Hey there question time.

[papichulo80]

Hi everyone,
I made an account to ask a question because I'm a little naive and newbish when it comes to this whole world.
I looked around at some other sites but this one seemed populated by some pretty cool people who seem fun whereas some others seemed pretty bitter.
So it's not really an "I'm in love with a camboy" thread as much as an "I'm confused" thread.
So a friend of mine is big into cams. I always made fun of him bla bla long story short I was browsing and saw this mega fine guy. Did a private and it was fun he was charming we talked a bit.
Normal stuff I think. Then he asked me if I wanted to chat on skype I said sure, this then led to him asking for what's app I said sure.
We did a few skype shows that I paid for then he said he wanted to see me more. (Figuratively as there was noo way I was turning my cam on) I told him I wasn't in to dropping that kind of cash on watching someone whack off and he said it was cool I would pay if/when I wanted. So I thought whatever his loss if he's not smart enough to get the cash.
So months on we chat a lot. I've sent some gifts nothing huge just some champs I ordered and sent. We chat everyday on messenger. I cut off the skype stuff cause I didn't want any misunderstandings about money. I've sent him a little but never anything that stresses me out.

So now I'm in constant whiplash my working assumption is that this is his hustle. Be cool make personal relationships and work those. But he doesn't get that much for a lot of effort it seems. He texts me all the time sends pictures and gives a lot of personal info that is not smart. I mean I know his name address his family info. Then he starts talking what seems seriously about visiting and taking things further.
So what do I make of it? I feel like to push things this far when it's fake is sociopathic. But how could he possibly be serious?
He also goes from being really anti money talk to asking me all the questions I would expect about how much I make bla bla. The switches are really fast and confusing. I know he lives in a country where the economy is a disaster. (I've been) and it is not at all okay to be gay(if he is). So I get the idea of coming here(USA) would be super attractive. Even if I'm not in particular.
Omg this is so long and boring. If anyone reading this has made it to the end awake let me know what you think. I'm happy to answer any questions. I just can't figure out his deal.
Thanks as I'm sure this is the kind of topic that gets posted waaay too often.
And please don't yell at me haha.

 

[JickyJuly]

Tough one. When you communicate, do you have a lot of common interests? Or create a good energy? It's entirely possible that you managed to fall into the rare space of actual friend that he just happened to meet on a camsite. Over my 5+ years camming, I have 2 dudes that I consider actual friends. There are SO many possibilities though. He could be naive. He could have a lot of time to kill and not mind sinking it into a hustle. Unfortunately, I can't think of a way to find out other than asking him. Maybe make a list of your concerns and, if you're worried you'll offend him, spend some time crafting questions that address those concerns but sounds as non-accusatory as possible? Maybe a camdude would be better for answering this. @DeezNA ...?

 

[papichulo80]

some common interests yeah. As much as is possible considering the difference in language, education and life situation.
And we do have fun chatting for sure. He's a good flirt and a funny guy.
I feel like asking might be moot. Wouldn't he give the same answer either way?
I do think he might be a bit naive and I've told him he shouldn't give out that info but his answer was that he only gave it to me.
Which again is probably what he would say either way given that it's the "right" answer.
Anyway thanks for taking the time

 

[StrayObject]

Or @gudheadt

 

[gudheadt]

uhhm soo if i understand this correctly, then you have meet some one online that you might want to meet in real life, but are afraid that asking them person questions will make them feel bad or get mad at you? hope im answering the correct thing here, im a little tipsy from my show earlyer
so in my own experience of meeting people from the cam sites (i've meet 2 people so far) is that people Are differend in real life then online, plain and simple, there is no way to get around it, it can both be for the good or the negative, a couple of signals you should be aware of is how the person acts when you ask person questions, money related questions, and other questions you might be afraid of asking them. because if the person is going to have a fit over that kind of questions when you are just talking online, then its going to end bad when you meet them. i can already with 99% geranti you it.
like the first person i meet up with, me and her had Really good chimistry and where always talking, flirting, and even visiting eachothers cam rooms and keep the shows going when it where slow. but when we meet, it turned out that we where both really social akward, and had a hard time talking, even though it where differend online, so we just desided to stay friends (she is now my best friend in this whole world and i would never give her up for Anything)
the other person is now my girlfriend, and we hit it off right away over the internet, (i where really lucky with her) and i love her with all my heart.

but like if i where you, then Ask the person all the personal questions you can think off. like things you know might be something that are going to grind there gears, just to see how they react, because then you can get a feel for how its going to go, meeting them in real life.

also if the person is going to come over to you, make sure they got money with them, just so you arent going to have to suport them every step of the way. or else money will Werry quickely be a topic of talk unless you got a lot of them lol.

