I ruined my life ! Need help please

[summerr]

Hello,

I really need your support, and sorry if you feel I am so dramatic.
On 2017, I was so stupid and start caming, I didn’t properly thought about, I just needed money and I thought it was the best way to do. I registered on Bongamodels, I did it for 1 week, I showed my face on the videos. I stopped and deleted my account my account because I wasn’t feeling in my place and good doing that.
1 year later I did another account on bongamodel, I remember I was doing a bit of private chat, like less then 5 minutes, I wasn’t populaire and barely earned money. Like maybe 200$ because the website gave me 100$ for being online. I did that for another week and stoped. and never get back to it.
I tried to forget about it and just live mylife.

And now I have a new job and met an amazing guy, I decide to never tell him about that, for me it’s past, I know he will never understand and forgive me for it, Being a cam girl for 2 weeks in my life doesn’t makes me a bad person or humain without any worth and values so I prefer to only think about present and future with him. I also don’t ask any questions about his past.

My questions is what’s are the chance that any videos of me are out there ? I googled my username on google (like : username bbongacam/ cam / camgirl ) I found 3 pics of me, and all related with bongamodel promoting my chat room, and when I clic it’s says model offline. I didn’t found any video with my username, or anything. But I am afraid that one of the guys who watched my shows did broadcast me and put it on porn website.

Is there any way I can look if there is any videos of me out there ? ( the one that aren’t under my username )
I checked all pornhub camgirl videos and I didn’t found any.

Can you please give me some advice ? I am so afraid that someone will found those videos of me and ruin my life.
Thank you so much, and sorry if I am so overreacting.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

If a guy can’t understand you even camming for just 2 weeks before you even met him he doesn’t sound amazing at all to be honest. Does/has he ever look at online porn? (like most men in the day and age do). If someone would flip out over something in the past (that wouldn’t even require his forgiveness tbh) that wasn’t harmful or any of his business at the time they don’t sound like a wonderful partner. I would wonder how they could handle less than perfect moments that come up inevitably as a couple. I just wanted to add that in: you stated it perfectly, you know your worth and that camming doesn’t make you a bad person. The red flag however is how this view he may have of cam girls, purity and women etc —not even about your past in itself coming up again. You will be worrying about him finding out because the internet is forever. You don’t deserve that kind of fear or stress.

If your content is on a site like pornhub, xvideos or xhamster (more mainstream tube sites) you can send a DMCA request for removal and they almost always obey it. Smaller sites or ones outside of the US and harder to get removal from.

There is always a chance of it being out there but if you can’t find it easily without digging around deep I wouldn’t stress about it too much. Since it was just 2 weeks and unless you were doing something unusual or extreme that could trigger a viral post it most likely will just be buried under the thousands of camgirl videos out there.

 

[cbhours]

Yeah thats overly dramatic, your life isn't ruined, statistically speaking he will never find a video of you online.

Being a cam girl for 2 weeks in my life doesn’t makes me a bad person or humain without any worth and values

..................................anyone that thinks being a cam girl makes someone a bad person or a human without any worth is scum.

 

[AudriTwo]

you can also dmca those pics from google. don't use your real information. use bongocams address and put your camname instead of your real name. https://support.google.com/legal/troubleshooter/1114905?hl=en

i also want to let you know you did not ruin your life because you were at a point in your life where you needed money and chose to cam. i don't think you are being dramatic with these very real feelings. just need help coping. there is nothing wrong with consensually exposing yourself or sharing your sexuality for money. please speak to a therapist or counselor to find acceptance and to move on from your brief period of camming.

if you are afraid of judgment, i recommend speaking to an adult industry centered counseling, please check out pineapple support

please take good care of yourself OP.

 

[summerr]

you can also dmca those pics from google. don't use your real information. use bongocams address and put your camname instead of your real name. https://support.google.com/legal/troubleshooter/1114905?hl=en

i also want to let you know you did not ruin your life because you were at a point in your life where you needed money and chose to cam. i don't think you are being dramatic with these very real feelings. just need help coping. there is nothing wrong with consensually exposing yourself or sharing your sexuality for money. please speak to a therapist or counselor to find acceptance and to move on from your brief period of camming.

if you are afraid of judgment, i recommend speaking to an adult industry centered counseling, please check out pineapple support

please take good care of yourself OP.

