meanwhile, not doing even half as much for your own partner, then it's a problem, and it's more than okay for her to consider it a deal breaker.

 

[eviTulvcas]

If the couple has discussed what they consider cheating, and this is one of them, I'd consider it cheating. Anything that either partner considers cheating is cheating in that relationship. Every couple should have this talk before getting truly serious, so no one gets hurt. For me, I would consider it cheating. I'm not going to explain why, but it's something I discussed in my relationship. He told me everything that he's not okay with, and I did the same. And of course, whatever I'm not okay with for him, I wouldn't do either. I may consider something cheating, and he may not as much. But since I do, I would be cheating on him If I were to do it myself (also since I consider whatever cheating, he would now consider it cheating too since it'd upset me). So couples need to agree on all of that. I feel pretty secure in my relationship. That's because we talk a lot, and agree on things together. There will be plenty of different answers on this topic, since for people this varies so much. Some people consider flirting cheating, others don't. Same goes for pretty much everything.

I just wanted to say this too, in case anyone would wonder how I feel about myself camming even though I consider it cheating myself (I wouldn't want my fiance watching it) (and again, I'm not going to answer why). So for myself camming, there is nothing I can do to stop others from watching me. There is also no way for me to know unless the guy outright tells me, or if I were to ask (which I'd never do). I just have to hope for the best in people. All I can do is hope no one is hurting their loved ones. Also, their girlfriend may be okay with it and not consider it cheating, so it's not my place to get upset or say to myself that he's cheating. I do find it quite rude when men make comments like "I wish my girlfriend looked like you, or was you, or anything like that". I don't say anything though, because it'd make no difference. I just ignore those comments completely. I find it quite disrespectful, and I'd never think of it as a compliment. It's just too disrespectful to his girlfriend.

 

[yossarian]

If the couple has discussed what they consider cheating, and this is one of them, I'd consider it cheating. Anything that either partner considers cheating is cheating in that relationship. Every couple should have this talk before getting truly serious, so no one gets hurt. For me, I would consider it cheating. I'm not going to explain why, but it's something I discussed in my relationship. He told me everything that he's not okay with, and I did the same. And of course, whatever I'm not okay with for him, I wouldn't do either. I may consider something cheating, and he may not as much. But since I do, I would be cheating on him If I were to do it myself (also since I consider whatever cheating, he would now consider it cheating too since it'd upset me). So couples need to agree on all of that. I feel pretty secure in my relationship. That's because we talk a lot, and agree on things together. There will be plenty of different answers on this topic, since for people this varies so much. Some people consider flirting cheating, others don't. Same goes for pretty much everything.

I just wanted to say this too, in case anyone would wonder how I feel about myself camming even though I consider it cheating myself (I wouldn't want my fiance watching it) (and again, I'm not going to answer why). So for myself camming, there is nothing I can do to stop others from watching me. There is also no way for me to know unless the guy outright tells me, or if I were to ask (which I'd never do). I just have to hope for the best in people. All I can do is hope no one is hurting their loved ones. Also, their girlfriend may be okay with it and not consider it cheating, so it's not my place to get upset or say to myself that he's cheating. I do find it quite rude when men make comments like "I wish my girlfriend looked like you, or was you, or anything like that". I don't say anything though, because it'd make no difference. I just ignore those comments completely. I find it quite disrespectful, and I'd never think of it as a compliment. It's just too disrespectful to his girlfriend.

Okay, but hypothetically speaking (and this is just me playing what-if games), say you enter a private with a guy and the first thing he says is "I have to be quick because my wife is in the other room and she doesn't want me doing this." Do you end the private? Where do you (and I mean that generally--anybody can answer this question) draw the line?

I'm interested in this whole discussion. I'm currently single, but if (oh God, I said "if"--it's like the Great Pumpkin) I was with somebody, I would just stop visiting MFC. I think if a guy is spending time and money on you instead of his wife/girlfriend, that's really indicative of a huge problem in their relationship. That is, of course, not the model's problem. How much would you as a model aid and abet that, though, and where does your responsibility end if you do, in fact, consider visiting camgirls "cheating"?

