Tips on Seducing Another Man while in a Relationship

[NaomiRose]

Alright, so I'm in need of some advice! My boyfriend and I have an open relationship and I would never do anything behind his back. So, since we are in an open relationship, he is quite alright with me sleeping with other people. That being said, I seem to have a problem seducing other guys.

So, I'd like opinions from both sides (ie. from swinger chicks who pick up men other than their boyfriends and from men who would potentially get picked up by a girl in a relationship). What is the best way to go at it? Just be totally straight up? Wait until he wonders about you hitting on him while you have a boyfriend? What's the best method in your opinion?

I would always eventually tell these guys that I am in a relationship and my boyfriend knows what's going on and is okay with it... I'm just not sure whether I should mention that right off the bat. I don't want to scare anyone away, nor do I want to act like I'm already assuming this guy would want to hook up with me.

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks guys and girls.

 

[Trusty]

You just trying to have sex with these guys ?

If it's just going to be a one nighter than no need to give details. Lie out your ass even. :lol:

 

[SatanJonez]

You just trying to have sex with these guys ?

If it's just going to be a one nighter than no need to give details. Lie out your ass even. :lol:

This. Don't even give them any contact info (phone, email, hell even your real name might be too much). Fuck & run and tell them thanks for the fun.

 

[NaomiRose]

Hmmm... I appreciate the input, but I'm not sure that's what I'm going for.

I still prefer to have sex with people whom I trust, meaning I would need to know them for longer than a night, and also I wouldn't want to lie my ass out to them. The idea of having a one night stand is exciting to me, so I still might try it - and in that case it wouldn't really matter what I told them. But it's not really my style. I'm thinking more of a friends with benefits kind of thing. Someone who I know and occasionally hang out with... and occasionally would have sex with, lol.

 

[Trusty]

ohhh. in that case. find the target. befriend them, flirt with them. Tell them you have a boyfriend.

Who lets you sleep with them. Music to any guys ears.

 

[NaomiRose]

You would think! So far that has not worked out though, not sure why. I would think no strings attached sex would be any guys dream... Lol!

 

[LadyLuna]

Maybe the hardest part is getting them to stay friends without falling in love with you?

 

[NinjaMike42]

You would think! So far that has not worked out though, not sure why. I would think no strings attached sex would be any guys dream... Lol!

Not any guy. Take me. I've never been on a date, let alone come anywhere close to having sex, but if the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world asked me to have sex right now I would tell her no thank you.

Granted, a large part of that for me is that I want my first time to have some semblance of significance and pretty much any guy you'd be likely to find wouldn't be in that situation. But the point is that while it may sound like any guy's dreams, every guy has different motivations, and some just can't go for something like that.

 

[Bocefish]

I would always eventually tell these guys that I am in a relationship and my boyfriend knows what's going on and is okay with it...

That would raise a HUGE red flag for just about any semi-conscious dude. I'd think you were probably some psycho with a hidden agenda. :lol: If a guy hears that you have a boyfriend and he's open with you having sex on the side, he wouldn't believe it until he hears it from said guy. Even then, I'd be a bit paranoid it was some sort of set up, at first.

Why not try going to some swingers clubs and just check them out together? There's tons of 'em advertised on the interwebz for every locale.

 

[Comrade_1917]

straight up is the best approach. the last thing I would want to do is play games with someone who is in a relationship. so if its cool with your man and you see something you want just be flat out honest. it would make me feel better knowing that you are initiating and on record as to the situation in your relationship.

For more advice consult Naughty by Nature

 

[VenusFaery]

Maybe the hardest part is getting them to stay friends without falling in love with you?

This. In fact, I just found out my sis is getting divorced because of something very similar.

 

[NaomiRose]

Lol, thanks for the input guys...

Really? Someone would think I'm psycho because I have a boyfriend and we are in an open relationship? Good to know...

Where's D0mino!? I need her help here!!! LOL.

 

[Bocefish]

Disregard the psycho comment :lol: perhaps it was just the way you phrased it that led me to saying that. I dunno what I was thinking. :roll: Being honest that you are in a open relationship is the best approach if/when the subject comes up or you decide to bring it up.

 

[luvsyou]

Depends on what you want...

A one nighter....just flirt with him....be fairly agressive, and let him know he can score.

A fuck buddy...you'll have to be honest in all fairness to him.

Try being real brave and go for the threesome and let us know how it turns out. I've been in a few and it is amazing.

 

[tightlockup]

Have your bf record a video on your phone where he says "Yes , we are in an open relationship, and if she's showing you this, she wants to have sex with you and it isn't a problem for me. Enjoy!"