Hey thank you so much for your replay, I did asked for google to remove those pictures, they only removed 1 of them, and I used my real name and surname, I didn’t know I shouldn’t, what are the risk ?
I will try to talk to some therapist

 

[AudriTwo]

Hey thank you so much for your replay, I did asked for google to remove those pictures, they only removed 1 of them, and I used my real name and surname, I didn’t know I shouldn’t, what are the risk ?
I will try to talk to some therapist

it's okay. most people don't know this. when you send dmcas, sites you dmca will send your information to the user you are dmcaing so they know who they need to sue for copyright. some sketchy sites like to post your dox on their site as retaliation. most comply and delete, but there are a few who like to play hardball. you can also hire a dmca company to fill out your dmcas on your behalf with their information instead of your private.

im not trying to scare you but let you know of the potential negatives. try not to freak out. you gotta learn to let go and move on.
so many hugs.

 

[KenzieCams]

Girl. Here's the thing. Being a cam girl is to be empowered. You own your body, are proud of your body, and people who appreciate your presence compensate you for your time and effort. If that's not the ultimate Boss move, I don't know what is. Not only that, but cam girls shatter stereotypes, stop the spread of little dick news, and create a positive atmosphere for women everywhere to explore their sexuality and their sexual power. Cam girls value body positivity, financial freedom, and independence. To be a cam model means you've chosen to life your best life, take care of yourself physically, as well as mentally, so you are always the best version of yourself which translates into dollars. You were a part of this community, however brief, so don't think for a SECOND you aren't the complete bad ass, fierce, independent woman we all know you are. If I were you, I'd find those videos, if they are out there, and download them yourself and play them for your man while he pleasures you because you are a goddess. I'm sorry hunny but there is no place for shame. You are way too fabulous for that.

 

[SMuser69]

Hey thank you so much for your replay, I did asked for google to remove those pictures, they only removed 1 of them, and I used my real name and surname, I didn’t know I shouldn’t, what are the risk ?
I will try to talk to some therapist

Do understand the Streisand effect the more you go out of your way to remove something nobody might of cared about before you can create greater tracks. Your own googling of yourself affect the algorithm. You should strongly consider if you need to dig very deep to find a needle in the haystack you are also building a path. It's probably better to trust in your SO. If he's a great person you should trust in that. Two weeks is a very limited amount of time on a very small cam site when it was very small.

 

[Walkergrogan]

I do this full time i have many pics of me out there and nobody ever found out. Relax. I guarantee you nobody will find anything

 

[Parking]

You'll be fine!

 

[Makko]

I've been pornsurfing for over 35 years, (and been on some shady sites) and I NEVER came across a cammodel video (and I mean a public cam recording). And if I did, I would most likely skip and forget. If someone doesn't actively search for it, the chance to find such a recording are abysmal small. There's just so much porn out there.

I just checked one of those free pornsites and they added over 500 videos in 3 a hour period. In total that 1 site has around 48 million porn vids. If one would watch 1 second of each vid, it would cost you close to 2 years to watch them all. Just to give an example of how much is out there.

 

[summerr]

Thank you so much all of you for replaying to me, and making me feel better. I just feel that I am afraid that one day somebody I know will discover it online ( because I didn’t talk about that to anyone ) or even having kids and they will found out about that when they’ll be in the age to watch porn. I saw a post on another group forum where people asking will you tell to your kids that they’re mom was a whore in the past. Idk why people always have to associate other like that.
I don’t feel so much good in my mind right now, I know I did this and it was a mistake, I am not judging anybody doing it or anything. It’s just like I know it’s not something for me and idk why I didn’t réalise that before doing it.

 

[Danigirl]

I don't consider myself a whore. I consider myself smart as hell that I don't answer to any bosses, make a hell of a lot of money working the hours I want to. I consider myself a freaking amazing mom because I'm able to give my kids tons of opportunities and memories they wouldn't have if I did a traditional job. I'm able to be there for every school function, afford lessons, afford an awesome RV to travel the weekends in. My choices allow me to feel body confident and I usually love what I do. I work 1/3rd the time I did before and make 3 times as much. Sooo... Life is short and time is the only thing you can't get more of.

If your significant other would judge you so harshly for a decision you made prior to him, he doesn't deserve you.

 

[summerr]

I don't consider myself a whore. I consider myself smart as hell that I don't answer to any bosses, make a hell of a lot of money working the hours I want to. I consider myself a freaking amazing mom because I'm able to give my kids tons of opportunities and memories they wouldn't have if I did a traditional job. I'm able to be there for every school function, afford lessons, afford an awesome RV to travel the weekends in. My choices allow me to feel body confident and I usually love what I do. I work 1/3rd the time I did before and make 3 times as much. Sooo... Life is short and time is the only thing you can't get more of.

If your significant other would judge you so harshly for a decision you made prior to him, he doesn't deserve you.

You are so right ! You’re such a strong women, nobody has the right to Judge of for something we did In the past or we still do, I should stop thinking about what people think about me, and try to live my life the best way possible, and if one day he comes across any video out there I just have to assume it and that’s it.

