What is a collared slave?

[theRileyDaniels]

I am honest to god curious. I think a few of you girls are one. This life style truly fascinates me and the only thing I really have to draw from is....well 50 shades of grey. So I would love to hear from you.

What is your life like?
How did it happen?
Also im sorry im such a noob

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I am sensing a reply from Sophia Locke in this thread in the near future.

 

[Evvie]

I was one for two years interesting experience.

I will say that it means different things to different people. Some people will say it is a lifelong commitment like marriage. Some people will say it means "no limits" (id est, you can "never say no"). Some people will say it is a loveless relationship where the dominant figure must necessarily be sadistic and cruel. And there are an equal number of people who say opposite things and things in-between.

The BDSM community can't even come to a consensus on what the difference between a submissive and a slave is, and it sure can't come up with a difference between a slave and a collared slave (except that typically, a collared slave has some form of literal or symbolic collar).

In the end, despite what fun/not fun stories you hear, it is what you make it, literally. Being a collared slave is what you decide to do who you you decide to do it with. There are no "universal" rules or universal experiences, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.

Also, fetlife.com is an interesting place to do research, if you don't mind dick pics. Specifically, check out this group: https://fetlife.com/groups/219

 

[Nordling]

Oh! I thought the topic was a typo and was going to be about greens. :mrgreen:

 

[BlueViolet]

There are no "universal" rules or universal experiences, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.

That's my biggest pet peeve in the BDSM community. Anyone who claims their way is universal BDSM law such as those silly people who are adamant that the term "master" only applies to men and that all submissives must disregard certain grammar rules. And the funny thing is that they usually accuse those people that don't adhere to their personal beliefs as being the inexperienced or ignorant ones.

Also, I really want some collard greens now.

And,

the only thing I really have to draw from is....well 50 shades of grey.

Ugh, yeah. I have a lot of opinions on that book.

I've never collared a slave in a way that I personally consider what would be "collaring" a slave, but that's simply because I'm extremely selective. I've had long distance and more along the lines of extended pro-domme slaves wear my collar, and played with submissives and slaves who wore a collar, but I wouldn't consider them "collared" in my terms.

I do feel it's an extremely personal term that is different for everyone. I'd really only consider a slave truly collared and mine if it's a 24/7 situation, preferably live-in and there is a serious emotional commitment going on.

 

[God]

I was one for two years interesting experience.

I will say that it means different things to different people. Some people will say it is a lifelong commitment like marriage. Some people will say it means "no limits" (id est, you can "never say no"). Some people will say it is a loveless relationship where the dominant figure must necessarily be sadistic and cruel. And there are an equal number of people who say opposite things and things in-between.

The BDSM community can't even come to a consensus on what the difference between a submissive and a slave is, and it sure can't come up with a difference between a slave and a collared slave (except that typically, a collared slave has some form of literal or symbolic collar).

In the end, despite what fun/not fun stories you hear, it is what you make it, literally. Being a collared slave is what you decide to do who you you decide to do it with. There are no "universal" rules or universal experiences, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.

Also, fetlife.com is an interesting place to do research, if you don't mind dick pics. Specifically, check out this group: https://fetlife.com/groups/219

i should post this on another thread also, but i saw a guy in a chatroom with the username OuchAintASafeWord

 

[LadyLuna]

I am a submissive.

We tried me being a slave, but his definition of a slave was someone who would do as told immediately, no hesitation, no questions, and I can't do that.

To me, being a collared slave would be a commitment to stay in the relationship unless something really serious happens. To do my best to obey my master, and to do my best to serve my master without needing to be told what to do. To take joy in serving him, and pride in doing a good job of serving him.

To be a master/mistress of a collared slave would be a commitment to stay in the relationship unless something really serious happens. To do my best to be fair in my rewards and punishments. To look out for the physical and emotional welfare of my slave. To not ask my slave to do anything which would make me upset, and to never be upset with my slave for obeying an order.

