Should I cut my crazy friend off?

[alegendawaits]

So my best friend (and ONLY friend) has a terrible, terrible spending problem... she is the MOST impulsive spender I know, and any time I get my hands on any money she asks for it.

Before anybody assumes she's using me..... she may be. But she may not be. I'm trying to figure that out for myself... it could very well be that she just has ZERO sense of priorities. She's 20 and pretty immature for her age.

She's also very stubborn and has an attitude problem, so I can try to talk to her about it, but it wouldn't help, it would just make matters worse. The closest I came to confronting her on this issue was mentioning "You're the most impulsive spender I know" and all she said was "I know"

I've stole from my family for her (before anybody says ANYTHING, the only reason she asked me to was because she KNOWS that I don't have a problem doing it, because I DON'T LIKE THEM point blank lol) on multiple occasions, and she's even sold toys-r-us and babys-r-us gift cards that were meant for her BABY because she wanted half the cash equivelent for tattoos. Ugh. Trashy, I know, but that's STILL my best friend because I DO see a side of her that is very lovable.

Well, if you've read my post in the 'who the fuck are you' thread, you know that I'm a cam-model to be who HAS gotten her feet wet, closed my accounts, and am striving to get to my goal weight before I start up again, so you know that I come here onto the forums and do my sex work research in between my exercise reps and cardio, planking, weight lifting, whatever...
So, a big thing on my mind lately has been this: After I start up my sex work, am I going to have to cut this friend off?? It's going to be obvious that I'm going to have a lot of money, as I'm going to be moving to a nicer house and wearing nicer clothes, and I already KNOW that's she's going to want to drain me.

WHAT MAKES MATTERS WORSE IS that if she's NOT using me CURRENTLY, if I do anything to piss her off I know that this is the only reason she would 'hold onto me'

I've tried figuring up stuff like "I'll only let her have a certain percentage of my money"but then the problem goes here: Whatever percentage I decide on for HER, I was going to give my significant other MORE... and when I'm with him, I'm usually with her also, and I know that if she sees me giving/buying stuff for my fiance', she's going to start asking for more than her percent.

I don't WANT to cut her off, as she IS my ONLY friend.... and I don't wanna automatically assume she's using me either, because I know what her maturity level is. But I also don't want to come off as a 'fake friend' for cutting somebody off solely because they were draining my finances. Ugh.

I wasn't sure if this should be here or in Dollar Den, so sorry :/

...and I guess I'll figure out what I wanna do eventually, when I am actually closer to coming into the industry, so I guess this is more of a RANT than anything. Ugh :/

 

[xDollPartsx]

All other things aside...why....whyyyyy on earth do you feel the need to give her any amount of your money? That part I guess is the part that's totally baffling me right now...

 

[alegendawaits]

All other things aside...why....whyyyyy on earth do you feel the need to give her any amount of your money? That part I guess is the part that's totally baffling me right now...

just because when we hang out she's always asking me to pay for taco bell, gas, etc. I didn't mean STRAIGHT UP giving her the CASH, but she's an impulsive spender and I was just figuring up how much is my "limit" on spending on her.

 

[CynClaire]

This whole post is so unhealthy. Your friend is using you for money, clearly. I have no advice but to find new friends...you don't owe her any money to be her friend.

 

[Mila_]

You are paying her for the fantasy of friendship. You should ask her for camming advice.

 

[alegendawaits]

This whole post is so unhealthy. Your friend is using you for money, clearly. I have no advice but to find new friends...you don't owe her any money to be her friend.

It's a weird situation because when I mention camming she never ASKS me for a cut of it or anything selfish like that, but when we go on little road trips she asks me to pay for a majority of the trip.

btw i'm a cam-model to be. I'm not yet camming.

Which I would be fine with, but I feel it's not mutual. I'd say my best example of it not being mutual was this:
(and this wasn't long ago either)
She wanted to see her BD, who's 4 hours away. She wanted me to come with. I said "well i have to work in the morning" ...i had JUST started this job (vanilla job. grocery deli. my FIRST job i've ever had) she said "it's okay, i'll make sure you get to work.. we just have to leave at 4 in the morning"

She was also informed that I was informed that if I call off within 30 days I would be fired. She said we'll leave at 4 am and I'll get straight to work.

so, when 4 in the morning came she said "Can you call off because I don't want to drive this late with my baby"

I was 4 hours away... so I had no choice.

To make it worth it, I asked if she could bring me to my fiance, whom I hadn't seen in 40 something days (and she knew this)
She said yes. So I went to sleep feeling SOMEWHAT better.

The next day she said "we're not going to see him because I need $15 for gas"

WHAT.

So I got fired. and am struggling now.