And please don't think I'm picking on you personally--I'm just sort of turning over the questions in my head (I do this). Your response just led me to start thinking, but I'm not making a judgment/calling you out in particular.

 

[SexySteph]

Okay, but hypothetically speaking (and this is just me playing what-if games), say you enter a private with a guy and the first thing he says is "I have to be quick because my wife is in the other room and she doesn't want me doing this." Do you end the private? Where do you (and I mean that generally--anybody can answer this question) draw the line?

I'm interested in this whole discussion. I'm currently single, but if (oh God, I said "if"--it's like the Great Pumpkin) I was with somebody, I would just stop visiting MFC. I think if a guy is spending time and money on you instead of his wife/girlfriend, that's really indicative of a huge problem in their relationship. That is, of course, not the model's problem. How much would you as a model aid and abet that, though, and where does your responsibility end if you do, in fact, consider visiting camgirls "cheating"?

And please don't think I'm picking on you personally--I'm just sort of turning over the questions in my head (I do this). Your response just led me to start thinking, but I'm not making a judgment/calling you out in particular.

I'd probably end the private. If a guy verbally expresses disrespect for his wife (which is what he would be doing in this scenario) I don't think I could be comfortable doing a private with him. If he can't respect his wife, the person he chose to commit the rest of his life to, how can expect him to respect me?

 

[Jessi]

In regard to what Yossarian said,
I don't do private so I cant speak to that, but I have two points

1) Its not my job to police everyone else's relationship, they're the ones who have to be responsible for the agreements they made

2) That being said, if a guy makes comments like "wow I wish my gf was hot like you" I will verbally point out how shitty he's being. Smack talking one's SO, ESP to a "professional" whose job it is to look as perfect as possible is colossal douchebaggery. If she's so terrible why be with her?! I don't want anything to do with guys like that and I have banned people simply for being offensive >_>

 

[southsamurai]

what i wanna know is how the hell does anyone find time to go to a cam site? 3 months in and im lucky to have 20 minutes alone much less enough to log on and talk to anyone lol

 

[Lanie Love]

I agree with a lot of responses here, but I'd definitely have to say yes, it is cheating. Porn is not cheating, anyone who thinks it is is ridiculous (sorry if it offends you). Porn is strictly to cum, there's no one on one interaction, there are no feelings. Now if a guy is talking to a cam girl every day (especially if he's a regular with her and sees her everyday), that's cheating. As a husband, you should be spending your time with your wife. HOWEVER, as a guy, if you're logging on simply to cum, using cam girls in a "porn way" then that's not cheating. So by 1, spending money on another girl (a real human being somewhere on this earth) 2, spending time with another human 3, sharing laughs, interests, beliefs, inside jokes, etc. you are cheating. Emotionally and essentially physically in a way. Think of it as a dating site. He gets to see you (cam girls) every day! If that's not considered cheating then it must be a pretty open relationship.

It's so contradicting it seems being that I am a cam girl, but I would not want my husband or boyfriend watching cam girls and spending time with them online. Obviously there's no offense, it's just an emotional thing. Of course there are those out there who don't care and don't think it's cheating and will give their significant other the go ahead. It does vary from couple to couple.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

I think if a guy is spending time and money on you instead of his wife/girlfriend, that's really indicative of a huge problem in their relationship.

If the guy is spending more time and more money, I'd agree. Don't really see the problem as long as the guy is totally open about it to her, she doesn't mind, and he's not only visiting the same model. Do the people that consider it cheating feel the same about strip clubs?

