Helping a model

[SaiyaJordan]

Hi, so I’m here to know whether or not it’s okay to help a friend who is a cam model. I met her through SM and we became best friends. She always asked for help with money whenever she couldn’t work because of problems she has from Home (gonna try not to go to specific on what the problems are) and these a becoming more frequent because of issues she is having from Home since it’s always being stolen from someone close to her. It has become a weekly thing because of this. I even helped paid her rent because of these same issues since she can’t go work at her studio being unable to work. But usually it’s just 20-40 bucks a week for a bus pass and food. She always says she’ll pay me back but something always comes up in her life that makes her unable to do so; like money being stolen or something emotionally/physical happening to her. I know she doesn’t do this take advantage of me but I just wondering if it’s okay to help her when she tells me her problems and what’s going on. My family does know about her and they’re telling me to cut her out of my life because I help her and I need to look at for myself. Also, we had a huge fight and some things were said that made us not wanna talk for two weeks (my family knows about this argument and that’s another huge reason why they don’t me to talk to her because of the things she told me) and we talked it out and obviously we are back on good terms. I just wish she would t just hit me up to help her with money. For awhile it wasn’t like that but it somehow always comes back with her needing my help. This past weekend we went to a concert to see her favorite band for the first time and she spent the whole weekend with me in her hometown. I just happened to be there at the right time when her problems from home started to get really bad again and I found it it’s still as bad. I really do love and care for and I’m hoping maybe one day we can get into a relationship but I feel like the money aspect of me helping needs to stop and her repaying or making it up to me somehow will fix it and we finally have a normal human relationship and prove to my family she is a good person despite having a past filled with hardships and problems, but she isn’t doing that anymore and she is trying to change but my family still won’t like her.
Sorry for going off topic here for a bit. But yeah I’m just wondering if it’s okay to help her with money when she’s is going through so much bullshit in her life and it all basically comes from one person in her life she needs to move on from.

 

[Emberblaze]

Stop giving her money and see if she remains your friend.

You don't have to help your friends if it makes you uncomfortable or puts you in a bad situation.

And if she stops being your friend because you stopped you know she was just using you.

 

[AudriTwo]

brah, hate to break it to you, doesn't sound like a friend. friends always pay friends back.

don't do it. she isn't your responsibility. your family can see this is a toxic relationship for you. you deserve better friends.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

Stop giving her money and see if she remains your friend.

You don't have to help your friends if it makes you uncomfortable or puts you in a bad situation.

And if she stops being your friend because you stopped you know she was just using you.

It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to help her, honestly. I just wish she can remove herself from her situation and things will dramatically improve for her. She kinda does repay me back with selfies, nudes and discount shows. So idk I’m really trying to move our relationship to a normal one outside of camming. Hell, last time we hung out she hugged me tight, lifted her legs and kissed me on the cheek. So I believe she does adore me. But yes, I’m gonna ask her if she can get help from her other customers and see how it goes

 

[SaiyaJordan]

brah, hate to break it to you, doesn't sound like a friend. friends always pay friends back.

don't do it. she isn't your responsibility. your family can see this is a toxic relationship for you. you deserve better friends.

I know real friends pay each other back. She started to actually by giving me stuff last time we hung out. It was small, but it’s a start. I’m gonna ask to repay the 40 from the last time I helped her and see what she does.

 

[CoffeeKnight]

At the risk of the thread going off topic, is this the same one you mentioned in a different thread as threatening to send private details of your messages and shows to your family? Because if that is the case, absolutely stop giving her money. A friend wouldn't do that and neither would a respectable cam model.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

At the risk of the thread going off topic, is this the same one you mentioned in a different thread as threatening to send private details of your messages and shows to your family? Because if that is the case, absolutely stop giving her money. A friend wouldn't do that and neither would a respectable cam model.

