When your regulars leave the cam site...

[BigElectricCat]

That seems pretty unfair, everyone has their breaking point.

You know, you're right. I re-read that after your reply and it did sound rather harsh, but that incident bugged me. This was a model I had limited contact with (maybe only a couple of visits, with tipping, not making an ass of myself in chat). Still, first impressions mean a lot, and I didn't get a favorable one of that model.

Sometimes we see members coming into our rooms for years and years, they send us mfc mails, they take up public chat time, they demand stuff in the room and are generally annoying.

I could see this happening even with a top tipper. I try not to be "that guy," and I would hope that if I were, the model would send me an MFC mail or a PM telling me to get bent and come back after extracting my head from my ass. On the whole, I don't do stupid things that would get me banned.

It just has to be that one time that you might not be in the most tolerant mood, I find for me this happens when I'm more hormonal, which for women does happen, and for me it's enough to almost totally change my personality for a few days.

I understand (and know what you're trying not to say). Since this was a new model for me, there is a possibility she just wasn't feeling that well that night. I should at least give her the benefit of the doubt.

What makes you the bigger person is understanding that everyone messes up and being able to forgive.

I said that, but I didn't do a very good job of eating my own dog food in that paragraph. I wanted something to contrast the rest of the post, where I was pretty much reinforcing Ms. Pond's remarks dispelling the notion that models generally just put on an act by recounting a very favorable experience I had with another model. I actually had to dig around to remember that, because my personal experiences have been positive. Granted, I don't act like a jerk and I'm willing to own up to it if I do. I generally try to be model-friendly, but like you, and every other model and perv on this forum, I want to be liked and accepted. Maybe that incident I mentioned set me on edge because I am a bit fearful of rejection.

 

[ComicOzzie]

I once saw a model call out a member for making a request without a tip. The model then told the room the amount of time he had been around and how little he had tipped before giving him a long-term ban. The member was wrong for not sending along a tip with the request, but the model lost my support as a result of the public shaming. I haven't given her a token since.

God, I wish more models did this.

 

[AmberCutie]

I have been guilty of doing what was described there. (Maybe you're even talking about me, who knows!) If a guy comes in and is demanding without tipping, or at least being part of the conversation first, I click on him to ban/ignore and will note how long he's been a member and how few tokens he's purchased (the reward points tell us this, if they aren't hidden by the member.) If it's drastic, especially if he has been a jerk, I will tell the room.

I don't think that disproves the idea that many models really do value their members. It just shows that they get frustrated with the randoms coming in and begging, and sometimes they do need to be made an example of so others can learn from their mistakes. And it's also a form of entertainment for the room regulars to gawk at the fact that MemberDude345 has been signed up for 1500 days and only ever bought one token package. (That's usually how drastic it is when I make an example of them. There really is no excuse for that sort of cheapness.)

Models can still value their regulars as actual people and dislike rude beggars and think that they're lowlifes at the same time. :thumbleft:

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I have been guilty of doing what was described there. (Maybe you're even talking about me, who knows!) If a guy comes in and is demanding without tipping, or at least being part of the conversation first, I click on him to ban/ignore and will note how long he's been a member and how few tokens he's purchased (the reward points tell us this, if they aren't hidden by the member.) If it's drastic, especially if he has been a jerk, I will tell the room.

I don't think that disproves the idea that many models really do value their members. It just shows that they get frustrated with the randoms coming in and begging, and sometimes they do need to be made an example of so others can learn from their mistakes. And it's also a form of entertainment for the room regulars to gawk at the fact that MemberDude345 has been signed up for 1500 days and only ever bought one token package. (That's usually how drastic it is when I make an example of them. There really is no excuse for that sort of cheapness.)

I agree and applaud models who do this. On a site where even the best models doing the best shows get only 5% of the viewers tipping, I think it is important to establish really firmly that while $20 may make you a premium for life in MFC eyes, it is not acceptable behavior to spend years and hundreds or thousand of hours on MFC and only buy tokens once. IMO difference between a $20 premium and basic should be able to do is this. A $20 premium can say "hi, great show, damn you're hot etc." and basics can't say anything in most rooms. But the $20 premium doesn't get to make demands, disrupt cumshow or any other boorish behavior. My guess is for every member, with a reasonable number of reward points, who gets offended by public shaming there is probably at least one like myself or CosmicOzzie who wish more models did it.

