An Open Letter from A Cam Girl to All Her Internet Friends

[MojitosJourney]

An Open Letter from A Cam Girl to All Her Internet Friends

Dear Internet Friends,

I love you, but we need to talk about the amount of messages you’ve been sending me.

Everyone understands you need to pay a cam girl for sex-stuff. But I don’t think everyone understands that you need to show her financial appreciation for one-on-one conversations with her, too.

You e-mail me, you snapchat me, you send me twitter direct messages, you private message me on my cam site, and you even search my name in Skype and send me contact requests (without having purchased Skype time with me.)

What I've been wrestling with lately is whether or not to get back to you.

I mean... you're funny.
You make jokes in your messages that really make me laugh.
You're kind.
When I hurt my back, or I'm sick, you send me your well-wishes and support.
You're kinky.
Sometimes (not all times) you say things that sincerely really turn me on and I can't help but want to dirty talk a little back with you.
You genuinely give a fuck about me.
A lot of you really, truly, actually, deeply care about me and miss me when I'm not online.
Reaching out to me in messages when I'm offline is your way of expressing that to me.

However, you gotta chill out on all the messages.

Why?
Because being a cam girl is my job.
Because my one-on-one time and attention is the service I sell.
When you message me conversationally, outside of my chatroom, or a private, or a skype, you’re essentially asking me to give you something for free that others pay for.

I know, that seems cold of me to draw that line.
I don’t like saying this because one of my purposes in life is to teach others that they matter.
When I don’t get back to your messages, I worry I’m sending you a signal that you don’t matter, which is the opposite of how I feel.

But I’ve realized that I matter too.

Giving so much of myself away for free is draining me in many ways; my love, my energy, my time, my bank account. So it’s time to enforce some rules.

Here are my messaging rules, straight and simple:

When it's ok to message me conversationally:
- In my chat room when I am live on cam.
- In a private or a skype – this makes me overjoyed and I love it.
- When you're asking a direct question about my services.
- If you’ve purchased my snapchat, occasional chat on it (every day is too much).
- When you're a high tipper. You've spent a total of $500 or more on me in the past, and you continue to tip me or will likely do so in the future when you’ve saved up.
- When I message you first.

When it's not:
- Every scenario that doesn't fit in the above category.
- NOT in a twitter direct message.
- Not in private messages on my cam site – I offer access to those for a low price, so that those with direct questions can get a quick response. They aren’t for conservation.
----

In conclusion:

These rules do not mean you matter ANY less to me. YOU FUCKING MATTER. And I might just be a semi-stranger but I can honestly say I DO have love in my heart for you. It’s actually bursting for me to give it to you.

But… like a writer loves to write, and an artist loves to paint, I love to connect with others. But you still have to pay the writer to write you an article, and you still have to buy that artist’s painting if you want to hang it in your home, and with me… you still have to pay me for my love and attention. Take me private, or send me a big tip, offline tip, or tip of any size. You have no idea how much I appreciate these things.

Paying me for my time allows me to keep doing this work that I LOVE. Those that are extra giving with me find I am definitely extra giving in return with both my body and soul.

Let’s create a respectful, appreciative flow of giving to each other.
Deep thanks to anyone who has supported me in my new career as a cam girl, tippers both past, present, and future.
You are the reason I can do this, and I thank you.

With love,
Your Cam Girl Friend

---
Author: Mojito____
Cam girl on myfreecams.com/mojito____

 

[ComicOzzie]

Someone who tips you once and then spends hours chatting with you in PM every day probably doesn't deserve the level of consideration you are giving him. Just my 2 cents.

 

[LilyBlueBBW]

Thank you so much for saying what I have been saying. Nothing on a cam site should be free!

There should be an entry fee. There should be a set fee for PM's. Basically the whole damn thing should be monetized.

Your post is very inspiring.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

An Open Letter from A Cam Girl to All Her Internet Friends

Dear Internet Friends,

I love you, but we need to talk about the amount of messages you’ve been sending me.

Everyone understands you need to pay a cam girl for sex-stuff. But I don’t think everyone understands that you need to show her financial appreciation for one-on-one conversations with her, too.

You e-mail me, you snapchat me, you send me twitter direct messages, you private message me on my cam site, and you even search my name in Skype and send me contact requests (without having purchased Skype time with me.)

What I've been wrestling with lately is whether or not to get back to you.

I mean... you're funny.
You make jokes in your messages that really make me laugh.
You're kind.
When I hurt my back, or I'm sick, you send me your well-wishes and support.
You're kinky.
Sometimes (not all times) you say things that sincerely really turn me on and I can't help but want to dirty talk a little back with you.
You genuinely give a fuck about me.
A lot of you really, truly, actually, deeply care about me and miss me when I'm not online.
Reaching out to me in messages when I'm offline is your way of expressing that to me.

However, you gotta chill out on all the messages.

Why?
Because being a cam girl is my job.
Because my one-on-one time and attention is the service I sell.
When you message me conversationally, outside of my chatroom, or a private, or a skype, you’re essentially asking me to give you something for free that others pay for.

I know, that seems cold of me to draw that line.
I don’t like saying this because one of my purposes in life is to teach others that they matter.
When I don’t get back to your messages, I worry I’m sending you a signal that you don’t matter, which is the opposite of how I feel.

