If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by them?

[mynameisbob84]

So I was watching Orange Is The New Black (which is excellent by the way and you should all be watching it) and one of the characters is a post-op transexual. One of the story arcs focuses on (*VERY MILD SPOILER ALERT, YO*) the strain that his/her sex change has placed on their marriage.

It got me wondering how people would cope with that kind of thing. If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner underwent a sex change, would you/could you stand by them? Or would it be too big a hurdle to overcome?

 

[Anonymous]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Yes I would.


ALSO I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHOW I BINGE-WATCHED IT IN TWO DAYS I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MORE SEASONS

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Duke and I were talking about this the other day.

I would support him. However I don't think our relationship would continue in its current form. I'm bisexual, but I fell in love with him - as a man. His man-qualities were one of the things about him I fell in love with.. they were an intergral part of his personality. I have had other relationships with people that were less.. gender based. Where this might have worked.. but with him, Its too intergral to his personality.. it would be such a change, it wouldn't be.. well HIM anymore.

There's a saying that sometimes I hear where people say they dont see gender when they fall in love. I used to think I was like that. And now I realize its not true. I absolutely see gender when I fall in love. I've been in love with women, and men. Each time, I was in love with them for being who they were - That included their gender as an intergral part.


I hope this makes sense.

 

[Bocefish]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by them?

Not in marriage, but probably as a friend.

 

[jblackbean2]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Depends how fit they are after the Sex change

jblackbean2

 

[KaterinaPryde]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Loved that show! On pins and needles for season 2. As for your question. Yes I would stand by him, I would support him, I would even help him pay for it. But our marriage would be over. We would be best friends, but not lovers.

 

[Rose]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Most definitely. I don't care what parts BJ has as long as he still has the same buttheaded personality that I fell in love with.

It helps that there have been some things that have shown both of us how we would act if we were the opposite sex and we would both get along fine if he was a female. It wouldn't work if I changed though because we wouldn't be aboe to continue our relationship in a sexual way. We could be best friends, co-parent together and be life partners though, but not lovers.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I've given it some thought (and watched some more Orange Is The New Black... so good! :-D) and I don't think I could do it. I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not. I think I could support them and be there for them as a friend. Probably. If it was just a friend as opposed to a love I could and would absolutely support them 100%. If it was a wife or a girlfriend though, them undergoing a sex change would mean the end of our relationship in a romantic capacity. I'd like to be able to say I'd still support them, but there'd be a bitterness and a resentment there, I think. I'd hope I could get over that and put my butt-hurt-ness to the side, but don't know if I'd honestly be able to.

 

[JickyJuly]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

The idea that you can cut and paste a few things and become another gender offends me. So, it would depend on how my partner approached the idea of gender. If he saw a sex change as part of his own personal journey, I could be down with that. If he thought he would go into surgery a man and come out a woman, it would be hard for me to handle.
Edited to add:
I came at this from an outside angle I guess. If we're meaning could the romantic aspect of our relationship remain the same, I would say yes. I'm attracted to certain people more than certain bodies. So, it would probably not have negative impact on me sexually speaking.

 

[BlueViolet]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Definitely. I mean, I absolutely love her body--especially her very soft breasts and lower regions, but if she really felt it was necessary for her to feel comfortable to have a sex change, then I'd support that.

I didn't fall in love with just her body--I fell for her almost ten years ago because she has an amazing personality, she's intelligent, she's incredibly creative, she's supportive, our core beliefs match, our future goals are the same, and we never run out of things to talk about. We grew up together, we moved out together, we've gone through a lot of changes together, and I can't imagine giving that all up just because she wanted a penis.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I want to add.. since this says "SEX" change... about the difference between gender and sex.

Had I met duke, and he had been a trans FtoM person... in a female body... I would have been fine with that, and continued seeing him as the male that he is. My issue is not with the body parts, its with the fact that the gender that i know him as now, is the gender that i fell in love with. If he was hit by lightning and magically woke up with female parts, our sex life might be a bit weird, but as long as he still identified as male, we would be fine.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, are sex changes and gender changes not the same thing? In the example I used from the show (and based the question on) the character was born a man and then underwent a medical procedure to turn his penis into a vagina. He also had breasts implanted, underwent a complete wardrobe makeover and now addresses himself/herself as a "she".

 

[BlueViolet]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

On the note of gender vs. sex.