She only caved to bring me to my bf on my birthday. It had then been 46 days.

All this happened not too long ago. Few months at the most.

 

[AerynShade]

Stop being friends with this person. Stop talking to this person. Stop interacting in any way with this person. She is toxic and horrible. She is not your friend. She is a parasite who takes up your time and feeds off your energy and money. Ditch her and make new friends.

 

[alegendawaits]

You are paying her for the fantasy of friendship. You should ask her for camming advice.

LOOOL

 

[LittleLei]

So, a big thing on my mind lately has been this: After I start up my sex work, am I going to have to cut this friend off??

Why wait for camming to be a reason to end a money sucking friendship?

 

[IndyMan2012]

Look, this one is pretty straightforward.
Rule Number 1: Take care of your own business.

This leech you've acquired is actively preventing you from following Rule Number 1.

Wave goodbye, and when she comes back wanting more? Laugh in her face and go on with your day.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

Being friendless is a lot better than having shitty friends. The world has 7 billion people in it, you'll make new and better ones if you want to. There is a peace that comes from cutting out toxic people; I advise to you pursue and enjoy it.

 

[BobbyB]

Make a list and list the positive sides and the negative sides of her.

Then write down why you think it is worth staying connected to her.

If there are any doubts get rid of her .

 

[justjoinedtopost]

What have you stolen from your family for her? Talking about pilfering a little food here and there, or did you jack a lawnmower?

Also, is she hooking you up with good weed, X, or anything you can't get anywhere else at the moment?

 

[swagger]

Aside from the obvious advice, which is ditch your "friend", you mentioned you have a fiance. Please, do yourself and your fiance a favor, and wait a good 5 years or so before marriage. This by no way a besmirch on your character, but some of the things you've mentioned lead me to believe that you could do with a couple more years of adulthood before jumping into a marriage. If it's meant to last forever, rushing it won't help

 

[Mila_]

On a more serious note: you are worthy. You don't need to go to these lengths for someone to care about you. I am not saying this applies to you but sometimes people who do too much for others who keep abusing their acts of kindness do it as a way to prove their value to the other person, out of the believe that they aren't worthy of love for being who they are. This can sometimes be the result of having shitty parents who only praised you or loved you when you did certain things so you assume that love is something you are awarded for acting a certain way and not for being who you are. Maybe you feel like this applies, maybe not, but underneath there must be a pattern of toxic attachment styles for you to accept this behavior and keep her around. The sooner you identify what the root cause is, the easier it will be to kick her to the curb and not relapse into this pattern with new people in the future

 

[swagger]

Also, don't wait around for her to prove to you whether she's using you or not. You say she asked you to steal from your family, you say she caused you to call in for your new job. Subtract her from the equation, you stole from your family, you called into your job. Take agency over your life and you won't have to worry about whether your friends are true, be true to yourself. Best of luck!

 

[schlmoe]

Being friendless is a lot better than having shitty friends. The world has 7 billion people in it, you'll make new and better ones if you want to. There is a peace that comes from cutting out toxic people; I advise to you pursue and enjoy it.

FYI, this also applies to boyfriends/girlfriends: better to be alone/single than be with a shitty one

 

[fandango]

Amateur psychology time but it sounds to me like you have some self esteem issues you need to work on. Instead of you worrying about how to keep her as a friend this situation should be reversed with her worrying about losing you.

Once you realise your own self worth, you'll never allow people to treat you this way.

 

[Picnic]

It seems like you already know the answer to your question. Best of luck with cutting off your friend.

 

[Admiralfoot]

You need to take care of yourself. Be her friend and someone she can count on for moral support. But you shouldn't be her financial support. Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

On a more serious note: you are worthy. You don't need to go to these lengths for someone to care about you. I am not saying this applies to you but sometimes people who do too much for others who keep abusing their acts of kindness do it as a way to prove their value to the other person, out of the believe that they aren't worthy of love for being who they are.

I'm just gonna pull this out and quote it because hitting agree is not enough. You are worthy of more than this farce of an unhealthy friendship, and part of you knows this or you'd never post this.

 

[Ms_Diane]

Do you ever say no to her when she asks you to pay for stuff? What would happen if you just told her that you can't pay for stuff anymore?

 

[alegendawaits]

You need to take care of yourself. Be her friend and someone she can count on for moral support. But you shouldn't be her financial support. Wishing you the best of luck.

Do you ever say no to her when she asks you to pay for stuff? What would happen if you just told her that you can't pay for stuff anymore?

What I honestly WANT to to is combine these two, and possibly leave her in the 'acquainatnce-zone'

However, I don't exactly want to risk pissing her off because I know/have seen what she's like after somebody crosses her, and I don't want that to be me next... and because of that sometimes I feel like I'm the one using her. Idk it's weird.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

However, I don't exactly want to risk pissing her off because I know/have seen what she's like after somebody crosses her, and I don't want that to be me next... and because of that sometimes I feel like I'm the one using her. Idk it's weird.