But I’ve realized that I matter too.

Giving so much of myself away for free is draining me in many ways; my love, my energy, my time, my bank account. So it’s time to enforce some rules.

Here are my messaging rules, straight and simple:

When it's ok to message me conversationally:
- In my chat room when I am live on cam.
- In a private or a skype – this makes me overjoyed and I love it.
- When you're asking a direct question about my services.
- If you’ve purchased my snapchat, occasional chat on it (every day is too much).
- When you're a high tipper. You've spent a total of $500 or more on me in the past, and you continue to tip me or will likely do so in the future when you’ve saved up.
- When I message you first.

When it's not:
- Every scenario that doesn't fit in the above category.
- NOT in a twitter direct message.
- Not in private messages on my cam site – I offer access to those for a low price, so that those with direct questions can get a quick response. They aren’t for conservation.
----

In conclusion:

These rules do not mean you matter ANY less to me. YOU FUCKING MATTER. And I might just be a semi-stranger but I can honestly say I DO have love in my heart for you. It’s actually bursting for me to give it to you.

But… like a writer loves to write, and an artist loves to paint, I love to connect with others. But you still have to pay the writer to write you an article, and you still have to buy that artist’s painting if you want to hang it in your home, and with me… you still have to pay me for my love and attention. Take me private, or send me a big tip, offline tip, or tip of any size. You have no idea how much I appreciate these things.

Paying me for my time allows me to keep doing this work that I LOVE. Those that are extra giving with me find I am definitely extra giving in return with both my body and soul.

Let’s create a respectful, appreciative flow of giving to each other.
Deep thanks to anyone who has supported me in my new career as a cam girl, tippers both past, present, and future.
You are the reason I can do this, and I thank you.

With love,
Your Cam Girl Friend

---
Author: Mojito____
Cam girl on myfreecams.com/mojito____

I've had to explain this SO many times to people who had limited funds available but felt my friendship wasn't real if they had to pay for it etc. You have such a way with words... to be able to explain the naunces of this. This thread = much inspiration with how to compassionately explain to people the reason my time = money, and how this doesn't devalue our relationships, my opinion of them, their worth as a person to me..etc.

 

[KOTJ74]

I don't agree or disagree with what is being said either way, but please allow me to put a different spin on it from someone who visits MFC. I don't think it's a black and white issue, but rather something each model should decide for themselves on a case-by-case basis. I've had some awesome conversations with many cam models before I became a tipper in their room. In fact, that has helped me many times to make an informed decision on whether I should tip or not. Please allow me to explain further...

I know with everybody it is different, and personally I don't do dirty talk with models. It's really not my thing, and for me it seems distasteful at times when models use this approach. I don't for a second think that they have suddenly become so hot and bothered by my screen name that they are interested in me in that fashion. So when they use this approach, I usually won't bother to tip them. However, there are models that are very genuine and they will welcome me to their cam room. They ask me about who I am and I return the favor. I think this is good because it helps establish boundaries between models and members.

Now let me throw a different scenario at you. I've been coming on MFC off and on for quite some time, and a handful of the models are really good friends. So sometimes we'll just shoot the breeze, but a lot of times it is when they are off cam. I don't feel obligated to tip them, but sometimes I do just because.

With all that being said, I take care of those models that I feel closer too, while at the same time maintaining good boundaries. Sometimes I send them gifts, provide help with a task, or just give them someone to vent to. Believe it or not, sometimes models need someone to talk to just like anybody else. It's not about whether they are a model or I am a member. We simply just feel like taking the time to connect a bit more.

So the last thing I'm going to say for now is that I don't think it's necessarily a good thing or a bad thing as long as you establish appropriate boundaries. What I would suggest is that if someone makes you feel uncomfortable then use some discretion and follow the old rule. "If it doesn't feel right, then there's probably something wrong." So in those cases, I would would suggest avoiding the chit-chat whether they tip or not. Talking to someone who isn't in the right frame of mind can also lead to them getting the wrong message and make things even worse. Personally, if I were a cam model, and of course I'm not, I would reserve PMs exclusively for people who I felt comfortable with. Please feel free to agree or disagree. I won't think of you any less either way. These are just my thoughts on it.

 

[JickyJuly]

I find this perplexing. I answer messages from people who are tipping me or in private. I answer messages from the rare people that I actually enjoy speaking with. Everyone else goes unanswered and either talks to themselves or acts appropriately to get my attention. An open letter seems dangerous. You could alienate the people who you don't mean to be addressing while the people you intend to get this message will likely just ignore it anyway.

 

[fandango]

I just wanted to say the way you write is freakin awesome.

That is all

 

[MojitosJourney]

I've had to explain this SO many times to people who had limited funds available but felt my friendship wasn't real if they had to pay for it etc. You have such a way with words... to be able to explain the naunces of this. This thread = much inspiration with how to compassionately explain to people the reason my time = money, and how this doesn't devalue our relationships, my opinion of them, their worth as a person to me..etc.

Thank you That way you put that... Pretty much summarized my intention of the letter is perfect and I'm drawing inspiration from your words myself.

