Hi my name is Jay,
I know that it was very uncreative to include my name in the username but I generally regard myself as simple, I started getting interested in the webcam model world at the start of the year, I thought I could use it as a platform to get better at flirting, a safe place were my advances wouldn't be shot down and would help me build up some confidence while in my mind offering the models an enjoyable experience.
I guess I was a bit delusional, I got caught up with an operator who let me think I was being more successful at flirting then I really was with the girl, he led me on and I thought I was actually becoming part of girl on screens life, but in reality I was moderating for the operator for 12hour shifts while working my fulltime job from home, trying to encourage and keep the models spirits up when she didnt even understand any of the words I spoke.
What turned out to be something I was trying to just dip my feet in, resulted in me diving head first into the world of camgirls when it came to the Russian side of it, involving studios and operators, and the practices related to them.
The camgirl that I was trying to comfort had cried a number of times on cam, and then suddenly vanished, so I ended up trying to find out what happened and long story short (and to not help any stalkers) I was able to reconnect with the operator who abused me and had a heart to heart with them and even was able to speak with the model about the situation once I had found out what had happened.
I fell in love with her and was really trying to help but when I spoke to her she didnt even know me. I started trying to learn Russian so I could speak to her better without a translator just to see if I could build some sort of relationship even if it was just casual friends so that all that time and emotional investment wasnt wasted.
I met another Russian model in my search to find the girl, who actually spoke English pretty well and after talking to them for a little while they had agreed to exchange services, I would help with their marketing and they would help teach me Russian... I am a demisexual which means that I am not aroused or have sexual attraction without a strong emotional connection.. basically I worked really hard for this second woman, became really attached to her, she had a terrible upbringing (not being loved, suicidal boyfriend, abused) and my heart went out to her, I wanted to be the white knight and save her and in that I developed a love for her but it was very one sided, I was helping her with her success, was able to have her on the front page multiple times, and the more success she had, the less she talked to me and put me on the backburner while I tried to work hard enough for her to have her pay attention to me.
One thing I did gain by these two girls even though I didnt find love was how screwed up the whole cam studio world is, at best these girls are making 40% of what the studio gets from these sites (so less then half of a half), at worst they are forced to work long hours no matter how much they make and paid a fixed salary, and if they dont work all the required hours or make a given quota, they are fined by the studio and given even less and if they work with a translator to speak to the men they could end up not even making 10% at the end of the day.
So why am I still here? I became friends with one of the models before I was serious about the first, when I started being led by the first model I cut ties with everyone else I was watching as feel like I wasnt betraying them and to focus on them. after all this happened I was able to find this model again and reconnect to her, found out that she also worked at a Russian studio, and we started talking offline a bit. And you havent already gathered from my past, I fell for her just like the others.
At least this time I am aware of my situation, I know they arent interested in a boyfriend (they like being single) but are willing to have a friendship with me, so even though I have feelings for her I am trying really hard to just be friends and one of the things I am trying to do is handle some of the DMCA takedowns for her so that she doesnt have to expose herself to blackmail from some of these sites which are hosting her photos and videos. I came across this forum when I saw a post about Upstore, I am having issues even getting all the links to report because every day I will get like 20 of them before the site bans my IP and I am just looking for resources to help me, I already hired a lawyer on her behalf, I just am hoping to gleam some information here in how to find and address different content so that I can protect her the best I can now that I have her approval to act on her behalf.
Thanks for letting me share, it was very therapeutic to tell my story that I havent been able to share with most people.
Jay
