When to stop being someone's regular?

[try12]

Hi friends,


Lately I haven't felt happy when I am in the room of my favorite model. I have been her biggest cheerleader, tipper and a good friend for a long time. But lately, the amount of attention given back to me is really lacking. We've gone from usually having fairly intimate conversations a couple times a week to a flicker of a candle of how it used to be. It doesn't seem to be something I've done, because she still tries to give me a nugget of that old intimate feeling. But its completely not the same as it used to be and it leaves me feeling unappreciated and like a relationship no, not a romance, I'm not one of those fools, just something unique and special that I worked on building a long time is falling apart. She has a decently popular room some nights, so I completely understand those busy moments not to expect any conversation. Its the dead spots that used to be filled with conversation that are the trouble for me.

Which leaves me pondering how best to proceed, I have considered just dropping from the site. Cold turkey not watching her shows and trying to let the hole from the friendship die. I haven't really talked with her about it, but what is there to say? I don't like to make drama. Actions speak much louder than words, and if I have to ask her to be a certain way it will cheapen the experience forever. If feels like a catch 22. But I also value her as a person, and I don't want to just disappear. My true wish is for things to go back to how they used to be, and the intimate friendship to show back up. But its going on about two months now, so my patience is dying and also those feelings of having a unique friendship are as well.

Any help sorting thru these emotions and also trying to figure out if there is anyway to save it without damaging it would be so appreciated.

 

[lydialove]

Hello, I am speaking from personal experience and obviously dont know your entire situation with the model, but you may be reading too far into things and you never know what she is dealing with off screen. Also, typically dynamics between myself and my favorite tippers change when they become too attached to me and expect too much out of me, without tipping as much as they did in the beginning. If you want the online dynamic to stay the same and it hasn't, ask yourself if you have treated her the same. You seem pretty emotionally invested and maybe taking a step back and figuring that out would be helpful for you. Best of luck, emotions are confusing but remember she is working

 

[rockin_rod]

I have been her biggest cheerleader, tipper and a good friend for a long time. But lately, the amount of attention given back to me is really lacking.

Ignore this if you will, as I'm not a model.
Maybe you should review your motivation and expectations?
For (nearly all) models, this is their livelihood, and it should be entertainment for the viewers.
It sounds as though you've been trying to cultivate a friendship (or more) that goes beyond what should be a financial relationship.
While online familiarity can develop, there should not be an expectation that you deserve a certain level of attention, that just sounds needy.

 

[NotYou]

I think you have to consider a couple of things: 1) Has her room/s become more active and she is doing better overall, so now she doesn't have that kind of time and effort/energy for you? 2) Does she have bigger tippers than you she NEEDS to show this kind of energy to? 3) Has her personal life changed (for the better or worse) - maybe she wasn't in a relationship but now she is. 4) It could simply have just "fizzled" out with you from her. It happens, and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it can depend if it's generally the same things being said/done constantly, and if there is nothing new/fresh between you, and if you're there "TOO" much.

 

[Ozzie_]

Any help sorting thru these emotions and also trying to figure out if there is anyway to save it without damaging it would be so appreciated.

I am going to assume that what you say is completely the way it actually is. (Some here will likely asume you are secretly in love with this person and assume that therein lies your true issue)

So....

Talk to her!!

If you have a genuine online friendship with her (And they can happen, I consider it the internet age version of "pen pals") then just like a face to face friendship (or any relationship) open, honest and non-judgemental communication is key. If you cannot express your concerns in such a way, then you have other issues that need addressing. Likewise if you can communicate your concerns and she cannot respond likewise, then the friendship has either never been genuine, or it has changed in such a way that it is over. Shit happens, friendships, like other romantically intimate relationships, sometimes run their course and end.

If you are genuinely her good friend then you owe it to her and yourself to at least talk to her about this instead of just ghosting her.

As others have said, she may have things going on in her life. If that is true, maybe, she is wondering just why her friend (YOU) has not asked her about what is affecting her.

Talk to her. You may not like the result, but at least you will have answers.

 

[try12]

Hello, I am speaking from personal experience and obviously dont know your entire situation with the model, but you may be reading too far into things and you never know what she is dealing with off screen. Also, typically dynamics between myself and my favorite tippers change when they become too attached to me and expect too much out of me, without tipping as much as they did in the beginning. If you want the online dynamic to stay the same and it hasn't, ask yourself if you have treated her the same. You seem pretty emotionally invested and maybe taking a step back and figuring that out would be helpful for you. Best of luck, emotions are confusing but remember she is working

Thank you very much for this perspective.

 

[try12]

Thanks all for the really helpful viewpoints.

I am going to assume that what you say is completely the way it actually is. (Some here will likely asume you are secretly in love with this person and assume that therein lies your true issue)

So....

Talk to her!!