I don't agree or disagree with what is being said either way, but please allow me to put a different spin on it from someone who visits MFC. I don't think it's a black and white issue, but rather something each model should decide for themselves on a case-by-case basis. I've had some awesome conversations with many cam models before I became a tipper in their room. In fact, that has helped me many times to make an informed decision on whether I should tip or not. Please allow me to explain further...

I know with everybody it is different, and personally I don't do dirty talk with models. It's really not my thing, and for me it seems distasteful at times when models use this approach. I don't for a second think that they have suddenly become so hot and bothered by my screen name that they are interested in me in that fashion. So when they use this approach, I usually won't bother to tip them. However, there are models that are very genuine and they will welcome me to their cam room. They ask me about who I am and I return the favor. I think this is good because it helps establish boundaries between models and members.

Now let me throw a different scenario at you. I've been coming on MFC off and on for quite some time, and a handful of the models are really good friends. So sometimes we'll just shoot the breeze, but a lot of times it is when they are off cam. I don't feel obligated to tip them, but sometimes I do just because.

With all that being said, I take care of those models that I feel closer too, while at the same time maintaining good boundaries. Sometimes I send them gifts, provide help with a task, or just give them someone to vent to. Believe it or not, sometimes models need someone to talk to just like anybody else. It's not about whether they are a model or I am a member. We simply just feel like taking the time to connect a bit more.

So the last thing I'm going to say for now is that I don't think it's necessarily a good thing or a bad thing as long as you establish appropriate boundaries. What I would suggest is that if someone makes you feel uncomfortable then use some discretion and follow the old rule. "If it doesn't feel right, then there's probably something wrong." So in those cases, I would would suggest avoiding the chit-chat whether they tip or not. Talking to someone who isn't in the right frame of mind can also lead to them getting the wrong message and make things even worse. Personally, if I were a cam model, and of course I'm not, I would reserve PMs exclusively for people who I felt comfortable with. Please feel free to agree or disagree. I won't think of you any less either way. These are just my thoughts on it.

Hey love! I agree that you said it's different for every model, on a case by case basis. This letter is just my perspective! You would have to ask your model friends what they think about it to get their perspective.

None of my friendships on myfreecams have felt uncomfortable or wrong - the ones that have developed have been with people I really really like, care about, who make me laugh, and who I generally -love- talking to.

But... There is only so much of me to go around. And making friendships is the best part of my job, but this is my job and I won't succeed unless people understand that.

It's like I'm running a bakery. Every day I put out a plate of free samples of my freshly baked muffin and a handful of guys come along and eat all the free samples. Some of them eat my free samples every day but have only bought a muffin from me once or twice. Then some guy I've never met comes into my bakery who might want to buy 100 of my muffins, keeping me in business (ie keeping me on the Internet with my fans rather than having to go out and get a different job.) But there is no samples at all for this guy because the same guys ate all of them. My time and energy have been depleted.

Even though this bakery owner loves feeding people muffins, this doesn't work as a business model. Eventually, the bakery goes out of sale unless they provide muffin samples for paying customers only.

I find this perplexing. I answer messages from people who are tipping me or in private. I answer messages from the rare people that I actually enjoy speaking with. Everyone else goes unanswered and either talks to themselves or acts appropriately to get my attention. An open letter seems dangerous. You could alienate the people who you don't mean to be addressing while the people you intend to get this message will likely just ignore it anyway.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, there is definitely risk in doing what I just did.

I had to write it anyways, everything I said has been bubbling inside of me for months and was overflowing with desire to be typed. Some articles I write, others write me... This was the latter.

 

[KOTJ74]

Hey love! I agree that you said it's different for every model, on a case by case basis. This letter is just my perspective! You would have to ask your model friends what they think about it to get their perspective.

None of my friendships on myfreecams have felt uncomfortable or wrong - the ones that have developed have been with people I really really like, care about, who make me laugh, and who I generally -love- talking to.

But... There is only so much of me to go around. And making friendships is the best part of my job, but this is my job and I won't succeed unless people understand that.

It's like I'm running a bakery. Every day I put out a plate of free samples of my freshly baked muffin and a handful of guys come along and eat all the free samples. Some of them eat my free samples every day but have only bought a muffin from me once or twice. Then some guy I've never met comes into my bakery who might want to buy 100 of my muffins, keeping me in business (ie keeping me on the Internet with my fans rather than having to go out and get a different job.) But there is no samples at all for this guy because the same guys ate all of them. My time and energy have been depleted.

Even though this bakery owner loves feeding people muffins, this doesn't work as a business model. Eventually, the bakery goes out of sale unless they provide muffin samples for paying customers only.

Mojito,

Thanks for the thoughtful response and I admire your courageousness for taking on this issue. It's always nice when people care enough to take on situations that can be problematic for many others. I also loved your analogy about the bakery and agree with every point you made.

