Introducing girlfriend / wife to MFC (or other camsite)?

[inkydoo]

I'd like to let my wife in on the fact that I've been hanging out on MFC, but I'm sort of concerned about how she'll react. She's totally cool with porn (for years we had the Playboy channel, and she watched it at least as much as I did, if not more), and knows I watch and download it from the Web. In general, she's pretty open, and has offered many times to go to strip clubs (though I've never taken her up on that), so I have reason to believe she won't totally freak out over it.

On the other hand, this is real live women, and there's chatting and flirting to some extent, which isn't really like watching porn at all. And she's expressed some discomfort with the idea of truly amateur porn (though she's been cool making some, so maybe it's more concern about me sharing that?), which is closer to camming than "regular" porn.

Bottom line: Any suggestions on how I might introduce her to MFC? Or am I being unrealistic to think it's even a good idea? Anyone done this with their significant other that can share how it went?

 

[Lydia_Deetz]

My husband introduced me to MFC.

Mind you I am not a jealous psycho, BUT it took me a while to wrap my head around how it made me feel that he was on a website where he could interact and have "virtual" sex with girls.

Now my hubs isnt the typical member either he doesnt chat or do prvt or any of that. If he was doing those things though and did not tell me until months or longer later, I would probably be upset.

From my female ( possibly crazy) perspective, if you feel the need to hide something for a while, then you must know it would bother me.

I can't really give much advice as to how to introduce her to it, but I can raise an important question.

It sound like your wife is pretty cool and open minded, but what happens if she really doesnt like it and asks you to never frequent the site again? :?

This is a good example of telling your SO about this stuff before you become attached.

Good luck to you inky, I hope it works out well :-D

 

[lordmagellan]

My $1.50 (in these hard times even opinion prices have gone up):

For my wife the issue with a cam site was the interaction. You always see these horror stories of boyfriends/husbands/et al joining a chat room, developing a relationship with someone else via chat, and then actually meeting that other person for baboon lovin' in a sleazy motel. It happens and her apprehension was understandable. But I showed her how MFC works, how the models are there speaking, not to only one member, but an entire chat room. She understood then that it was more virtual stripping than online relationship building.

Like you Inky, my wife is very open minded and has gone to strip clubs with me (I actually find them boring without her- take her up on that :thumbleft: ). And she's fully aware of my porn hunting. Her only issue now is the money spent on cam whores, which could be spent on home improvement, or vacations, or a new purse for her, or SHOES(!), or bills, or..... you get the idea. But even that isn't a real issue, as I don't really spend money on myself. This is my treat for me and she gets it.

I say if you want to introduce her, then actually introduce her. Watch together and see if she wants to join in the fun. The wife finds it kinda boring, unless someone's shoving ten markers in her mouth, or sprinkling herself with candy. In the end, she'll probably see this as nothing more than a virtual strip club, which is in essence what it is. Although, what you lose in touch and smell is made up for with conversation, most times.

Good luck to ya!

 

[inkydoo]

Thanks for the comments and some interesting questions to consider.

Lydia, if she doesn't like it and asks me to stop, then I guess I stop. I'd probably ask her to think about it for a bit, and maybe check it out some time without me, to see if she can "get" the appeal, but ultimately if she says no, then I have to respect that. That said, some of my apprehension about telling her probably has to do with it. Mostly it's that she'll be upset or hurt about it, but a little that she'll ask me stop.

Lordmagellan, Your post makes a lot of sense, particularly why women would have a natural reaction of concern that this is just opening the door to cheating. It's also interesting that you see it more as virtual stripping, because that's kind of how I think of it. Sure I participate in chat sometimes, but I'm actually relatively shy online, and while I've done a couple of privates, they're nothing more than seeing a model naked (of course, I couldn't really afford anything much more involved even if I was inclined to).

 

[Jaydenrainey]

as a camgirl id have a problem with my lover spending time/money with other camgirls without me. however if it was with me as a fun couples activity id be fine with it, hes often watched girls with me. id say yes definitly tell her. shell feel good that you opened up to her about it.

 

[JickyJuly]

I think you should definitely have good answers ready for the typical questions that she might have. How much time or $ do you spend with these girls? What do you get from the site? Why are you into this girl or that girl? If she has a jealous streak or a tendency toward insecurity, pump her up a bit and hold back on talking too much about how great the girls on MFC are (even though we are of course).