I maybe hopelessly naive here but I'd hope when Amber outs the 5 year $20 premium, at least a few of the 2 or 3 year $20 premium feel a tinge of guilt having been freeloading for so long. Perhaps one even decides to skip the movie this week and buy tokens and tip her or another camgirl.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I've been debating posting in this thread or not.

I have 'disappeared' on one model who I really got along with, to the point of considering her a friend. I'd known her for some time and spent time both chatting and in privates.

One time during a skype we were talking about guests and basics and muting them. She made the comment if they weren't willing to pay even a small amount to become premium they didn't deserve to talk in a room. She went further to comment that she was there to make money and didn't want to talk to anyone that wasn't willing to tip her. She wouldn't even be talking to me if I didn't tip her.

Looking back on it I understand what she meant. That she was trying to concentrate her time on people that would support her since this was her livelihood. But at the time I had recently been hit with some rather big bills, and less money coming in. Just going further into debt really with college loans. And I had decided I would be cutting back some spending on MFC. So when I heard that it hit a bit hard. I kind of had to wonder if there really was a friendship like I thought or if she really wouldn't talk to me again if I couldn't afford to tip and buy videos and go private all the time.

After that night every time I saw her online it just kind of hurt. So I couldn't bring myself to go into her room. She tried asking but I couldn't figure out if I wanted to tell what the reason was or just let it go and keep my distance. Eventually after several months I did go back and visit, but it's not been the same. I visit occasionally for a bit and I still really like her and hope she does great though. She actually is a very nice person and I do miss the way it was but it is different since that day.

 

[Annvious]

I've been debating posting in this thread or not.

I have 'disappeared' on one model who I really got along with, to the point of considering her a friend. I'd known her for some time and spent time both chatting and in privates.

One time during a skype we were talking about guests and basics and muting them. She made the comment if they weren't willing to pay even a small amount to become premium they didn't deserve to talk in a room. She went further to comment that she was there to make money and didn't want to talk to anyone that wasn't willing to tip her. She wouldn't even be talking to me if I didn't tip her.

Looking back on it I understand what she meant. That she was trying to concentrate her time on people that would support her since this was her livelihood. But at the time I had recently been hit with some rather big bills, and less money coming in. Just going further into debt really with college loans. And I had decided I would be cutting back some spending on MFC. So when I heard that it hit a bit hard. I kind of had to wonder if there really was a friendship like I thought or if she really wouldn't talk to me again if I couldn't afford to tip and buy videos and go private all the time.

After that night every time I saw her online it just kind of hurt. So I couldn't bring myself to go into her room. She tried asking but I couldn't figure out if I wanted to tell what the reason was or just let it go and keep my distance. Eventually after several months I did go back and visit, but it's not been the same. I visit occasionally for a bit and I still really like her and hope she does great though. She actually is a very nice person and I do miss the way it was but it is different since that day.

I wonder if I have offended members by saying this when I'm more frustrated. I guess it's important to remember that models have financial problems too (especially if they're new like me). I value friendship members give me a lot but if they haven't even tipped me once they're not going to get as much attention from me; just because my time is valuable and I will give it to those who make it worth while.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I think it is important to distinguish between the members who use to tip consistently and for whatever reasons can't buy now and the practically freeloaders. Those who either bought $20 one time or haven't bought for several years. The later category should get off the website and go find job, hell pick up recyclable cans. The former that is an issue between you and the model. I have models say to me and other members its cool to come hang in my room even if you don't have tokens. I am always curious what ground rules are for the former regular tippers. I assume a week or two without tipping is fine beyond that I wonder.

Plus getting back on topic. There are definitely situation where i haven't left the camsite but I have had decide I am done tipping a particular model. I don't know of a tactful way of saying, I've moved on to other models which is I why I don't come to your room.

 

[yossarian]

I think it is important to distinguish between the members who use to tip consistently and for whatever reasons can't buy now and the practically freeloaders. Those who either bought $20 one time or haven't bought for several years. The later category should get off the website and go find job, hell pick up recyclable cans. The former that is an issue between you and the model. I have models say to me and other members its cool to come hang in my room even if you don't have tokens. I am always curious what ground rules are for the former regular tippers. I assume a week or two without tipping is fine beyond that I wonder.

