I need a bit of advice - Maybe a tiny bit of venting

[justjoinedtopost]

On the other hand, I once again find it interesting how several people (including yourself) have suddenly started parroting my advice that the OP needs to become more assertive, while of course not giving me any credit for saying it first.

It is not that you never give good advice Azhrarn. It is that when you do, it has frequently been marinated in bullshit.

Dacă doi spun că eşti beat, du-te şi te culcă.

 

[Violet Dawn]

So let me get this straight: Did he ever like actually tip you at all?

From where I am standing, he is getting the attention he craves off a new model and you are working for free.

Oh, to answer your question. We have spent some private time together paid, but he claims to be really poor... Saying things that could or could not be true. I basically accepted his friendship afterwards. He'll still occasionally buy a video or something. I'm still very new to camming even though I started last October. I have no idea who to trust and what to do really. Feeling like maybe I just shouldn't be friends with my customers.

 

[eclipse76]

Be my guest. As I've stated elsewhere, I'm not a follower. I do my own thinking, and unfortunately for you, intelligence is not and never has been up for democratic vote. Try doing some research into the bell curve sometime, and maybe then you'll understand why i'm more than happy to receive disagrees and face palms from those in the lower percentiles.

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein relatively unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than is accurate. The bias was first experimentally observed by David Dunning and Justin Kruger of Cornell University in 1999. Dunning and Kruger attributed the bias to the metacognitive inability of the unskilled to evaluate their own ability level accurately. Their research also suggests that conversely, highly skilled individuals may underestimate their relative competence, erroneously assuming that tasks that are easy for them also are easy for others.

Dunning and Kruger have postulated that the effect is the result of internal illusion in the unskilled, and external misperception in the skilled: "The miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others.

Souce: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect

 

[JerryBoBerry]

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Souce: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect

OMG! My nephew has this. Forwarding this to my brother now.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Oh, to answer your question. We have spent some private time together paid, but he claims to be really poor... Saying things that could or could not be true. I basically accepted his friendship afterwards. He'll still occasionally buy a video or something. I'm still very new to camming even though I started last October. I have no idea who to trust and what to do really. Feeling like maybe I just shouldn't be friends with my customers.

You don't need to trust anyone but yourself. If you're not yet at the point where you're ready to just ban this guy from your room, then I wanna tell you that you don't have to give him more individual attention than you give everyone else. Does he PM you all the time while you're broadcasting in public chat? You don't have to give so much individual attention to a guy who criticizes your personal life, criticizes your camming decisions, and claims he's "really poor." He is playing you. Don't keep people around who are only bringing you down, and trying to make you feel bad about yourself. And you may have this guy on your MFC friends list (so he can PM you to death, and criticize your every move while you're trying to work), but that doesn't mean he is a FRIEND. He's a nuisance.

If someone were to criticize me that much, like Martin Lawrence I'd tell him to GET TO STEPPIN'.

 

[TacoBelle]

Absolute bluntness is about to follow. I don't know you, take it for what you will.



No, actually he's not being nice to you. He's being selfish. He's on a power trip to mold you into what he wants.


There is no such thing as too paranoid when it comes to hiding your true identity in this job. Any member who tells you otherwise should be banned for life. He's a creepy dumb ass. Paranoid is good. Be more so especially with anyone telling you otherwise.



Again with the molding of you into his desires. Do what you feel is right for you, screw him. If it will make you feel better about yourself or you think it will help in your job, do it. Anyone who would be against those things does not have your interests at heart, as he's shown.



Here's the thing. Ever heard of the term Gaslight? It comes from the movies originally. The best version is from 1944 starring Ingrid Bergman. You should watch it. The new husband alienates his wife from friends, then slowly convinces her she's insane for his own purposes.

He's basically attempting to do that to you. You yourself have used the terms:
"He has told me multiple times what he thinks is best for me"
"he says I'm way too paranoid"
"A huge, I feel, red flag"
"makes me feel guilty"

Listen to your own words and ban him. You'll be better off for it.

Exactly. Everything that jerry said is what I thought. He just worded it better and more bluntly.

I don’t understand your statement about not trusting new cam sites, so I can’t really comment on that. But if you’re referring to the verification process, the reality is that anything online can be hacked. So yeah, you have to go through with it if you want to work, but at the same time, its just common sense to accept the possibility that somehow someway people you know will find out about your sexy online job. If you’re not prepared for that possibility, then you’re in the wrong line of work.