I like to show my husband girls I think are cool on MFC, but I'm not sure how I would feel if he spent time alone there. I feel like a hypocrite for saying that.

 

[inkydoo]

Jayden and Jicky, I appreciate the honesty, and more things to think about.

As for being a hypocrite, I decided a long time ago that the truly dangerous people are the ones who don't realize they are. After all, if you know you're being hypocritical, it means you have an opportunity to examine why, whether it's really hypocritical, and if so, either openly admit it's a double-standard or change your behavior. Either way, you're being honest with yourself (and hopefully the world), which is a good thing.

 

[Sevrin]

Either way, you're being honest with yourself (and hopefully the world), which is a good thing.

Honesty is only good if it leads to redemptive action. Otherwise you're just one of those guys in a Chekov story.

 

[Mikeythegeek]

To approach this from the other side, on a message board someone posted the following question:

My BF told me he stopped video sex chatting when we moved in together 7 months ago, but I found out he's still doing it. He says it's not cheating because he would never meet any of these women in person. What do you think?

I posted (after a few comments took the discussion totally off track)...

As a guy who does visit those sites, but is totally single...

It's not cheating as long as there's no effort on either side to try to hook up in real life. Hell, a couple of the women I watch regularly are taken, are open about it and make it clear that the only way you'll ever meet them is if you ran into them in public (but they don't say specifically where they live). Are they cheating?

And if I actually started a relationship (HA!), I've told them that I'd take time off from the site to make sure that I made that relationship work but I'd let the girlfriend know "hey, I did this. I want to at least talk to them more because I think they're cool people (because they are for more than just their bodies). If you want me to not spend money there, OK but at least let me talk to them and maintain an ONLINE friendship."

Is it cheating if the girlfriend is aware of it?

With that said, he lied to you. He should pay for that in some way.

If one wants to accuse me of taking some liberties with this comment (I don't know if I've actually said I'd take time off from MFC at all, but I've thought it), be my quest.

Now, one guy did say in response...

Wait - these sites actually exist?? Man, where have I been?

:lol: I'm sure he knows about these things already.

PS- I would link to the site, but it's a private board so no one would be able to see it.

 

[MeesheeMora]

my boyfriend told me he went to MFC 2 years ago when we first started dating, and now I am one of the models on there and he loves it! it all depends in the end how open your lady is. :-D

 

[inkydoo]

Since Meeshee posted in here, I figured I should follow up on what finally happened.

It took me a little longer than it should have to finally approach her (I couldn't figure out the right time to do it, and, to be honest, I was scared how it would turn out), but in September, I had an encounter in a chat where the model asked me to turn my cam on (which hadn't happened before) and part of me really wanted to go ahead. Upon reflection, I realized how close I came to crossing a line that I clearly knew would not be acceptable, and that was a clear sign that I needed to be honest and figure out where the boundaries really were. I told her I needed to tell her about something, which made her super-nervous, and I re-assured her it wasn't anything that bad. Frankly, I don't even really remember what I said I was so anxious about it, but I basically described the whole camming thing to her and then talked about MFC specifically.

She asked most of the questions that you guys predicted she would: What is the interaction like? What do you get out of it? How long has it been going on? Does it cost money and if so, how much have you spent? I suggested that she might find it interesting, so we pulled MFC up on the computer (I didn't log in at first) and went into a few rooms. She asked how it worked, or maybe I just started explaining nervously, so I talked about public, group and private, and how there are different members, etc. After I while I logged in, and we checked out a few more rooms, but for the most part she didn't really get it, and strangely, I had a hard time explaining the appeal myself. Then she asked why I was telling her now, and I was honest about the encounter that had made me realize I needed to talk about it.

Bottom line: She didn't entirely get it or what I got out of it, and was bothered by the encounter and the fact that I hadn't told her sooner, so she really needed time to think about it. I told her that was fine, and that until she made a decision, I wouldn't log in again on the condition that she'd make a decision within a week or two. In the end, she explained that she was uncomfortable with the interaction / relationship part of it, so especially intimate things like privates or cam-to-cam were off-limits. Otherwise, she was OK with it, but reserved the right to change her mind later on. At this point, I can tell she still doesn't really understand why I enjoy it, which is kind of a bummer since I really wish it was something we could enjoy together, but she still seems to be OK with it.

 

[AmberCutie]

she was uncomfortable with the interaction / relationship part of it, so especially intimate things like privates or cam-to-cam were off-limits. Otherwise, she was OK with it, but reserved the right to change her mind later on.

