Camming & My Relationship!

[Jaremi Love]

Hey guys, J here. My fiance and I talked about this career before I started. He said it sounded alright. Well, we plan to do couple's camming when we are able to be reunited and live in the same home again.Anyway, he told me that he was keeping his feelings inside, and actually has a slight problem with my work. He says he feels I am cheating, and even called me a prostitute in his anger. I understand completely, and he apologized for the derogatory remark, but I want to help him! He says he enjoys watching me, but the way some of the men talk to me is not okay with him. I told him that I don't like hearing those things (honestly not that into most guys), but he says I have to be turned on by it or I wouldn't do it. He is starting to see after many long conversations that it really is just a job, and I enjoy my work, although it doesn't get me horny.

Does anyone know how I can help him feel more at ease? It's especially hard on him since we live about an hour and a half away from each other now.

Are there any men on here who have girlfriends that are camgirls? I was thinking, maybe, if he signed up for AFC, he could talk to other husbands, fiances, and boyfriends who can relate.

Does anyone know of any other support forums or websites in general that he could get into to talk to other men who are involved with women who cam?

Thank you SO much! :3

 

[SMuser69]

I'm concerned less about the camming and more about the relationship itself. If he's "keeping his feelings inside", there a larger issue more so that he lashed out rather than deal with it constructively at the start.

To be honest I think even if you stopped camming all together, there would be something else he'll have, "kept his feelings inside" about and another and another.

If this was presented at the begin of the relationship then it should been accepted completely already.

About this idea of having him talk to someone else. If he can't talk to you his fiance there it's low mileage he's going to be open to what anyone else has to say about this issue or anything else.

To give you the best constructive answer to your direct question. Tell him it's a job, tell him you don't worry about him cheating when dealing with a female client so why should he worry about it either. If you're professional in any workplace there should never be a reason to doubt a person's activity. I have dated a Hooter's girl and I can tell you only time I worried was when she didn't bring home some of those delicious wings.

 

[Jaremi Love]

If this was presented at the begin of the relationship then it should been accepted completely already.

We had already been together for about a year when we started discussing me starting to cam. Thank you for all of your insight, though, and ESPECIALLY thank you for not trying to sugar coat this! Of course, my work is often the topic of conversation, and that is why I would like for him to talk to other men who date webcam models. I can only have the same conversation with him so many times and listen to him say the same things and tell him how I feel before I want to blow my fucking head off. xD I love him to death, but he just won't listen to me! He watches all of my shows, and he says he enjoys it and is becoming a lot more comfortable, but it is sometimes hard to meet in the middle between what I feel will bring in tips and his own comfortability.
I am currently working towards getting a car and a place to dwell in WITH him, because, honestly, I am semi-homeless at the moment, and his roommate will not let me stay with them. I have chosen to be the provider in our family, but I had a setback with a previous job, and I feel camming is a good way to make decent money. They only pay $7.25/hr in my state, and not many places pay above minimum wage.

 

[Val Vega]

He's acting childish and pinning his own insecurities on you.

It's like believing someone working at McDonald's is really that thrilled to talk to you after hundreds of other customers because they keep up a cheerful exterior to keep their job. He should have more trust in you when you say it is a job to you and nothing more.

I think your idea of having him come here and read about the experiences of models here would help him understand that this is a job like any other.

 

[Val Vega]

I am currently working towards getting a car and a place to dwell in WITH him, because, honestly, I am semi-homeless at the moment, and his roommate will not let me stay with them. I have chosen to be the provider in our family, but I had a setback with a previous job, and I feel camming is a good way to make decent money. They only pay $7.25/hr in my state, and not many places pay above minimum wage.

Keep doing you and don't feel bad about your vocation. You are doing what you have to do to meet your goals and you're doing it on your own terms. That's your prerogative and he should respect that. He should not be trying to shame you for taking what you have and using it to your best benefit. You are obviously very committed to being with him. And he should show the same commitment to you by placing more trust in your actions.

 

[Jaremi Love]

I think your idea of having him come here and read about the experiences of models here would help him understand that this is a job like any other.

