Dating a camgirl. What boundaries are appropiate? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[Deleted member 37064]

Not sure if this is 100% accurate. Although I don't think he read them all, I did...and I still started a thread thinking mine was unique, as well. I think certain types of guys, myself included, become overly obsessed (in a non-criminal way). And that obsession blinds us to the fact that this is a commonplace issue. The attention and the "love" can become so fucking addictive, there is no place for common sense or logical thinking...especially when life is lonely with no immediate change in sight.
Fortunately, some of these guys can start to see the whole thing for what it most likely is. Unfortunately, most do not listen or think about the answers, and they just fight back.
I think I am rambling now. Just wanted to throw a little perspective out there on the obsessive mindset...not that it is a good thing.

This is something I thought of when I responded, and felt compelled to say it as I did as I think it still applies. I completely understand that the heart (emotions, endorphins, however you want to say it) can overrule and blind us to rational thought. My point is more about there's something in the back of the brain making all these members question their "relationship" with a cam model. So, they do a search, find the various "In Love with a Camgirl" threads and come here. One would think they at least read a little more than the title, and skimmed some of the responses to see if it applies. But, based on how so many of these are nearly identical, my guess is they don't.

Admittedly, yours was slightly different in the beginning as you were looking to cut ties already. But there were a lot of underlying similarities and is why I commented later in the thread about it. Especially after you explained her behaviors.

Full disclosure, I'm not immune as I nearly fell hard for the love con with a particular model years ago. But, there were a lot of red flags which many have pointed out in these threads and I had some prior experience with being used for money (offline) and picked up on them. I wasn't a member here when it happened with the model. Being a romantic, I completely get the allure of when someone shows interest and the mystique of it being someone far away. It's because of all of this, I'm extremely cautious of who I get involved with and "friend zone" myself almost immediately.

 

[Danigirl]

did you ever stop to think that her boundaries are actually in place so that she can have multiple love scams in at the same time in her chat and no one is the wiser? she is not in a relationship with you she's in a relationship with your tokens.I don't personally understand love scams because it's unethical and it's not worth the time, the stress, or my attention. Also, with a few exceptions, the guys that tend to fall for love scams don't spend enough tokens to make it worthwhile. At least in my opinion.

 

[silentm0de]

My personal rules of business (and yeah, it is business) from the very first day I started visiting camgirls:

• The main factor is my money, so I shall treat the interaction as a business relationship.
• I shall never develop deep romantic feelings for a camgirl.
  • If I feel the urge of writing poetry for her, I berate myself for being an old fool and move on.​
  • If PMs start getting too personal, I remind myself I am there for the sexual thrill. Then I berate myself for being a fool and move on.​
  • If the model starts getting posessive or sweet-talks me too much, I move on.​
  • I shall allow myself a solely sexual infatuation with the model.​
• I shall not tip for things I don't like to see, in order to please the model.
• I shall not try to overtip other guys just to be tip king.
• I shall not interrupt other guys' tipping streaks.
• I am always polite. I behave like a gentleman.
• Words/abbrevations I don't use: bb, bby, baby, darling, my love, love, baby girl
• Words/abbrevations I use: Sweet one, sexy, girl, lady and mistress.
• I do not request, not even in tip notes, PMs or privates. I phrase my desires as humble suggestions or questions (always works).
• I set my nickname color to lowest possible.
• I go private only if I have reasonable funds, like 2K+.
• I don't chat if I am drunk, stoned or under the influence of psychedelic substances.
• I shall tip when stoned, but will reflect on my expenses the next day.

Following this set of rules I have never even come close to falling in love with a professional camgirl, let alone harbouring any delusional thoughts about the relationship.

Cheers!
silentm0de

 

[silentm0de]

she is not in a relationship with you she's in a relationship with your tokens

Indeed, well said! I wonder why this is so hard to accept for so many customers??!

 

[ForumPoster]

It does suck that you have had your feelings hurt in some way but it definitely sounds like both of you lucked out. You are not able to let her do her job and not be jealous, so this relationship would of failed after some time with some explosion at some point.

Odd that she was gave you such promise to not say such things, I think it should of went without saying that when she is working she is catering to the people which are watching, which is why she is there in the first place.

It would do some help to work on yourself and try to learn how to better release steam in a more healthy way. We all need to make sure we take of ourselves first and that we can offer someone something good in the first place.

 

[Danigirl]

Indeed, well said! I wonder why this is so hard to accept for so many customers??!