In response, I would like to say that I know where you are going with this, but interaction is definitely important to some members. Personally, I can't stand to be in a room and go unnoticed, but I try to be respectful and adjust my behavior/tipping accordingly. Throughout my years on MFC, a lot of times I have avoided rooms that seemed too busy or where the model seemed like she was in la-la land. I know it's not like this for all members, as many like to just watch and go unnoticed, or they insist on hounding the model excessively. I usually avoid PMing models during shows and try to limit things to the room. However, there are times in which I might communicate with a model while she's on cam, such as to report inappropriate PMing in the room or if I want to communicate with her about an idea or arrangement to make the room more interesting. Again, I keep things appropriate and maintain appropriate boundaries. There are even times like this that I simply just send the model an MFC mail, but sometimes it's just easier to PM if I already know the model well.

Now on the flip-side there are models that simply don't interact well, and just try to suck up tokens like a Hoover. They just don't care enough, and while you're in their room you can hear crickets chirping in the background. I think it would be good for these models to interact a bit with potential regulars and try to gain a following. It can also help the model if she meets the right people, because many of us can offer helpful guidance in the room, and put the smackdown on some of the bozos that lurk their way into the cam room. I understand that there need to be certain precautions and limitations, but still it can be beneficial.

And last but not least I would just like to mention that, "I like muffins." Sorry, just had to throw that in there since you mentioned muffins.

Would definitely like to visit your room and say "hi" sometime. Have a great night.

 

[MojitosJourney]

Mojito,

Thanks for the thoughtful response and I admire your courageousness for taking on this issue. It's always nice when people care enough to take on situations that can be problematic for many others. I also loved your analogy about the bakery and agree with every point you made.

In response, I would like to say that I know where you are going with this, but interaction is definitely important to some members. Personally, I can't stand to be in a room and go unnoticed, but I try to be respectful and adjust my behavior/tipping accordingly. Throughout my years on MFC, a lot of times I have avoided rooms that seemed too busy or where the model seemed like she was in la-la land. I know it's not like this for all members, as many like to just watch and go unnoticed, or they insist on hounding the model excessively. I usually avoid PMing models during shows and try to limit things to the room. However, there are times in which I might communicate with a model while she's on cam, such as to report inappropriate PMing in the room or if I want to communicate with her about an idea or arrangement to make the room more interesting. Again, I keep things appropriate and maintain appropriate boundaries. There are even times like this that I simply just send the model an MFC mail, but sometimes it's just easier to PM if I already know the model well.

Now on the flip-side there are models that simply don't interact well, and just try to suck up tokens like a Hoover. They just don't care enough, and while you're in their room you can hear crickets chirping in the background. I think it would be good for these models to interact a bit with potential regulars and try to gain a following. It can also help the model if she meets the right people, because many of us can offer helpful guidance in the room, and put the smackdown on some of the bozos that lurk their way into the cam room. I understand that there need to be certain precautions and limitations, but still it can be beneficial.

And last but not least I would just like to mention that, "I like muffins." Sorry, just had to throw that in there since you mentioned muffins.

Would definitely like to visit your room and say "hi" sometime. Have a great night.

K,

I think you might have misunderstood what I wrote or skipped over it, because what you said doesn't really apply to what I said.

My room is where I want people to come interact with me. Of course, tippers will get more of my attention, but being a funny, respectful, and kind member in my room goes a long way too. I'm generally nice to everyone, and often even greet basics. I'm so friendly in my room that I had to write this letter because people took advantage of my niceness.

What I was saying in my letter is to discourage people to stop trying to get ONE-ON-ONE attention from me on a regular, on-going basis without tipping (or tipping but not much) via e-mail, MFC mail, private messages, and twitter DMs.

Like @JickyJuly said, I could just ignore their messages. But this doesn't come naturally to me, nor does it really serve my business model / identity as a cam girl, which is about giving and receiving love. I'm the cam girl you come home to after your long day at work and talk about your day to. I'm just saying I need to be tipped for that. I believe my companionship and love is just as valuable as sex, and should be compensated.

I posted this publicy because I believe this problem is something that other models face too.
Especially if they are in Hufflepuff like me. Slytherins don't seem to have as much of a challenge with avoiding this issue entirely.
(Harry Potter reference if anyone gets it.)

M

 

[KOTJ74]

K,

I think you might have misunderstood what I wrote or skipped over it, because what you said doesn't really apply to what I said.

My room is where I want people to come interact with me. Of course, tippers will get more of my attention, but being a funny, respectful, and kind member in my room goes a long way too. I'm generally nice to everyone, and often even greet basics. I'm so friendly in my room that I had to write this letter because people took advantage of my niceness.

What I was saying in my letter is to discourage people to stop trying to get ONE-ON-ONE attention from me on a regular, on-going basis without tipping (or tipping but not much) via e-mail, MFC mail, private messages, and twitter DMs.

M

Hello. Sure, I might have misunderstood something. It has been known to happen on occasion, so I apologize. I'm certainly not trying to derail your thread and I admire what you're doing here. And I agree with everything you've said thus far. Also, took a minute to read your MFC profile. Definitely was a nice read and hope to correspond with you a bit more.

 

[MojitosJourney]

Hello. Sure, I might have misunderstood something. It has been known to happen on occasion, so I apologize. I'm certainly not trying to derail your thread and I admire what you're doing here. And I agree with everything you've said thus far. Also, took a minute to read your MFC profile. Definitely was a nice read and hope to correspond with you a bit more.

Seriously when I read "hope to correspond with you a bit more".... I was like... I am going to break something. Does no one get the picture.