 

[eviTulvcas]

If the couple has discussed what they consider cheating, and this is one of them, I'd consider it cheating. Anything that either partner considers cheating is cheating in that relationship. Every couple should have this talk before getting truly serious, so no one gets hurt. For me, I would consider it cheating. I'm not going to explain why, but it's something I discussed in my relationship. He told me everything that he's not okay with, and I did the same. And of course, whatever I'm not okay with for him, I wouldn't do either. I may consider something cheating, and he may not as much. But since I do, I would be cheating on him If I were to do it myself (also since I consider whatever cheating, he would now consider it cheating too since it'd upset me). So couples need to agree on all of that. I feel pretty secure in my relationship. That's because we talk a lot, and agree on things together. There will be plenty of different answers on this topic, since for people this varies so much. Some people consider flirting cheating, others don't. Same goes for pretty much everything.

I just wanted to say this too, in case anyone would wonder how I feel about myself camming even though I consider it cheating myself (I wouldn't want my fiance watching it) (and again, I'm not going to answer why). So for myself camming, there is nothing I can do to stop others from watching me. There is also no way for me to know unless the guy outright tells me, or if I were to ask (which I'd never do). I just have to hope for the best in people. All I can do is hope no one is hurting their loved ones. Also, their girlfriend may be okay with it and not consider it cheating, so it's not my place to get upset or say to myself that he's cheating. I do find it quite rude when men make comments like "I wish my girlfriend looked like you, or was you, or anything like that". I don't say anything though, because it'd make no difference. I just ignore those comments completely. I find it quite disrespectful, and I'd never think of it as a compliment. It's just too disrespectful to his girlfriend.

Okay, but hypothetically speaking (and this is just me playing what-if games), say you enter a private with a guy and the first thing he says is "I have to be quick because my wife is in the other room and she doesn't want me doing this." Do you end the private? Where do you (and I mean that generally--anybody can answer this question) draw the line?

I'm interested in this whole discussion. I'm currently single, but if (oh God, I said "if"--it's like the Great Pumpkin) I was with somebody, I would just stop visiting MFC. I think if a guy is spending time and money on you instead of his wife/girlfriend, that's really indicative of a huge problem in their relationship. That is, of course, not the model's problem. How much would you as a model aid and abet that, though, and where does your responsibility end if you do, in fact, consider visiting camgirls "cheating"?

And please don't think I'm picking on you personally--I'm just sort of turning over the questions in my head (I do this). Your response just led me to start thinking, but I'm not making a judgment/calling you out in particular.

Well, I said there's no way for me to know unless they were to tell me. Since I'm against it myself, and I don't want anyone getting hurt, I would let him know I'm not okay with what he's doing and end the private. I would also block him, because I'm not going to encourage him doing something that will hurt his wife. That's all I can do as a model. I can't stop him from watching other models or doing things to hurt his wife in general. I can help though by keeping him from seeing me. It's really not my place to tell other's what to do with their lives, and it's not my fault they are doing what they are doing. I just don't want to show myself to someone that would hurt his wife, it makes me too uncomfortable. And remember this is only if I were to know, because normally I just hope for the best in people.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

If you've discussed it, it's cheating or not depending on what you've worked out between the two of you.

If you haven't discussed it specifically, but you know your partner well enough and believe they wouldn't mind, it's not cheating (although if you're wrong, you still might have a problem). It's probably a good idea to mention it just to make sure. If you spend a lot of money on it, that may be a problem too, although a different one.

If you really don't know how they'd feel about it or if you know they're likely to be unhappy about it, it certainly shows a lack of regard for your partner's feelings. You shouldn't be surprised if you get a very negative reaction in this case. I don't know if it's "cheating" specifically, but that's just a word -- it's something you shouldn't do to someone you're committed to. I'd say you really need to discuss it with your partner in this case if you want to do it with a clear conscience.

 

[AmberCutie]

If you've discussed it, it's cheating or not depending on what you've worked out between the two of you.

If you haven't discussed it specifically, but you know your partner well enough and believe they wouldn't mind, it's not cheating (although if you're wrong, you still might have a problem). It's probably a good idea to mention it just to make sure. If you spend a lot of money on it, that may be a problem too, although a different one.