 

[Parking]

I don't consider myself a whore. I consider myself smart as hell that I don't answer to any bosses, make a hell of a lot of money working the hours I want to. I consider myself a freaking amazing mom because I'm able to give my kids tons of opportunities and memories they wouldn't have if I did a traditional job. I'm able to be there for every school function, afford lessons, afford an awesome RV to travel the weekends in. My choices allow me to feel body confident and I usually love what I do. I work 1/3rd the time I did before and make 3 times as much. Sooo... Life is short and time is the only thing you can't get more of.

If your significant other would judge you so harshly for a decision you made prior to him, he doesn't deserve you.

Regardless of what other people think of you, at least your kids will have a good time. A happy kid is a happy parent.

 

[dickwow99]

You could give this a try https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/6302812

 

[summerr]

You could give this a try https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/6302812

Thank you ! Do you have an idea on how to look if there is a video out there ? Bc when I google my username I don’t found any video just 2/3 pictures. Is there any video of I don’t found them easily ?

 

[BadMadMaximusMax]

Dont judge yourself negatively for Camming, that's crazy to see it in that way. You have to take a stance of pride that you have / had the confidence to go on camera and quite literally give pleasure to others simply by your presence. Seriously, no one has a 'clean' soul, no one has the right to judge others yet people do, but that judgement comes from pure ignorance or arrogance. People who judge others for this line of work or any other for that matter are rubbish people who should be paid no attention to. I am proud of the adult movies I have done in the past and I really do not care what people think. I am enjoying camming because I see the positive effect it has on people enjoying watching and also the compliments of others is nice. I'll give you an example: One night at a house party years ago, I decided to get butt naked and encouraged everyone else to strip naked too. many people followed me and did, it was so much fun, so as I walked out into the garden area one random guy started kicking off and freaking out, I simply said to him "hey, if you have a problem with me being naked, thats YOUR Problem not mine" and continued, he quickly shut up when he realised he was in the minority and everyone was loving it!...

Please have self respect because you did camming, not because you think you wish you hadnt - its to be proud of, not ashamed of. Chin up!

PS: Life is to be experienced - Fill your life up with as many broad spectrum experiences of as much as you can. Ignorance is bread from people with narrow little lives by people who have narrow perspectives due to lack of life experiences therefore no understanding or empathy of others experiences. Screw them. theyre not worth it. So, you didnt screw up your life by this, you enhanced it. You grew and learnt things that will lead to understanding and knowledge. Be proud.

 

[summerr]

Dont judge yourself negatively for Camming, that's crazy to see it in that way. You have to take a stance of pride that you have / had the confidence to go on camera and quite literally give pleasure to others simply by your presence. Seriously, no one has a 'clean' soul, no one has the right to judge others yet people do, but that judgement comes from pure ignorance or arrogance. People who judge others for this line of work or any other for that matter are rubbish people who should be paid no attention to. I am proud of the adult movies I have done in the past and I really do not care what people think. I am enjoying camming because I see the positive effect it has on people enjoying watching and also the compliments of others is nice. I'll give you an example: One night at a house party years ago, I decided to get butt naked and encouraged everyone else to strip naked too. many people followed me and did, it was so much fun, so as I walked out into the garden area one random guy started kicking off and freaking out, I simply said to him "hey, if you have a problem with me being naked, thats YOUR Problem not mine" and continued, he quickly shut up when he realised he was in the minority and everyone was loving it!...

Please have self respect because you did camming, not because you think you wish you hadnt - its to be proud of, not ashamed of. Chin up!

PS: Life is to be experienced - Fill your life up with as many broad spectrum experiences of as much as you can. Ignorance is bread from people with narrow little lives by people who have narrow perspectives due to lack of life experiences therefore no understanding or empathy of others experiences. Screw them. theyre not worth it. So, you didnt screw up your life by this, you enhanced it. You grew and learnt things that will lead to understanding and knowledge. Be proud.

Thank you for making me feel better about it, I grow up in a society where this is not normal things to do, and seen like the worst thing we can do in our life.
I did it for 2 weeks, and I didn’t felt I my place, I have full respect to women who does that and aren’t ashamed of it !
I just feel bad that I am hiding that from my boyfriend, we want to get married and have a long life together. I am a 100% sure that I don’t want to talk to him about it, but it’s makes me feel so bad, that he deserve so much better than me as a wife and mother of his kids, that’s what makes me bad and think about it all day long.

 

[Makko]

I think you should just tell him. Tell him that you did something in the past that you're not proud of. That you did it for just a short time. If he leaves you for it, than he's not the man for you anyway. As I read your posts, this will always be a big burden on you. Throughout your whole life.
I once had a big secret too. Once it got out for some, I felt so relieved. I felt so free, like the sun was shining again. Yes those people were disappointed in me for some time but they forgave me in the end.
The chance that he will find out himself by discovering are infinitely small, but just imagine if he actually did? He would be more angry at you for keeping it a secret, than the secret itself.

