How to accommodate work and private life?

[ArcticKitty]

Reminds me of a guy whom I went out with a couple times who was addicted to porn but was also utterly shocked by the fact that I was in porn.

Dude you're a user of the camsite yourself and still have all of that prejudice against her being a cam model?

I think that all of that drama can be solved with Audri's advice. Just treat it like any other job. Easier said than done? It's what we all do here.

It's sheer hypocrisy.

 

[ArcticKitty]

What I don't understand is, if

Reminds me of a guy whom I went out with a couple times who was addicted to porn but was also utterly shocked by the fact that I was in porn.

Dude you're a user of the camsite yourself and still have all of that prejudice against her being a cam model?

I think that all of that drama can be solved with Audri's advice. Just treat it like any other job. Easier said than done? It's what we all do here.

I don't understand - if someone thinks that being a model is wrong or they look down on her, then why don't they think that they are lowering themselves by going to cam sites in the first place?

I know, he says it's the job, not his girlfriend. But that's silly and insulting. First, If I dated a model, I would trust her all the more precisely because I know it's a job. Second, is she so weak minded that she can be so easily influenced to go against her own ethical standards?

 

[ArizonaDream]

Here we go again..

Oh Audri, don't you know that the job kills relationships, corrupts the innocent, makes you lose your way as a wife and mother, and turns you lesbian???

You are misdiagnosing the issue. The job doesn't kill relationships. People who are insecure and jealous who get involved with cam models kill relationships. People who date cam models and don't want them to be cam models kill relationships. A lot of people in this thread have tried explaining this to you. The biggest threat to the relationship is you.

Yes, I agree with you. I have to work on it. However you have to admit that there is no other job where you meet dozens if not hundreds of persons daily with whom you play a seduction game with blurred boundaries. Like for any other situation, there is always someone else waiting for the first crack to pick up the slack and jump at the chance to take you out. But with this kind of job. it's amplified x100.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Because you're deeply uncomfortable with her choices. You're trying to manipulate and control how she works and having to come to a forum to ask how to manage your own issues with it but you have yet to meet in person. If she quit "for you" entirely of her own choice that's a red flag. If you pressured her to quit that's a red flag. She told you she quit for you then reversed that decision. Red flag. This is a relationship that at worst is a love con and at best is toxic and doomed.

Gl hf

I didn't pressure her. She took that decision herself.

 

[ArizonaDream]

She gave up camming for you? And then she started again? Obviously something has changed.


Well, that goes with the territory for models, I think. If you are uncomfortable with it, I think your relationship will not be a happy one. Also, if she is not being honest with you, I think telling you such things might be a subtle way of telling you you need to tip her.


I'd be more curious as to why she feels a need t tell you about these guys. Or are you asking about such things? (In which case, stop asking, it is self-destructive)

You also said that she gave up camming for you? And then she started again? Obviously something has changed.

It really sounds like this relationship might not be what you think it is. And although I am a hopeless romantic, I cannot see it lasting. Any relationship (of any type) that makes you feel bad more often than it makes you feel good, is not a relationship to continue.

She knows I don't like that kind of behavior so she introduced that subject to joke about the craziness of some users with me.

 

[AmberCutie]

Ok, so I will agree to an extent that you have made a decent point here:

where you meet dozens if not hundreds of persons daily with whom you play a seduction game with blurred boundaries.

that DOES make our job slightly different than "vanilla" jobs. Our work does involve some kind of sensual/sexual/romantic enticement, whether we mean it to or not. It does make it a little different to deal with both as the cam model and as the cam model's significant other.

 

[Ozzie_]

She knows I don't like that kind of behavior so she introduced that subject to joke about the craziness of some users with me.

Wait... she knows you don't like the behaviour of guys trying to meet / date / whatever her... and then she purposely TOLD you about guys trying to meet / date / whatever her???

Ok...

 

[ArizonaDream]

Ok, so I will agree to an extent that you have made a decent point here:

that DOES make our job slightly different than "vanilla" jobs. Our work does involve some kind of sensual/sexual/romantic enticement, whether we mean it to or not. It does make it a little different to deal with both as the cam model and as the cam model's significant other.

