What follows was an mfc-mail I sent a few days ago. It was sent for the reason I said I sent, 'b/c I like the model, and thought she might be causing some of her own problem'. (She enjoied 2or3 months that had her in the top 20 during part of the month, and may have even finished in the top20 one month) She was working very hard and putting in a lot of hours, she had a few bad weeks, and then started running news feeds, at the worst were 2or3 times a week. They were always after she had quite for the day, saying how bad the day had been, often with token to time ratio info. I have been in her room 1 time since I wrote the below mail (very first time I saw her after sending the mail). I first said, "Hi model's name" no response (200+ in rm), 30 sec later said, "I'm glad to see you in good spirits" still nothing, so I said, "Well I'm not banned anyway" then after waiting for another min, "Well I said I like you, so I'll be back when I can show you my appreciation, :cya".
What I would like to know, is what I have done here, out of line. I don't care so much about whether or not this was proper in the lines of convention. I try not to due that which might be seen as out of the norm, where the action might put another in an uncomfortable place b/c it was in public/not a private action. But other than that, I have little regard for what others think of what I do b/c its out of the norm.
So, what I am looking for is, was this rude b/c it is telling, or suggesting, how she should do her job, or for any reason? I do not see it as being out of line or I would not of sent it. I do/did obviously have my concerns, or I would not have had the tone I did, or would not be asking here.
(WanksWanksbb aka Sirwanksabit)
Modelsname, you might not like this, and it may feel like the last thing in the world you need. I wish I was a better friend b/c if I was told such a thing by someone who didn't really know me I would maybe feel like STFU. Please know that I would not even bother if I did not really like you.
THE WHINING IS FAIL...
I so understand how truly awful it feels to not even be acknowledged by anyone. You sit there or stand there, and try to tell your self it is just slow. you try to push up a grin when all you really want to do is cry. You know you are better than this or at least you don't deserve to be treated like you aren't even there. You keep thinking if I just stay out here a little longer someone will give me something... Anything!!! That is part of the awfulness too, that you know you are not shit so why wont anyone do something. Then there are the assholes who go out of their way to be mean. You know they are assholes, but still it can be so hurtful, it is a personal attack, it feels so unfair, they don't even know you, but do their best to injure you b/c of what you do. it is saying, you, the person you are, is a piece off shit b/c of what you do. The time drags and drags, and the last 10 minutes you are there are the worst, b/c in that time you mentally turn to say fuck it Im out of here 100 times, and then mentally turn back around 101 b/c someone has to do something if you just stay another minute. Then finally you go, and you go in anger, and you just want to kill something but you can't b/c your too sad, and that makes it all the worse. I know how this feels - I have tears in my eyes as I type this out.
I don't know if this is how you ever feel. I was not describing how I knew you feel, but how I know I used to feel. No I was not a male cam model. I was an amputee (right leg below the knee) who had his disability cut without notice, because of a clerical error two states away, that took more then 2 years to sort out. I got an apology, and my disability back. Not before I ended up living under a freeway and having to hold a cardboard sign to beg for food $. It is not exactly the same as being a cam model, but I imagine it might some times feel very much the same?
If I am way off base, I'm sorry for wasting your time. Whether I understand how you exactly feel or not, I understand it is an unpleasant feeling to be treated as if you are worthless.
Again I like you and don't wish to have you upset at me - but honesty is trump, and I have to tell you honestly, that the reason I have not been to your room in the last 4-5 months was b/c I found the sometime frequent news feeds complaining about how unfair life was treating you, unattractive. In general I find whining unattractive, but I do understand how badly it can feel, and the need to say, hey look how bad this makes me feel and understand I am sad. If that were all it felt like, I think I could have handled it. What it more often then not felt like, was, that we, all of us the ppl, who did not tip, were directly responsible for how unfair life can be. Who promised you fair, it was not I. I am sorry some days feel like that, but life is not fair, and any suggestion that it is, is pure chance.
Most of the time I am the odd man out, but on this I think others may feel the same.
I may be a fool, and you have discovered this as a strategy to get the pity tips. I don't want to believe this, and I don't, even a little. But to totally disregard it would be stupid, as little as we know of each other.
Please remember no matter how what I have said makes you FEEL, that maybe it has some Merritt as something to think about, after your done hating me.