I’ll message you. If that’s okay

 

[AudriTwo]

At the risk of the thread going off topic, is this the same one you mentioned in a different thread as threatening to send private details of your messages and shows to your family? Because if that is the case, absolutely stop giving her money. A friend wouldn't do that and neither would a respectable cam model.

yeah i was just about to say.. even if she apologized and it could of been someone influencing her. why would you want a friend who would ever do that? stop giving her money at all. and see where your friendship goes.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

yeah i was just about to say.. even if she apologized and it could of been someone influencing her. why would you want a friend who would ever do that? stop giving her money at all. and see where your friendship goes.

Yes! She was placed in a bad situation and i don’t wanna put her business out, but if anyone was in her shoes most people will do the same thing to survive. Remember, we had a huge argument and she apologized so much for it and she admitted it was a bluff so we can talk things out. But yes. Money has to stop being a factor in our relationship to grow.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

I believe if I told her entire situation maybe everyone will understand why I help her so much and why she can’t immediately repay for everything I’ve done for her. But I’m not gonna put her life’s struggles and mess here. She has said she will make it up for me one day. I just love her so much. I just know she will one day. But let’s see how it goes from here on out.

 

[SMuser69]

Yes! She was placed in a bad situation and i don’t wanna put her business out, but if anyone was in her shoes most people will do the same thing to survive. Remember, we had a huge argument and she apologized so much for it and she admitted it was a bluff so we can talk things out. But yes. Money has to stop being a factor in our relationship to grow.

There are three problems here. One is money the first, trusting the situation is the second and the third is the people that are involved in her 'situation'. On the money side how you think she's going to 'pay you back'? If her main source of income is camming are you ok with the fact in order to pay you back she's going to have to cam with other people? Also let's say you continue this relationship. It's clear there will be a financial dependency. If you're having trouble now how it going to be easier in the months or years ahead in your relationship? Then what about the people she's living with? Are you inviting a situation where you're now surrounding yourself with her people that are stealing from her already? If her situation isn't safe for her why do you think you're be any safer? Is her removing herself from that situation an option?

It's like when you have that friend that get addicted to heroin, you can try to help so much but eventually you might need to be ready to go or be dragged off the cliff with them.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

There are three problems here. One is money the first, trusting the situation is the second and the third is the people that are involved in her 'situation'. On the money side how you think she's going to 'pay you back'? If her main source of income is camming are you ok with the fact in order to pay you back she's going to have to cam with other people? Also let's say you continue this relationship. It's clear there will be a financial dependency. If you're having trouble now how it going to be easier in the months or years ahead in your relationship? Then what about the people she's living with? Are you inviting a situation where you're now surrounding yourself with her people that are stealing from her already? If her situation isn't safe for her why do you think you're be any safer? Is her removing herself from that situation an option?

It's like when you have that friend that get addicted to heroin, you can try to help so much but eventually you might need to be ready to go or be dragged off the cliff with them.

I’m completely fine with her paying me back with money she makes from camming. That’s not the issue. And it’s not really trouble financially to help her. It’s just her situation constantly causing her to ask for it is the problem. And yes removing herself from the situation is optional and I do feel like it’ll make her and I safe once it’s done. I’m just afraid something worse might happen to her if she doesn’t do it soon and I mean really soon.
And funny that you mentioned addicts lol i know quite a few who completely stopped using H and have been clean for years, but it was ultimately up to them to stop doing it and get clean. Sometimes you gotta call people out for them to get help and not just one but a lot of people.

 

[CoffeeKnight]

I just love her so much. I just know she will one day. But let’s see how it goes from here on out.

Listen, I'm not unsympathetic but that quote right there is a problem for you. Relationships and reciprocated feelings might be possible between a cam model and one of her clients but the odds of it actually happening are so unbelievable high it might as well be impossible.

If there is a part of you that thinks continuing to give her money is a problem (regardless of if it doesn't cause you hardship and her ability to pay you back), and given that you are here asking I feel there might be, then you need to reevaluate what sort of relationship you actually have with her.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

Listen, I'm not unsympathetic but that quote right there is a problem for you. Relationships and reciprocated feelings might be possible between a cam model and one of her clients but the odds of it actually happening are so unbelievable high it might as well be impossible.

If there is a part of you that thinks continuing to give her money is a problem (regardless of if it doesn't cause you hardship and her ability to pay you back), and given that you are here asking I feel there might be, then you need to reevaluate what sort of relationship you actually have with her.

