Depression, I have it. Why that's not scary.

[ZenHedonist]

My brain does not balance serotonin properly. There are studies that say it can be genetic. It can also be caused by other factors including environment and situations. It happens. It doesn't mean anything about me, or anyone else that has it. It can lead to other problems like anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I have those too but that's for another thread.

Sometimes it's annoying. Other times it's a real motherfucker. And it doesn't mean anything about me, or anyone else who has it. It's just another medical condition that can be successfully treated. I have hay fever and allergies too. But people don't get all freaked out about that. There is a stigma to depression, and that's just nonsense.

I think of depression as "depressed mental energy". Sometimes I just don't have the mental energy to deal with things. That means absolutely nothing about me as a person or who I am or what I am about. It is a medical condition. A lot of people have depression periods.

I don't feel sad or down when I'm in a depression cycle. I get really irritable. I don't have the mental energy to deal with people's shit and every motherfucker is insisting on standing on the last fucking nerve I have. You get the picture. I'm cranky. Nothing is fun. Everything annoys me.

I can get out of bed and function but I tend to withdraw and avoid public situations. Sometimes I don't leave my apartment for days. The good news is there are a lot of things you can do about it.

For really bad cycles that are lasting a long time I take a mild SSRI (Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor). It helps reset my brain chemistry and helps reactivate the receptors in my brain. I'm okay with taking them when I need them. Just like I'm okay with taking an antihistamine when I'm having allergies. My body produces too much histamine, just like my body doesn't balance serotonin. Who cares? Doesn't mean anything. Both things are treatable, but sadly people freak out about one of them.

Yes, exercise and sunshine and doing other things help. It's not an either/or situation. I also have a good shrink and I get shrink-wrapped when I need it. (Always have a good lawyer, mechanic and shrink).

If you happen to have depression too. It's okay. You can get treatment. It works for me and most of the time I do great. I hope I didn't ramble too much. If you have any questions feel free to PM me or DM me on twitter.

Z~

 

[Gen]

Yes, exercise and sunshine and doing other things help. It's not an either/or situation.

I appreciate you adding this as I've seen a lot of posts online that criticize people for suggesting that exercise/activity help. I recognize that sometimes people suggest that as if it's the One and Only Cure, which obviously it isn't. But it isn't useless, either, and I know a lot of people can relate to the experience of spending all day in bed and then feeling like garbage -- I've done that during depressive periods and "normal" periods and it always consistently makes me feel worse (not that it stops me). Of course the trouble is depression makes it very, very hard (or, at times, impossible) to do even basic self-care things like showering or cooking. But it does help so much to even walk around the block or do some stretches. This is when I'm grateful to have dogs because they need a few walks a day, so I can't lay around forever.

I just get frustrated seeing posts (mostly on Tumblr) where it's insinuated that if you're able to do those things, your depression isn't serious, and suggestions of exercise or going outside are dismissed as useless. I have beef with a lot of what Tumblr says and especially about mental illness, haha, but that one in particular. So I appreciate you mentioning it. I love and support medication as treatment for the very obvious reason that it really works for a lot of people, but it's always most effective supplemented with positive habits like you said.

And I appreciate your whole post, thanks for sharing

 

[Pluot]

Thank you for sharing your experience.
It's always validating to read someone else's personal journey with depression. It helps me(and I'm sure others) feel less alone/unfortunately unique.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I don't feel sad or down when I'm in a depression cycle. I get really irritable. I don't have the mental energy to deal with people's shit and every motherfucker is insisting on standing on the last fucking nerve I have. You get the picture. I'm cranky. Nothing is fun. Everything annoys me.

I can get out of bed and function but I tend to withdraw and avoid public situations. Sometimes I don't leave my apartment for days. The good news is there are a lot of things you can do about it.
...
Yes, exercise and sunshine and doing other things help. It's not an either/or situation. I also have a good shrink and I get shrink-wrapped when I need it. (Always have a good lawyer, mechanic and shrink).

Perhaps the biggest fraud regarding the whole depression thing is that taking a pill fixes it. One I have encountered repeatedly.