If you really don't know how they'd feel about it or if you know they're likely to be unhappy about it, it certainly shows a lack of regard for your partner's feelings. You shouldn't be surprised if you get a very negative reaction in this case. I don't know if it's "cheating" specifically, but that's just a word -- it's something you shouldn't do to someone you're committed to. I'd say you really need to discuss it with your partner in this case if you want to do it with a clear conscience.

Yeah, exactly. :text-goodpost:

 

[IsabellaSnow]

If a spouse hides it and/or lies to their loved one about their adult entertainment endeavors, it's unfaithful. In my opinion, any time someone hides something from their loved one, it's bad.

Elaborating on this, even if a girlfriend/wife knows her partner visits camsites, if the girlfriend/wife isn't happy with the member visiting camsites and feels upset about it, then yes, I think it's still cheating. People can cheat and be honest. It's all about the rules of a relationship. Relationships are supposed to be mutual and take a lot of compromise. You can't dictate what happens in your relationship with zero compromise or thought towards the other person's feelings. Sure the other person could leave, but it's still a shitty thing to do to someone.

Personally in my relationship I would NOT be happy with my boyfriend visiting camsites in the way that most members visit camsites. If he wandered onto a camsite once or twice and never to the same girls then it'd feel less like cheating, but then there's the issue of money. We don't have loads of cash, if I found out my boyfriend had been spending money on camgirls when money is tight then I'd be extremely upset, and because I'm a camgirl I would also be upset to find out my boyfriend were freeloading. Then being a camgirl means that other girls aren't just "other women", they're both "competition" and in ways, my work colleagues. It'd be completely inappropriate. Some camgirls aren't fussed about this, but personally those are my rules, so yes, I would consider it cheating and I'd be very upset.

Remember, all cheating means is bending or breaking the rules. Each relationship sets its own rules, so if you break those rules, you're cheating at the relationship. I assume that if a guy is hiding his camgirl habits from his spouse then it is indeed cheating, though I think so long as you're distanced from camgirls emotionally and don't spend more on camgirls than you spend on your partner then it is probably better than cheating in real life.

 

[JoleneBrody]

If there is one main thing that the Adult industry has taught me about people, it's that when it comes to sex and relationships everyone is different. There is no cookie cutter mold that people fit into so it's best I not try to fit them into one.
You can't even trust the "my wife is in the other room" bit as truth because so many people have a fetish for that and could very well be lying for the sake of fantasy.

I keep my nose out of other peoples business these days. My place in this world is not to judge or manage others personal relationships I know nothing about. The only thing that matters to me is how a member treats me and the other members in my room, other than that... not my place nor my concern.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

It looks like some people are thinking about how camgirls react to members who claim they're in a relationship. When I started camming it bothered me more, but as it is? It's not my business. I sometimes quietly judge, but pretty much always I'll hold my tongue. It's their business and their decision to cheat or visit camsites. Does a restaurant or a supermarket worry about whether someone's supposed to be on a diet when they buy unhealthy food? No they don't. That person cheating their diet is their decision, just as someone cheating on their relationship is their decision, those people need to face the consequences, not me. It'd be impossible to run any business if you worried about things like this. You just have to trust that the people involved are capable of making their own decisions.

 

[yossarian]

It looks like some people are thinking about how camgirls react to members who claim they're in a relationship. When I started camming it bothered me more, but as it is? It's not my business. I sometimes quietly judge, but pretty much always I'll hold my tongue. It's their business and their decision to cheat or visit camsites. Does a restaurant or a supermarket worry about whether someone's supposed to be on a diet when they buy unhealthy food? No they don't. That person cheating their diet is their decision, just as someone cheating on their relationship is their decision, those people need to face the consequences, not me. It'd be impossible to run any business if you worried about things like this. You just have to trust that the people involved are capable of making their own decisions.

But by that rationale, in a real life situation you could argue that "the other woman" bears no responsibility for a man cheating on his wife with her because it's his decision to do so, and she's not responsible for someone else's relationship.

