Appropriately giving strangers compliments?

[MFCGod]

Last week in Starbucks after taking my order the girl serving said to me "I love your beard" I said thank you, that's very nice of you to say

I played it pretty nonchalant but after of course I was walking on sunshine lol it's really nice to get a random compliment and a rarity

Sometimes I feel like complimenting random people but I'm always worried it will just be at best awkward, or at worst alarming to them

For examples, I was standing behind a dude in the shop the other week, he had on a great jacket, I felt like saying "dude, that is a great jacket", or sometimes I walk past people walking a lovely looking dog and I feel like saying "that's a beautiful dog"

^ I think those would be nice things, perhaps awkward, but not alarming well in day light and in public area in passing, I wouldn't stop and say them

But then on the potentially alarming side, I might walk past a woman who looks great and I feel like saying "wow, you look great" - (usually it's more to do with their sense of style than leering over their body) but I can appreciate saying that to someone could be scary/alarming, even though my intention is just to pass on a positive thought, not anything beyond that

I can appreciate there's a difference between complimenting someone on a possession or style vs their attractiveness vs their body (I would never randomly compliment someone on a body part)

I guess basically what I'm trying to say is, I would like to brighten up peoples lives with genuine compliments sometimes like that girl at starbucks did for me, but I'm aware random men talking to you can be alarming and that's the opposite of my intentions

What do you all think about this? how do you react to random compliments? are there any situations and types you would appreciate, or would you rather random men never said anything to you, even in passing.

 

[Scarlet Long]

YES!!! I love complementing people!

I heard once you never need to be jealous of someone because you envy what they have instead complement them on how much you admire whatever it is and then you both feel good!!

The man and the dog you've got it spot on never hesitate with those complements especially if your just walking past! And for the girl that looks nice figure out why... is it the top she is wearing or her finger nails done, ect. and then complement something specific and go on with you day. Only ever expect a thank you and don't be a creepy dude she has to worry about following her home, say your complement and then walk away.

 

[Mila_]

Last week in Starbucks after taking my order the girl serving said to me "I love your beard" I said thank you, that's very nice of you to say

I played it pretty nonchalant but after of course I was walking on sunshine lol it's really nice to get a random compliment and a rarity

Sometimes I feel like complimenting random people but I'm always worried it will just be at best awkward, or at worst alarming to them

For examples, I was standing behind a dude in the shop the other week, he had on a great jacket, I felt like saying "dude, that is a great jacket", or sometimes I walk past people walking a lovely looking dog and I feel like saying "that's a beautiful dog"

^ I think those would be nice things, perhaps awkward, but not alarming well in day light and in public area in passing, I wouldn't stop and say them

But then on the potentially alarming side, I might walk past a woman who looks great and I feel like saying "wow, you look great" - (usually it's more to do with their sense of style than leering over their body) but I can appreciate saying that to someone could be scary/alarming, even though my intention is just to pass on a positive thought, not anything beyond that

I can appreciate there's a difference between complimenting someone on a possession or style vs their attractiveness vs their body (I would never randomly compliment someone on a body part)

I guess basically what I'm trying to say is, I would like to brighten up peoples lives with genuine compliments sometimes like that girl at starbucks did for me, but I'm aware random men talking to you can be alarming and that's the opposite of my intentions

What do you all think about this? how do you react to random compliments? are there any situations and types you would appreciate, or would you rather random men never said anything to you, even in passing.

It depends on (a) the compliment itself (b) the tone when you say it (c) the context (d) how you look

(a) "Hey I love The Smiths too, that's a great tee!" makes me smile. Compliments should be specific and about something I put effort into.

(b) If you give off creepy vibes I will want to be away from you, the compliment is secondary. So work on conveying sanity.

(c) I don't want to be complimented on a poorly lit alley at 3 am.

(d) If you look like a vagrant I will clutch my bag and speed up my walking. So when complimenting a stranger, dress nicely.

 

[SandyPanz]

You've been considerate of context so I think when you are struck by a nice thought and motivated to share it (with no expectations) you should! Some people/moods are impossible to penetrate with positivity, but for me, even when it's on a body part, getting complimented feels good. I've heard a lot of guys say they don't compliment a pretty girl because she probably hears how hot she is all the time when really she might not even feel pretty because everyone avoids "repeating" it to her.

 

[CharlotteLace]

If it's a genuine, sincere compliment, I always appreciate them. If it's somebody just kissing my ass, it's very clearly recognized as that. I once had a model go on a complimenting spree with me, ending by saying I was like "the unbroken Betty Page" of camming. Two minutes later, I see her tweet the same at a different model. So, you know, kinda defeated the purpose of complimenting me/getting in my good graces.

Side note, guys don't complimented nearly as often as girls, so maybe make an effort to compliment guys more too?

 

[Gen]

I love this topic because I think it's super lovely to give compliments and also super lovely to be considerate about it!

Firstly anytime someone says nice things about my dogs I'm so fucking happy! Haha.