This is sounding less like a friendship, more like a case of Stockholm syndrome.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

So my best friend (and ONLY friend) has a terrible, terrible spending problem... she is the MOST impulsive spender I know, and any time I get my hands on any money she asks for it.

Before anybody assumes she's using me..... she may be. But she may not be. I'm trying to figure that out for myself... it could very well be that she just has ZERO sense of priorities. She's 20 and pretty immature for her age.

She's also very stubborn and has an attitude problem, so I can try to talk to her about it, but it wouldn't help, it would just make matters worse. The closest I came to confronting her on this issue was mentioning "You're the most impulsive spender I know" and all she said was "I know"

I've stole from my family for her (before anybody says ANYTHING, the only reason she asked me to was because she KNOWS that I don't have a problem doing it, because I DON'T LIKE THEM point blank lol) on multiple occasions, and she's even sold toys-r-us and babys-r-us gift cards that were meant for her BABY because she wanted half the cash equivelent for tattoos. Ugh. Trashy, I know, but that's STILL my best friend because I DO see a side of her that is very lovable.

Well, if you've read my post in the 'who the fuck are you' thread, you know that I'm a cam-model to be who HAS gotten her feet wet, closed my accounts, and am striving to get to my goal weight before I start up again, so you know that I come here onto the forums and do my sex work research in between my exercise reps and cardio, planking, weight lifting, whatever...
So, a big thing on my mind lately has been this: After I start up my sex work, am I going to have to cut this friend off?? It's going to be obvious that I'm going to have a lot of money, as I'm going to be moving to a nicer house and wearing nicer clothes, and I already KNOW that's she's going to want to drain me.

WHAT MAKES MATTERS WORSE IS that if she's NOT using me CURRENTLY, if I do anything to piss her off I know that this is the only reason she would 'hold onto me'

I've tried figuring up stuff like "I'll only let her have a certain percentage of my money"but then the problem goes here: Whatever percentage I decide on for HER, I was going to give my significant other MORE... and when I'm with him, I'm usually with her also, and I know that if she sees me giving/buying stuff for my fiance', she's going to start asking for more than her percent.

I don't WANT to cut her off, as she IS my ONLY friend.... and I don't wanna automatically assume she's using me either, because I know what her maturity level is. But I also don't want to come off as a 'fake friend' for cutting somebody off solely because they were draining my finances. Ugh.

I wasn't sure if this should be here or in Dollar Den, so sorry :/

...and I guess I'll figure out what I wanna do eventually, when I am actually closer to coming into the industry, so I guess this is more of a RANT than anything. Ugh :/

I can be your friend! No charge!
You need to let her go... yup, I said it, you know you don't want to hear this but it's true, that relationship is toxic, sweety, and i am sure you can do better than that! PM if interested! I mean it!!

 

[mynameisbob84]

Ditch this person who is clearly using you, and stop stealing from your family (I know you said you don't like them but if they stole from you, would you just shrug and say "well... fair is fair, they don't like me so I guess its okay that they steal from me"?)

 

[alegendawaits]

Ditch this person who is clearly using you, and stop stealing from your family (I know you said you don't like them but if they stole from you, would you just shrug and say "well... fair is fair, they don't like me so I guess its okay that they steal from me"?)

I agree tbh, I don't even like doing it.


I may be EXTREMELY close to disowning them, but at the same time I still feel bad after doing it.

Just had to get that out there because I know it's horrible

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I agree tbh, I don't even like doing it.


I may be EXTREMELY close to disowning them, but at the same time I still feel bad after doing it.

Just had to get that out there because I know it's horrible

How horrible? Just dying for some details about this.

Did a lot of that myself when I was about 19-20.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Wow, she's a piece of shit, drop her like a load of bricks.

 

[Ms_Diane]

What I honestly WANT to to is combine these two, and possibly leave her in the 'acquainatnce-zone'

However, I don't exactly want to risk pissing her off because I know/have seen what she's like after somebody crosses her, and I don't want that to be me next... and because of that sometimes I feel like I'm the one using her. Idk it's weird.

You are most definitely not using her, but I get how that feeling comes about. Still, if she's gonna turn around and be shitty to you because you don't want to pay for her taco bell, that's that is one shitty friend. I'm not great at dealing with people like this, so I think I would slowly distance myself, instead of completely cutting her off or having some kind of confrontation. I would hope she would get the hint and if that didn't work then I'd just come out and tell her I can't handle her bs anymore and need time away from the friendship. That's just me.