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I used to be a cam girl... advice wanted.
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Nordling
V.I.P. AmberLander
No, you shouldN'T.God said:
Sometimes it helps to not give advice at all, when your communications skills appear to be non-existent.
Miss_Lollipop said:
+1 on the letters. On emotionally charger issue listening skills tend to go out the window. So even a guy who isn't the super emotional, he might react with "babe we've been over this, I don't want the mother of my child to be a whore"... and arguments and hurt feeling ensue. My only suggestion is to make sure to mention that you are ok with putting boundaries on what you will and won't do on cam.
Miss_Lollipop said:
I don't think anyone here is saying she shouldn't broach the subject, and it sounds to me like she already has. It also sounds to me like the communication has already happened, he has made his feelings known, and she doesn't like the conclusion. Her reasoning, to my mind, is weaker than his. You have stated it yourself, lolli; it takes man of a certain temperament to have a camgirl girlfriend. He didn't get into the relationship with the expectation that she would be a camgirl, and from the sounds of it, she didn't either. It was something that seems to have been behind her when they met and started having babies together, but which she now wants to try again at. Expecting him to turn around on the idea of his SO doing sex work again, just so they can loosen their belts a bit, comes off as unreasonable. If this was a matter of actual communication, she wouldn't have come in with the question that essentially amounts to, "how can I convince him that I should do this?" That doesn't sound like communication. That sounds more like manipulation.
LaceyRoyce
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- Feb 7, 2011
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zippypinhead said:
Ok i see your points, however.. this was before she had the baby. Things have changed, circumstances have changed. I think she needs to talk to him again. I didn't get that she EXPECTS change from her post, just that she wants it.
To me, "how can I convince him" doesnt read manipulative..but that may just be subjective.
so maybe we agree the answer to this is honest communication? I fink..so..
schlmoe
V.I.P. AmberLander
Here is proof that a "God-like" sense of humor does not exist. :lol:God said:
Agreed especially if it's terrible advice like thisNordling said:
Lying or hiding stuff from your boyfriend/father of your child prolly ain't helpful advice.Voxelle said:
PunkInDrublic said:
I don't know what type of relationship they have. I don't know if she tells him everything. SO I suggested something she wouldn't have to tell him & yet still not really upset him because she's not getting naked on cam/showing off her body.
PunkInDrublic said:You really don't understand why this is terrible advice?Voxelle said:
I'm noticing you have a habit of reading what you want to read, instead of reading the whole response. Because I'm pretty sure I stated why I suggested it in the first place...(double checks.. Yup. Sure did) but in case you missed it. I suggested it because I don't know their relationship or if she tells him everything.
I was going to try and entertain you, but I really don't care how you see this as terrible advice.. I was giving advice to the OP not you. Moving on.
IMO, if she's close enough to him to have his baby, if she wasn't telling him things i'd be extremely worried... Just sayin.
Double checks... yeah still terrible advice for almost any relationship.Voxelle said:
Roger that.Voxelle said:
Voxelle said:
I'd like to go by the assumption that as she's in a committed relationship with a child she does tell him everything... But maybe that's just me hoping. In a relationship you don't have to tell your partner everything, but things like that, then yes, definitely you should. And I don't think going behind his back regardless of their relationship is ever a good idea. Though Punk, there's no need to be rude about it... :naughty:
My :twocents-02cents: , hiding something as significant as your job (or not talking about it at all) is NOT the right way to go about something like this. It's not healthy for ANY relationship. If he doesn't agree with what you want to do, you have two choices as far as I see it: a.) don't do it, or b.) tell him to fuck off that you're going to do it anyway and see what happens. I mean, when it gets down to it, those really are your only two choices. You can't MAKE him think or feel a certain way about anything. Some people are against us smut peddlers and some people love us. That's all there is to it.
Besides, once you start making money (if you do decide to go ahead with camming) how in the hell are you going to explain deposits and/or extra $? Lying is the right way, if you want your complete and total relationship to go down the damn toilet.
