It's a social responsibility, as far as I see it. Sure, the lovely people on Reddit (LOL) can 'mansplain' it as much as they want, or bitch and moan about unfairness and sexism, but the reality is that guys can be scary. Period. Just because they don't like it doesn't change the fact that this is a very real issue.
Especially if you're a 220lb muscle-head like me! Ha! I always remind myself that in public, people don't
know me. They don't know if I'm a nice guy, if I'm faithfully married, if I respect women (or anyone, really). All they can know about me is what they see...and what they see is a big dude. Idgaf if it's 'unfair' - it's about being realistic and self-aware.
I've been in relationships with women who have been victims of sexual, physical, and/or mental abuse - one of the most common threads I noticed was that the idea of feeling 'trapped' or enclosed is about the
worst thing you can do to someone who is an abuse survivor. It psychologically reinforces feelings of helplessness.
I think putting a woman in a position where she has fewer options is just about the shittiest thing a guy can do. For instance, my wife and I were talking about men hitting on women while they are at work (especially in the service industry). It's part of their job to 'play nice' and interact with you, so it's super lame to hit on a girl while she's waiting tables or something and feels like she's jeopardizing her job by not putting up with the B.S. Any guy who does this should know better.
There are places/structures in our society that were made for trying to get dates....they're called bars and clubs, or dating apps. NOT a woman's work-place or any other situation where she has a lowered capacity to say "No". This stuff makes my blood boil - I feel like the guys who do this
know what they are doing. They often think,
"I'm going to try and catch this lady off-guard where she can't say no and my chances are higher!" They think they're being clever, but what they are doing is reinforcing and perpetuating the
very real fears of rape-culture and harassment.
So, like your guy friend, I go
out of my way to try and be accommodating. I've definitely done the 'cough thing' before, or I'll even make a phone call and start chatting with a buddy (it kind of reinforces the idea that I'm
not focused on the woman who is walking alone, I hope). I'll take a different route so as not to be walking behind a woman for a long period of time, or I'll stop and let them walk ahead. Basically anything I can do to make it known that I'm not interested, not shady, and just going about my business.
I think a lot of men would benefit from learning how to handle these situations....and to be aware of them in the first place. I always recommend:
-Don't situate yourself
between a lone female and exits (or block them). This has been proven to cause elevated anxiety, stress, and can put someone into full-on panic mode.
-Don't be a 'surprise': make yourself known - cough, call someone on the phone, drag your feet, whatever. And subsequently, do the
exact opposite of what a predator would do. Don't follow, 'tail', or try to strike up conversation (this last one is about the worst thing you can do IMO - you might have good intentions, but it comes off as creepy, so don't).
-Cross the street, use a different route, stop and sit down, etc. Do something that demonstrates you are
not in a position to 'pounce' on someone or physically access them.
Eh, and here I go ranting again. I guess this stuff just gets on my nerves. :/