The assertion that visiting camsites is the same as cheating, yet the camgirl has no responsibility for that is weird to me. For the record, I agree that a model is not responsible for a man fucking up his relationship by visiting her/spending money on her, but I think the "cheating" designation is where it all falls apart for me. I think it's reasonable to see it that way, but I don't see how you can consider it cheating yet feel no sense of responsibility for your part in it if you're aware of it.

I suppose I'm just questioning the logic behind "these bastards are cheaters but I'll help them do it because it's none of my business." If it's cheating, then how can only one party be responsible? Doesn't it take two to tango?

If I'm a bartender and I sell an obviously drunk guy more alcohol and he dies of alcohol poisoning, I could also say I'm only running a business and it's his choice to drink himself to death. But I'd still be held legally and morally responsible. I don't exactly think anybody is going to drag a camgirl into divorce court (although stranger things have happened), but if you truly, honestly believe that visiting a camgirl is cheating, don't you at least have a responsibility to say "that's fucked up, dude. Take your business elsewhere?"

 

[IsabellaSnow]

But by that rationale, in a real life situation you could argue that "the other woman" bears no responsibility for a man cheating on his wife with her because it's his decision to do so, and she's not responsible for someone else's relationship.

The assertion that visiting camsites is the same as cheating, yet the camgirl has no responsibility for that is weird to me. For the record, I agree that a model is not responsible for a man fucking up his relationship by visiting her/spending money on her, but I think the "cheating" designation is where it all falls apart for me. I think it's reasonable to see it that way, but I don't see how you can consider it cheating yet feel no sense of responsibility for your part in it if you're aware of it.

The difference is, the camgirl isn't the "other woman". The betrayal is all about the man's actions. In a real life affair, if the woman had no idea the guy was married, then no she'd hold no responsibility in the matter. If the woman knew he were married and continued then that is also her responsibility, though still less than the man. Her responsibility to accept that her actions may have repercussions, like the man dicking her around and treating her badly, and potentially the wife/girlfriend getting angry (mostly so if the two people knew each other).

Whether I'm aware of a man visiting a camsite is in a relationship, I have no way to gain definite knowledge of what sort of relationship they have, and even if I know the man is visiting me behind his wife's back (which is cheating), I have absolutely no way to stop him from visiting me or another girl. It's not in any way my responsibility. I can just hope that him visiting me holds him back from other worse forms of cheating.

Camsites are one way. The man is there for sexual reasons, the woman is there for financial reasons. Though member and model's paths cross, they aren't there for the same reasons. I would never hold a barman responsible for unknowingly serving an alcoholic alcohol, or serving someone alcohol who'd later go on and cheat on their partner. I think that the barman is responsible for not serving someone who is clearly already having problems/is intoxicated, which is what most camgirls do, if a member is becoming a problem it shows, they then cut him off by banning/ignoring him. I wouldn't blame a shop assistant for selling a shopping addict a whole load of clothes either. What a model cannot do is do a back story on every single member who visits them and then refuse to serve them because of their own personal choices.

You cannot call it the responsibility of the model because it's nothing to do with her. The man is paying for a service, she's given the service. You cannot blame people outside a relationship for the choices of those in a relationship. EVER.
I'm fed up with people doing this whole "Other woman" thing. Fuck those people. I've had some pretty severe abuse from women and their friends because of their boyfriend trying it on with me and me having no idea he's in a relationship. It's happened many many times. Each time the guy gets away with it and I get a whole load of pretty serious threats.

Edit to add:

I'm curious to if people would consider if a man/woman chasing adamantly after someone else, trying to engage in sexual activity, sending them presents and spending money on them, spending as much time with them as possible, would be cheating if the person they were chasing turned them down/refused to sleep with them? Personally if my boyfriend did this I would consider it cheating, because the motive were there and he actively pursued it. In real life would I blame the person they were chasing? Well, if they were completely clear that nothing was to happen and turned their advances down (in the same way a camgirl would), then I probably wouldn't, though in a real life situation accepting gifts etc wouldn't be cool, in a cam situation the camgirl is simply rendering a service, if the service has been provided she deserves to be paid. The situation isn't much different for most men though.