The closer you are to a sexual partner relationship wise they harder it will be to keep feelings from getting hurt on all sides. If you need the potential partner to be so close that they are not quite a boyfriend you may want to consider polyamory. Just my crackpot thoughts.

 

[NaomiRose]

Thanks again

And luvsyou... I've gone for many threesomes... LOL! My bf and I have had way too many to count. They are almost always amazing, I completely agree. What I'm trying to do now is go for a guy on my own, as that is pretty much unexplored territory. We're always still hooking up/looking for threesomes also though. We've got a few really good friends that it works out great with, never really had any worries. We're always super open and honest - which I think is the key to great sex.

And thanks tightlockup - I like your idea of recording a video. Funny! But not sure I'll put it into practice!

I'm not interested in polyamory, but my boyfriend and I have both definitely talked about it before and kind of almost been in a polyamorous relationship, and we decided it's not something we want to pursue. For now, I'm just looking for someone I know relatively well that I can hook up with... I suppose emotion can't always be left out of sex... But I've had threesomes repeatedly with the same person and emotion never really became an issue - mostly because we were/are such good friends.

I dunno. I am hoping that as long as the person knows I have a boyfriend and is okay with us just being friends and casual sex partners that emotions wouldn't get involved. Maybe I'm dreaming?

I think I might just end up going for a one-nighter, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. I prefer not to use condoms, and never would go bareback with someone I didn't trust to be clean. I also believe sex is best when you actually trust the person...

I have a few male friends (that don't know my boyfriend, but know I have one) that I've attempted to seduce, and so far, no luck. I'm not sure what the deal is. I know they are single... Maybe they are looking to only have sex with women they could possibly date? Beats me. I just want to find someone who wants to have casual sex. It is proving more difficult than I would have originally thought!

 

[D0mino]

Lol, thanks for the input guys...

Really? Someone would think I'm psycho because I have a boyfriend and we are in an open relationship? Good to know...

Where's D0mino!? I need her help here!!! LOL.

Sorry it took so long for me to reply, I've been a bit AWOL

Alright so far I have come to the understanding that you are just looking for a strict no strings attached sex. Piece of cake. The beauty of being a female Naomi is we don't have to play mind games (although most females certainly opt to play). If you want to have sex with a guy tell him. Just be blunt.

Anytime I want to be with a guy I tell them right off the bat, the moment I realize it. But then again I am a very blunt person. Any of the casual fucks I've had in the recent months have been procured by simply stating what I wanted. Just cut the bullshit. If you are digging on a particular lady/gent then simply state what you want, some will welcome the no bullshit attitude, others will certainly be disgusted by it. After much practice I can gage if someone is going to be up for it though, if they seem even slightly iffy then I will not even attempt to get them in bed.

Generally I can pick up on whether a guy is going to be willing to fuck me even if I am married or not. You can tell this, by if they flirt with you with the knowledge of your partner or if they are just naturally promiscuous. If a lady/gent seem stand offish, lacking confidence, and/or are religious even slightly you can pretty much guess you are going to get shot down, but its never not worth a try regardless. Rejection happens, so does shit. Just wipe it off and keep trucking.

But your confidence level, your overall approach is a big deal. If you go into a long detailed dialog to a guy upfront about what you are looking for, he is going to probably turn down the offer cause then it sounds like a business proposition. However if he sees you as a normal human being digging another human being, simply trying to make your move and you show them how simple it can be, he is more likely to agree.

Take how I got Selshan between my legs:
I had met Selshan online back in November. He hung out in my MFC chat for maybe a week. It didn't take me long to realize he was a fuckability. So I sent him a PM as follows:

D0mino: So...when are we going to fuck?
Selshan: Um, how long will it take me to drive from where I am to where you are?

After using my sixth swinger sense I had judged him as an appropriate fuckability, so I kinda knew he wasn't going to deny. Now we are best buds and fuck when we get the chance. No strings attached.

So I am not sure if any of this is really helping, but your original question was how to approach guys you want to fuck if you are in an open relationship. Be blunt. Let him ask the questions and don't shy away or seem uncertain about any of it. Let him know you want to fuck, he will take it from there. Ask the questions he needs to and decide for himself. If he says,

"I don't know, I only want to have sex if it is going to be special."
then shrug it off, but also let him know that he can call you if he changes his mind. I'll say it again, cause it is very important, if you are cool and confident about it, it'll be easier for them to understand and decide with a clear head. I believe I mentioned in one of my blogs that I have gained a quick ability to judge ones character, that being said it'll come easier to you as you throw yourself into that kind of situation more often. Some guys are quick to answer "yes" (like selshan ) others, take a bit of time and convincing to warm up to the idea. I've had guys that wanted to take me out on a few dates first before actually having sex. Which is totally fine by me, but that also has a lot to do with whether or not your open relationship permits that. I certainly know that my open relationship is very liberal compared to most, so some of this may not be any help at all to you.

