Overbearing tipper followed me onto different cam site

[singswansong]

I started on CB around four years ago and just this year switched over to MFC. I didn't tell any of my followers about the transition because I wanted it to be a fresh start. I was also feeling kind of taken for granted by a lot of my regulars who tipped very little for the amount of emotional labour I was doing. It really wasn't doing my mental health any good.

When I first started I was making considerably more than I did on CB and I liked the feeling of people not knowing much about me.

Anyway, I experimented with splitcamming on both sites the other night, and one of my regulars from the old site heard the MFC tip sound. He's been watching me since I first started camming pretty much every night I've been online. While he's definitely been my most generous and consistent tipper to date, he dominates the room with his conversation and I think this puts a lot of other potential tippers and viewers off. He's also quite demanding of my time and writes me long emails I feel obliged to answer. He was one of the reasons I switched sites, honestly. I just always felt weirdly beholden to his attention and like I couldn't relax on stream.

Anyway, he found me on MFC the other night and dropped into my stream. I was kind of annoyed and shocked to see his username pop up. It felt like a violation of my boundaries. I didn't tell him about the switch nor invite him to follow me onto the other site. The thing is, he's always really sweet and lovely so I feel guilty for wanting to distance myself from him.

How would you ladies navigate this? Do you have any similar experiences? I don't want to hurt his feelings as he really does seem to care about me, but I just feel as though this has become a massive energy suck.

 

[englishmuffins]

Have you told him that what he does put others at bay from tipping and engaging with you? Behaviors won't change unless you tell someone that what they are doing is affecting your work and money flow.

Establishing boundaries with regular tippers, I think, is necessary but you must make it clear to them. If a member is dismissive or violates your boundaries after you have stated them, then I'd block them.

 

[Humburgalar]

"Have you told him that what he does put others at bay from tipping and engaging with you? Behaviors won't change unless you tell someone that what they are doing is affecting your work and money flow."

 

[thinkinboutit]

What @rylarosexo said. When he does the shitty behavior, point it out immediately (and privately). "Hey could you cool it on X please? I think its putting the other viewers off". In my experience "having a talk" after the fact they say they have no idea what you're talking about. If he's a decent person, he'll stop. If he gets nasty over it, be rid of him.

Anyone who disrupts your piece isn't worth keeping around, no matter how much $$ they spend. You might think you'll miss his money, but I can assure you there are thousands more baskets to put your eggs in.

 

[anabeauty37]

in the future turn off camsites tipping sound

 

[Trixxi_Love]

Im so sorry about this! I would be upset myself if I was experiencing a similar thing.

I am not sure if any of these are good suggestions but here are some ways you could approach situation:

1) Block him on the MFC and continue to splitcam and just give him 50 percent of your energy while streaming. I know this feels super rude of an idea to me but would essentially draw the line that he stays on CB.

2) instead of blocking him on MFC you could send him an honest message about your experience perhaps something more along the lines of “I’m in a financial bind and decided to split cam to increase my earnings ...” “I am hoping to gain more customers and don’t want you to feel that I am being unfair to the “relationship” we have already formed on CB”

3) If he sends you some long email ... just read the first paragraphs and pick and choose what to respond to. He will be grateful with some response instead of no response.

4) You can turn off different tip sounds in the future so other people who happen to recognize those sounds will not be able to hear them or know you are split camming.

I think it sucks that you have such a regular who sends you long emails. I have a similar person in my OFs who often sends long emails and also requests I use my Lovense toys with him when I am not camming.

I do not like what I do but I only check my OFs messages once a day and that way I make myself unavailable for “after hours” requests and my subscribers have grown to expect my “lunch hour correspondence,” I also schedule my posts to continue to go throughout the day so even though a post is made I am not actually on the site at the time. In this way I feel my subscribers get the desired content and I limit my correspondence time to when I feel I can manage it.

I feel in this industry some kindness and politeness should be expected, but you should also draw the line at your comfort level. If he sends a lot of emails I would just respond a little less ... a little less promptly so that you remind him that you have other interested patrons in you and you simply cannot devote all your time to one client for successful income.

Sounds like he really wants a GFE and I find that can be quite demanding of my time and I would personally increase my rates around such a particular client to really draw the line at patron and cam model.

