How do you connect to people? The five love languages

[LadyLuna]

The five Love Languages are about how do we connect to the people around us.

1. Words of affirmation

saying "I love you", giving compliments, requesting things instead of demanding

2. Acts of Service

doing something special just for that person, taking care of things for someone

3. Quality Time

giving the person your undivided attention
doing something WITH the person

4. Touch

Not necessarily sexual, just any person-to-person contact. Hugs, kisses, pat on the back, massages, backrubs, handshakes.

5. Gifts

Something tangible that says "I was thinking of you"


Which one makes you feel connected? Which one do you do to connect to others?

For me, I feel connected when I touch people, and when I can talk to them. If I want them to feel connected to me, I usually try acts of service or quality time, because I know that touch isn't socially acceptable anymore.

But dear god I love to hug people.

 

[sargasm_]

IMO, absolutely NOTHING beats spending time with someone. nothing at all, and--for me at least--it doesn't really matter what you're doing.

i mean, the thing my last girlfriend and i did, was running together. may not seem like a very romantic thing to some, but it was honestly the best time we ever spent with each other.

and doing things for them, not as important, but at the very least it shows you care. like, (up here in Canada) you may know, it snows a lot. like a shit ton. so every time it snowed more than couple inches, i'd go shovel her snow since it was just her and her mom. its not that i'm saying women can't shovel snow, they just shouldn't have to.

another thing that may or may not count, but is very important to me, is her health. not necessarily skinny and muscular, but healthy. if you aren't going to help take care of yourself, neither am I.

and yes, hugging is big for me too. i love hugs :-D

 

[Eva_ChangeN]

There is no "all the above" so I choose none of the above....sorry

 

[GreatDane]

I would have said all of the above, but there are some that stand out more than others. Touch is a big one in my book, but I do all of them to some extent.

 

[LadyLuna]

There is no "all the above" so I choose none of the above....sorry

*virtual hugs*

No problem! I figured most people it's only one or two, some people there's more. Maybe I should've left it open to select all... hm...

 

[Eva_ChangeN]

There is no "all the above" so I choose none of the above....sorry

*virtual hugs*

No problem! I figured most people it's only one or two, some people there's more. Maybe I should've left it open to select all... hm...

It's all good hun! *hugs*

 

[AlexLady]

I think having to pick the top two, even if I agreed with several of those in various ways, helped me understand some stuff about myself.

 

[LadyLuna]

I should have stated in my original post...

Everyone needs all of these some of the time. But everyone has one or two that they need more often than the others. I figured two allows for ties for the top, or for someone to realize that they try to connect using one, but feel more connected when they receive the other.

 

[Leigh]

I think having to pick the top two, even if I agreed with several of those in various ways, helped me understand some stuff about myself.

I totally agree with this. Having to spot the two most frequent behaviours gives a lot of insight. I do service and I do gifts. It actually makes me a fairly distant person in a way as I honestly dont enjoy spending lots of time with many people and am not very huggy huggy, so I show I care in practical ways more than anything.

Its a good job I dont have children right now as they would end up materialistic lazy brats :lol:

Im trying to work on it and spread the vocal and time a lot more but I kinda have to force myself.

Receiving I dont like to receive service or gifts really, I prefer the opposite, the vocal and the affection. But im still not fussed about the time thing.

 

[Runts]

Words of affirmation for me, without a doubt.

And I love that this principle - the five love languages - is being talked about on a forum run by an adult cam model...considering that it originated in a Christian book!

 

[LadyLuna]

considering that it originated in a Christian book!

Shhh

To be fair to everyone else... I got it from a class run by a steadfast but not in-your-face Christian woman, who did cite the book, but I didn't look into it enough to find out if it was from a Christian book.

HOWEVER, these same ways of connecting to people are discussed in many psychology books. Just, most put "acts of service" and "gifts" as the same thing (Is it the thing they gave me, or the fact that they gave it to me?). My rebuttal to that is some people care about the physical thing, using it as a reminder of the person who gave it to them, while some people treasure instead the memory of when that person did something for them.

Random thought.... I wonder if we can identify any fictional characters having a specific "love language". I wonder if that would make a character more three-dimensional, having a love language or two, but not really caring about the other ones beyond the occasional occurrence. (ooohh, two r's in occurrence x.x)

 

[Rose]

i respond best to acts of service. if i see roomie do a chore or something without asking then i'll get really excited and i'll feel special.
i usually only do acts of service or gifts because i'm not a very physical person. i like my space and i don't want you in my space unless *I* invite you into it explicitly. however, i'd be more a mix of all 5 than just 1 or 2. those are just the ones that stand out in my daily life. ex, i keep the house really clean so roomie can relax and always think of home as a fun place and it makes him feel good to come home to a nice house.

 

[Runts]

LOL @ LadyLuna!

The real insight from that book is that we tend to love others using our own love language...which may be fine if they share our love language. But if we want to love someone else in the best way possible we have to discover their love language, and then love them using it instead of what seems natural to us (loving using our own).

Mine is words of affirmation and I'm always catching myself saying lots and lots of kind things to my gf. She likes it...but her love language is quality time. It goes the other way too...she'll spend the day with me - hanging out, chatting about whatever, spending quality time - but not give me words of affirmation. We've both had to work a lot at this.

*soapbox* Love isn't necessarily a feeling and it certainly isn't only a feeling! Love is choosing to put the best interests of your partner before your own...every single day! */soapbox*

 

[PrincessDaisy]

touch gal here always hugging always kissing

 

[LadyLuna]

LOL @ LadyLuna!

The real insight from that book is that we tend to love others using our own love language...which may be fine if they share our love language. But if we want to love someone else in the best way possible we have to discover their love language, and then love them using it instead of what seems natural to us (loving using our own).

Mine is words of affirmation and I'm always catching myself saying lots and lots of kind things to my gf. She likes it...but her love language is quality time. It goes the other way too...she'll spend the day with me - hanging out, chatting about whatever, spending quality time - but not give me words of affirmation. We've both had to work a lot at this.

*soapbox* Love isn't necessarily a feeling and it certainly isn't only a feeling! Love is choosing to put the best interests of your partner before your own...every single day! */soapbox*

I have yet to get my Master to understand that when he won't hug me, I feel uncomfortable asking to spend time with him, because if he's not touching me, he obviously doesn't want me around... x.x

 

[SweepTheLeg]

Since I didn't see sarcasm as one of the possible languages I have gone with touch and gifts though i very well could have went with all of the above.

I enjoy buying gifts but I like to have fun with my gifts and try and get them something that no one else would have thought to.