Giving her money ain’t the problem. It’s what causing her to ask for the money is the problem. It’s not gonna cause me hardship. We’ve discussed and agreed we are ready to move our relationship to a normal one where I don’t have to pay to talk to her by the hour or minute or whatever. She has shown affection toward means I’ve returned it.. there is feelings there between us. There’s just a lot of stuff in the way from making it happen. But money won’t be an issue at all.

 

[AwesomeKate]

You came to this site for advice and then made every excuse in the book to dismiss her behavior and paint your relationship with her as healthy for you. Listen to people when you ask them for advice. They are an unemotional third party and can actually see the game taking place.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

You came to this site for advice and then made every excuse in the book to dismiss her behavior and paint your relationship with her as healthy for you. Listen to people when you ask them for advice. They are an unemotional third party and can actually see the game taking place.

I know. It’s just hard to admit it though. Especially when they’re someone you share details of your life with vice versa and we’ve gotten really close the past year and a half. But I will not give her money and see if the friendship is really there. Wish me luck.

 

[Ryuki22]

You came to this site for advice and then made every excuse in the book to dismiss her behavior and paint your relationship with her as healthy for you. Listen to people when you ask them for advice. They are an unemotional third party and can actually see the game taking place.

I agree with Kate.. Altruism is a quality in this world that is all too lacking these days.. buut ya gotta keep balance in all situations my friend. Help support as many people as you can in every way you can possible, however, you doing this should be granting time and opportunity for that person to make the changes necessary in their lives so you can shift that weight back onto them.. We can only hold extra weight for so long until our muscles will give out, legs buckle.. don't destroy yourself trying to save someone who doesn't even want to save themselves.

 

[CoffeeKnight]

I know. It’s just hard to admit it though. Especially when they’re someone you share details of your life with vice versa and we’ve gotten really close the past year and a half. But I will not give her money and see if the friendship is really there. Wish me luck.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you. I know it can be difficult when strong emotions are involved.

 

[OldHippy]

I know. It’s just hard to admit it though. Especially when they’re someone you share details of your life with vice versa and we’ve gotten really close the past year and a half. But I will not give her money and see if the friendship is really there. Wish me luck.

This is not a healthy relationship for you. I know the feelings you have for her are real, but I believe you are being manipulate. Everyone wants to feel like they are helping, they are doing something good, to be a hero. The money you are giving her is probably helping her in some way, the problem is she is just not being honest with you in the way she is obtained this money from you. Some things she is telling you are probably true, but even you know that there is something wrong otherwise you would not be posting here.

You sound like a good guy, you deserve someone who will respect you, someone who you can trust and someone who will enhance your life rather than cause heartache and drama. You have just trusted someone more than they deserve.

 

[AudriTwo]

Giving her money ain’t the problem. It’s what causing her to ask for the money is the problem.

so how is enabling her helping her?

 

[Phoenix4987]

You came to this site for advice and then made every excuse in the book to dismiss her behavior and paint your relationship with her as healthy for you. Listen to people when you ask them for advice. They are an unemotional third party and can actually see the game taking place.

I know. It’s just hard to admit it though. Especially when they’re someone you share details of your life with vice versa and we’ve gotten really close the past year and a half. But I will not give her money and see if the friendship is really there. Wish me luck.

Never forget the camgirl game is keep you interested and coming back. Make you feel special. You pay for a peek at details of her life that she wouldn't just share with any guest or basic. So this "relationship", is designed to get you hooked, hooked on that feeling of something being special between you. To give you the hope that you have a chance. But it's just out of the reach of your fingertips, so you keep coming back to try and grasp for more and more. But the reality is that more and more is unattainable and you are essentially a donkey with a carrot right in front of its eyes, but you are so focused on the carrot you cannot see that the string is attached behind you.

I'm not attacking you personally, just trying to give you a new perspective or something to think about. If, you take the money away, and something still persists then that may be a good sign. Or it might be temporary until something comes up. Don't be anyone's fool. Remember, entertainment first.