If me or Quinn decided to get a penis, we'd still be the same exact people we are now. Hormones might affect us a little bit differently, but hormones are always affecting us anyway. That's why I really wouldn't care if Quinn wanted a sex change because I know her gender is always going to be what it is. She doesn't really conform to society's standards on gender anyway so it's not like she'd magically start becoming the stereotypical male gender simply because she has a penis.

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, are sex changes and gender changes not the same thing?

Gender is society's definition of what a man and woman is, sex is what biologically/physically you are, whatever you actually have in your pants or written on your legal documents. You can identify as a woman while having the biological sex of a man. Gender is a fluid thing, some women are more "girly" than other, some men are more "manly" than others, and that can even change on a daily basis, but gender is purely a societal term.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, are sex changes and gender changes not the same thing? In the example I used from the show (and based the question on) the character was born a man and then underwent a medical procedure to turn his penis into a vagina. He also had breasts implanted, went a complete wardrobe makeover and now addresses himself/herself as a "she".

SOmeone having a sex change is pretty much guaranteed to already identify as the opposite gender.

I was just trying to clarify that sex (the physical parts you have) and gender (the sex you feel you are on the inside) are two different things. Some examples from my real life:

My sex is female.
My gender is female.

My next door neighbors sex is female.
Their gender is gender neutral. They do not identify as male or female, and wants simply to be known by neutral pronouns (them/they/their). They have no plans to change their sex, but wishes to live without gender.

My friend Alex's sex is male to female. She is currently in transition - she still has a penis and balls, but has breasts, is on hormones, and has had surgery on her throat to make her adams apple less masculine.
Her gender is female. She was born with this gender, and is in the process of making her body match.

My friend Chris's sex is male. He was born a female, but has transitioned entirely to a male body. He now has no breasts, has a penis and testicles, and can grow facial hair.
His gender is male. He was born with a male gender, but female sex organs. He changed these organs to match his gender.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

On the note of gender vs. sex.

If me or Quinn decided to get a penis, we'd still be the same exact people we are now. Hormones might affect us a little bit differently, but hormones are always affecting us anyway. That's why I really wouldn't care if Quinn wanted a sex change because I know her gender is always going to be what it is. She doesn't really conform to society's standards on gender anyway so it's not like she'd magically start becoming the stereotypical male gender simply because she has a penis.

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, are sex changes and gender changes not the same thing?

Gender is society's definition of what a man and woman is, sex is what biologically/physically you are, whatever you actually have in your pants or written on your legal documents. You can identify as a woman while having the biological sex of a man. Gender is a fluid thing, some women are more "girly" than other, some men are more "manly" than others, and that can even change on a daily basis, but gender is purely a societal term.

Gotcha. That makes sense.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I watched a program similar to this years and years ago and I thought about the same thing as he has a wife who ended up leaving him. It's funny because she'd expressed she wasn't attracted to him as a girl and wouldn't be able to stay with him, yet he still went through with it, he then kept moaning and was on this big sympathy parade that she didn't stay with him. I mean I'm all for equality, but in most relationships changing sex is a massive deal! It's not exactly a normal situation.

If my boyfriend changed sex then no I would not stay with him I don't think. Unless he turned into a really attractive female, in that case I might find new attraction for him as obviously I love his personality and who he is. But my attraction for him is for him being a male. Also my boyfriend is particularly male. He's a very nice, intelligent, sensitive caveman, but caveman he still is. Turning into a woman would take away a large part of his personality.

I am also not truly bisexual although I am bi curious and can be very into certain girls I am no where near as into girls as I'm into guys. I could no more be expected to stay with someone I was with who got a sex change than a lesbian could expect to be able to go out with me just because I get along with them/am friends with them.

If this were a choice they absolutely had to make and they weren't a dick about it then I would still support them as much as I possibly could under the circumstances, and I would still try and be a friend to them.

 

[Nordling]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

On the note of gender vs. sex.

If me or Quinn decided to get a penis, we'd still be the same exact people we are now. Hormones might affect us a little bit differently, but hormones are always affecting us anyway. That's why I really wouldn't care if Quinn wanted a sex change because I know her gender is always going to be what it is. She doesn't really conform to society's standards on gender anyway so it's not like she'd magically start becoming the stereotypical male gender simply because she has a penis.

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, are sex changes and gender changes not the same thing?

Gender is society's definition of what a man and woman is, sex is what biologically/physically you are, whatever you actually have in your pants or written on your legal documents. You can identify as a woman while having the biological sex of a man. Gender is a fluid thing, some women are more "girly" than other, some men are more "manly" than others, and that can even change on a daily basis, but gender is purely a societal term.