 

[yossarian]

But by that rationale, in a real life situation you could argue that "the other woman" bears no responsibility for a man cheating on his wife with her because it's his decision to do so, and she's not responsible for someone else's relationship.

The assertion that visiting camsites is the same as cheating, yet the camgirl has no responsibility for that is weird to me. For the record, I agree that a model is not responsible for a man fucking up his relationship by visiting her/spending money on her, but I think the "cheating" designation is where it all falls apart for me. I think it's reasonable to see it that way, but I don't see how you can consider it cheating yet feel no sense of responsibility for your part in it if you're aware of it.

The difference is, the camgirl isn't the "other woman". The betrayal is all about the man's actions. In a real life affair, if the woman had no idea the guy was married, then no she'd hold no responsibility in the matter. If the woman knew he were married and continued then that is also her responsibility, though still less than the man. Her responsibility to accept that her actions may have repercussions, like the man dicking her around and treating her badly, and potentially the wife/girlfriend getting angry (mostly so if the two people knew each other).

Whether I'm aware of a man visiting a camsite is in a relationship, I have no way to gain definite knowledge of what sort of relationship they have, and even if I know the man is visiting me behind his wife's back (which is cheating), I have absolutely no way to stop him from visiting me or another girl. It's not in any way my responsibility. I can just hope that him visiting me holds him back from other worse forms of cheating.

Camsites are one way. The man is there for sexual reasons, the woman is there for financial reasons. Though member and model's paths cross, they aren't there for the same reasons. I would never hold a barman responsible for unknowingly serving an alcoholic alcohol, or serving someone alcohol who'd later go on and cheat on their partner. I think that the barman is responsible for not serving someone who is clearly already having problems/is intoxicated, which is what most camgirls do, if a member is becoming a problem it shows, they then cut him off by banning/ignoring him. I wouldn't blame a shop assistant for selling a shopping addict a whole load of clothes either. What a model cannot do is do a back story on every single member who visits them and then refuse to serve them because of their own personal choices.

You cannot call it the responsibility of the model because it's nothing to do with her. The man is paying for a service, she's given the service. You cannot blame people outside a relationship for the choices of those in a relationship. EVER.
I'm fed up with people doing this whole "Other woman" thing. Fuck those people. I've had some pretty severe abuse from women and their friends because of their boyfriend trying it on with me and me having no idea he's in a relationship. It's happened many many times. Each time the guy gets away with it and I get a whole load of pretty serious threats.

Edit to add:

I'm curious to if people would consider if a man/woman chasing adamantly after someone else, trying to engage in sexual activity, sending them presents and spending money on them, spending as much time with them as possible, would be cheating if the person they were chasing turned them down/refused to sleep with them? Personally if my boyfriend did this I would consider it cheating, because the motive were there and he actively pursued it. In real life would I blame the person they were chasing? Well, if they were completely clear that nothing was to happen and turned their advances down (in the same way a camgirl would), then I probably wouldn't, though in a real life situation accepting gifts etc wouldn't be cool, in a cam situation the camgirl is simply rendering a service, if the service has been provided she deserves to be paid. The situation isn't much different for most men though.

Fair enough. I think where I'm getting the disconnect is on the definition of cheating, not whether or not a camgirl is to blame for it. I understand that you can't police everyone, but I'm talking about cases where he's basically told you outright that he's doing it behind someone's back. I suppose it's unique to every camgirl, just like whether or not it's cheating is unique to every relationship.

But I think that ties nicely into your second question. To answer: no, I don't think a man chasing after someone like that is "cheating." I think it's "being a douchebag," which also, come to think of it, is a better definition of what a man is doing when he visits camgirls behind his wife' back. Cheating is, to me, a very specific term that involves a physical relationship, with or without an emotional attachment. That's where I was hitting a wall in terms of trying to bridge the disconnect. I guess my definition isn't the same as yours. However, there are other things that are as bad as cheating, and I would put "spending time and money on camgirls" and "chasing after other women who aren't interested" in that category. Maybe you could call all of it "betrayal" and then it all fits together.