And as a side note, this approach really doesn't work well on the ladies. Thus, I don't get nearly as many females between my legs as I do gents. C'est la vie.

So Naomi...when are we going to fuck?

Edit: Also, if a guy thinks you are psycho because you are in an open relationship then he wasn't a very good candidate to begin with. And if a guy at first (single of course) is hesitant, then give him awhile to warm up to you and get comfy with you. If he seems alright with the idea, be extra flirty with him, allow him to be well aware of your sexual attraction to him, he will most likely change his mind. You just have to learn to pick up on certain signals. If you have more personal questions regarding certain scenarios Naomi, don't be afraid to message me I don't claim to be an expert, but I am certainly practiced

 

[selshan]

D0m pretty much hit the nail right on the head. Speaking as the guy on the receiving end of her advances, her bluntness was refreshing and quite awesome. No dancing around the issue, trying to feel each other out. We both agreed that the other person was awesome, and it was something we wanted to pursue. So, we did. Simple as that.

 

[NaomiRose]

Yayy!!! I was so waiting for your reply D0mino =)

That actually helped a lot! Thank you so much. I think I just need to learn to handle the rejection better if it does happen. If a guy is going to think I'm psycho, or isn't into it because I'm in a relationship or whatever other reason, then he obviously isn't someone I should be pursuing the idea with anyways.

As for going out on a few dates before hand, my boyfriend would certainly be okay with that, and I think in some cases even I would prefer that... Just so I can get a good feel for the guy. I'm very open minded when it comes to sex and am into a lot of things, and I would want to know how far a guy is willing to go. I don't want to freak anyone out, lol. Just for example, I'm into anal, and some guys aren't... I'm okay with it if he isn't into it, but I'd probably want a good idea before we actually got into the situation and I start asking him to put some fingers in there. Lol. Also, I would want to know his sexual history so I would be able to ride him bareback with no worries, lol. I hate condoms, but I don't want to be an idiot. I don't think I would have sex with someone I didn't trust to be clean anyways though. What's your opinion when it comes to that?

So when you tell a guy you want to have sex with him, when do you say it? Online? Facebook? In person? Get his phone number and text or call? So far my attempts have been made on Facebook (via messages) and it hasn't worked too well... I think it would be better even if I were IM'ing the guy, because an actual conversation is going on. I think so far I have also attempted to get with guys who lack confidence. I don't think they are used to a woman being so forward (because I most certainly have been clear about what I want in the messages). My boyfriend just keeps observing and going, "WTF? I'd be all over that!" Needless to say, he hasn't been much help, because if it had been him, he most certainly would be going for it - however, he does have confidence (one of the main reasons I have always been so attracted to him). So perhaps I just need to start picking more confident people. I love your line, "Rejection happens, so does shit. Just wipe it off and keep trucking." That's so true! Wicked line, you are awesome.

I would love any advice you might have on getting the ladies... I find, like you, I have a much harder time getting a girl in the sack. It's so odd... I am one, so you think I would know how to seduce one... But I find it really hard to get a girl. Probably a large part of that is, I don't really have a whole lot of experience myself, so I lack a bit of confidence. I know how to flirt with guys, but I guess I'm always worried about flirting with a girl because I can't be sure she's into girls. I've had sex with four women, but all were in threesome situations and the guy did most of the set up there. It has been nothing short of amazing, but I'd love a one on one experience as well.

Now, to answer your question as to when we are going to fuck... As soon as we can! Lol. I would love to... I think you are super sexy and an awesome girl. I fear we have some distance between us (I live in Canada), but that doesn't mean we won't see each other sometime soon... September, perhaps?

EDIT: I am sure I will be messaging you and picking your brain more in the future. I was about to message you before I saw your reply.

 

[D0mino]

As far as cleanliness goes, well thats where you just have to be smart. I never go without a condom, but since you prefer to go without that, then you most def. have to practically require a few nights extra to get to know the victim (lolz victim) before pouncing. Like you said, you are not likely to have sex with someone you have doubts about, same with me. However, there is no real way to ever really know if someone is STD free, so thats why I always require back up. No tex, no sex.