Well put. The distinction between the two words can be confusing, because they are often used interchangeably, or even the opposite of current conventions. American Heritage mostly agrees with your definition:

Usage Note: Traditionally, gender has been used primarily to refer to the grammatical categories of "masculine," "feminine," and "neuter," but in recent years the word has become well established in its use to refer to sex-based categories, as in phrases such as gender gap and the politics of gender. This usage is supported by the practice of many anthropologists, who reserve sex for reference to biological categories, while using gender to refer to social or cultural categories. According to this rule, one would say The effectiveness of the medication appears to depend on the sex (not gender) of the patient, but In peasant societies, gender (not sex) roles are likely to be more clearly defined. This distinction is useful in principle, but it is by no means widely observed, and considerable variation in usage occurs at all levels.

 

[BlueViolet]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

My next door neighbors sex is female.
Their gender is gender neutral. They do not identify as male or female, and wants simply to be known by neutral pronouns (them/they/their). They have no plans to change their sex, but wishes to live without gender.

My friend Alex's sex is male to female. She is currently in transition - she still has a penis and balls, but has breasts, is on hormones, and has had surgery on her throat to make her adams apple less masculine.
Her gender is female. She was born with this gender, and is in the process of making her body match.

My friend Chris's sex is male. He was born a female, but has transitioned entirely to a male body. He now has no breasts, has a penis and testicles, and can grow facial hair.
His gender is male. He was born with a male gender, but female sex organs. He changed these organs to match his gender.

You can also identify as male or female without having plans of physically changing your physical sex. There are many biologically male people out there that are much more feminine than me, who identify as a woman but have no plans of altering their reproductive organs. And I know of even more biological females who look like and identify as men, but have no intention of ever taking hormones or getting a penis.

A lot of times times they will want to change their physical sex to match their gender, but a lot of times, they also feel it isn't necessary.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

My next door neighbors sex is female.
Their gender is gender neutral. They do not identify as male or female, and wants simply to be known by neutral pronouns (them/they/their). They have no plans to change their sex, but wishes to live without gender.

My friend Alex's sex is male to female. She is currently in transition - she still has a penis and balls, but has breasts, is on hormones, and has had surgery on her throat to make her adams apple less masculine.
Her gender is female. She was born with this gender, and is in the process of making her body match.

My friend Chris's sex is male. He was born a female, but has transitioned entirely to a male body. He now has no breasts, has a penis and testicles, and can grow facial hair.
His gender is male. He was born with a male gender, but female sex organs. He changed these organs to match his gender.

You can also identify as male or female without having plans of physically changing your physical sex. There are many biologically male people out there that are much more feminine than me, who identify as a woman but have no plans of altering their reproductive organs. And I know of even more biological females who look like and identify as men, but have no intention of ever taking hormones or getting a penis.

A lot of times times they will want to change their physical sex to match their gender, but a lot of times, they also feel it isn't necessary.

yup..had a long convo about this with my neighbor. they had previously been identifying as male, with no plans to change from female sex to male sex. I guess they went through a bit of an identity crisis over the last year, and decided that they were not male, but wanted to be neutral at that time.

 

[Kunra9]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

No. I just don't find men attractive sexually.

Maybe we could be friends, but staying friends with an ex has generally not worked out for me personally.

 

[LiLredhairedgrl]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

So I was watching Orange Is The New Black (which is excellent by the way and you should all be watching it) and one of the characters is a post-op transexual. One of the story arcs focuses on (*VERY MILD SPOILER ALERT, YO*) the strain that his/her sex change has placed on their marriage.

It got me wondering how people would cope with that kind of thing. If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner underwent a sex change, would you/could you stand by them? Or would it be too big a hurdle to overcome?

I watched the whole season in 2 days....

and yes, I would stick by him. He is kind of kinky and likes to see me with others so I know I would still get the dick. Bahaha! And I just love him too much to ever lose him, even if he didn't have his penus anymore.

:thumbleft:

edit after reading Lolli's post.....I too would miss the manly man I fell in love with. And that is also an integral part of why I fell for him--but still, I would stay with him no matter.