just be carefull, some people are much differend in real life, make sure you really know them, and make sure they arent going to harm you or take advanagde of you while being there.

hope this shined some light on your question, if there is anything else you want to know then let me know. as i said earlyer, im a little tipsy so if i did not answerede OP question then im sorry lol

 

[papichulo80]

Thanks so much for your time and I totally appreciate the thought you gave your answer.
I think the chances of us meeting are slim both logistically and in terms of what would actually make logical sense for either of us. That would be the most fairy tale of fairy tale resolutions lol.
Mainly I was trying to figure out if it's hustle or partially hustle or genuine but there's no real way to know that. A person is super unlikely to say " hey I've been working you but now I don't want to anymore"
It wasn't necessarily that I think he'll be upset as much as I think it's unlikely that he'll give me any answers other than what we both know is the "right" answer.
I'm realizing as I write this that I'm probably just venting about a situation where there won't be any resolution. It's not really something I can talk about with my friends so I appreciate your time
Very cool.people on this forum
P

uhhm soo if i understand this correctly, then you have meet some one online that you might want to meet in real life, but are afraid that asking them person questions will make them feel bad or get mad at you? hope im answering the correct thing here, im a little tipsy from my show earlyer
so in my own experience of meeting people from the cam sites (i've meet 2 people so far) is that people Are differend in real life then online, plain and simple, there is no way to get around it, it can both be for the good or the negative, a couple of signals you should be aware of is how the person acts when you ask person questions, money related questions, and other questions you might be afraid of asking them. because if the person is going to have a fit over that kind of questions when you are just talking online, then its going to end bad when you meet them. i can already with 99% geranti you it.
like the first person i meet up with, me and her had Really good chimistry and where always talking, flirting, and even visiting eachothers cam rooms and keep the shows going when it where slow. but when we meet, it turned out that we where both really social akward, and had a hard time talking, even though it where differend online, so we just desided to stay friends (she is now my best friend in this whole world and i would never give her up for Anything)
the other person is now my girlfriend, and we hit it off right away over the internet, (i where really lucky with her) and i love her with all my heart.

but like if i where you, then Ask the person all the personal questions you can think off. like things you know might be something that are going to grind there gears, just to see how they react, because then you can get a feel for how its going to go, meeting them in real life.

also if the person is going to come over to you, make sure they got money with them, just so you arent going to have to suport them every step of the way. or else money will Werry quickely be a topic of talk unless you got a lot of them lol.

just be carefull, some people are much differend in real life, make sure you really know them, and make sure they arent going to harm you or take advanagde of you while being there.

hope this shined some light on your question, if there is anything else you want to know then let me know. as i said earlyer, im a little tipsy so if i did not answerede OP question then im sorry lol

 

[gudheadt]

some guys and girls do actully "hustle" people by acting like they like them. few warning signs would be like, if he is trying to get money from you, like if he constandly mentions money in a way like "hey i need money for rent" or just asking you straight up for it.
just be carefull man, the worls is a weird place, and lots of bad people are out there as well as good people, it all depends.

 

[papichulo80]

Yeah thanks for the response.
It just blows me away how he pursued. I mean that's a lot of effort. All the regular cam time, skype, all the messaging and phone time to however many guys he's working. And all just for money. I've never been that money motivated so it blows my mind. But maybe that's shitty to say cause it's easy not to be money motivated when you have it.
Anyway thanks for talking to me! I think it's time to.stop ruminating and do the acceptance thing

 

[DeezNA]

@JickyJuly hath summoned me and from the shadows I arise...

Hi @papichulo80 , welcome to the Forum!

Just so I can get a full understanding of the situation (forgive me if I overlooked anything, I kinda speed-read over the thread), you are friends with a male model and are unsure if he is genuine in his intentions or "using" you. What seems to be the concern is a lack of genuine communication of intention. For me, in any situation (professional or personal), this is a huge red flag. This is a sign of a massive lack of trust - trust is integral to a relationship of any sort, ranging from professional and casual to personal or romantic relationships. You seem to be hesitant to take any next step because that trust is either lacking or simply not there.