I've informed folks about my sexual attraction to them in a variety of ways. Via email, IM, phone, txt, in person, whichever is most accessible and more comfortable for the receiving end. Some people aren't very comfortable talking on the phone and prefer txt, if that is the case stay in their comfort zone. Sometimes that can be frustrating cause it would be so much easier to discuss and get to the point in person and/or IM, but that isn't always the wisest choice. Conversing your sexual attraction via longer thought out messages helps the victim become more comfortable with the idea and also helps them think out exactly their response. Instead of responding too quickly without much thought, later regretting.

Thats when feeling out a person's character comes in handy. In the situation involving Selshan, it was obvious he was already very comfortable with conversing via IM cause he was on MFC for fuck's sake, so I knew approaching him via PM would not be a problem. However, I've had to approach other gents differently. One fellow seemed a bit shy in person although I had seem him act differently with other people. So in order to get my point across quickly and effectively without making him uncomfortable I knew I would have to approach him via txt. How did you get his phone number then? Simple I used the fact that he was a bit shy to my advantage and waited till he was in a group he was a bit awkward with. Then I publicly whipped out my phone and asked, "Hey, give me your phone number right quick." I got it no problem, for he was caught off guard by my sudden request and was too socially inept at the time to decline. That seems a bit risky on your part, don't you think? Eh well, life is risky if you don't take risk.

As far as getting ladies, well I have absolutely no game. I stick to what I know, at being blunt. If that doesn't work on a girl I try to get with, then that pretty much means she wasn't a good candidate to begin with either. The main drawback here though is a badass chick that is willing to experiment and have no strings attached kind of fun that I am looking for is really very few and far between, that and although I have good judge of character my gaydar still needs some work.

September you say? Thats certainly do-able in my book as long as its close to the end of September

 

[NaomiRose]

Update!

One of my victims (lol) has replied to my Facebook message... Muhahaha! I officially have a date with him tomorrow night. If all goes well... He should be coming back to my place with me afterwards, whoop whoop! So far I haven't stated exactly what I want (no strings attached sex), but I plan to do that in person (once I'm certain I even want to have sex with him), rather than have the conversation via text or Facebook. I'm pretty excited... Also nervous though! I've really never done this before. He's a friend of a friend and I've seen him a few times, but I really don't know him well at all. Which I guess is also part of the reason it is so exciting, lol. Wish me luck! Haha and I might be needing a pep talk.

I think as far as cleanliness goes, I'll just use condoms... At least to start with. If it happens a few times and I know the person better (and I can even ask them to get tested) then I will maybe go without. The one thing that sucks is that I really don't like the idea of sucking on a condom (although to be fair, I've never performed oral on someone with a condom on) but I also really don't like the idea of not sucking cock! LOL. I love to give head... First time sex doesn't usually make it to a lot of foreplay though, so maybe that won't really matter.

About the ladies:

The main drawback here though is a badass chick that is willing to experiment and have no strings attached kind of fun that I am looking for is really very few and far between, that and although I have good judge of character my gaydar still needs some work.

^^^^ So true! Where are all the badass awesome chicks!? I have such a hard time finding awesome and sexy girls to get down with, lol. And I really don't have a good gaydar either... Although I think that MOST girls are willing to experiment. The trouble is, a lot only want to when they are drunk or in order to get attention - which isn't want I'm looking for. I want a girl who truly wants to experiment just for herself, not just because she'll get attention - and I want her to be comfortable enough with herself to go for it even when she is sober.

As for September, I'll make another post in our models section about it I have a wedding at the end of September, but hopefully we can find a weekend that works!

 

[BridgetDahl]

I would always eventually tell these guys that I am in a relationship and my boyfriend knows what's going on and is okay with it... I'm just not sure whether I should mention that right off the bat. I don't want to scare anyone away, nor do I want to act like I'm already assuming this guy would want to hook up with me.

.

Seems to me that you are actually trying to get more open relations, in the hope one will materialise in a more stable one. You would think one night stands will eliminate the need for you to explain to this boy toys, your life with your current bf. And from my short lived experience, I think guys are like blood hounds, they manage to work out what your after no matter what you say you want.

 

[AluraCurvyBBW]

Ok my problems is reversed.. my fiance and I have a open relationship. We can both fuck other females.. I personally have a one penis golden ticket per relationship rule... as much as I love trannies if a really hot hung one was into me.. only way anything could happen is if they are strap on friendly lmao

I choose this mainly because it fucks with my sense of right/wrong. Doesn't feel right..shit I masturbate thinkin of my fiance so *blinks* yeaah.

