How to accommodate work and private life?

[AudriTwo]

This lifestyle aint for everyone.

 

[ArcticKitty]

This is beyond fucked up. All the examples of "love" you and OP are giving are actually you wanting to take control over other person's life.

I agree with you, but I'm sure that's just his freaky epimp fantasy. I've seen hie earlier posts and they are wack.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Seriously, this reply displays extremely invasive expectations and I don't think it gives any example of healthy relationship behavior. OP, don't mimic this.

I get that you are looking for ways to be sure that you aren't getting played or whatever, but there is no way to be certain. And this is not specific to our work, it's the same with all people. You do not know what is going on inside the other person's head, only what they decide to share with you. Whether or not you can trust what is said is up to you, but pushing and prodding will not lead anywhere good. Either you will find that you were right to be suspicious, or you will push her away because you insist on looking for proof of dishonesty that isn't there. Are either of these outcomes desirable? It may seem that your insecurity is heightened due to the nature of our work, and that could be true, but your insecurity is still the root problem here. Do not look for further ways to micromanage her life. Figure out why you are feeling this way, and do something about it. It starts with you.

Maybe the thing you need to do about it is take a step back from this, because trust issues and this line of work don't go well together. Any partner of a sexy worker is going to have to be extremely secure. If you can't trust her, you need to take care of yourself and find a better situation that doesn't cause you such mental anguish.

Thanks for your useful post. Yeah it's really the nature of the job that makes me react like that cause there has never been any problem of this kind when she stopped streaming. I'm confident about myself but as you pointed out, I'm just trying to find out for my own sanity if I'm going to get screwed or not.


But no, I'm not going to spy her or anything like that as it would start to be really toxic. Until now, I told her about the things that I didn't like but she always had the freedom to do whatever she wanted regarding her job.

I decided to trust her so I will follow that logic and time will tell if I was right or not.

 

[inertvolcano]

I'm going to try to be a little helpful here. I am not a jealous person, and I am not sure that's something I can teach so this might not be useful to you at all, but for me it is unimportant what my partner is doing with or for other people. As long as they are giving me what I want and need out of the relationship then we're cool. Are they giving me time? Attention? Affection? Do they make me feel special? If yes, then I don't care what they're doing with other people. And if they're not giving me those things, that's an issue between us, and not between them and other people or their job. I need to bring it up to them and have a conversation about it, and then we work together to figure out what needs to change. And if they can't meet my needs, then it's fair for me to want to end the relationship.

It is extremely difficult to have a relationship with a sex worker if you want to draw boundaries around their interactions with their customers. In my experience it is better to focus on what you are giving each other, rather than what they are or might be giving to other people.

At least that's what's worked for me. ymmv

 

[ArizonaDream]

I'm going to try to be a little helpful here. I am not a jealous person, and I am not sure that's something I can teach so this might not be useful to you at all, but for me it is unimportant what my partner is doing with or for other people. As long as they are giving me what I want and need out of the relationship then we're cool. Are they giving me time? Attention? Affection? Do they make me feel special? If yes, then I don't care what they're doing with other people. And if they're not giving me those things, that's an issue between us, and not between them and other people or their job. I need to bring it up to them and have a conversation about it, and then we work together to figure out what needs to change. And if they can't meet my needs, then it's fair for me to want to end the relationship.

It is extremely difficult to have a relationship with a sex worker if you want to draw boundaries around their interactions with their customers. In my experience it is better to focus on what you are giving each other, rather than what they are or might be giving to other people.

At least that's what's worked for me. ymmv

Thank you for your advices and your point of view. I didn't see that through that angle. She gives me attention and affection but also less time since she started working and we were doing some activities that we can't do anymore as long as she's working. I guess it's normal but I thought it was worth mentioning.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Thank you for your advices and your point of view. I didn't see that through that angle. She gives me attention and affection but also less time since she started working and we were doing some activities that we can't do anymore as long as she's working. I guess it's normal but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Any sort of work takes time away from other activities. She has to make money to live, she has to spend time making money. That is very normal.

 

[thinkinboutit]

Any sort of work takes time away from other activities. She has to make money to live, she has to spend time making money. That is very normal.

Right? This job affords far more quality time than say, a 9-5 + commute.

 

[InannahQoH]

Very interesting. I recognise myself a bit in your situation since she pretty much had the same attitude with me. She also gave me all these informations you were talking about at the beginning of your post which helped me to realize, along with our 50 000 messages exchanged, 3000 photos / videos shared and our last meeting, that she was not playing a game with me. Has it changed since she's back to the camming world? I don't know.