I'm glad that someone understood what I wanted to say. It's the seduction part of this job that makes it really specific for me.

When things go well in a couple, there is nothing to worry about that job but it still require 2 people who can keep a cool mind and are able to separate reality from work no matter the tentations and emotions involved.

Some people are perfectly able to do it but some don't, whether it's the partner or the model. And I assume that this task is even more difficult for those people when the couple is going through a bad patch

I would not be surprised if in such situations, members and even models might be tempted to overstep the boundaries that they have set between each other rather than solve the problems within the couple. And this is where it could get dangerous.

Now I guess people are going to tell me that it could happen in any job or anywhere but no, I'm sorry, not on the same level. There are no other vanilla job where you build a sensual, sexual romantic and emotional climax with dozens of people you are talking to on a daily basis. And at this point, the seduction game can change from feigned to real at the slightest crack if the person is not mentally strong enough.


I didn't want to dwell on this subject but simply defend the position I had on this topic previously.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Wait... she knows you don't like the behaviour of guys trying to meet / date / whatever her... and then she purposely TOLD you about guys trying to meet / date / whatever her???

Ok...

Yes but it was really to joke about it cause their offers were completely indecent. And I prefer her to be honest with me about that subject.

 

[Lilly_____]

I'm glad that someone understood what I wanted to say. It's the seduction part of this job that makes it really specific for me.

When things go well in a couple, there is nothing to worry about that job but it still require 2 people who can keep a cool mind and are able to separate reality from work no matter the tentations and emotions involved.

Some people are perfectly able to do it but some don't, whether it's the partner or the model. And I assume that this task is even more difficult for those people when the couple is going through a bad patch

I would not be surprised if in such situations, members and even models might be tempted to overstep the boundaries that they have set between each other rather than solve the problems within the couple. And this is where it could get dangerous.

Now I guess people are going to tell me that it could happen in any job or anywhere but no, I'm sorry, not on the same level. There are no other vanilla job where you build a sensual, sexual romantic and emotional climax with dozens of people you are talking to on a daily basis. And at this point, the seduction game can change from feigned to real at the slightest crack if the person is not mentally strong enough.


I didn't want to dwell on this subject but simply defend the position I had on this topic previously.

But I mean, members overstepping boundaries is a given. It's up to us to set clear boundaries. That happens in so many social situations actually... People can and will take whatever they want from you and it's just the way the world works, unfortunately.

If you don't trust her ability to set boundaries then that's a problem that doesn't have to do with what type of work she does. Do you understand how this could be related to any job? Letting a boss make you work overtime without having the ability to say no - "either you pay me for those hours or my shift is over" . Or maybe having a customer yell at you as a waitress and keep apologizing.

So many people have boundaries unclear and take work home every day, and don't have time for their families because of that, and affect relationships because of that. If the problem is with boundaries themselves, you're bound to find it everywhere. But is it really?

My guess is your problem is with the sexual nature of the job and not with boundaries themselves. Edit: and if you're problem is indeed with that, what the fuck are you doing dating a cam model? You want to change her? "Save" her? Do you really like her or you like some idea of a narrative that you have in mind?

 

[Ozzie_]

I would not be surprised if in such situations, members and even models might be tempted to overstep the boundaries that they have set between each other rather than solve the problems within the couple.

Members? Yes all the time (but not all members) I guess, some of us guys can get overwhelmed by the exposure to friendly, fun, naked women.

Models? Nope. I am no expert, but if you have read threads here on ACF, I do not think you will find ONE model who has said she is interested in hooking up, or entering into a real life romantic relationship, with a user.

 

[Catwave]

However you have to admit that there is no other job where you meet dozens if not hundreds of persons daily with whom you play a seduction game with blurred boundaries.

Strippers meet dozens of people and their job also involves seduction, and some strip clubs allows touching in the lap dances, lot's of clients try to invite the dancers out offer to pay more etc, still I have met so many strippers with amazing loving solid relationships. It's not the job, it's the person.