Personally I only compliment strangers on things like clothes, makeup, hair but never body or face; too easy to come off creepy and i think it's often inappropriate. Personally I am not usually flattered (and am maybe uncomfortable) by someone, man or woman, in public complimenting my body or looks so I avoid it. And it usually sounds less sincere and like more of an opening, maybe?

But I love getting complimented on my clothes/makeup/hair -- they're a lot more intentional so if someone notices and likes them, I feel super happy.

Easier for girls to do than guys but if the person isn't busy or wearing headphones I'll often just tap their shoulder and say "hey, just wanted to say I LOVE your jacket, it's super cute". More frequently though I compliment baristas or retail people that I'm already chatting to. I do this a lot and it's easier since you're already speaking.

Side note: the other day I wore a new lipstick that I wasn't 100% sure about. I went to Starbucks and the cashier was like "can I just ask what lipstick you're wearing? I love it!" Made me feel so much better and more confident about this weird colour. And I thought it was really sweet.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

To add to the don't be creepy/a kiss-ass...

I love getting compliments. I feel most people do. I tend to enjoy being fairly sociable, but there are those days when I feel more socially withdrawn for random reasons.

If I have to go out those days, I generally make a habit of dressing like a slob. I don't want to radiate anything that could lead folks to believe I want attention, so I can have my quiet.

Generally if a guy compliments my all-around-look while I'm dressed in say baggy clothes with my hair tied into a bun...it feels creepy and desperate (aside from the fact that I'm probably not in a great mood).

If however it's a "Hey, I like your shirt!" or something very specific as others have suggested, I'll tend to be much happier with it even when i a bad mood. ^.^;

 

[ZenHedonist]

Practice. As you get comfortable with giving compliments you'll get more comfortable with receiving them which is just as important. As a society we are out of practice with giving and receiving compliments. As we have actively chosen to become more insulated and isolated we have lost certain social skills. Including just a pleasant smile and "good morning/day/evening" as we walk past...

 

[AerynShade]

I love getting non creepy compliments and giving them as well. I try to compliment women whenever I can. I'd like to compliment men more, but in the past that's lead to some uncomfortable situations. I use to have a goal of complimenting at least one person a day. (But now I'm a hermit so I don't see many people.)
Good compliments: Your earrings are so cute. I love your boots. Your hair is amazing. This is the best latte ever, you rock! Your beard is impressive.
Bad compliments: You look so sexy in that dress. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Nice tits.

I once told a dude his dog was adorable and he responded that I was lovely. I laughed, then he laughed and apologized. I think he might have been drunk and either homeless or living on a river boat, but it was all fine. His apology made me feel much more comfortable as did his usage of the word "lovely" instead of sexy, hot, gorgeous, etc.
I really wanted to tell the cashier at my grocery store he had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen, but didn't want him to think I was a serial killer that was contemplating adding his peepers to my collection. But his comfort was more important than my comment on his appearance.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I love getting compliments and I love giving them. I'm very shy and won't make eye contact with a waiter but if their makeup/facial hair/shirt/etc is awesome then I will say so without thinking twice. I don't get many compliments from men these days because I'm always with my husband but I can't remember ever being offended by one. I do always get compliments from women on my boots and I'm all for it. I do agree though that attitude and intention is everything. I think a big thing is to say what you want to say and then keep walking, if you pause and stick around the person at all it can feel very uncomfortable. I'll instantly think, oh god what's he going to say next and wonder if it was just a prelude to hitting on me.

I do think "you look great" from a stranger would creep me out. What looks great exactly? Clothes, hair, makeup, accessories, music they're listening to, etc is all good.

 

[Missmisha]

I agree with these responses so much!
Being mindful of timing, complimenting a specific thing, being casual & genuine in your tone & Not Lingering.

From complimenting strangers over the last few years, I have found that most recipients are surprised/happy/thankful. There will be a few who respond with a "why are you talking to me" look but Don't take it personally. Maybe they are just having a bad day or something. Just move on & let it be.

The vast majority of people that I have complimented genuinely seem a little happier after. Totally worth the small effort to spread a little positivity. ^-^

 

[Hoang Nguyen]

living on a river boat

You say this like it is a bad thing?

 

[AerynShade]

You say this like it is a bad thing?

No, I just saw him sitting on the same bench near the water every time I went to the store. So either he was homeless and that was HIS bench, or he lived in a boat docked nearby.

 

[RebelleHart]

I think another important thing to remember is that giving someone a compliment doesn't entitle you to anything further. I love being complimented! But I don't like it when strangers use compliments as a way to force me into a conversation.

If someone was to say, "Great dress!" and smile at me, I'd probably smile back and say "thank you" and/or compliment them back. But after that exchange, I don't really want to tell them where I am headed or talk about the weather. I guess it is all about reading the social clues the complimentee sends out

 

[JoleneBrody]

A kind passing compliment vs. unwanted sexual attention is the big difference for me.
I love a kind compliment but unwanted sexual attention brings out the hellfire!

