Was this out of line? - Question for the other side

[lordmagellan]

Trying to post a reply to a lot of posts that I want to reply to is not easy -_- my brain RAM is very limited at the moment. I need an upgrade.
@lordmagellan:
When I become irritated that someone has sent me advice or comments on what to do, it is not because I am hurt that they did not like me. It is because I am irritated that they believe they are better than my community, and my mentors, and the people I trust and talk to. That is where I get my criticism and critiques.

I get what you're saying, I do. But I think you're looking at this the wrong way. Just because someone offers a different viewpoint, whether they are in you industry or not, it doesn't mean they think they are better than anyone. They may simply be telling you what they would like to see. Whether you take that into account is up to you, completely. But as a provider of entertainment, part of your job is listening to what your audience wants.

Granted, if the member doesn't toss any coin your way, their opinion is probably not worth reading. But someone who does pay, may have an idea that could help your performance, and therefor, your business. Of course you can argue that if they have a request, they should put it in a tip note. But this isn't about a simple request, it's about something larger.

And no, not every performer/artist/whatever wants criticism, but guess what? It's actually part of the deal. If you put yourself out there, someone's going to say something. ESPECIALLY on the internet. Writers get mail. Musicians get mail. Actors, directors, anyone that's in the art or entertainment industry gets critiqued. They just do. Not because people necessarily think they'd do the job better, but because they think the performer could do better. And that isn't necessarily meant in a negative way, such as, "That was shit, do better." But because they have faith in the performer.

And sure, you can say, "if you don't like the show, click next." But isn't that kind of self defeating? Rather than listen to someone who may have an idea that could bring you tokens, you send them on to someone else? Unless they're suggesting something completely unreasonable, how does that make sense?

I'm not saying change who you are just for the audience, that would be obviously fake and would chase them away. But don't think you're too good to listen to new ideas. And while it's great to exchange ideas amongst your community, eventually everyone will just be recycling the same things. You'll have to look elsewhere for new ideas and inspirations.

 

[Nordling]

Hey! Maybe she is JUST THAT GOOD! lol

Yeah, good advice is not something to ignore...well, unless you want to. But a dissertation from left field that's nearly incoherent in both length and content...I have to agree with Evvie. If someone sent me something similar, I'd chuck it.

 

[AllisonWilder]

But as a provider of entertainment, part of your job is listening to what your audience wants.

I have to completely disagree with this.

My job is to be myself, to have fun, to tease and entice and to have sexy times with members that already like me for who I am. My job is not to change who I am, what I'm doing or how I want to do it. If the people watching me do my thing don't enjoy it, there is a handy button to click for that. What's that called again? Oh, yeah. Next Model.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[Jupiter551]

On MFC, I had gotten a whole three "I loved that!" style emails, but none of them were very long. Unless I stopped camming for a week, then I'd get a lot of "gee, you were really sexy, when do you think you'll be back?" emails, which I guess might count as positive?

Also, sometimes a guy would actually take the time to rate and comment the private, which I can always see.

On streamate, I've gotten that many in about half as much time camming...

However, on streamate occasionally I get a mail that says "after our private I tipped you 5 gold as a way of saying "thanks for the show!" " which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Yeah but streammate pervs are smell funny, are socially awkward and have odd fetishes :naughty:

 

[missmeowmixx]

first of all if this girl is lame enough to whine and bitch about her bad token days in news feeds, that's her own fault for being a dumbass IMO. just unfriend her and forget it.

that said maybe you're ok friends and you give a shit. so, you want to say something. now although you relate to her and want to help, I think it's important to:

1: be brief. we usually have a lot of stuff to take care of with correspondence and such. I would be annoyed by a message of that length.
2: butter it up. whenever you are giving criticism, put it in a sandwich so it's easier to swallow. start with a compliment, follow with the critique, then say another nice thing. for example:

"you're an intelligent person with a great smile. its too bad you've had some down
times lately. I can't help but want to point out that as someone who also has gone through really, really rough times, that grieving about it on your news feed comes across as a little bit
spoiled perhaps, and might turn people off. I dont want to offend you by saying that, but that's my perspective. anyways, it was great seeing your sexy self again yesterday, I loved watching your cooking show. hope things are getting good for you again."

then, get someone to read it, or walk away from the screen for a bit an then read it again.

my point is you have to sugarcoat it a bit or the person will just tune you out or get mad because you said their whining was fail.

hope that made sense. some girls would still be mad, but everyones different and you can't always win!

 

[JoleneBrody]

Mixxie, I love you and want to grind my nether region on your brain.