There are many different options of where to go here; this is what I see at first glance without any specific details:

• Continue a professional and casual friendship since his intentions are unclear and you do not feel comfortable with the potential of where his intentions seem to be going. Do not allow him to pressure you to take it further but rather preserve what you have the best you can. Make it clear that there is a line and stand your ground on it.
• Have a serious talk about what exactly his intentions are with his actions. Any professional will be up-front in a business scenario and explain things clearly to a potential/regular customer. If he will not, I would highly suggest not giving business to him. Expanding on this, off-cam friendship ties into this directly. If he will not be honest and upfront or his story keeps changing, he is doing more damage than good to you. That's not a friend in my book.
• Walk away. If he is giving you clear signs that he is trying to essentially manipulate you into gaining U.S. citizenship (Am I misinterpreting that part? That was a big red flag in what I read...), or if you feel he is using you for any non-professional or non-consensual personal gain, you need to get out of there immediately. The line with camming can be blurry between friendly and professional, the defining line in all interactions is consent. If you feel he is consciously breaching your consent at any time, you need to get out.
• Assuming communication is established, intentions are clear and you two mutually feel comfortable meeting up... since there is a history of mistrust, as @gudheadt stated above, be cautious and have contingency plans. Do not let him stay at your house. Do not meet him privately if you do not feel comfortable. Basically listen to your gut until that baseline level of trust has been reestablished. From what I gather from your statements, where the level of trust is now, this is a big gamble so I would absolutely build a lot of trust and honest communication before any of this is even considered.

It seems you may have already made your decision and I fully support that, I just wanted to throw my perspective your way. Since this is a freelance industry, people follow their own individual code of ethics and practices; as a customer (and friend), it's ultimately up to you who you choose to support. If these are his business practices that he is exemplifying and they make you feel this strongly, I highly recommend you discontinue your support of it.

I hope I helped at least a little. Best of luck and don't hesitate to hit us up or go into more detail if I misinterpreted anything or if you need any more help with specific parts of the situation.

 

[papichulo80]

Wow...you are awesome. And everyone has been super cool. Maybe I should do industry night at my bar lol.
Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time.
I did a combo of the last few bullet points today.
I told him how I felt and he got all upset cause he thought I was freaking about his work. That's bogus because a. Work is work. I spend my nights flirting with people so they buy 15 dollar Manhattans I get it, and b. I was very clear that the issue was his story changing all the time not the content of the story(s).
So I basically put it out there that he was gonna have to change the way he was dealing with me or walk away. Like square one as a friend with no commercial component. I just need some honesty and clarity one way or the other. So I told him to take a week and decide what he wants to do. We'll see if he dissapears or comes back with something.
Honestly at this point I'm totally prepared to walk but I do have some real feelings there so I figure what the hell.
Thanks soo much for your time deez and Jicky for summoning him.
Jicky is my favorite fragrance btw

 

[FluffyGalore]

I feel for you here, it's always a complex relationship especially when there are real feelings involved. Personally as a model I would never encourage relationships like this for two reasons:
1. I would hate to be thought of as using someones feelings to gain money.
2. Because as has been stated people are never the same online as in person, plus you just don't know his motives.

I would be wary about becoming too close to a cam model if I were on the other side. Maybe that's just me lol.

I know from my point of view when a guy becomes overly keen it really makes me uncomfortable too much time on Skype and calls etc. And it seems to me it's starting to make you uncomfortable. Personally I would cut him out completely, saves for any heartache in the future.

I'm not saying models and fans don't sometimes meet and end up together or close friends, it's just murky water I suppose you never really know the intentions behind it.

 

[papichulo80]

Yeah that's the biggest thing. Muuuurky. I'm sure it can happen too but it's not anything I have ever thought about especially considering the ridiculous distance. And just to be clear serious romance was never on the table here.
We talked again this morning and he just got all mad about me questioning him about his work which I wasn't even doing. I dunno, it seems like no matter how I explain it he refuses to understand what I'm saying.
I'm very clear about being concerned about honesty and clarity and he keeps repositioning the argument to be about camming and money. Maybe cause he can be the victim in that one?
It sure is starting to feel hopeless lol. I feel bad cause I know he's in a shitty situation. But it seems like the Idea of trust is foreign.
Like today he told me that I should trust him because if he didn't really care about me he would have privated/skyped me till I was homeless (as if that was an option). What is that logic.
Thanks again,
Sounds like there is a strong consensus Haha. I just hoped I could be helpful to someone because people certainly were helpful to me when I needed it.

 

[FluffyGalore]

Hate to say it but if he really wanted to have any type of proper relationship with you out with camming he wouldn't bring up money in any way shape or form, that's my opinion anyway. I just think this seems to be more about keeping you there for future monetary gain. Again I could be totally wrong.

 

[papichulo80]

Oh It's nice you say you might be wrong Hehe but I think we all know you're right.
Thanks for being so nice!

 

[FluffyGalore]

Aww you are very welcome. I get a bit nervous posting sometimes as I just type what I would say sometimes it comes across the wrong way lol. So I'm very happy that it didn't