I've been in this situation before, where I was in a financial situation where I couldn't tip like I once had. There was one model in particular that I really liked and talked to a lot, and I actually did tell her -- hey, I probably won't be visiting for a while because I won't be able to tip like I used to and I'd feel weird about it -- and she wrote me back "Don't be silly. I want to see you in my room even if you can't tip anything!" That made me feel really good, and whatever tokens I could afford during that time pretty much all went to her, for her kindness. I guess the point is, every model is different and every model's relationship with each individual member is different. She might not have done that for somebody else, and another model might not have done that for me.

But also, in my situation, it wasn't like I couldn't tip ANYTHING, just not the amounts I used to. I wonder if models even notice that you're only throwing in 20 here or there instead of 100, and if they did, wouldn't they put two and two together and assume you might have had to cut back for financial reasons? Models?

 

[yossarian]

I've been debating posting in this thread or not.

I have 'disappeared' on one model who I really got along with, to the point of considering her a friend. I'd known her for some time and spent time both chatting and in privates.

One time during a skype we were talking about guests and basics and muting them. She made the comment if they weren't willing to pay even a small amount to become premium they didn't deserve to talk in a room. She went further to comment that she was there to make money and didn't want to talk to anyone that wasn't willing to tip her. She wouldn't even be talking to me if I didn't tip her.

Looking back on it I understand what she meant. That she was trying to concentrate her time on people that would support her since this was her livelihood. But at the time I had recently been hit with some rather big bills, and less money coming in. Just going further into debt really with college loans. And I had decided I would be cutting back some spending on MFC. So when I heard that it hit a bit hard. I kind of had to wonder if there really was a friendship like I thought or if she really wouldn't talk to me again if I couldn't afford to tip and buy videos and go private all the time.

After that night every time I saw her online it just kind of hurt. So I couldn't bring myself to go into her room. She tried asking but I couldn't figure out if I wanted to tell what the reason was or just let it go and keep my distance. Eventually after several months I did go back and visit, but it's not been the same. I visit occasionally for a bit and I still really like her and hope she does great though. She actually is a very nice person and I do miss the way it was but it is different since that day.

I wonder if I have offended members by saying this when I'm more frustrated. I guess it's important to remember that models have financial problems too (especially if they're new like me). I value friendship members give me a lot but if they haven't even tipped me once they're not going to get as much attention from me; just because my time is valuable and I will give it to those who make it worth while.

I think it's important to remember that members are human too. Think about how you'd feel if somebody who you thought was a friend told you flat out that they basically only hung around with you for your money. Members are often asked to put themselves in the model's shoes, but the models often don't seem to see it from our perspective.

I know it's true that models wouldn't be as friendly with me if I didn't tip them, just like waitresses are only being nice and flirting with me because they want a bigger tip. I know that. But being reminded of it so bluntly and to my face is rather dehumanizing.

Slightly off-topic--well, not really. There's that famous story about when Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis were having trouble with their business and personal relationship. Their act was falling apart, and at one point Jerry told Dean that despite it all, he did love him. And Dean looked him right in the eye and said "Buddy, you're nothing but a dollar sign to me." When you say something to a member like "I wouldn't talk to you if you weren't tipping," that's exactly what you're saying.

 

[justamember]

Wow lots of good info from both sides, thank you to all that contributed.

A few follow ups from my side.

Sorry if I called it a "business relationship" and wouldn't mention that to her BUT isn't it? I mean I'm paying for "our" time. (Just being honest it is what it is)

So all know my particular situation I'm not a member that camps out in her room everyday as a matter of fact on a given month 4-6 times a month and of those 4 times its hey for a few and then pvt, and lets put it this way my cost is always over $200 or I max my daily amt allowed. Few outside emails hear and there and a few on site emails not to mention a few $ gifts every so often which would easily match my pvt cost, but she keeps all. (My choice and I offered freely).

So in my situation for this model that this is her living.


Would you want to keep what I would call "easy money?" Sure
Funny without the true face to face nobody would ever know if there is a "true" friendship.

 

[BigElectricCat]

Everyone,

Cheap is cheap, but for all we know he may had been staging a return after some time, and here he is being called a freetard over a breach of etiquette today just because he tipped the model once six months ago, forgot about it, and never came back. If that were to happen to me, I'd click the "Hide Model" and "Ignore User" buttons so fast it would make her head spin, and neither of those expire sixty days later. I've been around MFC only for a little less than a year, and I don't remember which model I visited first (there are no records) or if I tipped a model long ago and forgot about it, only to rediscover her months later.