Not saying meds can't help, or that they aren't sometimes necessary. Just saying there is a lot more to fighting it than popping whatever pill is en vogue at the moment.

 

[KylieJacobs]

Perhaps the biggest fraud regarding the whole depression thing is that taking a pill fixes it. One I have encountered repeatedly.

Not saying meds can't help, or that they aren't sometimes necessary. Just saying there is a lot more to fighting it than popping whatever pill is en vogue at the moment.

When I made my first appointment to see a doctor, he told me that the antidepressant pills aren't magic. I was thinking... "Okay, whatever, just give me the Happy Pills!!!" Really, he was right though! The pills have side effects, and they seem to only work for a while, before you need to switch to something else...

I quit prescriptions about a year ago to go a more natural route which seems to be working so far. I would be happy to share with anyone what I'm taking if you're interested.

I think the stigma is going away though. There are SO many people on anti-depressants these days! You would probably be surprised to find out how many people you know that are dealing with the same thing. No reason to be ashamed of it! Like the OP said, it's a treatable medical condition!

 

[n_i_c_u]

My feelings: I used to be so depressed for being different. It kind of started when I was put in a group of people that weren't kids from my neighborhood. It was pretty bad and I don't think I hid it very well (my parent's were always talking about me when washing the dishes about what they did wrong): I got kicked out of college because I couldn't figure out how to be like everyone else and was so severely depressed that it was in their best interests to let me go after talking to the psychologist (who happened to be a alum jock soccer player--he had no clue how to help me). I forced myself back to complete it and found a friend who was there for me and I for him. I talked a ton and he listened and was there (we each had issues but we talked to each other). It was super important for me to express myself to someone I trusted.

As I age I realize that I won't fit in. I will be odd. I will say weird stuff. I've come to accept it. I appreciate this message board for the positives and negatives and neutrals (I know that seems lame, but, it is nice to bounce things off of peoples--I came here to figure out what I was doing wrong with a model, but appreciate the ensuing conversation on topics I wasn't planning on talking about).

A great message board. Real talk, real feelings, different opinions. Respect. Coolness.

 

[JuliaStorm]

I have the same thing. I have tried psychologists. Even tried different types of treatments for a very long time. Nothing worked, in most cases it actually got way worse.

I was quite desperate. Nothing would help me. I would feel bad for no reason sometimes.

When all failed, I realize that no one will help me unless I take it upon myself to make a change.

So I got my life in order and made my every day living as stress-free as possible, got stuff I like to look at and put them in my home, played some happy games(flowers, bubbles), expelled any toxic people from my circles, got some new goals in life, worked on self-improving, started reading psychology books to help myself etc.

I also noticed that for people like myself that cannot produce serotonin as normal people do, chocolate has the ability to induce that production artificially just like some meds do. I tried it for myself and it works for me.

I'll take chocolate over meds any day if that is an option.

Your thread was inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Mila_]

My brain does not balance serotonin properly. There are studies that say it can be genetic. It can also be caused by other factors including environment and situations. It happens. It doesn't mean anything about me, or anyone else that has it. It can lead to other problems like anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I have those too but that's for another thread.

I also noticed that for people like myself that cannot produce serotonin as normal people do

I rarely talk about my personal life, but I will make an exception because this is important and while I can make the argument without throwing in my own experience into it, I feel that you will be able to relate better if you understand where my strong feelings about this come from.

My mother is a psychologist so from a very early age I got used to talking in psychological terms about the world and about myself. Whenever there was any hint that I might had difficulties in any area of my life my mother would try to help by signing me up for some form of therapy or another. My first experience with therapy was when I was 5. Through the years I went through behaviorism, gestalt, psychoanalysis, group therapies and vocational counseling.

So when the actual difficulties began at 15 with depression and anxiety, I accepted going to a freudian psychoanalyst and my mother's theory that I had a serotonin imbalance like it was gospel. My symptoms only grew worse as time went by and by the time I was 23 my mom convinced me to go to a psychiatrist to get happy pills.