Yes, if you mean you want come chat in my room sometime. I no longer correspond outside of that context.

 

[ThePioneer]

Friendships are all about finding that mutually beneficial balance where both parties feel they’re getting in return what they put in, but there’s always going to be people who like to take more than they put in. However, having conversations is a natural part of any friendship, so the notion that someone I considered a friend would tell me that I needed to pay them if I wanted to merely talk sounds absurd to me.

Herein lies the problem with the whole overuse/misuse of the term “friendship” on camsites. Sure, calling your customers “friends” creates an emotional bond and will probably get guys to spend more than they would otherwise. But when you haphazardly toss “friend” around like dollar bills at a strip club, you’re bound to have people who take it quite literally and feel entitled to having private conversations with you because holy shit that is what real friends do. Not every customer is your friend, not every model is your friend. Not every person you meet on the internet is your friend. You can enjoy someone’s company and the entertainment or services they provide, but that doesn’t necessarily make them your friend. When did it become such a faux pas to just call your customers what they really are, customers? I can’t help but speculate that what you’re experiencing is a direct result of this friendship delusion that has been created.

But this whole open letter seems disingenuous and contradictory to me. It’s a wordy complaint with an overly positive vibe to lighten the blow and maintain the “let's all be chummy super friends” facade you’ve created but which isn’t compensating you adequately enough, while essentially only saying, “pay me more because this is my job.”

 

[KOTJ74]

Seriously when I read "hope to correspond with you a bit more".... I was like... I am going to break something. Does no one get the picture.

Yes, if you mean you want come chat in my room sometime. I no longer correspond outside of that context.

Hello Mojito,

Oh, but I do get it. I was only suggesting in your MFC room or through this forum. To me that is "corresponding", but if you prefer another term, then I would be happy to use it. Not trying to upset anyone or start any wars here. Anyway, either way...best wishes with your camming.

 

[MojitosJourney]

Friendships are all about finding that mutually beneficial balance where both parties feel they’re getting in return what they put in, but there’s always going to be people who like to take more than they put in. However, having conversations is a natural part of any friendship, so the notion that someone I considered a friend would tell me that I needed to pay them if I wanted to merely talk sounds absurd to me.

Herein lies the problem with the whole overuse/misuse of the term “friendship” on camsites. Sure, calling your customers “friends” creates an emotional bond and will probably get guys to spend more than they would otherwise. But when you haphazardly toss “friend” around like dollar bills at a strip club, you’re bound to have people who take it quite literally and feel entitled to having private conversations with you because holy shit that is what real friends do. Not every customer is your friend, not every model is your friend. Not every person you meet on the internet is your friend. You can enjoy someone’s company and the entertainment or services they provide, but that doesn’t necessarily make them your friend. When did it become such a faux pas to just call your customers what they really are, customers? I can’t help but speculate that what you’re experiencing is a direct result of this friendship delusion that has been created.

But this whole open letter seems disingenuous and contradictory to me. It’s a wordy complaint with an overly positive vibe to lighten the blow and maintain the “let's all be chummy super friends” facade you’ve created but which isn’t compensating you adequately enough, while essentially only saying, “pay me more because this is my job.”

It's actually one of the most sincere things I've ever written.
It's just me learning how to set healthy boundaries between cam model and client, while simultaneous letting them know I still care about them. Because I do, but I care about me too.

But you pose the question about whether you can be friends with your customers or whether that's a real friend? I thought you could and that's what I'm trying for... but I'm curious about other perspectives.

 

[MojitosJourney]

Hello Mojito,

Oh, but I do get it. I was only suggesting in your MFC room or through this forum. To me that is "corresponding", but if you prefer another term, then I would be happy to use it. Not trying to upset anyone or start any wars here. Anyway, either way...best wishes with your camming.

Totally didn't mean that in an offended tone of voice! I was just being brutally honest about my train of thought. I'm doing this thing I call an authenticity experiment and being completely honest with people and myself even if I think it might offend.

You seem very nice and thanks for reaching out. You just caught me in a weird moment where I'm at my capacity for reaching back and that's what my response was about.

Xo
M

 

[Myriads]

As someone who is a non-tipper due to poverty I long ago got my head around this topic.

If I write or PM a model I don't expect to hear back. Ever. If I say something in their room I expect to be ignored and uncommented upon. Even if I'm providing aid as a room helper that doesn't entitle me to anything more the instructions from model side.

Models are at work. And their time and attention is valuable. If you are not paying for it, then you really can't expect to have any of it.

 

[KOTJ74]

Totally didn't mean that in an offended tone of voice! I was just being brutally honest about my train of thought. I'm doing this thing I call an authenticity experiment and being completely honest with people and myself even if I think it might offend.

You seem very nice and thanks for reaching out. You just caught me in a weird moment where I'm at my capacity for reaching back and that's what my response was about.

Xo
M

Hey, no problem at all, and I try to be very honest with people as well. I just wanted to clarify so there was no misunderstanding with my intent. And yes, I try to get along with people. I wouldn't say I'm always nice, because there are times when someone will rub me the wrong way, but usually I'm very easy to get along with. I also try very hard not to cross any lines with people. But it would be cool to visit your cam room sometime and say hi, or chitter chatter back and forth on these forums from time-to-time.