 

[Sevrin]

If a person is in a relationship and is looking elsewhere for something they should look to their partner to provide without the partner's consent or knowledge it's cheating. If the partner knows and consents, then it's no longer cheating. Whether the cheating is justified or understandable is another ball of wax altogether. We can feel sympathy for a guy whose partner is disabled or ill or physically or emotionally distant or otherwise not holding up her end, but that doesn't make it "not cheating".

Cheating is always on the cheater. Camgirls are there to entertain their visitors, and get paid for it. If the member tries to get a camgirl involved in his emotional life, whether he is in a relationship or not, then it's up to her how she wants to deal with it. If it starts becoming stressful for her, she may be better off cutting him off for her own sake.

 

[AmberCutie]

If a person is in a relationship and is looking elsewhere for something they should look to their partner to provide without the partner's consent or knowledge it's cheating.

Well said.

I'm curious to if people would consider if a man/woman chasing adamantly after someone else, trying to engage in sexual activity, sending them presents and spending money on them, spending as much time with them as possible, would be cheating if the person they were chasing turned them down/refused to sleep with them? Personally if my boyfriend did this I would consider it cheating, because the motive were there and he actively pursued it. In real life would I blame the person they were chasing? Well, if they were completely clear that nothing was to happen and turned their advances down (in the same way a camgirl would), then I probably wouldn't, though in a real life situation accepting gifts etc wouldn't be cool, in a cam situation the camgirl is simply rendering a service, if the service has been provided she deserves to be paid. The situation isn't much different for most men though.

no, I don't think a man chasing after someone like that is "cheating." I think it's "being a douchebag," which also, come to think of it, is a better definition of what a man is doing when he visits camgirls behind his wife' back. Cheating is, to me, a very specific term that involves a physical relationship, with or without an emotional attachment. That's where I was hitting a wall in terms of trying to bridge the disconnect. I guess my definition isn't the same as yours. However, there are other things that are as bad as cheating, and I would put "spending time and money on camgirls" and "chasing after other women who aren't interested" in that category. Maybe you could call all of it "betrayal" and then it all fits together.

If a man is chasing after a woman with intention of having a sexual relationship with her, behind his wife's back, that's most definitely at least him *trying* to cheat. So, saying it's not cheating is really a stretch. But I see from the sentence after that, it's because you define cheating as a physical thing. So people have to actually touch/fuck/kiss for it to be cheating. I suppose using the word betrayal is accurate, but I call betrayal of any sexual nature to be cheating. Just like Sevrin said, if a person is seeking to get something that their partner should be providing for them without their consent, it's cheating/betrayal/a can of spray cheese. (You can call it whatever you want, it's not what a relationship normally allows unless other arrangements have been made.)

 

[MissHollyJade]

I think married men visiting cam girls are walking a fine line. My husband watches porn (who doesn't?), but he doesn't visit cam sites. Now, he will watch with me when I pull it up but that's it. I have no problem with him watching porn, hell I do it myself. But I don't think I would want him building relationships/ paying for other ladies attention, especially when I give him enough at home.
When we perv on cam girls, we always tip but we're doing it together so I'm completely fine with that. :twocents-02cents:

 

[yossarian]

If a man is chasing after a woman with intention of having a sexual relationship with her, behind his wife's back, that's most definitely at least him *trying* to cheat. So, saying it's not cheating is really a stretch. But I see from the sentence after that, it's because you define cheating as a physical thing. So people have to actually touch/fuck/kiss for it to be cheating. I suppose using the word betrayal is accurate, but I call betrayal of any sexual nature to be cheating. Just like Sevrin said, if a person is seeking to get something that their partner should be providing for them without their consent, it's cheating/betrayal/a can of spray cheese. (You can call it whatever you want, it's not what a relationship normally allows unless other arrangements have been made.)