 

[ArizonaDream]

But I mean, members overstepping boundaries is a given. It's up to us to set clear boundaries. That happens in so many social situations actually... People can and will take whatever they want from you and it's just the way the world works, unfortunately.

If you don't trust her ability to set boundaries then that's a problem that doesn't have to do with what type of work she does. Do you understand how this could be related to any job? Letting a boss make you work overtime without having the ability to say no - "either you pay me for those hours or my shift is over" . Or maybe having a customer yell at you as a waitress and keep apologizing.

So many people have boundaries unclear and take work home every day, and don't have time for their families because of that, and affect relationships because of that. If the problem is with boundaries themselves, you're bound to find it everywhere. But is it really?

My guess is your problem is with the sexual nature of the job and not with boundaries themselves. Edit: and if you're problem is indeed with that, what the fuck are you doing dating a cam model? You want to change her? "Save" her? Do you really like her or you like some idea of a narrative that you have in mind?

The sexual nature of the job is not really the problem for me but it's the seduction part around it. I would not care if people came just to attend this kind of service and left but when they talk for hours with the model on a daily basis, onsite and offsite and in an environment conducive to seduction then yes, it bothers me.

But no, I don't want to change her, I will take it upon myself and will get used to it and that's all.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Members? Yes all the time (but not all members) I guess, some of us guys can get overwhelmed by the exposure to friendly, fun, naked women.

Models? Nope. I am no expert, but if you have read threads here on ACF, I do not think you will find ONE model who has said she is interested in hooking up, or entering into a real life romantic relationship, with a user.

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

 

[jillianna]

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

You are exhausting........

 

[Ozzie_]

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

Mate! OK you got me! You found one.... ONE, out of how many posts of models telling guys that it is the last thing they want? Finding one, doesn't make it the norm.

Plus... if your friend is true to you, it won't matter. There's a phrase in English "It takes two to tango". She (like anyone) can only be seduced, if she wants to be.

If you are confident in her love for you, and if her love is true, it shouldn't matter what guys say or do.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Strippers meet dozens of people and their job also involves seduction, and some strip clubs allows touching in the lap dances, lot's of clients try to invite the dancers out offer to pay more etc, still I have met so many strippers with amazing loving solid relationships. It's not the job, it's the person.

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

Lol i did that in 2010. I married him. It rarely happens but it does. I would never do it again - i was a very new model with crap boundries.

The relationship though was solid. It eventually ended but not due to my job.

And as someone who successfully had a decade long relationship with a member i can tell you your relationship is toxic or a scam.

Now I'm done posting because as someone said... you're exhausting.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

OFFS!

Stop already.

Just. Stop.

 

[ArcticKitty]

First, chances are overwhelming that she is playing you like Midnight Club. So this is pointless anyway.

Second, yeah, your problem is with her doing things that are sex work and you are jealous and insecure about it. It's that simple.

And you are a sworn enemy of common sense in this.

 

[rockin_rod]

There are no other vanilla job where you build a sensual, sexual romantic and emotional climax with dozens of people you are talking to on a daily basis. And at this point, the seduction game can change from feigned to real at the slightest crack if the person is not mentally strong enough.

I agree with @AmberCutie that there is a slight difference, but also think you're being very naive here.
I used to work in an busy office environment in a major city; barely a week went by where there wasn't some sort of fling, affair, or crossing of a line between people who deliberately flirted with each other and built up tension and desire in that environment, until something happened. And not suggesting offices are worse than any other contact scenario - just an example from my own experiences. There is *potential* for people to become involved with someone else in myriad ways, that's just part of us being social animals, but our own values and boundaries are what determine if you go/no go.
Making out that the interactions between a model and site viewer is somehow more likely to result in a seduction is both unrealistic (especially since they are by nature far more separated as online not face-to-face contact) and disrespectful to suggest that models could be so easily susceptible to 'the slightest crack' of their boundaries.

 

[Sashacurves]

I'm not insecure either but I have to admit that my best friend lived a terrible time with a camgirl and ended in a miserable state.