As someone who is a non-tipper due to poverty I long ago got my head around this topic.

If I write or PM a model I don't expect to hear back. Ever. If I say something in their room I expect to be ignored and uncommented upon. Even if I'm providing aid as a room helper that doesn't entitle me to anything more the instructions from model side.

Models are at work. And their time and attention is valuable. If you are not paying for it, then you really can't expect to have any of it.

I understand your logic for saying this, but there are some fantastic models that see this a lot more than just a job. I'm not knocking those that don't, but some models really like the interaction in their room even if you can't tip. The reasoning behind it is at least two-fold. First, the model is interested in getting to know people and understands that not everybody can tip. I definitely know some rooms where the model is genuinely like this. Sometimes they'll even left you know on their profiles. The second reason is that your engagement with the room will encourage other people to tip even if you're not. Members may also do this to compete for the models attention. So you may not tip, but you may very well help that model get tips through your interaction with her. Now let me be perfectly clear on this. This is not always the case. Some models want you to tip or you are considered a "freeloader."

For about the part five days, I haven't been tipping any models, because I spent more than on MFC models this month than I ever have. But for the past several days, I've actually met a model that I've gotten to know a bit and I haven't tipped her yet. But I've talked to her at least a couple hours. I did however let her know that I would be tipping, when, and my reasoning. So tomorrow when I see her, she is gonna get a nice tip. I appreciate her patience and her understanding.

The thing is, everybody is unique. No two models are 100% alike, and I believe the best thing you can do is make your true intent be known to the model. Good luck on MFC and happy holidays.

 

[Myriads]

I understand your logic for saying this, but there are some fantastic models that see this a lot more than just a job. I'm not knocking those that don't, but some models really like the interaction in their room even if you can't tip. The reasoning behind it is at least two-fold. First, the model is interested in getting to know people and understands that not everybody can tip. I definitely know some rooms where the model is genuinely like this. Sometimes they'll even left you know on their profiles. The second reason is that your engagement with the room will encourage other people to tip even if you're not. Members may also do this to compete for the models attention. So you may not tip, but you may very well help that model get tips through your interaction with her. Now let me be perfectly clear on this. This is not always the case. Some models want you to tip or you are considered a "freeloader."

Oh, no problems. I fully understand that a lot of models are on MFC for more then just tokens. Anyone who knows of me from bumping into me on MFC knows that I tend to be about in rooms with models that hold that outlook you describe, and the model I'm helper too most certainly takes that viewpoint.

My point however is that even though these women do encourage conversation, and often don't mind if no tips are attached to them, I still believe that I have zero right to assume that I am owed conversation or attention for anything I say, no matter how witty or friendly and amusing it may be.

I have no expectations because even though I can 'contribute' a lot with my words, and that might even be desired by the model, EVERYTHING in that room is in service to the model seeing tips, and those folks who are tipping go to the head of the attention line. I have no right to expect anything. As I'm not acting in service of that 1st principle of the room.

 

[Tristyn]

When I'm on cam, I'm at work.
This is not a hobby for me.
This is not "just for fun" (though, luckily, it is often very fun).
This is not something I have unlimited time and energy to throw at every day.

I choose to work on private-based sites, at least at this point, because I enjoy the 1on1 experience more than anything else. This means that I don't entertain for tips -- but I love playing with (and for) you behind closed doors, so much! It's fun to create our own little universe together. It's fun to explore the sexy, wacky, weird and perverted. It's fun getting to know strange and interesting and cool people from all around the world. It's fun to learn about new fetishes, or to be able to fulfill someone's fantasy (or maybe even one of my own, who knows!). I enjoy the vast majority of the shows I do. I enjoy some shows more than others, but it's always a learning experience regardless.

I genuinely enjoy my job.

...But it's still a job.

And if I were to give unlimited attention to every person who wanted it, I wouldn't have a job.
I wouldn't be able to pay my bills anymore.
I'd have to get another job, and then I wouldn't have the time or energy to cam at all.

I'm an introvert.
I have a life outside of work.
I have other responsibilities, hobbies, interests.
And it's nice to have a social life every once in a while, too.

If I was a hairdresser, you wouldn't come in to my shop and demand that I spend two hours talking to you after I've finished cutting your hair. Sure, we might have an awesome chat during your appointment, and we might even genuinely enjoy one another's company, but... I'm still at work. I need to cut other people's hair, too. And if you're taking up all of my time & energy by continuing to sit in my chair without paying for the service (hair cut, mindblowing orgasm, same difference) that I'm offering, especially if you know that there are other people waiting in line for a haircut, well, then you're not being a very good client OR friend to me, are you? And if you start knocking on my door during non-business hours, or start trying to sit in my chair on days when you have no intention of getting your hair cut at all...

Well, I think you get the picture.

I realize that tipping & token based sites tend to have a more social atmosphere and that's great! But you can spend time with your favorite model and contribute to her room (even if just by chatting) without demanding her 1on1 attention.
If she enjoys your company, I'm sure that she'd love to see you, just try not to sit in her chair if you're not going to pay for your haircut, you know? She's working.