The session was surreal. All he did was conduct an interview and ask me many medical questions and other questions about my past, after 25 minutes he concluded this: I had a depressive disorder fueled by a serotonin imbalance and I would struggle with it for the rest of my life. My only hope was to get medication for it and just try to attack the symptoms through counseling. Basically it would be a chronic life condition. He then prescribed Paxil to me. I felt really shitty about it from the start, I couldn't understand how someone would conclude that I had a hormonal imbalance without doing any sort of actual medical test and how they could prescribe medication so happily.

I told my mom I wasn't sure, but she pulled over at the first pharmacy on the way home and got the pills. When I got home I got on the internet and researched Paxil and was really appalled at all the secondary effects it has so I refused taking them and my mother got really angry since she had already spent the money on the pills for me that I wasn't going to take.

Instead of taking the pills I started doing yoga daily, which helped a lot. But I was still having panic attacks. The thing resolved itself though... I haven't had any symptoms in the past 5 years. How did it solve itself you might be asking yourself? I moved out of my parent's home and out of the country I was living in which was a really shitty place. Turns out I do not have a chronic condition, my depression wasn't the product of some serotonin imbalance in my brain, and I didn't need any meds. It was the product of the complete lack of control I had over my life. Once I got away from it all my depression disappeared and so did all my anxiety symptoms, one by one they gave way. I am now a serene person with a happy life.

The reason I am telling you this story is because there is no way to measure hormones in the brain. If anyone tries to convince you that you have some sort of serotonin imbalance they are trying to manipulate you because there is simply no way to know. This is a conceptual condition, something that psychiatrists "dreamed up" to explain why certain people suffer from depression, but there is simply no data because there are no tests to measure this. Unlike actual medicine, where you have a body and the body suffers from conditions that can be measured and tested and therefore there are only a set number of diseases or conditions you can suffer from, and ways to actually cure them, psychiatry is infinite. They can come up with any number of alleged conditions because the mind is intangible and there are simply no ways to measure half of the conditions and diseases psychiatrists come up with. The DSM (statistic manual of disorders) is compiled through observation and voting. That is how a new disorder is written into it. All of this is paradise for Big Pharma. They can keep coming up with pills for the mind, and the psychiatrists will push it to the people and convince them that there is something wrong with their bodies when they don't know and can't know. It is all very profitable.

My advice is to never go to a psychiatrist and to address your problems. In all likelihood there is something that is triggering your depressions and anxiety. Look around you and identify who or what is causing it and then deal with the situation.

 

[JuliaStorm]

@Kitsune

I find your article very helpful but and I agree with all of it except the part you have in bold.

There are too many sources on the internet that say that you can measure and I actually did 2 different tests to measure my serotonin levels.

Here are just a few:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/354035-how-to-check-your-serotonin-level-for-depression/
https://www.quora.com/Can-an-MRI-me...sure-how-much-serotonin-we-have-in-our-brains
https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/003562.htm

Thank you for helping.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

My advice is to never go to a psychiatrist and to address your problems. In all likelihood there is something that is triggering your depressions and anxiety. Look around you and identify who or what is causing it and then deal with the situation.

I am fairly with you on this, though it depends on what issues you are having. I have heard especially in the USA that they will medicate you without much need. Unfortunately a lot of doctors in the UK are becoming similar. For example I get problems with mood swings during my period which started after taking birth control that didn't work for me. All the doctors advice was, was to take different birth control or take anti-depressants half of the month.

I don't agree that it's just dreamed up myth, there is plenty of evidence that we do get chemical imbalances and some people are more prone to that. But... These chemical imbalances can be treated by doing things that promote healthy hormone production, without taking any type of medication. Which would be why doing yoga, changing your life situation etc would have helped you. As you said, I think it's amazing that they just give people medication without finding anything out! For example depression medication wouldn't necessarily work on someone with bipolar. I know that a lot of psychologists are now moving away from this idea of diagnosing and medicating, it is still a relatively new science which is basically in its age of taking off. It's crazy for me reading through older studies and how many errors are in them. Some of the most famous psychologists, while very influential, are also seriously discredited. Freud being a top example.

