After viewing a studio cam performer a couple of times, I saw him in a few sensitive moment online, related, admired his shrewdness, compassion for fellow cammers, dark humor, I related with his problems and views and, thus, eventually developed tender feelings for him.... and... of course he's hot. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. I am a social reject and admittedly desperate so, my standards to feel " liked" or "accepted" are painfully low.
After a few more visits, me tipping and brief PM's he told me " he wished he could to make me dinner every night". I responded I wanted to wake up next to him every morning. A few weeks later he said, " he'd always love me no matter what". To that I responded I loved him too. He seemed pleased, but then he began to ignore me. The more I tipped the shorter his attention got.
We never went to private and I kept PMs short because he was working and I felt guilty for taking up his time, while not being able to help him reach his nightly goal completely. When he was short on a goal he would get really pouty, but when I tipped like half of it he didn't seem please. Others got "kissy faces" and "huggy bears" for moderate tips. For me it was just " Thank you, again". He started telling the whole room " I love you all". Then, all high tippers got the title " my love" Before, regardless if I tipped or not, he publicly only referred to me as " my love". He left each stream with a general good bye to the whole room and a specific " @myname, Love you" ( not " I love you" though) to me only.
He started wearing a hoodie on camera because I said I likes his hair. After I said I liked his belly button he'd cover it up. I'd watch in anonymous and he'd masturbate with no tips ( It seemed) just to other cammers. When I entered the room he'd get dressed, pull the camera up super close and just " mad dog" the camera all pissed.
So, I backed off for about a year. When I returned as a non- tipping member, he Pm'ed me right away and said he was always happy to see me. If a gray ( non-tipper) said hello or tried to hook up with me, immediately they'd be banned. After about a week, again I tipped. ( It pains me to see him pout when he doesn't reach his goal). Then, fast track, in week two, after two big tips... ARTIC BREEZE...cold shoulder AGAIN!
In my heart I knew nothing could really come from this, but I enjoyed the attention. I paid for it. In the back of my head I felt he was playing mind games to get tips and I enjoyed the blissful delusion. We're on two different continents, a generation apart, and I'm not a member of the "beautiful people's club" so it wasn't possible. But why did he give me the cold shoulder even as my tips got higher and higher? Was he serious and somehow I hurt him? Was he just giving me the fantasy he sensed I needed ( he's scary observant)
Was he a thrill seeker and just got bored with me? Was it compassion to stop leading me on because he knows I'm broke and was saving to donate? Did I scare him? Did all the love bird b.s get sickening to him, but he can't block me because he's studio? Is he confused ( people do fall for coworkers and clients sometimes in other professions. ). Should I ask him what's going on? I'm I confused or in denial?
After a few more visits, me tipping and brief PM's he told me " he wished he could to make me dinner every night". I responded I wanted to wake up next to him every morning. A few weeks later he said, " he'd always love me no matter what". To that I responded I loved him too. He seemed pleased, but then he began to ignore me. The more I tipped the shorter his attention got.
We never went to private and I kept PMs short because he was working and I felt guilty for taking up his time, while not being able to help him reach his nightly goal completely. When he was short on a goal he would get really pouty, but when I tipped like half of it he didn't seem please. Others got "kissy faces" and "huggy bears" for moderate tips. For me it was just " Thank you, again". He started telling the whole room " I love you all". Then, all high tippers got the title " my love" Before, regardless if I tipped or not, he publicly only referred to me as " my love". He left each stream with a general good bye to the whole room and a specific " @myname, Love you" ( not " I love you" though) to me only.
He started wearing a hoodie on camera because I said I likes his hair. After I said I liked his belly button he'd cover it up. I'd watch in anonymous and he'd masturbate with no tips ( It seemed) just to other cammers. When I entered the room he'd get dressed, pull the camera up super close and just " mad dog" the camera all pissed.
So, I backed off for about a year. When I returned as a non- tipping member, he Pm'ed me right away and said he was always happy to see me. If a gray ( non-tipper) said hello or tried to hook up with me, immediately they'd be banned. After about a week, again I tipped. ( It pains me to see him pout when he doesn't reach his goal). Then, fast track, in week two, after two big tips... ARTIC BREEZE...cold shoulder AGAIN!
In my heart I knew nothing could really come from this, but I enjoyed the attention. I paid for it. In the back of my head I felt he was playing mind games to get tips and I enjoyed the blissful delusion. We're on two different continents, a generation apart, and I'm not a member of the "beautiful people's club" so it wasn't possible. But why did he give me the cold shoulder even as my tips got higher and higher? Was he serious and somehow I hurt him? Was he just giving me the fantasy he sensed I needed ( he's scary observant)
Was he a thrill seeker and just got bored with me? Was it compassion to stop leading me on because he knows I'm broke and was saving to donate? Did I scare him? Did all the love bird b.s get sickening to him, but he can't block me because he's studio? Is he confused ( people do fall for coworkers and clients sometimes in other professions. ). Should I ask him what's going on? I'm I confused or in denial?