AGAIN - not sure if this is good advice but just some ways I approach a similar situation

 

[englishmuffins]

I feel in this industry some kindness and politeness should be expected, but you should also draw the line at your comfort level. If he sends a lot of emails I would just respond a little less ... a little less promptly so that you remind him that you have other interested patrons in you and you simply cannot devote all your time to one client for successful income.

I think for the most part or from my experience, members have been quite understanding of the relationship that exists between model and member, but I absolutely agree that kindness and politeness is expected. Asshats can be tossed to the bin IMO.

Though I think it goes without saying, every model has that one member who is absolutely taxing on our time and/or mental patience. I have one that is currently a bit of a bugger for me, but he respects my boundaries, I just think he enjoys annoying me because he knows I'll troll him back or make him pay for it in my private with him lol

 

[PeterBland]

A neurotypical person is likely to have quickly spotted that the friendship was very one-sided, and backed off, especially when it was costing money.

A neurodiverse person is likely to have behaved in the way you mention, because of being less intuitive, and he might benefit from you explaining things very clearly.

 

[AudriTwo]

Personally, I would block him. If his neediness isn't worth what he's spending, why continue to tolerate it? Especially when you know his behavior is sabotaging you.

You can try to point out the behavior to him and setting firm boundaries, but if he doesn't change, there needs to be consequences.

 

[singswansong]

Thanks for all of your responses, guys. I think my plan is allow him to stay if he continues to tip but treat him with as much familiarity as I would any other tipper, i.e. no special attention. If he continues commandeering the chat I'll e-mail him and say I don't really want a crossover between sites because I'm trying to gain new viewership.

 

[NotYou]

in the future turn off camsites tipping sound

This for sure, especially on MFC because that isn't even a matter of guessing or trying to figure out which site the sound is from. MFC tip sounds have a very recognisable sound to them.

Personally, I would block him. If his neediness isn't worth what he's spending, why continue to tolerate it? Especially when you know his behavior is sabotaging you.

You can try to point out the behavior to him and setting firm boundaries, but if he doesn't change, there needs to be consequences.

Definitely this and if he has been with you from the start and likes you, and appreciates and respects you, then he will fully understand. However, of course, he may be very typically like a lot of these guys and get weirdly jealous and offended that you dared ask him to stick with just one site.

WIthout knowing what his personality is like it's too difficult to comment further, but definitely just have a nice and gentle (depending on how he is, you know him better than us) word with him.

 

[Smoothie]

You mentioned that he’s usually very sweet and caring, despite being overbearing. If that’s the case, I would hope he would want to help you do better, even if it meant backing off (way off, as in completely off MFC).

Maybe gently but firmly explain to him what’s happening and the kind of changes you’d like him to make, and if he’s really trying to help you, he’ll accommodate the request.

And if not, then at least you can block his account knowing you tried your best to reason with him first.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I started on CB around four years ago and just this year switched over to MFC. I didn't tell any of my followers about the transition because I wanted it to be a fresh start. I was also feeling kind of taken for granted by a lot of my regulars who tipped very little for the amount of emotional labour I was doing. It really wasn't doing my mental health any good.

When I first started I was making considerably more than I did on CB and I liked the feeling of people not knowing much about me.

Anyway, I experimented with splitcamming on both sites the other night, and one of my regulars from the old site heard the MFC tip sound. He's been watching me since I first started camming pretty much every night I've been online. While he's definitely been my most generous and consistent tipper to date, he dominates the room with his conversation and I think this puts a lot of other potential tippers and viewers off. He's also quite demanding of my time and writes me long emails I feel obliged to answer. He was one of the reasons I switched sites, honestly. I just always felt weirdly beholden to his attention and like I couldn't relax on stream.

Anyway, he found me on MFC the other night and dropped into my stream. I was kind of annoyed and shocked to see his username pop up. It felt like a violation of my boundaries. I didn't tell him about the switch nor invite him to follow me onto the other site. The thing is, he's always really sweet and lovely so I feel guilty for wanting to distance myself from him.

How would you ladies navigate this? Do you have any similar experiences? I don't want to hurt his feelings as he really does seem to care about me, but I just feel as though this has become a massive energy suck.