Read this back to yourself as if someone is asking you for advice but swap the word "camgirl" for "lawyer". See how ridiculous that sounds? Just because your mate had a bad relationship with someone who cam models, doesn't mean all cam models are the same... and work/life balance occurs in all jobs - make sure that if you're asking her not to check her camgirl twitter account in bed, you're also not checking your work emails.

That's why I was looking for some advices about the things I should accept or not in order to continue to live a peaceful relationship.

I think that's fair, you're looking for advice on setting boundaries around a situation you've not experienced before. Some of what you're asking seems over the top though. The taking payments offline and tips for nothing in return - I appreciate you've got safety concerns but she's a big girl, she's been doing this since before you came along and she'll continue to do it after. You seem a little bit like you're trying to take control more than help...

 

[Sashacurves]

I agree with @AmberCutie that there is a slight difference, but also think you're being very naive here.
I used to work in an busy office environment in a major city; barely a week went by where there wasn't some sort of fling, affair, or crossing of a line between people who deliberately flirted with each other and built up tension and desire in that environment, until something happened. And not suggesting offices are worse than any other contact scenario - just an example from my own experiences. There is *potential* for people to become involved with someone else in myriad ways, that's just part of us being social animals, but our own values and boundaries are what determine if you go/no go.
Making out that the interactions between a model and site viewer is somehow more likely to result in a seduction is both unrealistic (especially since they are by nature far more separated as online not face-to-face contact) and disrespectful to suggest that models could be so easily susceptible to 'the slightest crack' of their boundaries.

Exactly! @ArizonaDream you're forgetting that from the model's point of view, the "sensual, sexual romantic and emotional climax" is almost 100% acting. I've never had the kind of (real) sexual tension/flirting relationship on cam that I've had working fully clothed in a normal office job

 

[InannahQoH]

More easily said than done I would be okay with that if we agreed on the boundaries that should not be broken but we have a different point of view about it.

For example, it makes me feel uncomfortable to see that she's sharing social medias with her viewers, even if I know that these are not her personal ones but it means that she can be reached anytime and it bothers me a lot to see that people can write her or call her outside her working hours and outside a legit platform.

I know that it's a common practice but are you allowing that too when you are in a relationship?

Another thing that bothers me is that she's ready to sell content either off-site which means that she will use a mean of payment that will probably reveal her identity (I can't accept that) or in a legit platform but then viewers will have the possibility to tip her without asking for any service in return.

How would you deal with that? I feel like it would go beyond how a camgirl and her viewers should interact.

Am I asking too much and should I relax or is she going too far?

The situation is even more uncomfortable for me knowing that we are in the process of living together but it will only be possible in a few weeks.

If it helps... I've had an online relationship with a broadcaster for the past 1.25 years. Who i met online.

It helped that she threw all of her trust at me, early in the relationship.. year+ ago.. (Which yes, was dangerous for her / but appreciated)
IE..... ID's, platform accts, work social medias, work email, remote login to her computer 24/7,
+ Her phone password, personal email/google, bank accounts etc provided more recently, ETC
(Because she wanted help with the English / Computer / Paperwork - Setup side of the broadcasting / etc
+ she wanted the visibility to show she was honest and faithful / and not just virtual)

And with Spanish having various levels of love, she reserves Amor/Amo for me..
And uses other terms when speaking to her viewers.

That with the 100+ messages a day (+Photos/Videos) in whats-app, And seeing her broadcasting daily..
Was enough for a decent remote relationship..

That extreme visibility gave me a decent peace of mind... And i don't think the relationship would have been possible without it.
She gets flooded with
>I'm in your neighbourhood next weekend, can i pay you $1000 to take you to dinner, then we can fuck.
R> I don't do encounters.
>Can we do a 1v1 Skype call for $100/hour
R> See me and Pay me on the platforms

To be honest as I said before in one of my previous messages, it would be way more easy for me to handle that situation when we will live together.

Don't count on that..
I think things were easier to handle the situation when i was remote.. And more difficult now we are living/sleeping together for the past 2.5 weeks.