If I were a first time or infrequent visitor, I'd be put off by her actions. We may like the cabaret as regulars, but a person who knows nothing about the model, the perpetrator or the regulars is likely to come away with an unfavorable opinion of the lot. I certainly hope the models are generally not so cavalier about intimidating potential new patrons.

For example: Before I became one of Amber's semi-regulars, I ventured into her room months before and gave her a single tip. Nothing that would have cleared the bug board, but still a little consideration because I liked her look*. That's not unusual. I visited a lot of models in those early days and tipped the ones I kinda liked. It would be at least another two months before I became anybody's regular. I didn't remember that early tip until quite recently when I was going through my token history looking for something unrelated. Of course, when I returned to Amber's room as an experienced perv, I knew I wasn't going to do anything dumb. As a result, Amber and I get along famously. Needless to say, she's not the model I was referring to.

I don't think that disproves the idea that many models really do value their members.

And, that wasn't my idea. In fact, I was concurring with a model's statement earlier in the thread. I'm so disappointed there's been so much of a fuss over my original post. While I've taken arrows over what has been interpreted as a scorched-earth indictment of one model in the first paragraph, nobody noticed the second paragraph is all but a valentine to a second model. The third and fourth paragraphs, which are the most germane to the original subject, are waiting for a taxi to take them to another thread.

I'm not a model hater. If I were, I sure as hell wouldn't be in a forum where more than half the participants are models.

When you're a part of a girl's daily interactions, whether it be a "business relationship" (as justamember put it in the previous thread) or goes beyond cam-persona contact, she will grow attached to you in some way shape or form.

I'm circling back around to Amber's first statement in this thread, because it holds true on both sides of the camera. When I become a regular in a model's room, I want to do well enough by her that she sees me as more than just a tip note. Likewise, if she's appreciative of my tips, gives a good performance, and displays an interest in what's going on and the people in the room, I'm going to see her as more than just another face on the home page. Case in point: I would consider the model who gave me so much hope when I was sick to be quite close to me, considering we're two people who will never reveal our true names to each other. It's not always going to be hearts and flowers, though. Every model is not going to like every patron, and vice-versa. All I did was discuss an instance where I decided I would not become a particular model's regular and what behavior led to that decision. I also discussed a situation in which I did become a regular, which continues to be a rewarding experience for the model and me. Unfortunately, the latter seemed to have been lost.

I have to ask for cloture, since this has pretty much gone beyond my original intent into threadjack territory.

*Fun fact: Amber's first tip note from me read: "Really diggin' the specs." She still rocks a pair of rims with the best of them.

 

[inkydoo]

Back to the original topic...
I suspect a lot of us are caught off-guard by how emotionally attached we get to people (members or models) whose relationship to us, at first glance, appears primarily transactional. I certainly didn't realize it for myself until a few weeks ago when a model who had (from my perspective at least) disappeared roughly two years ago PM'd me out of the blue to say hey.

Like others have expressed, in the first few months after she went away, I worried that something bad had happened (whether something health-related, a family member finding out about the camming, etc.), but I honestly had no idea how deeply that concern had grown until I felt the rush of relief at hearing from her again. Admittedly, some of that rush probably had to do with the fact that she remembered me well enough to chat me up after years away from MFC, but mostly it was a feeling that a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could stop worrying that something terrible had happened to her. It didn't take but a few minutes of chatting for me to realize that while I would be sad if I never heard from her again (I hope that doesn't happen), I would at least feel so much better knowing that she was safe and happy and that it was just her choice to devote her time elsewhere.

Despite that, I'd never really thought about it from a model's perspective and long-term members leaving suddenly without explanation. I'm not that close with many models, so I don't think there are too many that would notice my absence (this isn't intended as a passive-aggressive attempt to get people to disagree), but it does make me think that leaving a note on my profile might be a good idea, in case there's more than the one or two I would think to contact directly.

I think many people in "the real world" would be dumbfounded (or even in literal disbelief) to discover a thread of such emotional substance between models and members. And like I said at the top, I suspect some of us are a little surprised as well, but there you have it.

 

[Sevrin]

I've been in this situation before, where I was in a financial situation where I couldn't tip like I once had. There was one model in particular that I really liked and talked to a lot, and I actually did tell her -- hey, I probably won't be visiting for a while because I won't be able to tip like I used to and I'd feel weird about it -- and she wrote me back "Don't be silly. I want to see you in my room even if you can't tip anything!" That made me feel really good, and whatever tokens I could afford during that time pretty much all went to her, for her kindness. I guess the point is, every model is different and every model's relationship with each individual member is different. She might not have done that for somebody else, and another model might not have done that for me.