 

[summerr]

I think you should just tell him. Tell him that you did something in the past that you're not proud of. That you did it for just a short time. If he leaves you for it, than he's not the man for you anyway. As I read your posts, this will always be a big burden on you. Throughout your whole life.
I once had a big secret too. Once it got out for some, I felt so relieved. I felt so free, like the sun was shining again. Yes those people were disappointed in me for some time but they forgave me in the end.
The chance that he will find out himself by discovering are infinitely small, but just imagine if he actually did? He would be more angry at you for keeping it a secret, than the secret itself.

Yes you’re right, but I really want to keep that part of me just for myself. Before being with him I wasn’t having any trouble with the fact I did caming for a shot time, I even forgot about it and didn’t tell to anyone. But since I am with him I think about it a lot, like he deserve so much better than me, like he deserve a good girl who doesn’t do those kind of things.

 

[camsuk]

For the images, go onto a site called Tinyeye and add the picture to it. It scans the internet and will list every site it is on. Then just try contact the website and ask them to remove it

 

[Parking]

Dont judge yourself negatively for Camming, that's crazy to see it in that way. You have to take a stance of pride that you have / had the confidence to go on camera and quite literally give pleasure to others simply by your presence. Seriously, no one has a 'clean' soul, no one has the right to judge others yet people do, but that judgement comes from pure ignorance or arrogance. People who judge others for this line of work or any other for that matter are rubbish people who should be paid no attention to. I am proud of the adult movies I have done in the past and I really do not care what people think. I am enjoying camming because I see the positive effect it has on people enjoying watching and also the compliments of others is nice. I'll give you an example: One night at a house party years ago, I decided to get butt naked and encouraged everyone else to strip naked too. many people followed me and did, it was so much fun, so as I walked out into the garden area one random guy started kicking off and freaking out, I simply said to him "hey, if you have a problem with me being naked, thats YOUR Problem not mine" and continued, he quickly shut up when he realised he was in the minority and everyone was loving it!...

Please have self respect because you did camming, not because you think you wish you hadnt - its to be proud of, not ashamed of. Chin up!

PS: Life is to be experienced - Fill your life up with as many broad spectrum experiences of as much as you can. Ignorance is bread from people with narrow little lives by people who have narrow perspectives due to lack of life experiences therefore no understanding or empathy of others experiences. Screw them. theyre not worth it. So, you didnt screw up your life by this, you enhanced it. You grew and learnt things that will lead to understanding and knowledge. Be proud.

Pretty much everything this person said is true, except the bold part.

 

[summerr]

Hello all !
I just wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to reply to me and help me feel better.
I spoke with a therapist about that. And I also spoke about it to 2 of my good friends, both of them are religious but when I told them what was my “big” problem they thought It was more horrible than 2 weeks caming, they told me even if it was 1 year I shouldn’t be ashamed of It. both of them told me I don’t need to talk about it to my boyfriend bc I have done that before meeting him and it doesn’t define me and there afraid he will always put that on every discutions or fight we will have. Anyway I feel so much better talking to them and there is no judgment from them. They also told me if one day he will found any video or somebody he know does, just own it and don’t give a fu...
Thank you again, you are amazing women.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

i don't understand the tinyeye thing what do i do. do i add a normal picture of me that i have on phone or computer or the one i found online. sorry i am autistic (mildly) and don't always understand things the best.

 

[mike_aussie]

i don't understand the tinyeye thing what do i do. do i add a normal picture of me that i have on phone or computer or the one i found online. sorry i am autistic (mildly) and don't always understand things the best.

I use the Tineye extension on Google Chrome. You can right click on an image and it will try to find duplicates on other websites.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

well i install it on firefox but i see no icon for it on the top of browser how i do this.

 

[mike_aussie]

well i install it on firefox but i see no icon for it on the top of browser how i do this.

I tested it and you are correct. It doesn't show up in newer versions of firefox. You can still paste image links into the Tineye website.

 

[silentm0de]

I don't consider myself a whore. I consider myself smart as hell

No reason a whore can't be smart as hell. Well.

 

[Danigirl]

No reason a whore can't be smart as hell. Well.

Whore is derogatory and offensive to most. I don't know anyone who calls themselves that even if they offer full service. And I was responding to OP saying she was worried someone would tell her kids she's a whore when she's simply a cam model. One has legal consequences and one is perfectly legal especially when it comes to kids. It's not smart as hell to be full service in a country where prostitution is illegal and kids can be taken away. Well?

Didn't think so. Know the circumstances.