If you have a genuine online friendship with her (And they can happen, I consider it the internet age version of "pen pals") then just like a face to face friendship (or any relationship) open, honest and non-judgemental communication is key. If you cannot express your concerns in such a way, then you have other issues that need addressing. Likewise if you can communicate your concerns and she cannot respond likewise, then the friendship has either never been genuine, or it has changed in such a way that it is over. Shit happens, friendships, like other romantically intimate relationships, sometimes run their course and end.

If you are genuinely her good friend then you owe it to her and yourself to at least talk to her about this instead of just ghosting her.

As others have said, she may have things going on in her life. If that is true, maybe, she is wondering just why her friend (YOU) has not asked her about what is affecting her.

Talk to her. You may not like the result, but at least you will have answers.

I think this is the answer I needed the most. I really appreciate the other comments as well.

 

[blayze_noir]

Is she getting busier or more popular? There's only so much attention to go around.

A model and I became really friendly early on in her career. I think I started following her from her first week when she had very few followers. It was slow for her, and slow for me so we chatted quite a bit on and offsite. We became friends. She helped me kickstart a new artistic career and got me started camming.

Back when I had a good job and made good money I could tip frequently and do privates more frequently. Now, my situation changed and I have less money to spend and have to budget better. I talked to her about it and she understands.

When she's busy making tips, I participate in the chat room, hang and enjoy the show and tip what I can. When she's slow we hang and chat in PM and do privates when I can afford it. When she's offline we talk and help each other in our artistic careers.

TLDR: She got busier and could only give me attention on slow days. I was disappointed at first, but since I also work retail and have friends visit while I am working, I realized paying customers come first, friends second. (Third, really. In retail, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean!) Plus, I experience this myself when I am camming. There's only so many PMs you can juggle.

 

[ericlafayet]

But lately, the amount of attention given back to me is really lacking. We've gone from usually having fairly intimate conversations a couple times a week to a flicker of a candle of how it used to be.

Hey, this happens all the time on all relations. If you think you're a good friend so you have some kind of good "relationship", just let her to take the time and space she needs. Maybe there's nothing related to you. Maybe she's focused on personal things. Or maybe she's paying attention to the modeling, at the end, it's her job.

But considering to just leave her because of that, it tells me maybe there's not such friendship.

At least as I see what a friend means, I'll try to clarify and in case It was something on me, to fix it. If do not worth it, then, there's no problem.

 

[ArcticKitty]

If I may make a suggestion, I think it would be a very good idea to take a break from it for a week or so and get some fresh air perspective. Then decide if you still want to continue and if you want to have that talk with her about it. She'll still be there. If nothing else, you will be in a grounded frame of mind and almost certainly won't regret whatever you decide and do.

 

[ArcticKitty]

....Actions speak much louder than words, and if I have to ask her to be a certain way it will cheapen the experience forever. If feels like a catch 22. But I also value her as a person, and I don't want to just disappear. My true wish is for things to go back to how they used to be, and the intimate friendship to show back up. But its going on about two months now, so my patience is dying and also those feelings of having a unique friendship are as well.

Any help sorting thru these emotions and also trying to figure out if there is anyway to save it without damaging it would be so appreciated.

I don't mean to be overly cynical but, as others have mentioned, for most models, it's their livelihood or at least a significant source of income. Yes, models are good people for real more often than not and honestly like some of their customers. But don't get confused.

Think about it this way: the very words, "if I have to ask her to be a certain way it will cheapen the experience". In what context would you say that in reference to a regular friend? Yeah.

Also, my friends don't tip me or vice versa and most of my friends have not often or ever seen me naked. Just saying.

I'm not saying that actual friendships don't happen, I'm saying that it's easy for guys to get feelings for a model and miss the power dynamic of a commercial relationship makes it different for her.

So, if you really feel her as a friend and are not happy with things and want to talk with her about it, start from asking her how things are with her (asking if she's okay).

 

[AudriTwo]

im trying not to sound mean so excuse my bluntness, but this doesn't sound like a friendship. from my understanding with friendships you don't ghost your friend because they aren't really giving you the same attention as before. you bring up the problem and be patient with their response. my friends and i go periods without talking all the time. some days my best friend and i call each other every day. some days we let our phone calls or texts go unanswered. sometimes we go months without talking. her not calling me every time she drives doesn't mean she doesn't like me. she just doesn't want to talk to me at the moment. it gets exhausting to constantly give someone attention, and sometimes you really dont want to respond back, or talk about things.

no one is entitled of anyone's time or money but were you only tipping her because she gave you all that attention? that's not a bad thing, if so. as cammodels, we understand our relationship with members is transactional. im not judging.

but i think you need to really look inward. maybe you do need to take a break for a while.

 

[try12]

Thanks to everyone for your perspectives. Some of them hurt, but also are clearing things up for me.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Cheers. I hope things work out for the good with you and her.