There is nothing else a model *can* say when a regular customer tells her that he is low on funds, unless she never wants to see him or his money again. Anything else would not only have been rude, but very bad PR in any business, whether it's camming or hair-dressing or selling chocolates.

 

[yossarian]

I've been in this situation before, where I was in a financial situation where I couldn't tip like I once had. There was one model in particular that I really liked and talked to a lot, and I actually did tell her -- hey, I probably won't be visiting for a while because I won't be able to tip like I used to and I'd feel weird about it -- and she wrote me back "Don't be silly. I want to see you in my room even if you can't tip anything!" That made me feel really good, and whatever tokens I could afford during that time pretty much all went to her, for her kindness. I guess the point is, every model is different and every model's relationship with each individual member is different. She might not have done that for somebody else, and another model might not have done that for me.

There is nothing else a model *can* say when a regular customer tells her that he is low on funds, unless she never wants to see him or his money again. Anything else would not only have been rude, but very bad PR in any business, whether it's camming or hair-dressing or selling chocolates.

"I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble. I hope to see you again sometime when things are better for you."

She could have said that.

 

[Anonymous]

I once saw a model call out a member for making a request without a tip. The model then told the room the amount of time he had been around and how little he had tipped before giving him a long-term ban. The member was wrong for not sending along a tip with the request, but the model lost my support as a result of the public shaming. I haven't given her a token since.

God, I wish more models did this.

For me, it would depend on how the guy went about it.

Scenario A
Guy: lets see dat ass, ma
Me: (being a smartass...lol) Let's see you tip, bruh.
Guy: gimme a sample...wanna c if u worth my tokens.

Don't go into a model's room barking orders, dangling your tokens (which you may not even have...since your token count is hidden) in her face and making that insulting "I need to see if you're worth my money" comment. You may get a 'fuck you' and a 60-day ban.....

Scenario B
Guy: Hey, cutie. Stand up and show me that sexy ass, please.
Me: Hi. If you tip 50 tokens, I'll stand and give you a nice tits and ass flash (and his tip will help with the topless/naked room topic).

Public shaming? Nah. The 'I'm gonna kiss her ass and try to get a freebie' tactic is annoying, but that's not as bad as that jizzbag in Scenario A. I probably wouldn't even ban the dude in Scenario B unless he continues demanding freebies.

 

[AmberCutie]

And, that wasn't my idea. In fact, I was concurring with a model's statement earlier in the thread. I'm so disappointed there's been so much of a fuss over my original post. While I've taken arrows over what has been interpreted as a scorched-earth indictment of one model in the first paragraph, nobody noticed the second paragraph is all but a valentine to a second model.

Sorry, we get defensive over stuff like this sometimes because many times we get overwhelmed being in front of the camera, being judged by mystery persons day in, day out, and once in a while we get a little satisfaction "putting someone in their place" when they've been a jerk to us. We know that it doesn't put our "best foot forward" and would make a bad impression to newcomers, but sometimes our frustration gets the best of us. When someone brings up this sort of action as something that would make them block/ignore us forever, we get on the defensive about it.

Don't take it personally.

 

[AllisonWilder]

While I've taken arrows over what has been interpreted as a scorched-earth indictment of one model in the first paragraph, nobody noticed the second paragraph is all but a valentine to a second model.

You aren't taking arrows, you've simply provided a discussion board with talking points. Forums are notoriously fickle and frequently lots of things are overlooked in posts just to reply to the things that do catch our attention. Don't sweat it, honestly.

 

[Just Me]

I've been in this situation before, where I was in a financial situation where I couldn't tip like I once had. There was one model in particular that I really liked and talked to a lot, and I actually did tell her -- hey, I probably won't be visiting for a while because I won't be able to tip like I used to and I'd feel weird about it -- and she wrote me back "Don't be silly. I want to see you in my room even if you can't tip anything!" That made me feel really good, and whatever tokens I could afford during that time pretty much all went to her, for her kindness. I guess the point is, every model is different and every model's relationship with each individual member is different. She might not have done that for somebody else, and another model might not have done that for me.