One thing that's interesting about this discussion is, to me, the word "cheating" implies something less harsh than "betrayal." Cheating is like "you hid some Monopoly money from the other players." "Betrayal" is "you fucked your sister's girlfriend."

I dunno: semantics.

 

[Brad]

So many people have varied ideas of what is and what isn't cheating. I would say if someone has to hide it from their partner then yes, it's probably cheating/betrayal. I have always believed that it's never good to hide anything from your partner. Honesty is a great foundation to a wonderful relationship imo. My wife knows what I do, who I talk to, who I (we) tip, what models I like, etc. She follows a few models on Twitter and also has an account here on ACF although she doesn't post much. (she's more of a lurker)

I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would have an issue with stuff like this. I like porn, I like female bodies, and I like pretty girls. I always have and any woman I have ever been involved in knew this as I have always been open and hones about who I am. IF you're going to love me then you're going to love me for exactly who I am and I can be pretty fucking odd. Eclectic sounds better I guess.
:lol:

I also would not be married to someone I felt I had to lie to. That just gives me too much of an ick feeling inside. No reason to live like that, so either stay single, get divorced, or find the right person. I've done all 3.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Cheating is, to me, a very specific term that involves a physical relationship, with or without an emotional attachment.

Then in your relationships perhaps that's one of your relationship rules. But your partner may not feel the same, if in the relationship she doesn't want you watching camgirls and you continue to do so on the sly, you've broken the relationship rules, therefore it's cheating. Cheating only means breaking the rules, I know I've said this loads of times already, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. Every single relationship is different. Cheating does not have to have physical contact. If someone in a relationship physically sat in front of another person jerking themselves off watching the other person jerk off so it's not "cheating", but their partner knows nothing about it then yes of course it's most definitely cheating! There are no "we're not touching" loopholes. You're actively doing something sexual with someone else.

I'm guessing in a relationship that if your wife/girlfriend started engaging in this sort of behaviour with multiple men (never physically touching them) behind your back that you would not consider it cheating. But that would be part of your personal rules. Personally if my boyfriend were doing these things I'd most definitely consider it cheating.

I would consider if I or my boyfriend went onto facebook and found people we know who we fancy behind the others back and have skype sex, cheating. This is the same as a member visiting a camsite, the difference with a camsite is only that the girl behind the screen generally has zero sexual interest in the guy and he doesn't know her personally, and because of this there's no risk it'll ever turn into something physical. But for the member it's not different. He's still seeking out a woman he's attracted to and engaging in virtual sex with her. If I were doing this to my boyfriend on a regular basis he would consider it cheating. Those our our relationship rules.

As for whether it's cheating or a betrayal, well I consider all cheating a betrayal. To be a betrayal and not cheating to me though it'd be something more like not turning up a time I needed him, or telling someone something really personal about me, or generally hiding something from me that isn't established in our relationship rules.

The point most people seem to be trying to make is you cannot dictate what is cheating in one relationship or another, only that if it is against one relationships rules then yes it is a form of cheating.

As for again, if a member is clear that his wife doesn't know what he's doing, well, there's still nothing I as a camgirl can do about it. I may not agree with it, but he's an adult man, it's his decision to break his relationship rules. I don't know what's going on in his relationship and if he just likes the idea of being "naughty". Either way, I don't lead members on. Anyone can come to my room on myfreecams, I cannot stop him. If he were forming a more emotional attachment/dependence then I might have reason for concern if I thought he were ruining his real life, but he's still an adult man, probably far older than me. I am just the person behind the till, I am not responsible for the decisions of a man 10-40 years older than me, and I am not responsible for what happens because of his decisions. I don't know these people, I have zero way of stopping them. I will advise a member to choose his real life first, but that's as far as I can go.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

If a spouse hides it and/or lies to their loved one about their adult entertainment endeavors, it's unfaithful. In my opinion, any time someone hides something from their loved one, it's bad.

Thank you Amber! I don't even need to read any other comments, because this nailed it on the head. Whether porn, or cam sites, if you are proactively hiding it then yes, it is not a good situation.

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