Besides, once you start making money (if you do decide to go ahead with camming) how in the hell are you going to explain deposits and/or extra $? Lying is the right way, if you want your complete and total relationship to go down the damn toilet.
A
Anonymous
Guest
God said:
Probably because she posted this in the Ask-a-Model section, and was expecting responses from models instead of members?
candicehayes said:
When I was first getting started I was really quiet about it to everyone, because I'm the type to like to see things work before I mention it to other people (in case it doesn't work out). So I didn't tell my bf about smut peddling at all. Then once the money started coming in, I told him what I was doing and I showed him how much money I was making, we talked about boundaries and everything. At first he wasn't so supportive about it, because of the stigma, but he knows if I want to do something he has no say in the matter, because it's something I want to do.
For me, I didn't know how to bring it up to him.. So I just went and did it (made a c4s store) so I could bring back the results and say "Look I've been bringing in money by doing this.. this is how much I've made this month.. What do you think?" It also made it a lot easier for me to approach then to out right say "Hey I want to become a smut peddler."
A
Anonymous
Guest
God said:
True, and no one here said she has to be.....
But if she wants to communicate on here with cam girls only (I have no idea?), then she should get verified and post threads like this in the Models Only section (can't get verified if she's not a model though). If you post in Ask-a-Model and expect to get responses only from the ladies, that ain't gonna happen...lol. Members are gonna chime in with their :twocents-02cents:, since they have access to the thread.
Voxelle said:
While I understand your point, I believe that we just have to agree to disagree on this. I see the waiting until after starting to do it causing a big "in your face" explosion. Happy it worked out for you tho.
Edit: Call me old fashioned but I still go by the old saying that if you don't have honesty and trust, then you don't have anything in a relationship.
That was me being nice tho. I can see my kind aren't welcome in these parts. Thats cool I got my own place.Isabella_deL said:
candicehayes said:
The thing is though, is I agree with you. Those are good qualities to have in a relationship, but at the same time things are done differently in each relationship. It doesn't have to be a do "this" in this way, or else your relationship is bad. Because that's impractical. Our relationships (you, the OP & myself) are all in good healthy relationships, and we all have our way of handling serious topics, such as this differently. Does that mean that one is less healthy or means its a bad relationship compared to the others, No. & that's what some people are misunderstanding.
Voxelle said:
Ask any therapist/psychologist and they will tell you that lying is not something that a healthy person uses as their first option. If lying isn't a "wrong" thing to do then why is lying against so many religious practices/laws? I understand and agree that different relationships work different ways but I have never seen someone lie in a relationship and get something positive as the conclusion.
iUsedToBeACamGirl said:
Okay, I'm gonna toss my :twocents-02cents: in here, too.
I don't know how much you've talked to your current boyfriend about camming, but I suspect since you were already out of the business that you just let him know it was something that you did in the past, he drew his conclusions about it and that was the end since it probably wasn't something that needed to be discussed in detail because it was already over with.
If I was you, I would approach the subject with him on a day when neither of you have anything pressing to rush off to do (possibly even find a babysitter for a few hours because it's a subject that requires serious attention). Sit him down and really talk to him. If you find it hard to just come out with it, write him a letter, but don't leave. Stay there with him while he reads it so that you can answer his questions immediately. Leaving might make it seem like something that you're ashamed of and that would probably give a bad impression.
Explain that camming is more than just being naked and fucking yourself silly which, realistically, is what most people that aren't familiar with camgirls and what we actually do assume. If he's receptive enough, show him around the site. Show him nude models, show him non-nude models, show him all the games and silly fun things that are happening on the site. Show him that it can be a business venture for BOTH of you, that there are tons of ways that he could be involved on a personal level so he won't ever feel like he's on the outside. Most importantly, talk to him about the income potential. Let him know what you made before, the kind of hours you kept to make that kind of money, etc.