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I think another important thing to remember is that giving someone a compliment doesn't entitle you to anything further. I love being complimented! But I don't like it when strangers use compliments as a way to force me into a conversation.

If someone was to say, "Great dress!" and smile at me, I'd probably smile back and say "thank you" and/or compliment them back. But after that exchange, I don't really want to tell them where I am headed or talk about the weather. I guess it is all about reading the social clues the complimentee sends out

This is extremely important! I couldn't figure out how how to word this.

I think tattoos are a good example. It's great to say "that's beautiful" but I HATE when it's followed up by "why that? where'd you get it? when did you get it?" or asking if you can can see it is also extremely horrible, my forearm gets that a lot. So yeah using it, even unintentionally, to corner someone into a conversation makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and violated even.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Context/approach/phrasing, and exact subject of the compliment are pretty important. I have a lot of fun shoes and clothes, so if someone says my shoes are badass or my dress looks super cool, hell yeah it sure does, it's my favorite, thank you! But I've also had some random guy come up behind me and say "I really like your shape." Um, good for you? You kinda sound like you want to wear my skin though, I'm going to cross the street now.

The way I feel is that complimenting someone on something they put effort into because they enjoy it - long, glorious hair, impressive beard, cool outfit, unique tattoos or makeup - is typically welcome because, yeah, I put effort into that, thank you for noticing! Whereas complimenting a body part or general appearance, well, that's just how that person exists. They didn't choose to have the big ass or nice tits, they just happen to wake up with them every day.

 

[n_i_c_u]

Lately, for some weird reason, I've been thanking police officers I see on the street when walking to and fro (I see them often but I often have to have a moment where I feel it is good): "Just wanted to say thank you officer." Just a thankless job. So. I don't know. I got my issues, but I still, I can walk around without much fear because of law.

I generally don't give compliments to people because I worry people will expect or think I expect something.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I like when guys compliment me while looking at my face. Even if it's a sort of "hitting on you" thing, it doesn't bother me. It's a whole different story when they look at my ass.

I tend to be able to tell if someone is a creep or not. Just by the tone of their voice and the emphasis they use on certain words.

 

[Nordling]

A scattering of opinions on compliments.

“Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.” ― Oscar Wilde

“I don't like compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn't mean.” ― Oscar Wilde

“Compliments cost nothing, yet many pay dear for them.” —Thomas Fuller

“Nothing is worse than a beautiful girl fishing for compliments by saying how gross she is. On the flip side, I find genuine humility and modesty attractive.” —Chris Evans

“I just think it's silly to be stingy with compliments. If you see someone and they strike you as beautiful in any way, why not let them know?” —Jill Scott

“When envoys are sent with compliments in their mouths, it is a sign that the enemy wishes for a truce.” —Sun Tzu

“You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.” —Phyllis Diller

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I think it has a lot to do with body language, situation, and what you are referring to. I love getting complimented on a well put together outfit, my glasses, or things that I *choose* for myself that aren't directly related to my body. This is assuming it's from a stranger. If a stranger IS going to compliment me on anything that is not what I choose for myself (not cat call), the situation and body language means everything. Example: I was walking to the post office once looking haggard and an older gentleman walked by and smiled genuinely and said, "You are beautiful!" and I received it very positively. Now if he had gotten close just to talk to me and said "you're beautiful..." without an exclamation at the end it would have been very weird. Now if he had whistled or said "damn baby! lookin fiiinnnnee" it would just be disrespectful. The difference between complimenting and cat calling is mostly in how genuine and respectful the comment is.

 

[SexySteph]

I feel like the kind of compliments you're describing are generally A-OK! Here's the difference between a creepy compliment and a kind one.

Creepy:
"I love your eyes/hips/body/face!"
"Wow, you're so beautiful!"
"You look like an angel!"

Kind:
"Wow, your dog is so cute!"
"That's such a sweet bomber jacket! I love the color!"
"I really like your hair!" (this is okay when it's a blatantly unnatural color like pink, blue, etc)

Basically the difference is a creepy compliment is about something that we can't change, we're not doing intentionally. But a kind compliment says "Hey, I notice that intentional choice and find it neat!" like complimenting the dog that they chose, the neat unnatural hair color that they chose, the sweet bomber jacket that they picked out. Not that choosing cool stuff is seeking out compliments, but when you're wearing or sporting some cool accessory you're normally more open to compliments on that conscious choice you made than you would be about some feature you're born with that you can't make go away.

 

[MFCGod]

Thanks for the comments, interesting to hear you guys opinions

So it seems like complimenting clothes, hair, things of choosing etc should be safe; I suppose it all depends on my ability to appropriately read a situation and deliver what I'm going to say in a pleasant manner

I will avoid calling anyone beautiful or pretty as that seems like a bit tooo much, all though I will say if someone in passing called me handsome id be over the moon lol but I can appreciate that just because I wouldn't find it intimidating, it's not necessarily the same reversed.

Anywho, should a scenario naturally present itself in future where I have a genuine compliment to give I will do so

If I end up on some sort of list I will blame you guys