I will tell you from experience that no matter how nicely/gently you try to explain this to him...to just prepare yourself for possibly losing him as a tipper. I know it sucks to hear me say that, but he's a total nuisance to you anyway...and if he's not even gonna try to rectify his behavior you're better off without him. He's too draining, and camming is supposed to be fun for all parties involved.

Years ago I had to gently tell my favorite MFC member (My best spender of all time) that something he did made me uncomfortable, and right after that he completely stopped visiting me and spent his time (and tokens) with other models instead. I know this because I remember seeing his name on other models' screenshots of their big MFC tippers. Some people just can't handle being told about themselves...even if you do tell them as nicely/gently as possible.

MyFreeCams is an excellent site with traffic (I've always loved it waaay more than CB, tbh), and with time, patience, and consistency you will gain a whole new set of regulars who will be happy to spend their tokens on you...without being so damn draining like your current guy is.

As for the "Turn off the tip sound on MFC" thing.....I tried that once (The MFC tip sound is LOUD af, and gives me a heart attack...lol), but it was really weird for me to receive tips and not have a tip sound with it. I ended up turning the tip sound right back on, because it was just too weird being without it. Haha. I feel like not hearing the sound made it a tad less exciting when receiving tips. I think the guys tipping probably enjoy hearing the sound + seeing the smile on your face. But I'm not sure. I should poll my tippers to ask what they think. I really wish the MFC tip sound could be similar to the tip sound on ManyVids Live.

 

[AudriTwo]

I will tell you from experience that no matter how nicely/gently you try to explain this to him...to just prepare yourself for possibly losing him as a tipper. I know it sucks to hear me say that, but he's a total nuisance to you anyway...and if he's not even gonna try to rectify his behavior you're better off without him.

So much this. I want to add this is a good mindset to have with every reg. There is always a possibility of losing a reg. May it because they get offended that you created boundaries, got a girlfriend IRL, ran out of money, or got bored. It's probably going to happen.

I'm not trying to dehumanize regs when I say this, but everyone has a shelf life. Get used to losing good spenders. OP, you are doing all the right things. Keep focusing on expanding your audience and you'll gain more regulars who will respect the boundaries you set in place. That way when the older regulars eventually leave, you won't be struggling to make goals.

 

[rockin_rod]

He was one of the reasons I switched sites, honestly.

I think this is the most significant part.
Now that he has followed you, I think the suggestion to clearly point out what about his behaviour is a problem for you, is vital.
If he ignores that warning, I would ban him. Otherwise far too emotionally draining, he will stop you enjoying being online.

 

[Smores]

Anyway, he found me on MFC the other night and dropped into my stream. I was kind of annoyed and shocked to see his username pop up. It felt like a violation of my boundaries. I didn't tell him about the switch nor invite him to follow me onto the other site. The thing is, he's always really sweet and lovely so I feel guilty for wanting to distance myself from him.

To be fair, the problem is that you never defined any boundaries, not that he violated any boundaries you did define. 95% of models would be thrilled to have their CB regulars find them on other websites and send them even more money. I acknowledge that you are really uncomfortable in this situation, but the way to address that is to define your boundaries. If he wants to follow your rules, great. If he cannot accept your new rules and tries to work around those, then you might have to discipline him further or ban him.

Based on what you described, there are two issues: his behavior in chat and email. So let's solve each of those problems.

Regarding his behavior in chat, could you give some examples of what he does that makes him sound overbearing? This might give others here ideas on how to set rules around that or address the issue with him. To be honest, most rooms on CB are the zombie apocalypse: you can have 400 viewers in a room and almost no one is speaking. Having a regular who both spends money on you and also makes conversation is a real asset to a model. So if you can find a way to train him to be a good dog that has real value to your room. If you just arbitrarily kill him off without publishing your boundaries, I am afraid you are going to discover that the CB room is still very quiet. He may not be the reason for the anti-social behavior of most of the CB audience.

Regarding email: I would wait until you have his behavior corrected in chat room before tackling this issue. Assuming that does not chase him away, then you can set rules a few weeks later around email. It sounds like email just stresses you out. So it's not about getting money for the emails. You just want more time for yourself? Your new rule for email can be something as simple as saying "I am so stressed out by my shift on CB that I really need time alone when I am not working. So please limit to just one email a week and try to keep it as short as possible, because I just do not have the energy to handle longer emails." Hopefully that trains him. There is a good chance he won't be happy about that, but at that point you at least made your boundaries clear.