Thank you! I understand his insecurities. We have both done things that we should not have and been dishonest with one another, but our relationship is growing and becoming something unbreakable. ^_^ He doesn't like me talking to clients outside of MFC. He feels I should have to get tipped extra in order to chat with followers on snapchat, even though they pay the initial fee. Like, he feels the initial fee should only cover the photos I send, but I should have them tip me more if they want to talk along with that.
He says his biggest and real problem is that I "sell myself short." He believes my prices are too low, and I need to charge for PMs and such things. I explained that, one day, I will be able to do that, but the highest room count I've ever had was 26, so right now, I need to PM them back to gain a following and seem engaging, and that the women who receive tips to PM probably have at least 50 people or more in their room at any given time.

Do you have any suggestions about tip prices?

 

[Val Vega]

I have no idea about tip prices, but apparently there is stuff about it in the verified models section of the site. So you might want to get verified to see it.

 

[SMuser69]

We had already been together for about a year when we started discussing me starting to cam. Thank you for all of your insight, though, and ESPECIALLY thank you for not trying to sugar coat this! Of course, my work is often the topic of conversation, and that is why I would like for him to talk to other men who date webcam models. I can only have the same conversation with him so many times and listen to him say the same things and tell him how I feel before I want to blow my fucking head off. xD I love him to death, but he just won't listen to me! He watches all of my shows, and he says he enjoys it and is becoming a lot more comfortable, but it is sometimes hard to meet in the middle between what I feel will bring in tips and his own comfortability.
I am currently working towards getting a car and a place to dwell in WITH him, because, honestly, I am semi-homeless at the moment, and his roommate will not let me stay with them. I have chosen to be the provider in our family, but I had a setback with a previous job, and I feel camming is a good way to make decent money. They only pay $7.25 in my state, and not many places pay above minimum wage.

Understand this screams a "gilded cage" scenario since it sounds like the terms of marriage aren't equal from the start. This can twist and digress a marriage where only one side has all control.

 

[Jaremi Love]

I have no idea about tip prices, but apparently there is stuff about it in the verified models section of the site. So you might want to get verified to see it.

Oki, thank you!

 

[Jaremi Love]

Understand this screams a "gilded cage" scenario since it sounds like the terms of marriage aren't equal from the start. This can twist and digress a marriage where only one side has all control.

YES! Thank you, sir. I have been telling him about the same thing, and he does agree. He sees what he does, and apologizes for being controlling, but doesn't seem to want to change. We shall see in due time, I suppose.

 

[Peekabooh]

Getting a car before a home? get your priorities straight

 

[Peekabooh]

Ohh..And watching all your work. bad thing

You watch him work?

 

[Jaremi Love]

Keep doing you and don't feel bad about your vocation. You are doing what you have to do to meet your goals and you're doing it on your own terms. That's your prerogative and he should respect that. He should not be trying to shame you for taking what you have and using it to your best benefit. You are obviously very committed to being with him. And he should show the same commitment to you by placing more trust in your actions.

I agree, and thank you for telling me you are able to feel the commitment I have. ^_^ If you can see it through text in a computer screen, then I will be able to show him through the warmth of my heart.
Honestly, this job raises my confidence sky high, and he feels it has given me something he never could, so he is somewhat jealous, I think.

 

[Jaremi Love]

Getting a car before a home? get your priorities straight

I need a car first in order to be able to get where I need to go. I plan on moving out of the town I am in, and I have obligations at least 3 times a week for the next few months.

 

[Jaremi Love]

Ohh..And watching all your work. bad thing

You watch him work?

Why do you think that is bad? I enjoy when he is watching me. ^_^

 

[Peekabooh]

Camming I consider a profession. I do not know any job where the SO is constantly involved if it is not a joint operation.

If you have a company together, ok. but your SO to watch you work all the time? I don't think it's healthy in the long run

 

[Gen]

It really makes no sense for him, a non-model, to tell you about pricing and how to run your business. I don't mean that in a derogatory way but if he's not in the industry, he likely has no clue about realistic pricing or how things work. Personally I think most camgirls in good relationships maintain that by the dude taking a backseat and not watching her cam, not telling her how to do it, etc. If he's jealous, watching your shows and micromanaging how you interact with your customers seems like a bad idea.