Because of the suspension of disbelief doesn't stop for some guys. Most realize that cam models are fantasy. Most are completely fine using suspension of disbelief to help with jacking off but then come to their senses after that cam models are just that, entertainers. We are playing a part and wouldn't do it for free.

 

[mike_aussie]

It's possible to have some sort of relationship with cam models (same applies to escorts) in that they might enjoy talking to you more than some of their other tippers or seeing you naked if you do Cam 2 Cam and they find you attractive... but at the end of the day A RELATIONSHIP WRAPPED IN A TRANSACTION IS STILL A TRANSACTION. So you are just a preferred customer. You might be able to make them genuinely happy to see you or they might trust you to blow off some verbal steam about their shitty week or whatever but that's it. Only a model has the power to change the model/customer relationship to a more genuine relationship. You the customer thinking you are in a proper relationship doesn't magically make it happen.

 

[KenzieCams]

You've been given a lot to think about. But I'm going to answer it a different way and assume you guys have an actual relationship.

I do not lead guys on, but I do have favorites. Sometimes I call them boyfriends and sometimes husbands. I want them to text me, I tell them I love them, I'm genuinely happy to see them. They support me, make me orgasm, and spend time with me. The way I view camming is that I am in a relationship with the entire internet and I need to be free to use any language I see fit. There is a huge divide between my cam life and my personal life though. The wires never seem to cross and I'm unable to see any of my internet boyfriends as actual life boyfriends. Any man I'm with will never ever need to worry about it.

But you do because her wires do cross. That's how she found you, right? On cam? She made you feel special and then forgot her own conditions. Yeah I can see why you'd be upset. I'd talk to her about it.

I don't recommend falling in love with a cam girl if you were first her customer. This is just the 1st of many arguments you'll have about it.

 

[Danigirl]

You've been given a lot to think about. But I'm going to answer it a different way and assume you guys have an actual relationship.

I do not lead guys on, but I do have favorites. Sometimes I call them boyfriends and sometimes husbands. I want them to text me, I tell them I love them, I'm genuinely happy to see them. They support me, make me orgasm, and spend time with me. The way I view camming is that I am in a relationship with the entire internet and I need to be free to use any language I see fit. There is a huge divide between my cam life and my personal life though. The wires never seem to cross and I'm unable to see any of my internet boyfriends as actual life boyfriends. Any man I'm with will never ever need to worry about it.

But you do because her wires do cross. That's how she found you, right? On cam? She made you feel special and then forgot her own conditions. Yeah I can see why you'd be upset. I'd talk to her about it.

I don't recommend falling in love with a cam girl if you were first her customer. This is just the 1st of many arguments you'll have about it.

I don't tell any members or tippers I love them because I don't. Not in the true sense of the word any way. I appreciate the crap out of a lot of them and definitely enjoy spending time with them. Some I definitely want to hear from. Love should only (IMHO) be for personal put them before yourself situations. But...Love with members is such a scary line to cross from professional to actual personal. Maybe that's why some guys fall for the love scam because they also think it's a word the model rarely uses or should use and then make the relationship way more substantiated than it actually is. I don't want a member to actually love me anyway because I don't think that's healthy. Lust sure, but love? That's where it gets way too personal and lines get blurred, feelings hurt when one party vanishes etc... Just sets someone up for a huge disappointment.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself but I think the word is overused.

 

[AmberCutie]

You've been given a lot to think about. But I'm going to answer it a different way and assume you guys have an actual relationship.

I do not lead guys on, but I do have favorites. Sometimes I call them boyfriends and sometimes husbands. I want them to text me, I tell them I love them, I'm genuinely happy to see them. They support me, make me orgasm, and spend time with me. The way I view camming is that I am in a relationship with the entire internet and I need to be free to use any language I see fit. There is a huge divide between my cam life and my personal life though. The wires never seem to cross and I'm unable to see any of my internet boyfriends as actual life boyfriends. Any man I'm with will never ever need to worry about it.

But you do because her wires do cross. That's how she found you, right? On cam? She made you feel special and then forgot her own conditions. Yeah I can see why you'd be upset. I'd talk to her about it.

I don't recommend falling in love with a cam girl if you were first her customer. This is just the 1st of many arguments you'll have about it.

I can totally relate and agree with this post.

I've been married since far before I started camming, but I do treat my closest members in a way that I use the word "luv" with them.... I specifically spell it this way so they hopefully are reminded that it's a different kind of connection from real, in-person LOVE, but that I really do care about their well being and their support has made me feel close to them in a certain way.