As for your isolation, that to me is a big red flag. It’s going to be hard for you to cope with having a sexy online job if you have no real world support system. Human beings are not mean to live in isolation; and the fact that you are so isolated only makes you more vulnerable to people you meet online. Anyone who tries to tell you that you can go it alone, that you should just do what you think is right and ignore everyone else, is a fucking moron. Use some of your earnings to find a decent therapist and then join the human race. It’ll be the best investment you ever made.

Ignoring all of the negativity in az's post, he DID make one good point. There will always be a risk of your identity being outed in this line of work. However, being "prepared for this possibility" is different from just being lackadaisical about what information you put out there. Accept that it COULD happen, and have a general plan of how to safely protect yourself afterwards, if it were to happen, and in the meantime, DO be "paranoid" as fuck about who you let in and how much information you let out. About camsites: be wary about new ones that aren't well-known. But the ones that are extremely popular and used most often by other REAL LIFE camgirls on this forum will tell you they're legit. Mfc, streamate, and chaturbate are the most commonly used ones, and they're trustworthy. There are more lists of cam and clip sites in MO, so check there.


As for az's post about how being alone is such a huge red flag, it's so terrible, etc: ignore him. Camming is actually a perfect answer for people who have social anxiety. Hell, there are at least 3 different threads in MO about working with social anxiety. I would assume that most of us other camgirls are kinda isolated and alone (with the exception of maybe a significant other or children). We've been there. We know what it's like. And you can make some lasting and true friendships through camming (with models and members). Just be careful who you give info to, cause it is still the Internet, and people can still turn into douchebags after a while. Just be safe. And don't worry that you're alone. *hug*

 

[Azhrarn]

Exactly. Everything that jerry said is what I thought. He just worded it better and more bluntly.



Ignoring all of the negativity in az's post, he DID make one good point. There will always be a risk of your identity being outed in this line of work. However, being "prepared for this possibility" is different from just being lackadaisical about what information you put out there. Accept that it COULD happen, and have a general plan of how to safely protect yourself afterwards, if it were to happen, and in the meantime, DO be "paranoid" as fuck about who you let in and how much information you let out. About camsites: be wary about new ones that aren't well-known. But the ones that are extremely popular and used most often by other REAL LIFE camgirls on this forum will tell you they're legit. Mfc, streamate, and chaturbate are the most commonly used ones, and they're trustworthy. There are more lists of cam and clip sites in MO, so check there.


As for az's post about how being alone is such a huge red flag, it's so terrible, etc: ignore him. Camming is actually a perfect answer for people who have social anxiety. Hell, there are at least 3 different threads in MO about working with social anxiety. I would assume that most of us other camgirls are kinda isolated and alone (with the exception of maybe a significant other or children). We've been there. We know what it's like. And you can make some lasting and true friendships through camming (with models and members). Just be careful who you give info to, cause it is still the Internet, and people can still turn into douchebags after a while. Just be safe. And don't worry that you're alone. *hug*

What a load of self-deluded wishful thinking horse manure. Just because social isolation is a common marker for cam girls does not make it beneficial or desirable. People who are socially isolated are less resilient to stress and at greater risk for all sorts of psychological disorders and maladaptive behaviors, including low self-esteem, depression, drug use and prostitution. How unethical do you have to be to discourage someone from seeking counseling?

 

[JerryBoBerry]

What a load of self-deluded wishful thinking horse manure. Just because social isolation is a common marker for cam girls does not make it beneficial or desirable. People who are socially isolated are less resilient to stress and at greater risk for all sorts of psychological disorders and maladaptive behaviors, including low self-esteem, depression, drug use and prostitution. How unethical do you have to be to discourage someone from seeking counseling?

Do you actually read the bullshit that comes out of your keyboard? Just curious.

Seriously though I honestly hope no new camgirl comes to this forum and actually takes anything you say seriously. You're more harmful than anyone I've seen on this forum in years.

 

[JessieWolfe]

It sounds like someone's a little salty after being banned from a model's room.

 

[Nordling]

Do you actually read the bullshit that comes out of your keyboard? Just curious.

Seriously though I honestly hope no new camgirl comes to this forum and actually takes anything you say seriously. You're more harmful than anyone I've seen on this forum in years.