I disagree with whoever suggested getting started with anything behind his back. Honesty is the best policy here. Even if you don't tell him everything in your relationship, hiding this will be a big deal and could easily sour a relationship with someone you'll have to see for a lot of years since you have a kid together.
You might do all of this only to have his opinions remain the same and that would suck, but it's a definite possibility. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of their girlfriend getting naked on the internet.
I hope things work out for you. Good luck!
I can never agree or feel good about people giving relationship advice to someone when it involves outright lying or hiding the truth from someone they are seriously involved with.
STAHP.
Edit: Also, I saw this had gotten to 2 pages today and realized there HAD to be some crazy-talk going on in order to drag this out that far that fast. Of course, it was God coming in with gibbering nonsense. I'm going to kindly ask that you butt out of this thread as you've added nothing but extra page scrolling to the issue.
STAHP.
Edit: Also, I saw this had gotten to 2 pages today and realized there HAD to be some crazy-talk going on in order to drag this out that far that fast. Of course, it was God coming in with gibbering nonsense. I'm going to kindly ask that you butt out of this thread as you've added nothing but extra page scrolling to the issue.
Now for my actual response, and not just to OP but for any cam girl wanting to start or get back into camming while their significant other is not on board:
1. Talk to them. Remind them how the money and schedule is very nice when you're camming. Focus on the positives and ask for a conversation about it. A conversation does NOT consist of "hey I'm going to start camming again and there's nothing you can do to change my mind".
2. If they are still hesitant, which they probably are after step 1, discuss the cons of camming, and why your SO is upset or nervous about them. Try to see it from their point of view as well, and try to come to an understanding of why the feel the way they do. Calmly.
3. If they are starting to realize that solid communication about it makes them feel better, ask if there's anything the two of you can do to ease their mind a bit more. Watch other cam girls? Read forum posts? Cam together on a site that allows couples? Start a clips4sale site just to do vids instead of real time interaction with people?
I agree with the statement that says "if you don't have trust you have nothing" so starting up with clips4sale or something behind his back? outrageous. If it worked for you, congrats, you beat the odds. But doing things behind your partners back, if you actually want to remain partners with them, is absolutely wrong.
1. Talk to them. Remind them how the money and schedule is very nice when you're camming. Focus on the positives and ask for a conversation about it. A conversation does NOT consist of "hey I'm going to start camming again and there's nothing you can do to change my mind".
2. If they are still hesitant, which they probably are after step 1, discuss the cons of camming, and why your SO is upset or nervous about them. Try to see it from their point of view as well, and try to come to an understanding of why the feel the way they do. Calmly.
3. If they are starting to realize that solid communication about it makes them feel better, ask if there's anything the two of you can do to ease their mind a bit more. Watch other cam girls? Read forum posts? Cam together on a site that allows couples? Start a clips4sale site just to do vids instead of real time interaction with people?
I agree with the statement that says "if you don't have trust you have nothing" so starting up with clips4sale or something behind his back? outrageous. If it worked for you, congrats, you beat the odds. But doing things behind your partners back, if you actually want to remain partners with them, is absolutely wrong.
candicehayes said:
I'm just going to clarify, I didn't mean for it to come out as lie to your boyfriend, or don't tell him. I meant it as a "test the waters - if it works fill him in if it doesn't move on". Which is how I approached the conversation with my bf & it worked out - I can only give advice I've lived through, should've stated that originally but I didn't - too late.
But going the route of saying "if lying isn't "wrong" then why are so many religious practices/laws against it?" Is to broad of a claim to state your point. Because I can use the same statement and say that smut peddling is technically "wrong" in the same sense but we're still doing it. So... lets..not bring up how things are viewed/treated in religions and politics.
Voxelle said:
Yes and every single one of us smut peddlers are going to hell. Now i'm done with this.
*Then* will you watch my cam?candicehayes said:
Amber said everything that needed to be said and did so with awesome.
Best wishes to Ms.Usedtobeacamgirl. :thumbleft:
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