When I was in my early teens I started having bad depression, and not just feeling sad about anything in particular but chemical imbalances in the brain. I knew something was wrong pretty quickly and went to an excellent life coach who specialised in that area. He helped me learn to change my ways of thinking which cured my depression. I occasionally fall back into bad habits and get it again, but with hard work I can bring myself out of it. I have never taken medication in my life, and maybe it would have helped certain situations. But because my depression is long term I don't want to be medicated for the rest of my life. I have also heard that depression medication only really takes the edge off, making people feel numb, not sad but not happy, which seems better for situations where you've lost a loved one or are going through something temporary. I would hate to not ever feel happy.

As others have said, I agree there isn't one cure. But lots of little changes help and can bring you back into yourself again. Diet, exercise, going outside, doing things you enjoy, socialising, meditation, feeling productive are all things that can help without medication. Making sure you get the right vitamins, for example a lot of Brits get miserable in winter because we don't have enough vitamin D. For the most part it's also very hard work pulling yourself out of it. All of these things which could help you are pretty much the last thing you want to do when you're depressed (or have anxiety).

The brain is a wonderful organ, and what goes on in our minds effects our entire bodies. There is evidence that those who've suffered from depression and trauma may be more prone to other illnesses later (which totally sucks), but it shows just how connected we are. For those who've studied biology you'll have looked at all the different systems and will know how interlinked everything is. Hormones essentially control what goes on in our bodies, keeping everything balanced, so it's unsurprising how damaging it can be when you don't get enough. Definitely a very real illness, but not at all hopeless.

 

[Gen]

My advice is to never go to a psychiatrist and to address your problems. In all likelihood there is something that is triggering your depressions and anxiety. Look around you and identify who or what is causing it and then deal with the situation.

My personal view is that the majority of anxiety and depression cases are heavily linked to your own environment, situations, and attitudes, so I agree with you on that. But I also think not everyone is that introspective or able to clearly see what the issues are, or even how to deal with it once they are uncovered. There are counsellors and psychologists who won't push meds on you, and who follow schools of thought that agree that issues can be lessened/resolved through adjusting either the situation or your reaction to it.

Not everyone knows the difference between psychiatrists (they can prescribe drugs) and psychologists/counsellors (they can't), or even how many different approaches to treatment there are now, and how many different beliefs there are in the psych community about what causes mental illness (like is it biological like a hormone imbalance, is it social, behavioural, etc). So I just wanted to add that getting outside help is important for a lot of people and not to avoid it because you don't want to take meds -- not everyone can give them to you, and lots and lots of therapists wouldn't anyways.

 

[Mila_]

My personal view is that the majority of anxiety and depression cases are heavily linked to your own environment, situations, and attitudes, so I agree with you on that. But I also think not everyone is that introspective or able to clearly see what the issues are, or even how to deal with it once they are uncovered. There are counsellors and psychologists who won't push meds on you, and who follow schools of thought that agree that issues can be lessened/resolved through adjusting either the situation or your reaction to it.

Not everyone knows the difference between psychiatrists (they can prescribe drugs) and psychologists/counsellors (they can't), or even how many different approaches to treatment there are now, and how many different beliefs there are in the psych community about what causes mental illness (like is it biological like a hormone imbalance, is it social, behavioural, etc). So I just wanted to add that getting outside help is important for a lot of people and not to avoid it because you don't want to take meds -- not everyone can give them to you, and lots and lots of therapists wouldn't anyways.

Just to clarify that what I said was to avoid psychiatrists, not all types of counselling.

But still... I am skeptical of anyone whose livelihood depends on you continuing to be "sick". Most psychoanalysts consider that therapy only works on the long run, we are talking 5 year periods, and that is a hell of a lot of time and money you will save if you simply take a look at your own life and fix what is wrong with it. Psychology in general makes you waste too much time and resources focusing on your feelings instead of what triggers them. I am not saying all of it is useless, just to be skeptical about it.

Edit so I dont DP @JuliaStorm that test only measures the serotonin in your blood stream, but the only serotonin you need is the one in your brain. It isnt like insulin that works in your blood. So that test doesnt tell you much about the problems you may or may not have with serotonin. The Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors which is what psychiatrists usually prescribe wont even stimulate serotonin production, so even if your problem was you didnt produce enough, happy pills wont fix it.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I have heard especially in the USA that they will medicate you without much need.