But the main difference with you is that even if I met her as a camgirl, the vast majority of the time I've spent with her so far has been without her doing this work since she decided to stop it once it became serious between us. So it's a new situation for me now as a partner.

Did your girlfriend really let you check the messages she exchanged with her followers to prove you that she was honest? It's something I never wanted to ask her.

Good luck with your relationship

Sorry i missed this reply.
Yes i can read 80% of her chat with members online and offline. (Except chaturbate Pm's.) / Something like that (it depends on the platform)
I have access to most things, social media's , platforms, banks, id, computer, etc etc. And on the accounts i'm a authed party on the platform accounts / banks / etc.

It's something I never wanted to ask her.

I wouldn't want to ask her for it either..

This situation was more of a...
Me asking a year+ ago...
1. Why do you work this many hours, doing this... for this little.... Can we increase the income somehow? (Since she showed me her payslips / etc..)
2. Its difficult for me to pay you in platforms when the platform takes ~25%, and then the agency takes ~40-50%
Can we setup a way so I can pay, and more/all of the money goes to you? ETC ETC

And her Asking..
Can you help me with everything, so I could swap from the agency, to semi independent.
And stop paying the 40-50% to the agency. And you help me with the computer side of things.. that im not good with. ETC

And I've told her.. when I'm working on things for her, its hard not to read a portion of things that gets shoved in my face.
So i do read some.. but i'll try not to pry too much. ETC .. But she doesn't mind what i have access to, or what i read.

Same when landing (To live with her for 3-6 months)
She gives me her pin to her phone and tells me to use it when i like..
Logs into her personal email on my computer, saves password, and says i can use it when i like.
Asks me to open a facebook and new bank account for her.
ETC

I think from discussions from her.. this is from...
Shes been camming for 4 years, since 18.. And hasn't been able to have a partner in that time.. Due to..
1. Them wanting her to stop her work.
2. Them wanting too much of her time, leaving not enough time to dedicate to broadcasting.
3. Them only wanting sex / rather than a relationship
So this time around she took the extra visibility path. To see if that worked better..

Good luck with your relationship

Will see how things go.. only been living with her for 3 weeks so far.

She bought a new iPhone 13 a couple of days ago, which arrives on Tuesday next week.
So will try to swap everything from being computer managed like it is now, to phone managed so she can try to handle things herself on her new phone.
She doesn't like using computers.. Except for pressing the broadcast button.

We are due to redefine the relationship together later today.. So will see how things go next week and future.

**
Good luck to both of you getting your relationship to something suitable for both.

 

[bearman]

Right? This job affords far more quality time than say, a 9-5 + commute.

Exactly. Plus I hate leaving the house and despise the general public lol.

But yeah....any potential female that I date, I'm upfront about what I do, cuz otherwise it wont work. It's funny cuz sometimes they say "Well i dont wanna be on cam, is there gonna be a cam on when we have sex ?!" I'm like "No that would get me banned pretty quick lol"

 

[Danigirl]

Sorry i missed this reply.
Yes i can read 80% of her chat with members online and offline. (Except chaturbate Pm's.) / Something like that (it depends on the platform)
I have access to most things, social media's , platforms, banks, id, computer, etc etc. And on the accounts i'm a authed party on the platform accounts / banks / etc.


I wouldn't want to ask her for it either..

This situation was more of a...
Me asking a year+ ago...
1. Why do you work this many hours, doing this... for this little.... Can we increase the income somehow? (Since she showed me her payslips / etc..)
2. Its difficult for me to pay you in platforms when the platform takes ~25%, and then the agency takes ~40-50%
Can we setup a way so I can pay, and more/all of the money goes to you? ETC ETC

And her Asking..
Can you help me with everything, so I could swap from the agency, to semi independent.
And stop paying the 40-50% to the agency. And you help me with the computer side of things.. that im not good with. ETC

And I've told her.. when I'm working on things for her, its hard not to read a portion of things that gets shoved in my face.
So i do read some.. but i'll try not to pry too much. ETC .. But she doesn't mind what i have access to, or what i read.

Same when landing (To live with her for 3-6 months)
She gives me her pin to her phone and tells me to use it when i like..
Logs into her personal email on my computer, saves password, and says i can use it when i like.
Asks me to open a facebook and new bank account for her.
ETC

I think from discussions from her.. this is from...
Shes been camming for 4 years, since 18.. And hasn't been able to have a partner in that time.. Due to..
1. Them wanting her to stop her work.
2. Them wanting too much of her time, leaving not enough time to dedicate to broadcasting.
3. Them only wanting sex / rather than a relationship
So this time around she took the extra visibility path. To see if that worked better..




Will see how things go.. only been living with her for 3 weeks so far.