 

[KenzieCams]

I don't tell any members or tippers I love them because I don't. Not in the true sense of the word any way. I appreciate the crap out of a lot of them and definitely enjoy spending time with them. Some I definitely want to hear from. Love should only (IMHO) be for personal put them before yourself situations. But...Love with members is such a scary line to cross from professional to actual personal. Maybe that's why some guys fall for the love scam because they also think it's a word the model rarely uses or should use and then make the relationship way more substantiated than it actually is. I don't want a member to actually love me anyway because I don't think that's healthy. Lust sure, but love? That's where it gets way too personal and lines get blurred, feelings hurt when one party vanishes etc... Just sets someone up for a huge disappointment.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself but I think the word is overused.

I think the true sense of the word is subjective. I say it because I mean it. But to me, it isn't reserved for a special kind of relationship. I give love freely to everyone in my life and everyone I meet. That's just who I am and that's clear its just my personality. No one is misinterpreting me thinking I'm head over heels. I've got nothing but love and I don't think it's overused. There are people out there who never hear that they are loved. I dunno. I feel genuine about it. I geniunely love my fans and want them to know it. ❤

 

[KenzieCams]

I can totally relate and agree with this post.

I've been married since far before I started camming, but I do treat my closest members in a way that I use the word "luv" with them.... I specifically spell it this way so they hopefully are reminded that it's a different kind of connection from real, in-person LOVE, but that I really do care about their well being and their support has made me feel close to them in a certain way.

"Luv" I like that. I'll probably steal that idea lol.

 

[Smoothie]

GFE is only if it's asked for. Models should not be assuming anyone wants GFE, unless there has been a prior conversation and it has been specifically asked for. Otherwise, it's just straight-up manipulation and lies.

Thank you for clarifying this. And also thanks for stating it bluntly.

You (and others) mentioned that many models do the “love con”/“love scam” and are even sometimes trained to do it, but it’s refreshing to see it actually called what it is, rather than the “girlfriend experience” which implies that it’s basically a role play agreed to by both sides.

If - as many of the replies here seem to indicate - there is an influx of new models that are unclear on the difference between making money from playing to a member’s fetish or making money by manipulation, I’m happy to see models clarify it here.

We’re not responsible for the gullibility of others, but we are responsible for how we ourselves respond to it.

 

[MarieElise]

Thank you for clarifying this. And also thanks for stating it bluntly.

You (and others) mentioned that many models do the “love con”/“love scam” and are even sometimes trained to do it, but it’s refreshing to see it actually called what it is, rather than the “girlfriend experience” which implies that it’s basically a role play agreed to by both sides.

If - as many of the replies here seem to indicate - there is an influx of new models that are unclear on the difference between making money from playing to a member’s fetish or making money by manipulation, I’m happy to see models clarify it here.

We’re not responsible for the gullibility of others, but we are responsible for how we ourselves respond to it.

No problem F-ups and miscommunication, as well as straight-up deviousness, affect all the models and users of a site as a whole.
One bad situation (or several going on at once) have far-reaching ripples.
Before you know it, everyone using the whole site, get in a bad mood, and stops having fun.
So I had selfish motivations tbh

 

[DoD404]

Luv is nice yes
I also made "declarations of like" to some models, and the only time I used "Love" seriously was smt like "I felt in love with your room, really, never leave it please, you help much there ^^" else I can use the word love easily but I think/hope it can never be taken too seriously.

 

[Danigirl]

I think the true sense of the word is subjective. I say it because I mean it. But to me, it isn't reserved for a special kind of relationship. I give love freely to everyone in my life and everyone I meet. That's just who I am and that's clear its just my personality. No one is misinterpreting me thinking I'm head over heels. I've got nothing but love and I don't think it's overused. There are people out there who never hear that they are loved. I dunno. I feel genuine about it. I geniunely love my fans and want them to know it. ❤

All good, probably just semantics. I do like the luv that @AmberCutie uses. I just personally find it so much easier with this business to keep it so I do care about my members but it doesn't get to the point of soul crushing when they eventually leave. I'm also not a touchy feely person and generally more conserved. Whatever works for your mental health and doesn't confused members I'm all for.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

All good, probably just semantics. I do like the luv that @AmberCutie uses. I just personally find it so much easier with this business to keep it so I do care about my members but it doesn't get to the point of soul crushing when they eventually leave. I'm also not a touchy feely person and generally more conserved. Whatever works for your mental health and doesn't confused members I'm all for.

This is how I am in general as well. I reserve the "I love you" for those who truly are deserving of it such as family, significant other, etc. I might let a "luv/love you" slip on occasion as a general term of endearment for a very close female friend (it's even weird for me to say "love you" to my dad or other male family member). But, I tend to make it very distinct in that it's meant in a friendly manner.