Mainly because in person she/we work 16/7 .. Remote she worked 16/7 which also included 1v1 vid calls and time allocated to the relationship.

But only been living with her for ~2.5 weeks now.. So still settling, and adjusting.
I'm here for 3-6 months depending on how the relationship goes, and visa extensions

I'm not trying to change her but as AudriTwo said it well, something like a schedule must be set to allow us to separate work and private life. No one is working 24/7 and is available anytime in a regular job so I don't see why it should be different when you are a camgirl.

And no, I am available for work 24/7 in my field (managing a large online global company = Working in AUS, Asia, Ru, Eu, NA timezones).. And work 16/7
And Partner broadcaster is available 24/7 for her work and works 16/7 as well.

 

[AudriTwo]

I have found messages on this forum of models who admitted having been in a relationship with a member. I was reading one yesterday.

there are several models active in this forum who are/were in relationships with once upon a time a member. no one here doubts that it happens and its not this hush-hush secret. the reason you don't hear much about those types of relationships in public is that they are rare and cammodels usually like to appear single.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Mate! OK you got me! You found one.... ONE, out of how many posts of models telling guys that it is the last thing they want? Finding one, doesn't make it the norm.

Plus... if your friend is true to you, it won't matter. There's a phrase in English "It takes two to tango". She (like anyone) can only be seduced, if she wants to be.

If you are confident in her love for you, and if her love is true, it shouldn't matter what guys say or do.

Yes, you're right, her change of attitude can confuse me sometimes but I should learn to trust her more. There is nothing better I can do anyway since I want this relationship to continue.

 

[ArizonaDream]

I agree with @AmberCutie that there is a slight difference, but also think you're being very naive here.
I used to work in an busy office environment in a major city; barely a week went by where there wasn't some sort of fling, affair, or crossing of a line between people who deliberately flirted with each other and built up tension and desire in that environment, until something happened. And not suggesting offices are worse than any other contact scenario - just an example from my own experiences. There is *potential* for people to become involved with someone else in myriad ways, that's just part of us being social animals, but our own values and boundaries are what determine if you go/no go.
Making out that the interactions between a model and site viewer is somehow more likely to result in a seduction is both unrealistic (especially since they are by nature far more separated as online not face-to-face contact) and disrespectful to suggest that models could be so easily susceptible to 'the slightest crack' of their boundaries.

Of course, I don't deny that it happens everywhere. It does. I just pointed out the fact that to increase earnings here, there has to be a seduction game between the members and the model whether the model wants it or not because that's what this job is all about, whereas it must be intentional to make it happen anywhere else.

And it is obvious that there are situations in which this game of seduction that seemed faked and harmless at the beginning, turned into something real after many hours of daily discussions. It's like letting the wolf enter the sheepfold for me but I must accept it.

 

[ArizonaDream]

If it helps... I've had an online relationship with a broadcaster for the past 1.25 years. Who i met online.

It helped that she threw all of her trust at me, early in the relationship.. year+ ago.. (Which yes, was dangerous for her / but appreciated)
IE..... ID's, platform accts, work social medias, work email, remote login to her computer 24/7,
+ Her phone password, personal email/google, bank accounts etc provided more recently, ETC
(Because she wanted help with the English / Computer / Paperwork - Setup side of the broadcasting / etc
+ she wanted the visibility to show she was honest and faithful / and not just virtual)

And with Spanish having various levels of love, she reserves Amor/Amo for me..
And uses other terms when speaking to her viewers.

That with the 100+ messages a day (+Photos/Videos) in whats-app, And seeing her broadcasting daily..
Was enough for a decent remote relationship..

That extreme visibility gave me a decent peace of mind... And i don't think the relationship would have been possible without it.
She gets flooded with
>I'm in your neighbourhood next weekend, can i pay you $1000 to take you to dinner, then we can fuck.
R> I don't do encounters.
>Can we do a 1v1 Skype call for $100/hour
R> See me and Pay me on the platforms


Don't count on that..
I think things were easier to handle the situation when i was remote.. And more difficult now we are living/sleeping together for the past 2.5 weeks.