 

[hornygods]

Precisely that. You have to give her a reason to read your responses - unsolicited long messages of critique is only going to upset the model, regardless of context - it has to be delivered with tact to be effective.

Of course, I admire the sentiment of looking out for a model, but you're doing it wrong. Don't fret though - just consider it a life lesson.

 

[Preslye]

I didn't read all the message on this thread I just wanted to say:

I have been guilty of exactly what you accused this model to be; negative on cam. I have complained or told people that I just am not feeling all that great, or I have said "Tonight sucks" or "This week has been kinda sucky" and a lot of times my REGULARS know that there is more going on in my every day life that has made my attitude a bit less optimistic than usual. I personally usually hate the fact that I was throwing a pity party on cam, after the fact. I try to make a point to remain positive and sometimes that just doesn't happen and my negative feelings can surface sometimes while I am on cam. I KNOW this and I typically try and catch myself and attempt to change the mood into a positive one. Typically though there are also out side forces causing me to feel the way I do and typically my regulars KNOW this.
I would be pretty pissed if someone I hardly knew sent me that email especially with out knowing all the facts instead just making assumptions. Even if your intentions were good.

That being said I have one regular that when I start getting pissy sends me a small tip with a note that says "quityabeethcin" and I LOL and realize crap I am doing it again lol. Then I immediately laugh at myself apologize to the room and explain it's other things going on that are making me a "debbie downer" & then change my attitude entirely or if I don't think thats possible I will tell everyone sorry but I have to go and I will log off.

Typically WE KNOW that bitching isn't attractive but a lot of times we have just become comfortable enough with the people in our room (specifically our regulars), that we feel we can be ourselves and don't feel the need to put up a front and act fake even when we aren't feeling super positive. So having someone we hardly know tell us it isn't attractive typically just isn't needed and quite frankly rude. It's commonly said there are hundreds of models on MFC and if you don't find us or what we are doing/saying attractive then just click the "next model" button.

All that being said I will say this; if you were a regular or someone I consider a friend and you were trying to help me with constructive criticism I would be very open to it. I however don't think any regular of mine would send a message like that one. I think that "friends" or people who are really trying to "help" wouldn't be quite so harsh and would be a lot more understanding and sensitive to the feelings of another friend.

 

[Preslye]

And sure, you can say, "if you don't like the show, click next." But isn't that kind of self defeating? Rather than listen to someone who may have an idea that could bring you tokens, you send them on to someone else? Unless they're suggesting something completely unreasonable, how does that make sense?

Problem with this statement is EVERYONE has an opinion and EVERYONE has an idea or advice to help bring in more tokens. Problem is you can't please everyone. Some premiums WANT a model who is ALWAYS positive even though they know a person can't ALWAYS be perfect and happy with NO problems in the world. They want exactly that an "Entertainer" and I don't know that very many models would consider themselves an entertainer, many would simply say they are just being themselves no matter what that happens to be. I consider myself to extremely real and honest about my feelings and my life. I don't see myself an an entertainer. I am simply just a person who gets on cam an enjoys hanging out and chatting with people. I in no way get on cam thinking I am putting on a "show" in that context. I am a real person, with real emotions, and real problems. Maybe thats a fault of my own. Just saying.

 

[AllisonWilder]

And sure, you can say, "if you don't like the show, click next." But isn't that kind of self defeating? Rather than listen to someone who may have an idea that could bring you tokens, you send them on to someone else? Unless they're suggesting something completely unreasonable, how does that make sense?

Problem with this statement is EVERYONE has an opinion and EVERYONE has an idea or advice to help bring in more tokens. Problem is you can't please everyone. Some premiums WANT a model who is ALWAYS positive even though they know a person can't ALWAYS be perfect and happy with NO problems in the world. They want exactly that an "Entertainer" and I don't know that very many models would consider themselves an entertainer, many would simply say they are just being themselves no matter what that happens to be. I consider myself to extremely real and honest about my feelings and my life. I don't see myself an an entertainer. I am simply just a person who gets on cam an enjoys hanging out and chatting with people. I in no way get on cam thinking I am putting on a "show" in that context. I am a real person, with real emotions, and real problems. Maybe thats a fault of my own. Just saying.

This is exactly what I was trying to say, just more eloquently and less bitchy than I was able to say it.

 

[RogueWarrior]

For OP, not gonna suppose how a recipient of that diatribe would feel, but WAY too many words.

As Steven Tyler once said, "Please don't bore us, get to the chorus."