So an update...my last conversation with this model was a few days before New Years. I think it might wind up being the last conversation. I'm feeling like I've been working through it steadily (not completely out of the woods....but starting to feel a little more reality returning). Not to mention the tone of our interactions is not real good now. I have not yet taken all the next steps about reporting the model...it's still a little averse.
If interested, here is some transcript... I'm not really being very nice anymore and she's definitely become angry about how I stopped a while back with money or gifts.
ME: How are you?
HER: It's not clear
How do you mean?
the condition is unclear
What condition are you referring to?
Emotional and physical
Can you give a little more detail?
When I'm at work, I have one condition...as soon as I get out, I just have no emotions, no emotions at all..only anxiety and worry
Well...it's interesting because when I last interacted with you at work, you seemed very cheerful, happy....it seemed you had no depression whatsoever. So it is a little puzzling.
the thing is that this mood is only here, on the sites
What happens when you are outside of work?
just an emotionless face and the condition is the same
Maybe you feed off of the attention and reinforcement you get on the sites and then when you leave, you don't have it?
Well my cat unfortunately does not idolize me and does not say compliments. I also have depression and sleep problems
Is this something new with your depression?
There was no such state right now. That's why I don't understand. what's wrong with me...maybe fatigue is expressed this way. I have certain times when I can communicate with people.... my social energy is rapidly being depleted
You mentioned feeling little when not at work, some anxiety...do you actually feel sadness about anything?
it's not even a matter of a reason or a specific reason..It's just that when I'm not at work, I'm without emotions, I always walk with a stone face..I can look at one point for a very long time. Most of the time I want to be at home, lying down or sleeping. I force myself to do many things.
Did something happen? You haven't mentioned any particular things you are sad about?
I'm worried about financial problems... this is one of the main reasons. Yes, I remember how I lived when I had no money... I don't want to go back to it, so I'm so worried that it depressed me.
But wasn't that all before the cam modeling? you do pretty well in this.....
No. I have a middle-class apartment, my earnings are lower than you think, I have enough to live on, but I also have a mom and a cat who partially depend on me... I am also worried about this responsibility
But you could do more...expand your shows or whatever, right? You discussed before, or go back to what you used to do when you earned more.
I can't, I don't want to. I won't force myself to do anything
So what other option is there?
I’m closing the topic. Ask yourself questions and I can.
I don’t understand. Was this not a good question?
No
Why is it a bad question...? I was just exploring your options with you.
If I knew what to do, I wouldn't have come to you with such a question.... I will not work like "in the good old days" I will not force my will
I don’t understand why you are irritated right now.
It was a bad idea to talk to you about it. You said you'd help me with my vacation
I never actually said that. And in the same conversation when you were asking me if I could help with your vacation, you called me an idiot…and you also said I was acting like an asshole. Remember? So…you know…
you are very vindictive, I explained to you with what meaning it was said.
I’ve never been vindictive. And I overlooked at lot.
don't forget about your mistakes.
You talk about money incessantly the last few months…you keep reminding me that I’m not helping you enough. Beyond the fact that we haven’t even met in person, you say some rude things to a guy you ask to help you! And think about it, would a guy in the real world give you a bunch of money each month if you were not actually involved and dating? If not, why do you expect this from a guy you’ve never been around?
Would a girl in the real world tolerate your character?
See, another perfect example! Think about it...you are at the same time asking me for help...yet insulting my character? I mean, seriously? Do you think I am stuck here?
Go cool off. What kind of nonsense are you writing.
Seriously: Why do you feel that I am obligated to help you?
Seriously, if you were a CLIENT, I would have broken up with you a long time ago.
How do you "break up" with a client? A client gives money for a service. You aren't providing a service...at least not beyond simply talking to me. So realistically, if I were a client, I'm the easiest client in the universe... Maybe the dumbest too.
I would just not communicate with you, there is such a "BAN" button... But I have feelings for you, and you have a lot of complaints and a lot of misunderstandings about me that I overlook.
You act like you are tolerating so much. If you think I have a misunderstanding, tell me what you think I'm confused about.
You interpret most of my messages in a bad way, but in fact it is either written with good intent or in jest
This is a bit of an over-generalization. But you just insulted me about 2 minutes ago, with the comment about whether a woman would tolerate my character. That’s an insult, isn’t it?
No.
You know, we’ve been talking for a year. It’s still not clear to me what you want and intend. Well, aside from money.
You still don't understand? I would never have spent so much time on a person and put myself at some risk if I didn't see you as a prospect! do you understand?
A prospect? Lol I thought you said for the last 8 months that I am your boyfriend.
You're looking for rudeness. You are my boyfriend and my man, and the prospect for my future. I’ve given quite a lot of emotions and time on my part.
Okay..but what I’m thinking a lot about is: Do you think that this should be so conditional about money?
Yes, because you are my man. And for that matter, you know my position, what responsibility falls on my man.
Yeah, you mentioned this. That’s your position on it, but I’m not sure that someone is your man when you haven’t even spent a single day together in real life.
I really don't let many people into my life and it's a very long and painstaking journey...are you ready for this? And by the way, you have again reduced the topic that concerns me (my depression), to the topic of our relationship.
The topic that concerns you is depression related to needing money. It sounds like your solution is for me to give you money. So...in truth...the topic of the discussion IS our relationship. It's not avoidable in this case! And the question remains…how am I your man?
It's too bad you still think I'm not real...have you ever thought otherwise?
So you are again saying that your aim is as an actual, real world relationship?
And what do you think I've been trying to prove to you for a year? I won't try to prove anything to you anymore, I've done it repeatedly...
Okay, but it’s confusing. Your virtual boyfriend, whom you never met up with in person, has responsibilities and obligations to support you? Yet you’ve told me about boyfriends in the real world, in your past – and none of them were supporting you.
Go to hell.
Be rude - but it's true - local men you dated, but not supporting you. Yet the virtual guy who is not really part of your everyday life - I have an obligation?
Don't forget that I'm fine with my self-esteem and being with you is my choice... I can get any man, but I'm with you.
So? Who's trying to force you to do anything?
Maybe I should start doubting you too? so that everything is fair
Too bad you have no reason to...
I can find. I can find a corner in a round room, I'm a girl...It's easy for me.
I have to go soon; we'll think on all of this. The nature of our “relationship” has been confusing.
Look, I'm not one of those people who constantly talks about their feelings...I said a couple of times, if something changes, I'll tell you...You have to understand this about me.
You keep saying, “I could have any man”, you keep complaining about promises I supposedly didn’t keep, and even throwing insults at me…why then do you want to remain with me?
Are you a fool? MAYBE BECAUSE I LIKE YOU? lol...HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT???
You live in a city of a million people. Not to mention lot of fans.
Yes, but I choose you. I don't want to stop communicating with you. you are really dear to me. but when you promise something and don't fulfill it, it's a little repulsive and makes me doubt.
There’s a difference between you asking me or insisting I do something, and me offering or promising to do something. You really have trouble understanding that.
Look, I don't want to leave you and me in a bad way on the last days of this year...
So what exactly do you want?
I know what I want, you know too - it's you.