I find that to be an extremely reasonable feeling and compromise. It sounds like you went about it all very well, and I'm hoping you feel some relief to have opened up to her about it, even if she still doesn't 100% understand it still, at least you're not hiding something.

 

[GemmaMarie]

I think it sounds reasonable on her end, have you asked her to watch it with you (other than that first time)? I think it might help her get the appeal, to watch it more than just once. Show her some of your favorites, or just let her browse on your account (so she can chat if she wants if your a premium) so she can get her own feel for the site. It might never be something she totally gets, but allowing her the option to open herself up to it with you if she wants will probably help her get into it more. Have you expressed to her that you would like to make it an experience you share together should she want to? I think that's important to say if you haven't. Knowing that this isn't just you wanting to watch other women, but that you'd like to include her in on it too will help open her up to it (or at least it would me.) I am glad you finally came out to her about it, it really is the best thing.

 

[FrecklesXxX]

Bottom line: She didn't entirely get it or what I got out of it, and was bothered by the encounter and the fact that I hadn't told her sooner, so she really needed time to think about it. I told her that was fine, and that until she made a decision, I wouldn't log in again on the condition that she'd make a decision within a week or two. In the end, she explained that she was uncomfortable with the interaction / relationship part of it, so especially intimate things like privates or cam-to-cam were off-limits. Otherwise, she was OK with it, but reserved the right to change her mind later on. At this point, I can tell she still doesn't really understand why I enjoy it, which is kind of a bummer since I really wish it was something we could enjoy together, but she still seems to be OK with it.

Inky, as a married woman who watches cams with my husband, I would also say that your impression of camgirls will undoubtedly reflect your opinion of the individual girls you're watching. The beauty of the whole world of a site like MFC is that anyone can work there. Also, whether you appreciate or enjoy places like MFC will depend on whether you like watching other people in the first place. Has she seen any of the non-nude models, or the funny models, in addition to the sexy ones? The site can also have a different vibe at different times of the day.

I would also say that whether she is bisexual will also heavily influence her enjoyment of the site.

To address the issue you referenced of describing the appeal, personally my partner and I discuss models of all sorts, from EgyptBeauty to Panda_Rawr, simply because the characteristics of people themselves can be so interesting. We are all so different. For me it's quite satisfying that my husband has a new appreciation for how hard most camgirls actually work, what with all the crap some of the guys give us, for instance.

 

[melanieoncam]

Whenever I see posts like this it makes me wonder how you would react if she decided to become a model herself. Would you have a problem with her being naked on the internet, doing privates with customers, etc?

Just curious.

 

[GreatDane]

Whenever I see posts like this it makes me wonder how you would react if she decided to become a model herself. Would you have a problem with her being naked on the internet, doing privates with customers, etc?

Just curious.

wouldn't have any issues with it unless it interfered with our personal time. All relationships will work if you are able to work around the other person's schedule and still make that personal time for each other. From what I have seen so far tho, it seems that camming has only increased the desire for intimate time with the model's S/O not a decline. :twocents-02cents:

 

[inkydoo]

Wow. I wasn't expecting such a response, but thanks. Let me try and answer some of the questions asked:

Amber: It was a relief to be honest about it. The model asking to see my cam really had an emotional impact that I wasn't expecting, so I was even more anxious and self-questioning when I decided I had to talk to my wife about it.

Gemma: I did explain that it was something I thought we might do together (as we sometimes watch porn together), though looking back I'm not sure I pushed on that aspect much given that I was just introducing her to it.

melanie: It's interesting you ask this, because when I first started hanging out on MFC more regularly (and before I told her about it), I spent some time thinking about whether I thought it was right or wrong, and whether I thought it would upset my wife (I've been accused by lots of people of thinking too much). One of the big questions I think about in such a situation is reciprocity; so if the roles were reversed in some way, how would I feel. So I though about both: a) if she were a model, how would I feel about it, and b) if she were watching models (male or female) how would I feel about it. My conclusion in both situations is, not surprisingly, I'd be worried that she'd make an emotional connection with somebody that would have a negative impact on our own relationship. So, while it might make me kind of nervous, I wouldn't be outright against it, but take more of a "go ahead and let's see what happens" attitude. In that sense, I totally got where she was coming from in her reaction when I did tell her.

 

[FrecklesXxX]

Wow, you sound like a great husband! :thumbleft: