Camming Life Exposed

[rockin_rod]

Apologies if I missed any similar threads when searching......
Can any of you offer any advice to a model who has just had her camming life exposed to her unsuspecting friends and family?
Only a few close friends knew, but after one of her social media accounts was hacked, all her contacts were sent details of her on-cam activity.
Friends were mostly understanding, but family did not take it well. She has stopped going online since this happened almost a week ago.
I've done my best to reassure her that her family will come around and realise they should be proud of her to be successful and support herself, but right now she's hurting......... and of course, not earning.

I've been a regular of hers for months and we get along well, but I would not say we are especially close. Just want to help somehow.

 

[cbhours]

https://pineapplesupport.org/ - Pineapple Support provides 24/7 online, emotional support as well as free and subsidized professional therapy and advice to all performers and producers who have been active in the adult online industry within the past 6 months.

 

[darcyduke]

It is hard. I was outed to my family and friends, because some idiot found me on social media and sent messages to all my friends list. It was horrific, and took me a long time to get over it. My family never came around either...

 

[KylieJacobs]

https://pineapplesupport.org/ - Pineapple Support provides 24/7 online, emotional support as well as free and subsidized professional therapy and advice to all performers and producers who have been active in the adult online industry within the past 6 months.

I agree, I would definitely give her the link for pineapple support.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

"Coming out like a porn star" is a collection of essays on being outed/coming out/being out and am the complexities that come with it. If she likes to read this might provide a little comfort/guidance.

But yeah..pineapple support would be a good start. If he friends are understanding she maybe can reach out to them and let them know how hard this has been ... get some support.

 

[thealixlynx]

Apologies if I missed any similar threads when searching......
Can any of you offer any advice to a model who has just had her camming life exposed to her unsuspecting friends and family?
Only a few close friends knew, but after one of her social media accounts was hacked, all her contacts were sent details of her on-cam activity.
Friends were mostly understanding, but family did not take it well. She has stopped going online since this happened almost a week ago.
I've done my best to reassure her that her family will come around and realise they should be proud of her to be successful and support herself, but right now she's hurting......... and of course, not earning.

I've been a regular of hers for months and we get along well, but I would not say we are especially close. Just want to help somehow.

This is a super duper normal reaction from loved ones. A lot of cam girls/adult entertainers go through this, myself included.

The negative reaction most often comes from a place of love. As in, her family is just worried and wants her to have a good life and probably think she's fucking that up by camming.

When my mom found out I did porn, we did not speak for 4 years. Our relationship is still tumultuous but we DO talk now. We just don't talk about my job. Just today she brought up my job and I said I am not open to discussing (because it was in a negative light). It hurts now, but people DO come around.

It's also important to know that the negative reactions ALSO stem from the general public's perception of sex work in general. Here in the US, it's not the greatest. It's getting BETTER, but we have a LONG way to go. People think sex workers do drugs all day and are all fucked up which is CLEARLY not true.

I think that if she just carries on as usual and shows through action/by example that she's still the same girl, she's still HER, she's just working an abnormal job...that's what family wants to see. That's what gives family more of a peace of mind.

It might feel like the end of the world now, but it's not. She will be OK.

 

[rockin_rod]

Thank you all wholeheartedly for your replies and great advice.
It makes me so angry to know that there are people out there who choose to impact so negatively and deliberately on someone's life.
And that many of you have been affected, and continue to be...... your courage needs to be acknowledged.

Biggest obstacle right now is that due to her accounts being hacked, she has gone offline across all platforms that we used to communicate through....... so I've had no contact for 3+ days......so feeling pretty useless as a supporter through this. And can't rely on her friends to liaise, either. Really hope her mental health is staying positive.

 

[haravoss]

It's the same-old menthality that camming is prostitution and that it's shameful. At the end of the day, we are not having any physical contact, we can choose to practice non-adult camming, we are the ones setting our boundaries and we are independent and earning good money. The fact that some people are being to mean to their own family makes me extremely mad. She needs all the support to get past this, I hope she'll be okay, mental health is so important and people don't care about that sometimes...

 

[rockin_rod]

Totally agree. I really feel for her, having to go through this, without support of friends and family. These are who we should be able to turn to, with unconditional love and support........
Honestly right now I just wish I knew she was OK.
Life experience and an open mind can so change learned moral values, and I will do whatever I can to help.

I think you are all wonderful, thank you for the replies.

 

[mika_kedi]

It's the same-old menthality that camming is prostitution and that it's shameful. At the end of the day, we are not having any physical contact, we can choose to practice non-adult camming, we are the ones setting our boundaries and we are independent and earning good money. The fact that some people are being to mean to their own family makes me extremely mad. She needs all the support to get past this, I hope she'll be okay, mental health is so important and people don't care about that sometimes...

In person sex work is not shameful either, and your comment reads like a suggestion it should be shamed and online workers are somehow better. Well, we're not. Everything you said about cam models: "we are the ones setting our boundaries and we are independent and earning good money", could be also said about full service sex workers.

 

[AudriTwo]

I've done my best to reassure her that her family will come around and realise they should be proud of her to be successful and support herself, but right now she's hurting......... and of course, not earning.

I get you are trying to be helpful. But sometimes no. Family doesn't always come around and probably never be respectful. Family can often be stubborn and self-righteous.

It's the same-old menthality that camming is prostitution and that it's shameful. At the end of the day, we are not having any physical contact, we can choose to practice non-adult camming, we are the ones setting our boundaries and we are independent and earning good money. The fact that some people are being to mean to their own family makes me extremely mad. She needs all the support to get past this, I hope she'll be okay, mental health is so important and people don't care about that sometimes...

Full-service Sexwork is work. We are no better or worse because we choose to keep it online. Try to avoid the Sexwork hierarchy.

 

[cbhours]

model: I was driving drunk and was in an accident that killed 3 people.
family: dont worry we will all pitch in and get you the best lawyer possible.

model: I can pitch in as well, i have some money saved up from my cam model job
family:

 

[rockin_rod]

I get you are trying to be helpful. But sometimes no. Family doesn't always come around and probably never be respectful. Family can often be stubborn and self-righteous.

^ This. And thanks. I realised very quickly that I was saying stuff to reassure in the moment, that was probably not correct, but it caught me so unexpectedly - as it did her.

 

[Lelo1]

If she hasn't, she should setup 2-step everywhere.

If she can, she might want to setup a bot to auto delete personal info. IE if some one tries to say post her name, the bot auto deletes and bans.

 

[rockin_rod]

IE if some one tries to say post her name, the bot auto deletes and bans.

You mean in public chat? Hadn't thought through that far. Initially she said she was intending to change her room name and keep on working. But no idea what plans are, now that she has gone silent. Hoping her family has not persuaded her to give it up, as she does love the work - and is great at it.
Although I really enjoyed being a regular in her room, the only thing that I care about now is that she's ok, no matter what she decides to do for a living.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

If she can, she might want to setup a bot to auto delete personal info. IE if some one tries to say post her name, the bot auto deletes and bans.

I've read that the major downside to this is that if someone is trying to fish out your real name (or innocently says a name that happens to be yours), getting auto deleted/banned for posting your real name is a near-sure answer of your real identity.

I'm not saying I'm either for or against this idea, everyone has to do what they're most comfortable with; I just wanted to say this as it's something I would've overlooked if it hadn't been pointed out to me, and it's always good to be aware of the pros and cons before making a decision.

 

[yummybrownfox]

MyFreeCams has a "chat room filter" feature where models can choose to have specific words or phrases blocked from her chat. That may come in handy as far as blocking your real name...though I guess someone could still blurt out your name in the chat (and have it show up) if they've butchered the actual spelling? If you have a common name like Tiffany, and y'all happen to be having a conversation about the film Breakfast at Tiffany's, then yeah, I'd imagine they'd be like "WTF? How come the chat isn't letting me post the word 'Tiffany'?" Lol. Actually, I'm not sure if the name would still show up on the guy's end, but be invisible to everyone else in the room? Or if it'd just show up as "Breakfast at " (And have a blank space where "Tiffany" would have been)? I have no idea. I should test this out the next time I'm on MFC.

And there's always the option to have your state blocked. Not saying it's 100% foolproof, but if it helps give you peace of mind, it's something to consider. It could be nice not having to worry about idiots coming in the room, blurting out things like "Hey, you used to work at _____."

On a site like MyFreeCams, I also feel like the people most likely to blurt out your real name would be guests (Maybe basics)...if they're people who are on there because they've heard gossip about you and wanna do some digging/stalking. They are probably not gonna pay the $19.99 to become a premium just to talk shit. But if you have guests and basics unmuted on MyFreeCams, it just makes it that much easier for them to blurt out "Tiffany?! OMG...so this is what you do for money?!" I remember years ago, a model friend on MFC had her birthday RUINED by, I think, some guest(s) or basic(s) who was blurting out her personal info in the public chat.

Also I think Chaturbate is the cam site I'm remembering that when you ban someone from your room, everything they'd typed in the chat is removed too? If that's some prick blurting out your personal info, that's good to have that removed immediately before too many people see it.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Apologies if I missed any similar threads when searching......
Can any of you offer any advice to a model who has just had her camming life exposed to her unsuspecting friends and family?
Only a few close friends knew, but after one of her social media accounts was hacked, all her contacts were sent details of her on-cam activity.
Friends were mostly understanding, but family did not take it well. She has stopped going online since this happened almost a week ago.
I've done my best to reassure her that her family will come around and realise they should be proud of her to be successful and support herself, but right now she's hurting......... and of course, not earning.

I've been a regular of hers for months and we get along well, but I would not say we are especially close. Just want to help somehow.

That's really sad. I feel like if your family members are even worth a damn, no matter how much they disapprove of you camming, they should have her back when some PRICK is outing her like that. Instead of the "OMG, so this is what you do for money?!" b.s., they should be telling the hacker dude to go FUCK HIMSELF and leave her alone. Smh.