 

[KOTJ74]

I'm enjoying this thread and I completely understand what Tristyn just said. However, I would like to address what she said without talking directly at her, because I think it applies to a broader spectrum of models.

In a perfect camming/modeling world, what she said would be true. But as you all know, this isn't a perfect world and there is a lot of negativity lurking around. So let me ask a question...

If a model isn't interested in interacting, then why should I bother to tip her? I could go on with a guest account and get the same result for free.

You see, I can get that same courtesy on just about any cam/video site and it doesn't cost me a thing.

Now I know the answer to my own question, and it wasn't meant to minimize models in any way. The reason in most cases is that it's more personal. Not personal in the sense that I want to know you to the point that I know what your breath smells like when you wake up in the morning, but I at least want to get some understanding of what you and your room are about.

Another thing to keep in mind is that just as your time is valuable to you, mine is valuable to me as well. Tokens also aren't free and I'm not going to drop huge token bombs on a model who I think could care less. It has happened to me in the past, and now I know better. One of the major problems is that the bad models do a great job at making some of the great models look bad. They do dishonest things and because of this some of us long time members are more cautious.

Now what I said isn't true in all cases because everybody has their own motives for the choices they make. So with all things, show discretion and stay true to what you believe is best for you. I hope this was helpful and if you don't feel it was, then I still wish you the best with your camming. Happy Holidays.

 

[WickedTouch]

My point however is that even though these women do encourage conversation, and often don't mind if no tips are attached to them, I still believe that I have zero right to assume that I am owed conversation or attention for anything I say, no matter how witty or friendly and amusing it may be.

I have no expectations because even though I can 'contribute' a lot with my words, and that might even be desired by the model, EVERYTHING in that room is in service to the model seeing tips, and those folks who are tipping go to the head of the attention line. I have no right to expect anything. As I'm not acting in service of that 1st principle of the room.

Exactly my way of thinking too. From day 1 on MFC I took the approach that it was always best to be tipping if you were given time and attention by a model in her room, or were expecting that to be forthcoming at any time. We have to be realistic, time is money for the models... it is a job, not a hobby and many of us do understand that models can't eat or pay bills on our compliments and fancy chit-chat.

I look at PM as being a privilege and one that should be earned... not assumed to be an automatic right. I generally never PM models first however, I always let them PM me if they want to say something. In a situation where there is anything of importance that I desperately need to share with a model (rare, but it does happen) I'll always send a 10 token tip, with message in a tip note if no PM is already on the go.

Every time I see a special snowflake enter a room and 5 seconds later trot out the obligatory.. "PM bb?"... "I PM'd u bb?" ... "Check PM bb!" etc etc... I just cringe and want to punch them ...

 

[Tristyn]

I'm enjoying this thread and I completely understand what Tristyn just said. However, I would like to address what she said without talking directly at her, because I think it applies to a broader spectrum of models.

In a perfect camming/modeling world, what she said would be true. But as you all know, this isn't a perfect world and there is a lot of negativity lurking around. So let me ask a question...

If a model isn't interested in interacting, then why should I bother to tip her? I could go on with a guest account and get the same result for free.

I realize you weren't talking directly to me, but I'll reply since your post was inspired (at least in part) by my response to this thread.

1) Not all models work on tipping-based sites. I don't personally entertain for tips, as I mentioned-- I prefer to spend time with people 1on1, or in small groups, so my camming style (sexual or otherwise) is private-focused. While this forum does have a lot of MFC models & members, there are many other camming styles & sites out there. The majority of my regulars only spend time with me in private -- they're welcome to pop into my room to say hi, of course, and sometimes they do, but there is no expectation for me to give them excessive amounts of 1on1 attention in freechat, or when I'm offline.

Most of my regulars are very respectful and I do very much enjoy interacting with them.

2) I never said that models who don't give everyone unlimited free attention aren't interested in interacting with their members at all, and that's not what the OP was saying either. You can spend time in a model's chatroom without demanding 1on1 attention & still get to interact with her and the rest of her room in a positive (and fun for you, hopefully!) way. What I'm saying is that if you DO want or expect 1on1 attention, tipping her for her time or taking her private (if she accepts privates) would be the polite thing to do.

 

[Tristyn]

I feel like I should probably clarify point #1 above because I'm not sure if my thoughts translated to text well (darn it, hate when that happens!). I was trying to respond to the "I think this applies to a broader spectrum of models" statement-- in an even broader spectrum, outside of just MFC & other tipping-based sites, there are a lot of private-focused models too, and how they interact with their members might be different because of the difference in camming-style in some rooms / on some sites.

However, it is also possible to be on a tipping-based site and HAVE a social room without giving every member unlimited, free attention.

Hopefully I'm making sense, I think I need to go to bed. XD

 

[KOTJ74]

Tristyn,

I tend to agree with everything you said, so I won't try to expand on it. Also, I stick primarily to MFC, so I can only speak from that perspective. I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. Hope you have a nice rest and happy holidays.

 

[pg240]

This lady can write! The content was spot on, but it was the delivery that blew me away. Very nice command of the language.

 

[KOTJ74]

So as I visit this thread again, I'm getting quite the chuckle. People putting face palms and such on my comments because it offends them or it's not what they want to hear. But it's really important that models understand the truth from the other-side of the fence, because it does affect their tip counts and cam scores.