But as was said, this is something highly personal. One thing I think everyone can agree on- if the Master and submissive have differing opinions about what each role is supposed to be, it's not going to work. As with any relationship, it's important to talk about limits and expectations on both sides. What are the responsibilities of the master? What are the responsibilities of the slave? These questions need to be answered before the collar is introduced.

 

[Rose]

BJ and I tried collaring until we got pregnant. Now the whole power dynamic of our relationship has changed and I'm the top most of the time out of necessity.

Before, being collared meant to us that I took care of the home without help or complaint, I dressed how he requested and followed the schedule that he laid out for me. It was more like a 50s housewife situation.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

BJ and I tried collaring until we got pregnant. Now the whole power dynamic of our relationship has changed and I'm the top most of the time out of necessity.

Before, being collared meant to us that I took care of the home without help or complaint, I dressed how he requested and followed the schedule that he laid out for me. It was more like a 50s housewife situation.

This post just made me think of Leave it to Beaver. I can picture June being the top in the bedroom with Ward. Leather, whips, yeah.

 

[southsamurai]

i was a collard slave for a while. damn yummy those greens with a bit of balsamic and bacon.

sorry, had to do it. been fighting it since i first saw the thread

 

[God]

i've seen an internet chatroom based on this. the slaves in the chatroom had usernames like -[honey]-

"honey" would be replaced by a master's username so it looks like she has his collar on.

 

[A214]

Oh! I thought the topic was a typo and was going to be about greens. :mrgreen:

Is that from Paula Deen's new cookbook?

 

[Diana Blake]

I've been a collared slave for four years now. For me it was a direction I needed to continue to function during a very hard time in my life. I needed to be told what to do so I could keep going and it blossomed from there. I'm not a strict slave, I tend to actually be a dominant personality and a sadist that just so happened to need a strict hand at a terrible point in her life.

The big thing to remember Is that the D/s lifestyle is different for everyone. Though some people like to pretend that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it...really as long as things are safe, sane and consensual then you're doing it right. My particular relationship is poly. We date other people outside of each other as long as those relationships are both safe and well communicated. I think my life is very similar to most normal relationships except that there are some important rules we follow. We always talk, communication is a huge factor. Jealousy, anger, passive aggressive behavior isn't tolerated for long because we make sure to get to the root cause of those behaviors before they become something more serious.

We don't keep anything from each other, even those little fibs that are normal in a relationship can't exist in a D/s relationship. Complete trust is a must for us. I trust him to always have my best interests at heart and he trusts me to know my body and my limitations and to communicate them. So...it's your average romantic comedy relationship but with more spanking and formalities.

 

[theRileyDaniels]

Thanks guys! I knew this was a safe place to ask!

 

[KamikaziKitty]

I believe Evvie mentioned Fetlife already, it really is a great place to see all the different dynamics of anything considered "kinky". Even everyone's definition of kinky is different. I have friends who take joy in wearing and literally using diapers. Not my kink but it makes them happy. Overall, it's about discussing with the person you are considering anything and everything you are okay or not okay with. I refuse to do the collar thing because my significant other and I are very much polyamorous and don't have any sense of "ownership". For us it is loyalty although we generally follow a D/s type relationship (I am the submissive and always have been by nature). I guess you could say that is the tie that binds us, whereas my girlfriend is a collared slave to a man she will most likely never sleep with. Why is she collared to someone she doesn't have that type of intimate relationship? Much like someone mentioned before, she needs someone to help guide her. She tells him what her goals are and he encourages or "punishes" her, but she is the one who sets those punishments beforehand. It's all about communication and what works for you. I honestly couldn't get through the first few pages of 50 Shades due to the writing style so I can't tell you anything about it lol. If you do sign up for fetlife and choose to peruse, type "heilmyself" in the search and you will find me. This goes for anyone else on the forum as well as it holds no real personal information of any kind. And do NOT use your screenname from your cam site to sign up. I had to change mine to something ridiculous due to multiple members finding me there and messaging me incessantly. They have now been blocked and name changed so no problems since.

Kitty