She bought a new iPhone 13 a couple of days ago, which arrives on Tuesday next week.
So will try to swap everything from being computer managed like it is now, to phone managed so she can try to handle things herself on her new phone.
She doesn't like using computers.. Except for pressing the broadcast button.

We are due to redefine the relationship together later today.. So will see how things go next week and future.

**
Good luck to both of you getting your relationship to something suitable for both.

Ugh, this situation is absolutely ridiculous. A grown woman can't/doesn't want to learn how to handle her own business!? Sounds like you're with someone completely immature. I'm married, hubby helps with the marketing aspects but there's no way he has access to everything because there's no need. I don't have access to his work email lol. We keep separate bank accounts as well because it's just easier. There has to be trust in a relationship. I can't even tell if you have all the access because of trust issues or because she's just using you to do everything like a creepy parent relationship and failure to launch.

 

[InannahQoH]

Ugh, this situation is absolutely ridiculous. A grown woman can't/doesn't want to learn how to handle her own business!? Sounds like you're with someone completely immature. I'm married, hubby helps with the marketing aspects but there's no way he has access to everything because there's no need. I don't have access to his work email lol. We keep separate bank accounts as well because it's just easier. There has to be trust in a relationship. I can't even tell if you have all the access because of trust issues or because she's just using you to do everything like a creepy parent relationship and failure to launch.

Hello's.
Bit different though when you grow up with Schooling, English, and Computers..
Compared to someone growing up with none of those things.

 

[MarieElise]

I wonder how the dudes would feel knowing another guy has access to their private communications, or what they think are their private communications with said model? Super creepy. Doesn't seem ethical to me at all, because none of these guys have gave consent for another dude to be involved in the sharing of their sexual fantasies with the model etc.

Boundary issues alert.

 

[WickedTouch]

Oh wow....

Sorry i missed this reply.
Yes i can read 80% of her chat with members online and offline. (Except chaturbate Pm's.) / Something like that (it depends on the platform)
I have access to most things, social media's , platforms, banks, id, computer, etc etc. And on the accounts i'm a authed party on the platform accounts / banks / etc.


I wouldn't want to ask her for it either..

This situation was more of a...
Me asking a year+ ago...
1. Why do you work this many hours, doing this... for this little.... Can we increase the income somehow? (Since she showed me her payslips / etc..)
2. Its difficult for me to pay you in platforms when the platform takes ~25%, and then the agency takes ~40-50%
Can we setup a way so I can pay, and more/all of the money goes to you? ETC ETC

And her Asking..
Can you help me with everything, so I could swap from the agency, to semi independent.
And stop paying the 40-50% to the agency. And you help me with the computer side of things.. that im not good with. ETC

And I've told her.. when I'm working on things for her, its hard not to read a portion of things that gets shoved in my face.
So i do read some.. but i'll try not to pry too much. ETC .. But she doesn't mind what i have access to, or what i read.

Same when landing (To live with her for 3-6 months)
She gives me her pin to her phone and tells me to use it when i like..
Logs into her personal email on my computer, saves password, and says i can use it when i like.
Asks me to open a facebook and new bank account for her.
ETC

I think from discussions from her.. this is from...
Shes been camming for 4 years, since 18.. And hasn't been able to have a partner in that time.. Due to..
1. Them wanting her to stop her work.
2. Them wanting too much of her time, leaving not enough time to dedicate to broadcasting.
3. Them only wanting sex / rather than a relationship
So this time around she took the extra visibility path. To see if that worked better..




Will see how things go.. only been living with her for 3 weeks so far.

She bought a new iPhone 13 a couple of days ago, which arrives on Tuesday next week.
So will try to swap everything from being computer managed like it is now, to phone managed so she can try to handle things herself on her new phone.
She doesn't like using computers.. Except for pressing the broadcast button.

We are due to redefine the relationship together later today.. So will see how things go next week and future.

**
Good luck to both of you getting your relationship to something suitable for both.

There is just so much wrong with all of this on so many levels. Privacy issues, severe rule breaking of site TOS, possible fraud implications etc etc. This is not the behaviour of a helpful individual.... its just a plan on how to be a total control freak.

Jeez. Some people!

 

[Ozzie_]

I wonder how the dudes would feel knowing another guy has access to their private communications, or what they think are their private communications with said model? Super creepy. Doesn't seem ethical to me at all, because none of these guys have gave consent for another dude to be involved in the sharing of their sexual fantasies with the model etc.

Boundary issues alert.

I tend to agree.. although if she was a studio model who knows how many would have access to that stuff.

 

[InannahQoH]

I tend to agree.. although if she was a studio model who knows how many would have access to that stuff.