There is nothing else a model *can* say when a regular customer tells her that he is low on funds, unless she never wants to see him or his money again. Anything else would not only have been rude, but very bad PR in any business, whether it's camming or hair-dressing or selling chocolates.

"I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble. I hope to see you again sometime when things are better for you."

She could have said that.

She could, but she wont. That would be the same as saying, when you get some more tokens I will be happy to have you in my room again. While we know many models truly mean it when they say they want you in their room even if you can't tip now. It would make no sense to say otherwise even if tipping is all they want you for in the room.

 

[AllisonWilder]

I've been in this situation before, where I was in a financial situation where I couldn't tip like I once had. There was one model in particular that I really liked and talked to a lot, and I actually did tell her -- hey, I probably won't be visiting for a while because I won't be able to tip like I used to and I'd feel weird about it -- and she wrote me back "Don't be silly. I want to see you in my room even if you can't tip anything!" That made me feel really good, and whatever tokens I could afford during that time pretty much all went to her, for her kindness. I guess the point is, every model is different and every model's relationship with each individual member is different. She might not have done that for somebody else, and another model might not have done that for me.

There is nothing else a model *can* say when a regular customer tells her that he is low on funds, unless she never wants to see him or his money again. Anything else would not only have been rude, but very bad PR in any business, whether it's camming or hair-dressing or selling chocolates.

"I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble. I hope to see you again sometime when things are better for you."

She could have said that.

She could, but she wont. That would be the same as saying, when you get some more tokens I will be happy to have you in my room again. While we know many models truly mean it when they say they want you in their room even if you can't tip now. It would make no sense to say otherwise even if tipping is all they want you for in the room.

If a model truly only wanted someone around for their money she could easily say, "Aww, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope things get better for you soon." and not address the tipping/lack of tipping or go out of her way to invite him to come to her room while he's low on/out of tokens.

Sometimes I think non-models seriously underestimate just how much we value decent conversation in our rooms. Maybe you can't tip right now or for a while or whatever the case may be, but in my opinion those that keep conversation flowing (especially when it's been a quiet day/week/month/summer) are just as valuable as anyone else. I've had many nights where I log off because not only is it slow going, it's also quiet and I can handle slow for far longer than I can handle no talking.

 

[southsamurai]

all of which reminds me. im probly not going to on too much for the foreseeable future as far as the cam sites go (mfc et alia). mind you ill still be bothering and pestering the bejeezus out of everyone here

 

[Sevrin]

Sometimes I think non-models seriously underestimate just how much we value decent conversation in our rooms.

Maybe non-models in general, but I don't think that applies to any of the ACF pervs.

It's just that it's awkward not tipping when you are in the habit of doing so. There are times we look at our monthly statements and say "Holy Christ!" Unless you have done the unthinkable and actually maxxed out your credit card(s), buying tokens is always an option. The best way to avoid that temptation is to stay away from camsites, or at least avoid logging in and enjoy full-screen.

 

[yossarian]

One of the things that's really interesting to me about the internet in general is the way it's forced us to redefine who we call a friend. There's still this stigma about friends people meet on the internet rather than in person. I've known people who actually married people they met on the internet (on message boards and such) and they would tell me how it always raised eyebrows when they told people how they met, as though their relationship is somehow less valid because they didn't bump into each other in a Starbucks but rather met over shared interests at a long distance.

I guess the reason I'm bringing this is up is that as somebody who is nosy about human behavior, I'm really fascinated by the boundaries and definitions that go into calling someone a "friend," particularly in the world of camming. I think a lot of members (and maybe even models) believe that there's no possible way a camgirl could actually care about her regulars. But friendships develop in weird ways...what even constitutes a friendship? If you chat with somebody regularly online, even if the initial contact was one party paying the other to get naked, how is it less of a friendship than if you just met on a Fall Out Boy message board or whatever? And when you have a friendship where one party is not comfortable telling the other party something as basic as their name, is it something different than a friendship? A friendship with an asterisk? And why would many people devalue all of these kinds of friendships as not being "real" because you haven't met in person, or because one person occasionally pays the other for something they offer that is separate from the friendship? Is it impossible for it to be a friendship when there is a financial aspect involved, or a power disparity, or both?