Eric/*wanks*/Camstory
I will add that at one point 6-8 months ago I visited her room about 15-20 times, and many of those I spent an hour or more. I was not a reg I guess, but only b/c I stopped visiting - most all the regs would greet me on entry. I was at some point added to her friends list, yet did not directly pay for for that. (Some make a big deal of letting everyone know they don't pay for sex. I don't pay to become a friend, just seems a miss match of terms.) I wanted to illustrate a little better the extent of our contact.
Thank for your input.
What I would like to know, is what I have done here, out of line. I don't care so much about whether or not this was proper in the lines of convention. I try not to due that which might be seen as out of the norm, where the action might put another in an uncomfortable place b/c it was in public/not a private action. But other than that, I have little regard for what others think of what I do b/c its out of the norm.
So, what I am looking for is, was this rude b/c it is telling, or suggesting, how she should do her job, or for any reason? I do not see it as being out of line or I would not of sent it. I do/did obviously have my concerns, or I would not have had the tone I did, or would not be asking here.
(WanksWanksbb aka Sirwanksabit)
Modelsname, you might not like this, and it may feel like the last thing in the world you need. I wish I was a better friend b/c if I was told such a thing by someone who didn't really know me I would maybe feel like STFU. Please know that I would not even bother if I did not really like you.
THE WHINING IS FAIL...
I so understand how truly awful it feels to not even be acknowledged by anyone. You sit there or stand there, and try to tell your self it is just slow. you try to push up a grin when all you really want to do is cry. You know you are better than this or at least you don't deserve to be treated like you aren't even there. You keep thinking if I just stay out here a little longer someone will give me something... Anything!!! That is part of the awfulness too, that you know you are not shit so why wont anyone do something. Then there are the assholes who go out of their way to be mean. You know they are assholes, but still it can be so hurtful, it is a personal attack, it feels so unfair, they don't even know you, but do their best to injure you b/c of what you do. it is saying, you, the person you are, is a piece off shit b/c of what you do. The time drags and drags, and the last 10 minutes you are there are the worst, b/c in that time you mentally turn to say fuck it Im out of here 100 times, and then mentally turn back around 101 b/c someone has to do something if you just stay another minute. Then finally you go, and you go in anger, and you just want to kill something but you can't b/c your too sad, and that makes it all the worse. I know how this feels - I have tears in my eyes as I type this out.
I don't know if this is how you ever feel. I was not describing how I knew you feel, but how I know I used to feel. No I was not a male cam model. I was an amputee (right leg below the knee) who had his disability cut without notice, because of a clerical error two states away, that took more then 2 years to sort out. I got an apology, and my disability back. Not before I ended up living under a freeway and having to hold a cardboard sign to beg for food $. It is not exactly the same as being a cam model, but I imagine it might some times feel very much the same?
If I am way off base, I'm sorry for wasting your time. Whether I understand how you exactly feel or not, I understand it is an unpleasant feeling to be treated as if you are worthless.
Again I like you and don't wish to have you upset at me - but honesty is trump, and I have to tell you honestly, that the reason I have not been to your room in the last 4-5 months was b/c I found the sometime frequent news feeds complaining about how unfair life was treating you, unattractive. In general I find whining unattractive, but I do understand how badly it can feel, and the need to say, hey look how bad this makes me feel and understand I am sad. If that were all it felt like, I think I could have handled it. What it more often then not felt like, was, that we, all of us the ppl, who did not tip, were directly responsible for how unfair life can be. Who promised you fair, it was not I. I am sorry some days feel like that, but life is not fair, and any suggestion that it is, is pure chance.
Most of the time I am the odd man out, but on this I think others may feel the same.
I may be a fool, and you have discovered this as a strategy to get the pity tips. I don't want to believe this, and I don't, even a little. But to totally disregard it would be stupid, as little as we know of each other.
Please remember no matter how what I have said makes you FEEL, that maybe it has some Merritt as something to think about, after your done hating me.
Eric/*wanks*/Camstory
I will add that at one point 6-8 months ago I visited her room about 15-20 times, and many of those I spent an hour or more. I was not a reg I guess, but only b/c I stopped visiting - most all the regs would greet me on entry. I was at some point added to her friends list, yet did not directly pay for for that. (Some make a big deal of letting everyone know they don't pay for sex. I don't pay to become a friend, just seems a miss match of terms.) I wanted to illustrate a little better the extent of our contact.
Thank for your input.