Mainly because in person she/we work 16/7 .. Remote she worked 16/7 which also included 1v1 vid calls and time allocated to the relationship.

But only been living with her for ~2.5 weeks now.. So still settling, and adjusting.
I'm here for 3-6 months depending on how the relationship goes, and visa extensions




And no, I am available for work 24/7 in my field (managing a large online global company = Working in AUS, Asia, Ru, Eu, NA timezones).. And work 16/7
And Partner broadcaster is available 24/7 for her work and works 16/7 as well.

Very interesting. I recognize myself a bit in your situation since she pretty much had the same attitude with me. She also gave me all these informations you were talking about at the beginning of your post which helped me to realize, along with our 50 000 messages exchanged, 3000 photos / videos shared and our last meeting, that she was not playing a game with me. Has it changed since she's back to the camming world? I don't know.

But the main difference with you is that even if I met her as a camgirl, the vast majority of the time I've spent with her so far has been without her doing this work since she decided to stop it once it became serious between us. So it's a new situation for me now as a partner.

Did your girlfriend really let you check the messages she exchanged with her followers to prove you that she was honest? It's something I never wanted to ask her.

Good luck with your relationship

 

[bearman]

Work is work, private life is private life. Who I am in front of the camera is not who I am in my free time. Firstly you have to understand what your girlfriend is doing, and know that it's not something personal involved in her interactions with her members. They have a fantasy, she fulfils it behind the camera. He is happy, she's happy with the money she's getting. You should know that it's strictly business and nothing else involved in what's happening there, and that should give you peace of mind.

Yeah this fucked up my last relationship. My ex had an onlyfans, was doing pretty well on it...as a side gig.... well mine...I went hard... like built my CB n OF to where its a decent side gig. Was doing Ubereats also before the gas prices made it impractical. She would get mad, she was ok with OF but didnt wanna do cams, I'm like "fine I would never pressure u to" Just be cool with me doing em. On my behalf, I was doing 2 cam shows a day solo so...... it kinda cut into our sex life but the money was good....but made her feel undesirable. I felt bad cuz I got frustrated with her n loved her.... "ya know we could just do this together" lol n make it way easier. But she was self-conscious about live sex so I would never push it .

This lifestyle aint for everyone.

 

[Lilly_____]

It helped that she threw all of her trust at me, early in the relationship.. year+ ago.. (Which yes, was dangerous for her / but appreciated)
IE..... ID's, platform accts, work social medias, work email, remote login to her computer 24/7,
+ Her phone password, personal email/google, bank accounts etc provided more recently, ETC
(Because she wanted help with the English / Computer / Paperwork - Setup side of the broadcasting / etc
+ she wanted the visibility to show she was honest and faithful / and not just virtual)

This is beyond fucked up. All the examples of "love" you and OP are giving are actually you wanting to take control over other person's life.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

This is beyond fucked up. All the examples of "love" you and OP are giving are actually you wanting to take control over other person's life.

Seriously, this reply displays extremely invasive expectations and I don't think it gives any example of healthy relationship behavior. OP, don't mimic this.

I get that you are looking for ways to be sure that you aren't getting played or whatever, but there is no way to be certain. And this is not specific to our work, it's the same with all people. You do not know what is going on inside the other person's head, only what they decide to share with you. Whether or not you can trust what is said is up to you, but pushing and prodding will not lead anywhere good. Either you will find that you were right to be suspicious, or you will push her away because you insist on looking for proof of dishonesty that isn't there. Are either of these outcomes desirable? It may seem that your insecurity is heightened due to the nature of our work, and that could be true, but your insecurity is still the root problem here. Do not look for further ways to micromanage her life. Figure out why you are feeling this way, and do something about it. It starts with you.

Maybe the thing you need to do about it is take a step back from this, because trust issues and this line of work don't go well together. Any partner of a sexy worker is going to have to be extremely secure. If you can't trust her, you need to take care of yourself and find a better situation that doesn't cause you such mental anguish.