I have friends from long-defunct message boards whom I have never met in person. We are still Facebook friends, we still talk regularly, comment on each other's statuses, are friends with each others' family members and significant others--and yet we've never met in person, as we live on opposite sides of the world. I also have Facebook friends I went to grade school and high school with, whom I haven't seen since we were kids and have nothing in common with now. Yet a lot of people would put those ancient "friendships" above the others because of the way we met. It's weird, and it's going to change as society does, but this transitional period is interesting nonetheless.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Sometimes I think non-models seriously underestimate just how much we value decent conversation in our rooms.

Maybe non-models in general, but I don't think that applies to any of the ACF pervs.

It's just that it's awkward not tipping when you are in the habit of doing so. There are times we look at our monthly statements and say "Holy Christ!" Unless you have done the unthinkable and actually maxxed out your credit card(s), buying tokens is always an option. The best way to avoid that temptation is to stay away from camsites, or at least avoid logging in and enjoy full-screen.

Word. I found myself needing to take a week or two often fairly often. In part because of the money and in part cause I find myself at the end of the day 'saying fuck I was supposed to do X, Y, Z and the last two were actually fun activities and instead I watched MFC for a good chunk of the day.

I do write notes to my favorite models in that situation though.

 

[LadyLuna]

I once publicly shamed someone in my room who begged for something. It wasn't a case of them begging, me asking for money, them dropping it though. No, they asked for something, I said they can tip, they continued to ask. After the third time of turning them down, I finally looked at their stats (sayign them out loud) and followed with "oh, I see now. You're just a freeloader. Go find a tube site." and banned them.

Not my brightest moment. And while I hope gentlemen would give me the benefit of the doubt, I can't blame them for that.

About the being blatant about the money thing, and the whole "I appreciate you sticking around even if you can't tip" thing... this is tricky. It's very tricky. I had some gentlemen who I had said that to when they had no money, and six months later I'm barely making anything and they're spending hundreds on everyone else but me, because "it's okay if I don't spend on you, right?" That hurts. It especially hurt when I was making a whole 300 tokens a night, but their reward points were going up, and my chatroom was filled with guys who were great at helping with conversation, but there were no spenders at all. And they say "it's okay if I don't spend on you"... when I actually said "I understand if you can't afford tokens right now, it's okay to chat in my room." Especially when I've always been open with my room that camming is my only job.

 

[Nachos]

I have friends from long-defunct message boards whom I have never met in person. We are still Facebook friends, we still talk regularly, comment on each other's statuses, are friends with each others' family members and significant others--and yet we've never met in person, as we live on opposite sides of the world.

dem feels...

 

[Brad]

One of the things that's really interesting to me about the internet in general is the way it's forced us to redefine who we call a friend. There's still this stigma about friends people meet on the internet rather than in person. I've known people who actually married people they met on the internet (on message boards and such) and they would tell me how it always raised eyebrows when they told people how they met, as though their relationship is somehow less valid because they didn't bump into each other in a Starbucks but rather met over shared interests at a long distance.

Maggy and I met on a message board in May of 2001. We married in June of 2004. Many thought we were nuts then and probably still think that.
:lol:

 

[Always_Tim]

One of the things that's really interesting to me about the internet in general is the way it's forced us to redefine who we call a friend. There's still this stigma about friends people meet on the internet rather than in person. I've known people who actually married people they met on the internet (on message boards and such) and they would tell me how it always raised eyebrows when they told people how they met, as though their relationship is somehow less valid because they didn't bump into each other in a Starbucks but rather met over shared interests at a long distance.

My girlfriend's sister met her husband online in a chat room (a text-only, non-sexual chat room). That was over 10 years ago; people were really weird about it back then. Much less now, but eyebrows are still quite often raised.

I guess the reason I'm bringing this is up is that as somebody who is nosy about human behavior, I'm really fascinated by the boundaries and definitions that go into calling someone a "friend," particularly in the world of camming. I think a lot of members (and maybe even models) believe that there's no possible way a camgirl could actually care about her regulars. But friendships develop in weird ways...what even constitutes a friendship? If you chat with somebody regularly online, even if the initial contact was one party paying the other to get naked, how is it less of a friendship than if you just met on a Fall Out Boy message board or whatever? And when you have a friendship where one party is not comfortable telling the other party something as basic as their name, is it something different than a friendship? A friendship with an asterisk? And why would many people devalue all of these kinds of friendships as not being "real" because you haven't met in person, or because one person occasionally pays the other for something they offer that is separate from the friendship? Is it impossible for it to be a friendship when there is a financial aspect involved, or a power disparity, or both?