Living in the US, I would say that is being kind. They will look for a need to medicate you is more accurate.

Personally, I can't remember many of the antidepressant's doing me much good in the long run. If they help others that's great, I'm not saying they don't. One was spectacular (so good I am suspicious of it), but ridiculously priced; it quit working pretty quick too.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

But still... I am skeptical of anyone whose livelihood depends on you continuing to be "sick". Most psychoanalysts consider that therapy only works on the long run, we are talking 5 year periods, and that is a hell of a lot of time and money you will save if you simply take a look at your own life and fix what is wrong with it. Psychology in general makes you waste too much time and resources focusing on your feelings instead of what triggers them. I am not saying all of it is useless, just to be skeptical about it.

I wouldn't say their livelihood is based on you continuing to be sick. There is a high demand for psychologists and psychiatrists and many treatments only last a certain amount of time, there will always be more people to treat. For most who decide to go through the long, expensive process of becoming fully qualified they do so because they want to help people, so it seems counterproductive to keep those people sick. Surely you could say the same thing of doctors, but it seems like an awfully harsh view of the world and the people in it.

Psychoanalysts though... It's a very old fashioned form of psychology and one which is highly discredited. You learn about it when you study, especially early on, but it's more like "Psychology history" and you look at a lot of studies which disprove those approaches. Modern psychology is based primarily around science. If you studied 40 years ago then what you learned while you studied is completely different to what you'd learn now. Psychoanalytic approaches are kind of like doctors who used leeches in comparison to modern doctors so not really the best to base your judgments of psychologists on.
With Psychoanalysis you sit back in the chair talking about your feelings, talking about your dreams, your ego, id etc. It's all a bit floaty, you can't disprove it exactly because you can't literally prove what goes on in someones head. But there is pretty much no evidence behind it, just what particular psychologists think. I get the impression you think all Psychologists are Psychoanalysts from what you've posted, so I can understand why you are very skeptical (I am too when I read psychoanalytical approaches). But Psychology DOES focus on triggers. There are so many different types of treatments you can get. If you're interested in looking it up, look up cognitive psychology. This is generally what people go with now.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I would be happy to share with anyone what I'm taking if you're interested.

Missed that for some reason. I am curious about what you are taking.

I turned 18 with the 'never psychiatry' view Kitsune shared. Clung to it for years, even though people told me over and over again I needed to go get help. Other probs too (mania, personality). A rolling train wreck.

When I finally went, I had the view it was going to be all better because now I was 'getting treatment/help'. Disastrous for me. Got on that merry-go-round of trying to find the right mix of antidepressants antipsychotics moodstabilizers, giving up and saying fuck the meds, then running back and trying again. A rolling train wreck.

A med might help me, it might make me a hell of a lot worse, it might leave me pretty much the same other than thinking 'Ok, taking my pills; now what?'.

The most help I have gotten hasn't come from psychiatrists, or therapists. It has come from people in support groups. Some groups have been unhelpful, or even detrimental though.

Anyway, I was in a psychotic depression, a pretty bad one. Shit got crazy. I reached out to somebody, and I was really fortunate I had somebody who cared and understood what was going on. They came and got me, I stayed with them doing little simple things.

After a couple of days, I felt so peaceful it was unreal. I don't ever remember feeling that way from a medication, or a session with a psychwhatever or a counselor.

I also noticed that for people like myself that cannot produce serotonin as normal people do, chocolate has the ability to induce that production artificially just like some meds do. I tried it for myself and it works for me.

Never heard that, but if I start getting depressed I have a habit of eating candy bars. Don't really enjoy them when I do; feels like a compulsion almost. Interesting.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

This thread makes me feel very lucky in regards to the help I've been getting with my therapist. She's never mentioned meds since I told her from the get go that I only wanted a cognitive behavioral type therapy sans pills if I could help it. I don't have much if any depression issues, but do have anxiety issues. For me I guess therapy is more for facing stuff I'd normally rather suppress, and moving on. So far it's been worth it with having another person's perspective. Hope everyone here finds the help the need.