(Also, I'm not sure if by "I enjoy when he's watching me", you mean just generally or if you mean sexually, but if it is sexual I imagine that's adding to his insecurity and blurring the lines between your private and work lives.)

Anyway. It's hard to convince a partner that you can enjoy this job without it being a big sexy turn on. I think it's important to respect your partners feelings and insecurities while also being reasonable. Has he said specifically what he is concerned about?

 

[SMuser69]

Why do you think that is bad? I enjoy when he is watching me. ^_^

I think the point is he should be aware when you're "at work" and available. The concept he can "come to work" with you is probably one of those things that is blurring the lines. I've never watched a GF while camming after that relationship was made because I was no longer a "client".

 

[Jaremi Love]

Has he said specifically what he is concerned about?

Well, I think his biggest concern right now is Snapchat.

 

[Jaremi Love]

I think the point is he should be aware when you're "at work" and available. The concept he can "come to work" with you is probably one of those things that is blurring the lines. I've never watched a GF while camming after that relationship was made because I was no longer a "client".

Yes, but he didn't start as one of my viewers. We were already engaged, and then I became a model.

 

[Gen]

Well, I think his biggest concern right now is Snapchat.

Would you be willing to stop using the chat feature and just post directly to story? Only you can determine your own priorities; many models here are against letting your partner control or influence your business. I am personally more attached to relationships than work so I'm willing to compromise on pretty much whatever if I have a good partner (and I don't think prioritizing either is inherently better or smarter), but again, only you can decide what seems fair and reasonable. I don't personally find it unreasonable to stop chatting *but* it will influence your success and someone who controls one thing may try to control others. So maybe today it's Snapchat and you're okay giving that up but tomorrow it's private shows or camming altogether or whatever. Make sure you're comfortable with whatever you do and don't feel like you're being controlled.

As an aside you seem really resistant to the idea that him watching you cam could be creating or exacerbating the issue. It's a pretty common denominator amongst camgirl relationship problems and I think it takes a very particular kind of dude to watch his lady entertain other guys all day and not get jealous (or turned on if that's his thing). I really do think it's good advice for him to back out a bit and let you do your thing. For him to be present during your shows and dictating how you should run your business is a level of involvement and control that indicates a lack of trust or jealousy (to me), which is what it seems you're trying to eradicate. So I'd definitely consider suggesting that he take a step back.

 

[Jaremi Love]

Would you be willing to stop using the chat feature and just post directly to story?

He isn't worried about the photos I send. He just thinks I am being too personal with it if I reply to a chat they send in text. He thinks that making friends on here is inappropriate... I enjoy the conversation sometimes, though, and I don't allow men to talk dirty to me. I think we have come to an agreement, however. He and I are very good at compromising. ^_^

He is controlling, which is why we compromise. Camming is my only source of income, so I can't lose this, really.

 

[Empress Mika]

I strongly agree that there are relationship issues that are only making themselves more at the forefront with your career choice as a cam girl.

Honestly, you lost Me at "prostitute". I would never let anyone speak to Me that way, especially someone that is supposed to love Me. If someone can't even discuss their concerns with Me without insults, especially in "anger", it's done. If I have to resort to a forum because talking with him failed, it's done. If I have to believe other people can get him to magically be okay with My job, it's done. He doesn't trust you, he's insecure and failed to communicate any concerns with you beforehand. You deserve better. Tolerating this behavior from him does you no favors. As the amazing Yeoshin says ~ #DumpHim2016

I hope this isn't seen as a harsh attack. This is just My opinion and perspective and I hope that it ultimately is helpful to you.

 

[Jaremi Love]

I hope this isn't seen as a harsh attack. This is just My opinion and perspective and I hope that it ultimately is helpful to you.

I didn't take it offensively at all. I'm going to try to work through this issue, but he and I have both already discussed things that are and are not okay. As long as he doesn't change his mind and flip shit on me again, everything will be all gravy. I have done things I told him I wouldn't. So, I understand where he is coming from. You know?

 

[AriaAnderson]

I think it's a bad sign he lost his temper like that. He has things he needs to work through on his own, regardless of you and camming. If he didn't get mad and bottle his feelings about camming, I feel like it would have been about something else.