He seems to be a living combination of Dr. Phil and the Marquis de Sade. Annoying and dangerous at the same time. lol

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

I want to point out, that often times some of the hardest working and most successful people are very isolated. I've isolated myself quite a bit because I'd rather put my head down and work, than go out a bullshit with people. At lot of the friends I've had in the past, have stood right in the way of my productivity. Most of the people my age just want to party all the damn time. Fuck that. Not everyone is worth your time & energy. In fact, I'd say most people aren't. Be very selective of the people you let into your life. I wish I always had been.

For example, just last night one of my friends kept asking me over & over to go out and drink with him. I refused because staying home, logging a few hours on cam, unpacking and getting a full night's sleep are way more important to me. That's exactly what I did and I don't regret it one bit. I would have totally regret getting home late and waking up a bit hungover. Most of the time, other people don't have your best interests in mind. Not even close.

Focus on you, on maximizing your productivity and your overall health. One of my favorite books, The Virtue of Selfishness really helped me focus my life. It basically says, we all have a hierarchy of values and sacrificing a higher value for a lower one, is the biggest disservice we can do to ourselves. My number one priority is making money, because without that I can't take care of myself or my dog. I try really fucking hard to prevent anything from getting in my way of doing what I need to do. Other people, tend to be the biggest thing that try and get in my way.

One last thing, animals are incredibly therapeutic. I'd still be a depressed mess without my dog. She's helped me more than any therapist ever could. It's really hard to lay in bed all day when you have an animal to take care of. They are lots of responsibility, but it's very helpful responsibility! Plus, they just give you all the unconditional love in the world. It's so beautiful. She's my best friend and I take damn good care of her, so she's in it with me for the long haul. If you're in a position where you can get a furry friend, I'd highly recommend it! I'd still be totally lost without my Lana bear.

 

[RogueWarrior]

Been away for awhile. Glad to see that everything is still SNAFU. Wouldn't have it any other way.

As for the OP, run. As fast as you can. Bad juju all the way around on that.

You, and you only, know you. Paranoid is not a bad default. Do what is comfortable for you. There's bad shit that happens everyday. Be as protective as you want to be.

This guy sounds like a real tool.

As an aside, Azrharn writes well. There's a red flag when those talents are wasted to troll on cam model site.

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

What a load of self-deluded wishful thinking horse manure. Just because social isolation is a common marker for cam girls does not make it beneficial or desirable. People who are socially isolated are less resilient to stress and at greater risk for all sorts of psychological disorders and maladaptive behaviors, including low self-esteem, depression, drug use and prostitution. How unethical do you have to be to discourage someone from seeking counseling?

Oh, and you're 100% in the wrong place to be shaming full service sex workers, by the way.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I want to point out, that often times some of the hardest working and most successful people are very isolated. I've isolated myself quite a bit because I'd rather put my head down and work, than go out a bullshit with people. At lot of the friends I've had in the past, have stood right in the way of my productivity. Most of the people my age just want to party all the damn time. Fuck that. Not everyone is worth your time & energy. In fact, I'd say most people aren't. Be very selective of the people you let into your life. I wish I always had been.

For example, just last night one of my friends kept asking me over & over to go out and drink with him. I refused because staying home, logging a few hours on cam, unpacking and getting a full night's sleep are way more important to me. That's exactly what I did and I don't regret it one bit. I would have totally regret getting home late and waking up a bit hungover. Most of the time, other people don't have your best interests in mind. Not even close.

Focus on you, on maximizing your productivity and your overall health. One of my favorite books, The Virtue of Selfishness really helped me focus my life. It basically says, we all have a hierarchy of values and sacrificing a higher value for a lower one, is the biggest disservice we can do to ourselves. My number one priority is making money, because without that I can't take care of myself or my dog. I try really fucking hard to prevent anything from getting in my way of doing what I need to do. Other people, tend to be the biggest thing that try and get in my way.

One last thing, animals are incredibly therapeutic. I'd still be a depressed mess without my dog. She's helped me more than any therapist ever could. It's really hard to lay in bed all day when you have an animal to take care of. They are lots of responsibility, but it's very helpful responsibility! Plus, they just give you all the unconditional love in the world. It's so beautiful. She's my best friend and I take damn good care of her, so she's in it with me for the long haul. If you're in a position where you can get a furry friend, I'd highly recommend it! I'd still be totally lost without my Lana bear.
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Thank you! I will try and pick up that book. Right now I'm living with my boyfriend and our two cats. My main motivator is to not leech on him and provide a place that I can easily home our cats because they deserve it with how perfect and loving they are. That's honestly the only thing keeping me going is keeping my kitten safe and happy. Some think it's weird, but hey, it works.

 

[Beyond_Measure]

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