 

[CoraHoliday]

I will tell you from experience that no matter how nicely/gently you try to explain this to him...to just prepare yourself for possibly losing him as a tipper. I know it sucks to hear me say that, but he's a total nuisance to you anyway...and if he's not even gonna try to rectify his behavior you're better off without him. He's too draining, and camming is supposed to be fun for all parties involved.

Years ago I had to gently tell my favorite MFC member (My best spender of all time) that something he did made me uncomfortable, and right after that he completely stopped visiting me and spent his time (and tokens) with other models instead. I know this because I remember seeing his name on other models' screenshots of their big MFC tippers. Some people just can't handle being told about themselves...even if you do tell them as nicely/gently as possible.

MyFreeCams is an excellent site with traffic (I've always loved it waaay more than CB, tbh), and with time, patience, and consistency you will gain a whole new set of regulars who will be happy to spend their tokens on you...without being so damn draining like your current guy is.

As for the "Turn off the tip sound on MFC" thing.....I tried that once (The MFC tip sound is LOUD af, and gives me a heart attack...lol), but it was really weird for me to receive tips and not have a tip sound with it. I ended up turning the tip sound right back on, because it was just too weird being without it. Haha. I feel like not hearing the sound made it a tad less exciting when receiving tips. I think the guys tipping probably enjoy hearing the sound + seeing the smile on your face. But I'm not sure. I should poll my tippers to ask what they think. I really wish the MFC tip sound could be similar to the tip sound on ManyVids Live.

 

[CoraHoliday]

can you turn the sound down on your computer? i just recently went to wearing wireless headphones (i always wondered why models wore them) and if u have headphones in 1 ear only you can hear. all the sites have their tipping noise and thats 1 way to stay incognito. good luck hope this helps.

 

[yummybrownfox]

can you turn the sound down on your computer? i just recently went to wearing wireless headphones (i always wondered why models wore them) and if u have headphones in 1 ear only you can hear. all the sites have their tipping noise and thats 1 way to stay incognito. good luck hope this helps.

That's what I end up having to do sometimes anyway when people insist on giving me those back-to-back 1-token tips five times in a row. Lol. But the MFC tip sound is obnoxiously loud regardless, and I'm not gonna keep my volume down low the rest of the night...because then people will just complain that they can't hear me.

I don't cam on two sites simultaneously anymore anyway, so I'm not a person who's gotta deal with dudes on Site A complaining about tip noises on Site B.

 

[dont_cry_sadie]

ugh, the dude sounds like an entitled boundary-pushing pee-hole.

I haven't been camming very long but I've been doing other types of sex work for 5+ yrs now and in my experience entitled, boundary-pushing babies don't change their behaviour whether you tell them nicely, firmly, or with a well-prepared, 30min PowerPoint presentation.

When he figures out he can't fuck u around anymore he'll move on to another inexperienced model he can bully/control.

The bastard is getting u down, babe. Ban him. You will eventually find another regular tipper to replace him, one that won't make u dread going on cam, I PROMISE

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

one that won't make u dread going on cam

This is one of my biggest things. If a client is making me dread work, they are making me lose money regardless of how much they are spending.

 

[Finchomatic]

Regarding his behavior in chat, could you give some examples of what he does that makes him sound overbearing? This might give others here ideas on how to set rules around that or address the issue with him. To be honest, most rooms on CB are the zombie apocalypse: you can have 400 viewers in a room and almost no one is speaking. Having a regular who both spends money on you and also makes conversation is a real asset to a model. So if you can find a way to train him to be a good dog that has real value to your room. If you just arbitrarily kill him off without publishing your boundaries, I am afraid you are going to discover that the CB room is still very quiet. He may not be the reason for the anti-social behavior of most of the CB audience.

I had a 'mod' in a room on CB that told me several times in PM that he did not like the fact that I kept the chat going and that everyone asked where I was when I was not around (including the broadcaster)
So I simply stopped going. I later found out that the 'mod' was in love with the broadcaster and he did not like the fact of her giving more attention to other people other than himself.

Mods, overbearing tippers.. Feels like they are one the same.