Also, even if camming really turned you on and you were so fucking horny while you were working that wouldn't change anything. Being aroused by things other than your partner is not a bad thing IMO. If your partner says you can't be turned on by your work I have a huge problem with that.

 

[BiancaBaker]

I would never let a guy talk to me like this EVER. I would leave him in 2 seconds the second he did. There's no need to get angry.. He sounds like a huge asshole. Agree with Mika #dumphim2016

 

[Gen]

Just wanted to add, I don't think there's anything wrong with reaching out to a forum and asking for advice. Communication is hard and sometimes you're both too entangled in your own feelings to look at things objectively. Sometimes it takes an outside party saying "you're actually being unreasonable" or "you're right, your partner is being unreasonable" to see it.

That said, always important to take it with a grain of salt - we only see the negatives you portrayed and not any of the background info or the positive. That's my theory as to why so many online advice requests result in a million DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) posts. I mean sometimes it's good advice but not always and I think it's useful to remember that while outsiders might be more objective, we all still have our own biases and tend to hold others to those standards.

 

[Violet Dawn]

The issue here isn't camming or his comfortability... It's how he deals with it.

It sounds like he has poor communication skills and problems handling his emotions. This can be fixed, but not by you and know that the journey to fixing it can destroy your relationship anyway.

If you want a solution, I'd suggest you either tell him to go see a therapist to resolve his issues or leave him. It all depends on how much your relationship means to you. If he doesn't want to see a therapist then he's either too immature for you or he's too selfish. If he does, then I believe there is still some hope in him, but that still won't make any of it easier.

 

[AriaAnderson]

I am really trying to think of a better/smarter way to word what I'm trying to say but I can't.

I think your boyfriend seems misogynistic, whorephobic and just overall a little ridiculous. What did he think camming would be like for you? Guys are going to dirty talk you, they're going to fap to you, you're going to fap with them, you are going to spend almost every day entertaining these people and eventually you will really, really like some of them. Does he want you to hate your job? Hate the guys? Hate fucking online?

Why is he calling you these names when IMO this is no different than if he watches porn or jerks off to pictures of other girls or something. He sounds like he thinks girls who enjoy sex, sell sexual goods and services or other shit are all bad. Do you call him a dirty man whore when you catch him watching xhamster or something? No, you don't, because you're a reasonable person who knows people masturbate. Some people just happen to make money off masturbating while others watch. That's okay.

I hope next time you cam you feel aroused as fuck and feel no shame for it. You deserve to embrace your sexuality.

It seems like you are going to have to choose between him and camming eventually, but regardless of what you choose or even if you stay with him and keep camming, you both need to see a couples therapist in order to work through this, set lines of what you both agree is cheating and what isn't and he needs to learn how to fight good constructive fights without calling you names.

 

[Jaremi Love]

I am really trying to think of a better/smarter way to word what I'm trying to say but I can't.

I think your boyfriend seems misogynistic, whorephobic and just overall a little ridiculous. What did he think camming would be like for you? Guys are going to dirty talk you, they're going to fap to you, you're going to fap with them, you are going to spend almost every day entertaining these people and eventually you will really, really like some of them. Does he want you to hate your job? Hate the guys? Hate fucking online?

Why is he calling you these names when IMO this is no different than if he watches porn or jerks off to pictures of other girls or something. He sounds like he thinks girls who enjoy sex, sell sexual goods and services or other shit are all bad. Do you call him a dirty man whore when you catch him watching xhamster or something? No, you don't, because you're a reasonable person who knows people masturbate. Some people just happen to make money off masturbating while others watch. That's okay.

I hope next time you cam you feel aroused as fuck and feel no shame for it. You deserve to embrace your sexuality.

It seems like you are going to have to choose between him and camming eventually, but regardless of what you choose or even if you stay with him and keep camming, you both need to see a couples therapist in order to work through this, set lines of what you both agree is cheating and what isn't and he needs to learn how to fight good constructive fights without calling you names.

Yes, thank you! I try to tell him like, I am not a "real" person to these people. I am a fantasy. He gets all that is real. As for being aroused, it really takes a lot to turn me on, honestly. ^_^ but if I were aroused, I would tell him. As far as a couples therapist, that sounds like a good idea...