 

[southsamurai]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

ok, ive had sex with and dated both men and women. along the way i figured out that while i CAN play around with guys, its not something that i like all that much, nor get turned on by in and of itself. women is another story. that is where all my preferences lie.

so if i was dating/partnered with a guy and he decided to transition i would have no problems at all. win win for me lol.

if i was partnered with.married to a woman and she needed to transition the story changes again. while i would support their needs and make sure they were happy and safe along the way, i just cant see the relationship staying romantic, and definitely not sexual. (though cuddles and hand holding would still be awesome) on the other hand it wouldnt be a death knell to the relationship. i would be just fine staying partnered/married and exploring polyamory, or whatever my partner was up to. certainly i wouldnt stop loving them. love is more than a cock or a pussy. love is about the person inside really (for me anyway). gender and sex only enter into the equation if sexual intercourse of some kind is involved. after i finally figured out that when it comes to bumping uglies dudes just dont do it for me, i still loved deeply some of the men i had been intimate with. (still do really).

so yeah, as long as everyone's physical emotional and social needs were being met, not a big deal really

 

[Jillybean]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I just started watching Orange is the New Black. It's a Netflix Original Series on instant watch.

I think it's either episode 3 or 4 that deals with a transgendered husband and father. So far, it's a really neat show and I really like how each episode seems to show the background of different inmates in a prison.

Edit: I see this has already come up. I need to start reading replies (or the OP) before posting.

Anyway, I really hate myself for the answer to this question, but I'm not going to lie.

I would not be okay. I would have a lot of hate in me over it, and I can't explain why. I know people don't have to identify with the gender they were born with, but I would feel lied to. I would feel like this was something that should have come up a long time ago, and I would be too hurt to allow myself to stay in a relationship I never wanted in the first place.

 

[Nordling]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I just started watching Orange is the New Black. It's a Netflix Original Series on instant watch.

I think it's either episode 3 or 4 that deals with a transgendered husband and father. So far, it's a really neat show and I really like how each episode seems to show the background of different inmates in a prison.

Edit: I see this has already come up. I need to start reading replies before posting.

Anyway, I really hate myself for the answer to this question, but I'm not going to lie.

I would not be okay. I would have a lot of hate in me over it, and I can't explain why. I know people don't have to identify with the gender they were born with, but I would feel lied to. I would feel like this was something that should have come up a long time ago, and I would be too hurt to allow myself to stay in a relationship I never wanted in the first place.

Yeah, it'd be hard to believe that a different orientation suddenly just sprung up. I worked with two women at different times who both married men who turned out to be gay or bisexual, but neither mentioned this prior to their wedding. Another woman I worked with married a straight man who hadn't mentioned before marriage that he's a transvestite. All were instant divorces.

There's nothing wrong with being straight or gay or bi...but when you hide your core orientation from someone you plan to marry, they are justified in being angry and upset when they find out.

 

[Brad]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I would lend my support in every way I could just as I would do for any of my friends. But I have to be honest, there would not be a sexual relationship anymore. I simply am not, nor ever have been, sexually attracted to men.
:dontknow:

 

[Just Me]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I have a problem with the premise. I can not believe that this would not have been brought up during the relationship or I would not have known something this big about my partner before we started the relationship. Sex and gender identity issues are not usually something that just pops up.

If I knew about it ahead of time and had no problems with it, I would not suddenly change my opinion of the person. If I did not know about it until they decided to have gender reassignment surgery it would most likely be a deal breaker. Secrets like that are not something you keep from someone you expect to have a relationship with.

 

[southsamurai]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

all debate aside about the issue, it makes me so happy to see that none of the dudes so far have been all rude about it. they even refer to the post op FtoM as male, without seeming to think about it. kudos!

 

[Annvious]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

I would stand by my fiance, it doesn't hurt that I'm bisexual and attracted to both genders though. I also have had quite a few trans friends in the past so I'm familiar with it all.

 

[RedneckHick]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

Touchy subject here. As a heterosexual guy that part of the relationship would be over, like Snap, Crackle, Pop done. I would like to say that I'm better man and say "Yes honey, I support you in your choice" but not sure if I could at that point in time or ever.

Would be a very difficult situation from my side to see the reasons. My first feelings would be betrayal and the reason for this is it is not something that one just wakes up in the morning and decides. The thoughts are there well before and this should have been discuss early on in the beginning.

Before being chastised here, I do have gay friends of both sexes. So it's not that.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

Re: If your partner had a sex change, would you stand by the

So she'd be a gay man stuck in a woman's body and she'd want her body to reflect how she feels on the inside? We could remain friends but that's where it would end. And this is something people should definitely bring up as a possibility before marriage and life term commitment. you don't bring this up after the honeymoon.