 

[rockin_rod]

MyFreeCams has a "chat room filter" feature where models can choose to have specific words or phrases blocked from her chat.
Also I think Chaturbate is the cam site I'm remembering that when you ban someone from your room, everything they'd typed in the chat is removed too? If that's some prick blurting out your personal info, that's good to have that removed immediately before too many people see it.

That's great to know, there probably needs to be more features available to help models with silencing unhelpful and malicious commentary.
She had been broadcasting on 5 or 6 sites, including MFC. No matter what folk think about multi-site camming, she worked her butt off for 7 or 8 hours at a time, 5 nights a week, and the workload of managing those sites was huge. Yet she still managed to engage with regulars and new tippers alike, and never stopped smiling. So I really respect and admire what she does (did?).

You're correct, silencing or banning on CB removes everything posted in chat by that user.

 

[Lelo1]

I've read that the major downside to this is that if someone is trying to fish out your real name (or innocently says a name that happens to be yours), getting auto deleted/banned for posting your real name is a near-sure answer of your real identity.

I'm not saying I'm either for or against this idea, everyone has to do what they're most comfortable with; I just wanted to say this as it's something I would've overlooked if it hadn't been pointed out to me, and it's always good to be aware of the pros and cons before making a decision.

Maybe throw in a bunch of names then? XD

 

[Billyboy]

Also, depending on where they are, Pineapple Support have contacts in Romania and Colombia. I just sent the Colombian link to one of my model friends who suffers from depression.

Pineapple Support Romania
Pineapple Support Colombia

Hopefully everything works out for her.

 

[MicaVerano]

Being there at the same time I was passing(and still going through) cyberbulling caused by a former sex worker that damaged my business temporarily and caused other problems. It was hard at first because two different situations that are were affecting two different sides of my life. Both my online and irl personas were being affected and I ended up having a horrible mental breakdown that still affects me, it’s getting less, it’s hard, I wanted to quit so many times, but then jobs are scarce where I live, so all I could do was moving forward, using my savings to pay for meds and therapy.
I used hot lines for help as I didn’t know if the pineapple support was paid or not. Their website confused me. I also listened to a lot of motivational speakers over YouTube, Trent Shelton was the most helpful because he taught me that it was ok to stand my ground.

now that everything is over and the dust settled down, I have people of mine and my partner’s family surprisingly being more acceptive, I even got asked what I need for my birthday and their family is extremely Bible Belt like conservative people. Things still hard. But please hang in there!

 

[rockin_rod]

Again, thank you all for your replies and suggestions.
Unfortunately, after well over a week, I've still had no success with making contact, as she has not been accessing any of her accounts. So there is no point in continuing to send further messages of support.
I will miss her hugely if she has decided to give up this line of work, but that is totally unimportant; I just really hope she's OK and staying positive through this.

It's really made me reflect on the online friendships that can form between people, and how often one just disappears, usually without any understanding by the other of why.
Probably the same applies to forums such as this one, as members come and go.

 

[rockin_rod]

Very relieved to say I had a message to say she is OK. Her current plan is to take a break for a few weeks to let the dust settle, but then resume broadcasting as normal.
I suspect it has been a lot tougher on her mental health than she admitted to........
Thanks again to all who replied.!

 

[BobBiggs74]

It is hard. I was outed to my family and friends, because some idiot found me on social media and sent messages to all my friends list. It was horrific, and took me a long time to get over it. My family never came around either...

The fact is that the person that outed you was also using the platform. Let them receive some wrath too. Too many too judgemental people in the world. I love the models who show themselves, because I would not have the nerve to do it.

 

[darcyduke]

The fact is that the person that outed you was also using the platform. Let them receive some wrath too. Too many too judgemental people in the world. I love the models who show themselves, because I would not have the nerve to do it.

Oh I wish that was how it was. Sadly, only the person who cams will be vilified for it. No-one cares about the people who watch and expose. I still don't understand it.

 

[rockin_rod]

Very relieved to say I had a message to say she is OK. Her current plan is to take a break for a few weeks to let the dust settle, but then resume broadcasting as normal.
I suspect it has been a lot tougher on her mental health than she admitted to........
Thanks again to all who replied.!

Thought I would provide a quick update, to close this thread out.
She resumed streaming last week, and after a couple of days where she was clearly uncomfortable, it has settled down and outwardly (at least) all is back to normal, showing usual confidence and amazing courage.
I hung out for as much of her shows as I could, and will keep doing so.
Thanks again to this wonderful group for your good advice; I only wish every such story had a similar outcome, so to those who have suffered from being exposed, I have the utmost respect for you.

 

[MallorieReese]

First of all, I am so sorry to hear that. Nobody deserves to have her cam life exposed without her consent. Looking at the bright side of things, at some point her family would have found out about what she was doing. Maybe they are a bit shocked now, but I am sure they will come to their senses - she is their child, after all. In regards to friends, this is a good test to see who will be around her no matter what (even if shit goes down). As the people mentioned above, I highly suggest Pineapple support. I hope she will be okay