She started with a studio, so fairly normal for her, and the culture/country.
It's difficult for a girl who lacks the basics of most western situations.
Not everyone is privileged with schooling , English, suitable residential, computer, phone, parents, etc etc

Which was Resulting in her transiting 4 hours a day, through an un-safe neighbourhood, at unsafe hours..
For the agency to control everything, and take 40-50% commission (Rate depended on how much she earned)..
So she spent all day xxxx-ing for a couple of $'s per hour..

Now year+ later she has her own 3 story nice house.. Computer, And furniture.
And her iphone 13 arriving tomorrow to replace her currently broken phone.
Bad 3G internet which hopefully is getting updated to fibre optics next week.
Broadcasts to 6 platforms, and has her onlyfans, and video selling platforms online and growing.
0% paid in commission to anyone (Except the usual platform cut)
And she gets to make the decisions, and can remove my access when she feels like it.

When she can base things from her new phone soon, she will be able to do a lot more herself.
But at the moment, she still asks me to help / show her how to do things / proof things / etc .. 10+ times a day.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

She started with a studio, so fairly normal for her, and the culture/country.
It's difficult for a girl who lacks the basics of most western situations.
Not everyone is privileged with schooling , English, suitable residential, computer, phone, parents, etc etc

Which was Resulting in her transiting 4 hours a day, through an un-safe neighbourhood, at unsafe hours..
For the agency to control everything, and take 40-50% commission (Rate depended on how much she earned)..
So she spent all day xxxx-ing for a couple of $'s per hour..

Now year+ later she has her own 3 story nice house.. Computer, And furniture.
And her iphone 13 arriving tomorrow to replace her currently broken phone.
Bad 3G internet which hopefully is getting updated to fibre optics next week.
Broadcasts to 6 platforms, and has her onlyfans, and video selling platforms online and growing.
0% paid in commission to anyone (Except the usual platform cut)
And she gets to make the decisions, and can remove my access when she feels like it.

When she can base things from her new phone soon, she will be able to do a lot more herself.
But at the moment, she still asks me to help / show her how to do things / proof things / etc .. 10+ times a day.

And you get to be her white (im assuming?) saviour.




My uncle did this with a cambodian woman. She is lovely and ostensibly happy but its complicated and sticky with lots of strange power dynamics at play. It all feels icky.

I hope these women wise up and use you and the OP to better themselves in whatever way they see fit

 

[InannahQoH]

And you get to be her white (im assuming?) saviour.

My uncle did this with a cambodian woman. She is lovely and ostensibly happy but its complicated and sticky with lots of strange power dynamics at play. It all feels icky.

I hope these women wise up and use you and the OP to better themselves in whatever way they see fit

Its kind of...

I used to own pornsites, model websites, modelling agencies, a professional photography company. Etc in the old days..
So i have knowledge of the old computer / web tech, but not so much with the new phone tech.

And atm i multitask 3 computers 10 monitors , available 24/7 managing the income / sales / etc for a bil$ global company
And since its mostly online the company doesn't mind if i'm in AUS, or In Colombia.
And flying me from Colombia to whatever country for global meetings, is easier for them ,, than flying me from Australia

So... multi tasking helping the partner/girlfriend with computer work.... isn't a hassle..

**
So don't really care if she wants and asks me for help / or gains from me helping her..

 

[Lilly_____]

Assuming that a person isn't capable because they have a poor education and live in a poor country is so patronizing and using that as an excuse to control her is even worse.

Doesn't matter how much experience you supposedly have, if you want to help someone you help them with the tools, not doing things for them.

You can pay for an English course, buy her better equipment etc but fucking let her do it.

I'm also from a poor country and I don't have the best education but here I am. Yes I had help, there was a guy who bought me the computer I use since I started working for example. That doesn't mean I can't do things on my own.

I fucking hate white saviours with all my strength. So condescending.

 

[InannahQoH]

Assuming that a person isn't capable because they have a poor education and live in a poor country is so patronizing and using that as an excuse to control her is even worse.

Doesn't matter how much experience you supposedly have, if you want to help someone you help them with the tools, not doing things for them.

You can pay for an English course, buy her better equipment etc but fucking let her do it.

I'm also from a poor country and I don't have the best education but here I am. Yes I had help, there was a guy who bought me the computer I use since I started working for example. That doesn't mean I can't do things on my own.

I fucking hate white saviours with all my strength. So condescending.

Was trying, but helping/teaching through a typed translator remotely, is difficult..
Last 3 weeks has been her doing herself on one computer.. With me guiding on another computer .. computers side by side.. ETC ETC..
So she can learn to do things herself..