As someone else mentioned, I do use the word "love" in the context of "I love how you..." or "I love your choice in outfit", etc. as a compliment to how a model looks or acted in a video or similar. Most models have stated that it's understood as a compliment, and they're accepting of it.

 

[CheeseMoon]

It's a bit easier for Spanish-speaking models to get this message across since both te amo and te quiero means "I love you", but only the former is used for romantic love.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

That brings up a good point, and something I was thinking of over the weekend. With it seeming the majority of these incidents occurring with models from certain regions, is there a chance that there a “lost in translation” aspect?
Or no direct translation to the difference you mentioned @CheeseMoon so it comes across misinterpreted and the love struck lonely guy thinks she’s really in love with him

 

[CheeseMoon]

Based on the misunderstandings and obvious lost-in-translations I've been subject to myself, language and culture could definitely be a thing here. When you add some "I hear what I want to hear" and poorly executed roleplay, things can quickly escalate. In my own language we have many words that can be translated to "boyfriend", but only one of them means "man I am in love with" or "man I am going steady with".

So in this particular scenario at least, your only option for translation into simple English is to use "boyfriend". I.e. English simply don't have enough words to describe various types of male/female friendship if all you know is basic English. It could be Spanish has the same "problem", but I don't know it well enough to say. I don't know any slavic languages at all (Russia, Belarus, Poland, Serbia, Romania, Croatia etc. etc.), but it's probably not far fetched to imagine the same thing there.

 

[mrxcode]

Just an update for anyone who cares. We broke up haha. From now on I will always treat camgirls as an exchange of sexual pleasure and nothing more. Thanks to everyone who replied and gave a crap. Appreciate you

 

[CheeseMoon]

Good for you, and now I'm uncertain if you took the red pill or you took the blue pill. Oh, well.
Buy tokens, be nice and adopt a grey as a pet. Good luck!

 

[AudriTwo]

Just an update for anyone who cares. We broke up haha. From now on I will always treat camgirls as an exchange of sexual pleasure and nothing more. Thanks to everyone who replied and gave a crap. Appreciate you

always sad when a relationship doesnt pan out no matter the situation. sorry op. sorry for any hurt and upset feelings. hope treating cammodels as an exchange for sexual pleasure also includes respecting them as long as they are respecting you

 

[MarieElise]

From now on I will always treat camgirls as an exchange of sexual pleasure and nothing more.

Yeah it's a balance, lots of people dehumanize sex workers too, so it's good not to go too far the other way either. Although if you were annoyed right now, it would be totally understandable.

Appreciate you

SO nice to hear! A lot of people completely overlook that part, and "forget" that it's a 2-way street when they request support and advice. How refreshing

 

[DoD404]

Good for you, and now I'm uncertain if you took the red pill or you took the blue pill. Oh, well.
Buy tokens, be nice and adopt a grey as a pet. Good luck!

"adopt a grey"... this one I'll keep

 

[WhatsUp]

Just an update for anyone who cares. We broke up haha. From now on I will always treat camgirls as an exchange of sexual pleasure and nothing more. Thanks to everyone who replied and gave a crap. Appreciate you

Do you mind If I ask did it end on good terms, will you ever visit her again for sexual pleasure and if she has tried to contact you since

 

[WhatsUp]

I just want to add to this tread because I believe I know the model in question and this individual involved. And this “breakup” of his imaginary relationship has not happened.

Do you mind If I ask did it end on good terms, will you ever visit her again for sexual pleasure and if she has tried to contact you since

I typed this above response asking did it end on “good terms” to see if I would get an answer from the individual and because I new it didn’t.
Before he let people know of the alleged breakup, he made sure that everyone in the chatroom knew what a ugly whore this girl was and he hasn’t stopped doing it to this day, I have screenshots and copies of everything this user has said to this model in the public chatroom.
But thats not all I have contacted CB support of this issue multiple times and the most recent was last night because yesterday was horrific.
This user in questIon created at least 4 different accounts where he has tipped the model 25 tokens just so he can give her a thumbs down on the satisfaction rating and call her a whore.
I want to add that she has a 100% satisfaction rating of over 100 votes, disbarring all the fake accounts this user has created to reduce the rating.
I have contacted CB and told them something needs to be done and that they need to manually remove his votes because they are not legal.
I want to ask the models or anyone can CB manually remove these ratings and has anyone had this issue before because it is not right messing with someone’s career
Thank you