I usually don't talk too much or share about my tipping, but I feel it is relevant to this topic..

Started the day with 1875 tokens, and I am now I'm down to 109. So why am I saying this, because there is a reason that I'm spending tokens.

Every model I have tipped this morning has taken at least a few moments to say "hi" in PM's, and some have even engaged in a bit of conversation. Some have shared with me details of their morning or even how they were feeling. I was not the one who initiated the PM with any of the models, so I appreciated the care and concern they showed for engaging me a bit. All of them showed thanks for the tipping, and I can guarantee you that I will continue to tip all these wonderful ladies.

Now with all that being said, the point I'm trying to make is that these models took the time to let me know I mattered to them and that I'm not just a shadow lurking around MFC. I know in reality that I matter, but it's nice when a model cares enough to let me know that I matter to her.

You can try to put any spin you want on it, but we live in a cruel world at times, and courtesy goes a long way.

As with all things, use discretion with how you engage people with your time and PMs, but don't suffocate your token count because you didn't want to take a minute or two to say a "hello" to someone. Even if they don't drop a token bomb on you, you might just make their day. In many jobs, that in itself is a reward, and I'm sure it applies to cam modeling as well.

Happy Holidays.

 

[AmberCutie]

So as I visit this thread again, I'm getting quite the chuckle. People putting face palms and such on my comments because it offends them or it's not what they want to hear. But it's really important that models understand the truth from the other-side of the fence, because it does affect their tip counts and cam scores.

I usually don't talk too much or share about my tipping, but I feel it is relevant to this topic..

Started the day with 1875 tokens, and I am now I'm down to 109. So why am I saying this, because there is a reason that I'm spending tokens.

Every model I have tipped this morning has taken at least a few moments to say "hi" in PM's, and some have even engaged in a bit of conversation. Some have shared with me details of their morning or even how they were feeling. I was not the one who initiated the PM with any of the models, so I appreciated the care and concern they showed for engaging me a bit. All of them showed thanks for the tipping, and I can guarantee you that I will continue to tip all these wonderful ladies.

Now with all that being said, the point I'm trying to make is that these models took the time to let me know I mattered to them and that I'm not just a shadow lurking around MFC. I know in reality that I matter, but it's nice when a model cares enough to let me know that I matter to her.

You can try to put any spin you want on it, but we live in a cruel world at times, and courtesy goes a long way.

As with all things, use discretion with how you engage people with your time and PMs, but don't suffocate your token count because you didn't want to take a minute or two to say a "hello" to someone. Even if they don't drop a token bomb on you, you might just make their day. In many jobs, that in itself is a reward, and I'm sure it applies to cam modeling as well.

Happy Holidays.

(This is a bit of a tangent, because @Mojito____MFC posted specifically about ongoing/long term communication, and your replies have been more about being sociable in general...)
You're not one of those MFC members who PMs a model "Hi" or "Hi how are you" when you've never met them before, have you? If so, do you simply just leave if she doesn't reply while she's obviously busy chatting to a room full of other talkative (and probably tipping) people?

Because I find that unfair.

 

[KOTJ74]

(This is a bit of a tangent, because @Mojito____MFC posted specifically about ongoing/long term communication, and your replies have been more about being sociable in general...)
You're not one of those MFC members who PMs a model "Hi" or "Hi how are you" when you've never met them before, have you? If so, do you simply just leave if she doesn't reply while she's obviously busy chatting to a room full of other talkative (and probably tipping) people?

Because I find that unfair.

AmberCutie,

First, let me say that I certainly appreciate the community you have taken the time to build.

And as far as your remark, it may have been a bit of a tangent, but I feel it was also justified. I've also said several times that I agree with a lot of the OP. And no, I'm not one of those people that says "hi" to random models. I very rarely PM the models that I do know. That's not to say that I never do, but usually I know the models very well and it's a comfortable situation.

Another thing to keep in mind is that models, usually being the newer models, like it when people PM them. They enjoy the attention even if the member isn't tipping.

So, the reason I'm trying to take this a bit deeper is that I believe most models, and members, move to the beat of their own drum, so the member/model relationship isn't the same for everybody.

I can certainly understand Mojito's frustration, but many times such is life, especially on the Internet. You've got to take the good with the bad and set your own comfortable boundaries.

And to respond to the last part of your question, I definitely respect a model's time and note her busyness. Even for people that don't, many times an experienced model will limit PMs for friend adds for such and such amount, and then establish her level of interaction.

I doubt I just told you anything you don't know, as I see you've been doing this a long time, but there are models that don't understand and I think it helps to see both sides of things.

Anyway, I will say this one more time. Models/Members use discretion in all things. Camming is meant to be a wonderful and exciting experience, but it can also be a nightmare for those who don't understand the mechanics of how things generally work.

Wishing you the best and happy holidays.

 

[BobbyB]

For me it seems to be very straightforward:

the models are on MFC to make money, and if a models thinks engaging in chats and PMs helps , the model should do it .
If the model thinks it is not helping to make money she should focus on other things helping her more....
A lot of members try to get stuff for free, it is really up to the model to draw the line where she is comfortable..see no point in making big announcements...