I have several very good friends whom I met on MFC, both models and members. Sometimes there are difficulties, though. The money thing can be weird. In the long run it's best to be very clear upfront about boundaries and what the money is paying for and what is unrelated to money and what the friendship means to both sides, but in the short term those conversations can be difficult and even painful. (For both parties.) But when there is overlap between a financial arrangement and friendship, it's always a good idea to be explicit about what goes into which category. Not just with models, of course. This goes with any situation where friends and money mix. (e.g., loaning money to a friend or family member.)

I have friends from long-defunct message boards whom I have never met in person. We are still Facebook friends, we still talk regularly, comment on each other's statuses, are friends with each others' family members and significant others--and yet we've never met in person, as we live on opposite sides of the world. I also have Facebook friends I went to grade school and high school with, whom I haven't seen since we were kids and have nothing in common with now. Yet a lot of people would put those ancient "friendships" above the others because of the way we met. It's weird, and it's going to change as society does, but this transitional period is interesting nonetheless.

I think society is adapting to this pretty fast, as more and more people (even old people) are using sites like Facebook and discover that they may have a lot more in common with people they've never met in person than they do with people they grew up with. But yes, it is fascinating to watch this change unfold.

 

[Always_Tim]

About the being blatant about the money thing, and the whole "I appreciate you sticking around even if you can't tip" thing... this is tricky. It's very tricky. I had some gentlemen who I had said that to when they had no money, and six months later I'm barely making anything and they're spending hundreds on everyone else but me, because "it's okay if I don't spend on you, right?" That hurts. It especially hurt when I was making a whole 300 tokens a night, but their reward points were going up, and my chatroom was filled with guys who were great at helping with conversation, but there were no spenders at all. And they say "it's okay if I don't spend on you"... when I actually said "I understand if you can't afford tokens right now, it's okay to chat in my room." Especially when I've always been open with my room that camming is my only job.

I really don't understand those guys. I see it happen all the time, but I really can't imagine what's going through their heads.

 

[Gen]

I have friends from long-defunct message boards whom I have never met in person. We are still Facebook friends, we still talk regularly, comment on each other's statuses, are friends with each others' family members and significant others--and yet we've never met in person, as we live on opposite sides of the world. I also have Facebook friends I went to grade school and high school with, whom I haven't seen since we were kids and have nothing in common with now. Yet a lot of people would put those ancient "friendships" above the others because of the way we met. It's weird, and it's going to change as society does, but this transitional period is interesting nonetheless.

This is such a good point. I have so many friends from the internet (Livejournal mostly, haha), and because of that forum (essentially an online diary), a lot of them know me more intimately than some of my real-life friends. But I love having friends all over the place, and it's been cool growing up with some of them and now being able to meet them in person. One of my very best friends in the world is a girl that I met online, who happened to live in the same city as I did and we are now iron-clad BFFs. I just think it's cool because you can find people who share your interests and hobbies, no matter how obscure those are, and I like that you can meet people from literally anywhere.

Also, out of all my "taken" friends around my age, like the ones getting married and stuff, I'd say at least half (or most of them) met their partners online. Even those friends that aren't internet people (as in, don't really socialize with strangers or whatever) are into online dating, it's kinda neat.

 

[SilentLurker]

Sorry to bump this old threat a little, but a couple of days ago I had the unfortunate experience that my favorite model left MFC without saying goodbye and oh boy, how did that hurt (and it hurts still).

Her account has been renamed to some nonsense and most of the personal informations like pictures etc. are gone. She also deleted her Twitter Account and the email she used while being on MFC.

Over the couple of months I grew more emotionally attached to her than I wanted to, but she helped me when my depression took hold of me and pushed me back on track. While talking to her I felt understood, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

After her vacation with her boyfriend she didn't spend that much time on MFC anymore and the last time we talked on Skype in the mid of August she told me that her boyfriend wasn't that happy about her job. In the beginning of September she promised that she would be back soon and that we would do another Skype session or just hang out on MFC. It didn't come to that, a week later I wondered about the strange name in my friends list and her name was gone.
I new immediately that she quit, but I don't know if she deleted her profile or just renamed it. I can MFC Mail her if I type the new profile name, but I can't select it in the drop down menu (it's not there). I tried to contact her on her email, but the mail just bounced.

I don't know what hurts more atm, that she did a clean break with that part of her life without saying goodbye or that I can never talk to her again. Probably both. And still I wonder if she is all right now...