Its hard for me bein female and bi but more strongly attracted to females because its hard guagin if a female could deal with me. I'm blunt as fuck.. I have told females that their place with me would involve exactly what is expected from me.

 

[LaLaLand_xD]

Get him drunk.

I didn't feel like reading the whole thread again so if it's been mentioned before...yeah...

 

[Classy]

Update!
One of my victims (lol) has replied to my Facebook message... Muhahaha! I officially have a date with him tomorrow night. Wish me luck! Haha and I might be needing a pep talk.

It's a bit LATE, but 'Good luck!'

How did it go?

I think as far as cleanliness goes, I'll just use condoms... At least to start with. If it happens a few times and I know the person better (and I can even ask them to get tested) then I will maybe go without. The one thing that sucks is that I really don't like the idea of sucking on a condom (although to be fair, I've never performed oral on someone with a condom on) but I also really don't like the idea of not sucking cock! LOL. I love to give head... First time sex doesn't usually make it to a lot of foreplay though, so maybe that won't really matter.

Yeah, from my experience I think that's why Friends with Benefits work better, when the trust is there and they are open about who they are being safe/unsafe with, etc. This means you can make a judgement call. Obviously it's 1000 times better if you take the trip to the clinic together, as friends, and do each other the courtesy of regular checks

It's also better when they are safe with everyone else but you, but not likely in the FB situation.

Hope it worked out for you!

 

[CurvyDDMarie]

I was able to read about half way through the posts, and wanted to add my 2 cents on what I read.

I know that person (sorry, too lazy to use quote right now and/or look back to see who it was) clarified the psycho comment, but I knew what she meant. Like people will sometimes think that you must be a whack job to be in an open relationship - basically, that a lot of people are going to think you are lying. And that you are living in a fantasy world where in YOUR head YOU are in an open relationship.... even though you are totally legit.

Too many people are out to fuck with peoples heads, and play games, and whatever else.

Perfect example that happened to me:

I was young and pretty naive at the time, so probably an assumed easy target for him. Met this guy and was completely infatuated with him. Shortly after he invites me to lunch, and I accept. He tells me at lunch that he has a girlfriend................ followed by that they don't have sex because she was raped when she was younger. So basically he convinced me that he was "allowed" to have something on the side. I completely fell for it. Welllll, surprise surprise the cat finally comes out of the bag when I grew half a brain and started asking him questions. She found out about me, flipped the fuck out on him......... and then they were married about a year later.

 

[NaomiRose]

Thanks for the responses all.

Haha, Lalaland... Getting him drunk usually helps, LOL.

Thanks Classy! A little late, but I still appreciate the sentiment, lol. It went really well... We didn't do it the first "date" but I have slept with him twice since. He got a gf and so we stopped but we still did do it twice, woot! The second time was even condom free because he went and got tested. It was a fun time and he's actually become a really close friend (with both me and my fiancee). Looks like things didn't work out with his girl though... So there may be some sexytime with him again in my near future. For right now, he seems pretty bummed about breaking up with his girl so I'm not attacking the poor guy, LOL.

Actually the initial date with him was super fun. He was quite shocked. And when I told him what I did for a job he thought I was joking. Seriously... LOL. I had to tell him I was serious like three times before he believed I was a webcam model. He's since visited my chat room a few times, lol. He was totally shocked because I guess I seem innocent and don't come off that way at all. It was really fun. Seriously. I was so wet the entire night, lol. I'm sure I gave him a boner or two... And I definitely know he got a boner later... Cause I got to play with it.
--

Sorry to hear about that situation Ur_Addiction. It's unfortunate that a lot of people seem to assume bad things like that are going to happen... They obviously assume so with reason though... Since those things do happen! However, it's completely true in my case and I am still always going to be open with others about it. If they think I'm lying, that's their loss I guess. Every person I plan to have sex with on a regular basis will meet my fiancee, and so they will know I'm not bullshitting. (Example, this guy I made the post about initially... He's become really good friends with both of us and we've talked openly about it... Still hoping for a threesome in my future, but I don't think he's comfortable with that... It's all good though. I never intend to make people uncomfortable.)

Bottom line is that the straight forward approach really does work best. Either they are going to go for it or they are going to think you are crazy and write you off or maybe they just aren't comfortable with the situation because it isn't what they are looking for. All are okay by me.

 

[AshaSnow]

Move to Houston. One of the most awesome swinger communities everr

 

[NaomiRose]

Haha nice. Maybe I'll visit sometime!