This is all "relationship" game, but there are definitely healthier ways to have a relationship with a sex worker. There's nothing wrong with appreciating a girl for her company, shows, real sex, real dates and so on. But that's where the line is usually drawn, at the work level. You wouldn't need to post any advice threads if she intended to make things real.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I’m completely fine with her paying me back with money she makes from camming. That’s not the issue. And it’s not really trouble financially to help her. It’s just her situation constantly causing her to ask for it is the problem. And yes removing herself from the situation is optional and I do feel like it’ll make her and I safe once it’s done. I’m just afraid something worse might happen to her if she doesn’t do it soon and I mean really soon.
And funny that you mentioned addicts lol i know quite a few who completely stopped using H and have been clean for years, but it was ultimately up to them to stop doing it and get clean. Sometimes you gotta call people out for them to get help and not just one but a lot of people.

So, I'm calling you out. You sound like you're in the situation of an addict that is unable to see the problem because you're in the middle of it.

She might not be causing you hardship due to her asking for small amounts and she's probably aware of it. But, if she's solely relying on you to help her out because camming isn't providing the income she needs. How do you expect her to pay you back?

If she's in legitimate danger, then why do you feel it'll be safe for both of you once she's out of the situation? There's a lot of situations where a jilted lover will after her and her new beau. If you're really wanting to help, you need to get her out and get the police involved. If she's not willing to do that, I'm guessing it's a sham and she's continuing to use you.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Sweet Harry Fuck. If this is the same cam girl who threatened to blackmail you by telling your family how much money you;d spent on her if you didn't send her more, then I would hope you already know the answer to all your questions here and just wanted confirmation.

Yes, you should stop sending her money. Yes, you should cut off all contact with this person. No, this person is not your friend. Yes, you deserve better. Yes, if you continue sending her money, you are making a huge mistake, the likes of which might one day necessitate some type of counselling if they're being continually repeated.

 

[Emberblaze]

She's using you.

This entire thread could have ended after Audritwo and I replied.

Sorry you can't seem to see it BUT.... SHE THREATENED TO BLACKMAIL YOU. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Even if she never intended to do it she still intended to stress you the fuck out and manipulate money out of you. I don't care what her reasons are. DECENT HUMAN BEINGS DON'T DO THAT TO PEOPLE.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

i gotta clear this up, but.... this is a different Different girl! Not the same one. There’s another one, but now I know how to deal with the blackmail situation. Thank you all so much for opening my eyes.
But yes. I will keep you all posted.

 

[CoffeeKnight]

i gotta clear this up, but.... this is a different Different girl! Not the same one. There’s another one, but now I know how to deal with the blackmail situation. Thank you all so much for opening my eyes.
But yes. I will keep you all posted.

There is another one now? Even though in a past reply you said the (now first one?) was just bluffing after you guys had a fight instead of saying right off the bat that it wasn't the same girl.

I think you need to stop befriending models, man.

 

[AudriTwo]

So two shitty "friends"

 

[Dan Epstein]

There's no such thing as Altruism, not in the pure sense of the word. If you're a friend offline, you stay a friend offline, if your'e a steady loyal client, you stay a steady loyal client.
There's a Hebrew saying that one cannot dance in two weddings at the same time, it might apply here.

 

[schlmoe]

Here are 2 hard and fast rules (these used to be known as "common sense") for you:

1. Don't "lend" money. If you can afford to, *give* it without any expectation of getting it back. By "afford", I mean if you can throw it in the garbage and it won't affect you paying your own bills, etc. then do it.

2. Giving a camgirl money for any reason (tipping for videos, tipping for countdowns, loans, etc.) and hoping it will lead to a "relationship" is a fools game. While camgirl/member relationships can happen, it is exceedingly rare.

Give your money freely, without conditions, or keep it in your pocket.

A lot of the advice you have been given in this thread is similar to what I wrote, so apologies for the duplication

 

[JoleneBrody]

i gotta clear this up, but.... this is a different Different girl! Not the same one. There’s another one, but now I know how to deal with the blackmail situation. Thank you all so much for opening my eyes.
But yes. I will keep you all posted.

you're lying