+ when phone arrives tomorrow..
Large sections of work will be moved to her managing on her phone.. instead of it being computer managed.

 

[Danigirl]

Was trying, but helping/teaching through a typed translator remotely, is difficult..
Last 3 weeks has been her doing herself on one computer.. With me guiding on another computer .. computers side by side.. ETC ETC..
So she can learn to do things herself..

+ when phone arrives tomorrow..
Large sections of work will be moved to her managing on her phone.. instead of it being computer managed.

Yep, I agree with @Lilly_____ one would think that if they're in an area with rife poverty or lack of access to education, they would be even more motivated to succeed and make their life better. I've been poor. It absolutely drove me to work harder to make my own situation better.

Also... With the complete overuse of ellipses... One may think... You constantly... Trail off... Your train...of thought... So derailed...

I use the occasional ellipse but when I read your posts, I'm constantly reading it like you're sighing, taking off your fedora and clutching to your chest while looking to the horizon with each one lol

 

[SneakPeek]

I wonder how the dudes would feel knowing another guy has access to their private communications, or what they think are their private communications with said model? Super creepy. Doesn't seem ethical to me at all, because none of these guys have gave consent for another dude to be involved in the sharing of their sexual fantasies with the model etc.

Boundary issues alert.

I was following this topic from afar without participating but your post made me want to react. As much as I don't encourage the behavior of the guy to whom you replied and who seems to want to interfere in an invasive way in the life of his girlfriend by
controlling his means of communication, I am shocked by what you wrote. Give me one reason why he should be more concerned about the comfort of users jerking off to his girlfriend and respecting their privacy rather than protecting his own relationship? I feel like you all live in a parallel universe here.

 

[Ozzie_]

Also... With the complete overuse of ellipses... One may think... You constantly... Trail off... Your train...of thought... So derailed...

I use the occasional ellipse but when I read your posts, I'm constantly reading it like you're sighing, taking off your fedora and clutching to your chest while looking to the horizon with each one lol

damn! That's me.. not the fedora, the elipses. Shit!!!!! I just did it then!

There's no hope for me I am afraid.

 

[AmberCutie]

I was following this topic from afar without participating but your post made me want to react. As much as I don't encourage the behavior of the guy to whom you replied and who seems to want to interfere in an invasive way in the life of his girlfriend by
controlling his means of communication, I am shocked by what you wrote. Give me one reason why he should be more concerned about the comfort of users jerking off to his girlfriend and respecting their privacy rather than protecting his own relationship? I feel like you all live in a parallel universe here.

LOL you made a 2nd account to reply in your own thread?

 

[AudriTwo]

LOL you made a 2nd account to reply in your own thread?

 

[melanieoncam]

LOL you made a 2nd account to reply in your own thread?

OMG. He's more of a psycho than I was suspecting.

Really hope for this woman's sake she is just a figment of his imagination and this story is entirely fictional.

 

[MarieElise]

I was following this topic from afar without participating but your post made me want to react. As much as I don't encourage the behavior of the guy to whom you replied and who seems to want to interfere in an invasive way in the life of his girlfriend by
controlling his means of communication, I am shocked by what you wrote. Give me one reason why he should be more concerned about the comfort of users jerking off to his girlfriend and respecting their privacy rather than protecting his own relationship? I feel like you all live in a parallel universe here.

If you want to have a direct conversation with me my rates are $8.99/ min, otherwise I'm sorry, I don't have time (or any motivation whatsoever) to humor this or dignify it with an in-depth response.

So in short; NO.

 

[MarieElise]

Also sorry to DP is sneakpeek the inhannahq guy or the Arizona guy?
Please tell me all 3 aren't the same person at least lol?

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I was following this topic from afar without participating but your post made me want to react. As much as I don't encourage the behavior of the guy to whom you replied and who seems to want to interfere in an invasive way in the life of his girlfriend by
controlling his means of communication, I am shocked by what you wrote. Give me one reason why he should be more concerned about the comfort of users jerking off to his girlfriend and respecting their privacy rather than protecting his own relationship? I feel like you all live in a parallel universe here.

The fact that you made a new account aside, accessing private communications is not a way to protect a relationship it is a way too destroy it. The instinct is human, but it is ultimately harmful to a relationship to need to monitor communications.

 

[inertvolcano]

Since nothing anyone has said appears to be sinking in, I'm just going to give my theory which is that she's gone back to work camming and kicked the visit six months down the road to get some distance from this guy so she can cut him loose.

 

[AmberCutie]

Also sorry to DP is sneakpeek the inhannahq guy or the Arizona guy?

The OP, Arizona