Over-reaction?

[rockin_rod]

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the room of a model I really like, and have been visiting for the best part of a year. She told me that a friend of hers in the same city was online, and having a bad day. She suggested visiting the friend and trying to cheer her up.
So we both entered the room, and had some fun in public chat and I tipped a few menu items (like choosing some upbeat songs, dancing, ass-slapping etc). The friend seemed really grateful, and both of us left after maybe 10-15 minutes, going back to the first model's room together.
Around a week later, in the first model's room, I saw the friend's username in the list of those viewing. I opened her room up in another browser window, and saw she had only 9 viewers, one of which was the first model I really like. She was still working towards the first goal, and looked pretty downcast. So I said hi and tipped her for a few more fun (but non-explicit) menu items. Was only in there for 5 minutes or so. Then went back to the model I really like. I told her I had just dropped in on her friend and said hi, tipped a little. And she completely freaked out and went nuts at me..........

I asked what had changed in the space of a week since our previous visit together, and reminded her that it was her idea to visit that time. She said that they had fallen out over something, and were no longer friends. I pointed out that each had been in the other's room (and actually still were) so why would I think there was any problem? Also that I had told her openly and straight away, that I had paid the friend a brief visit, so was not 'hiding' anything......
Anyway, the first model acted all cold and defensive to me, saying "you can visit whoever you like", "it does not bother me - go to her if you like her more than me" etc. Which frankly hurt me, as I have been a long-time regular and we had always got on really well.
In the end I gave up and left, it felt like being back in school and those kind of silly arguments that happen over hurt feelings and not understanding or being able to deal with emotions.
What should I do? Why would this have triggered such an over-reaction? I really don't feel like I should have to defend or explain myself, even if I had visited the friend for my own gratification (which I did not), that's my choice and nobody else's concern.
Sure, I can just move on and not think about it any more. But it is bothering me because of the circumstances - trying to cheer someone up, ending up in the doghouse, and somehow losing an online relationship that I really valued, enjoyed and above all, trusted.........

 

[MarieElise]

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the room of a model I really like, and have been visiting for the best part of a year. She told me that a friend of hers in the same city was online, and having a bad day. She suggested visiting the friend and trying to cheer her up.
So we both entered the room, and had some fun in public chat and I tipped a few menu items (like choosing some upbeat songs, dancing, ass-slapping etc). The friend seemed really grateful, and both of us left after maybe 10-15 minutes, going back to the first model's room together.
Around a week later, in the first model's room, I saw the friend's username in the list of those viewing. I opened her room up in another browser window, and saw she had only 9 viewers, one of which was the first model I really like. She was still working towards the first goal, and looked pretty downcast. So I said hi and tipped her for a few more fun (but non-explicit) menu items. Was only in there for 5 minutes or so. Then went back to the model I really like. I told her I had just dropped in on her friend and said hi, tipped a little. And she completely freaked out and went nuts at me..........

I asked what had changed in the space of a week since our previous visit together, and reminded her that it was her idea to visit that time. She said that they had fallen out over something, and were no longer friends. I pointed out that each had been in the other's room (and actually still were) so why would I think there was any problem? Also that I had told her openly and straight away, that I had paid the friend a brief visit, so was not 'hiding' anything......
Anyway, the first model acted all cold and defensive to me, saying "you can visit whoever you like", "it does not bother me - go to her if you like her more than me" etc. Which frankly hurt me, as I have been a long-time regular and we had always got on really well.
In the end I gave up and left, it felt like being back in school and those kind of silly arguments that happen over hurt feelings and not understanding or being able to deal with emotions.
What should I do? Why would this have triggered such an over-reaction? I really don't feel like I should have to defend or explain myself, even if I had visited the friend for my own gratification (which I did not), that's my choice and nobody else's concern.
Sure, I can just move on and not think about it any more. But it is bothering me because of the circumstances - trying to cheer someone up, ending up in the doghouse, and somehow losing an online relationship that I really valued, enjoyed and above all, trusted.........

Maybe model 1 will calm down and apologize to you, over the next few days.
It is a bit High School, but I know a lot of people thrive on that kind of stuff. I've read that acting that way and doing all that drama stuff will sometimes entice a certain crowd, and actually earn token site models more money. I can't say that from experience, just what I've read. Sorry, your feelings are hurt though. Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Hope she calms down and apologizes. Surely she will, right?

 

[rockin_rod]

Thanks! Dunno if she'll calm down. All the correspondence after the event was in pm, or off-site, so nobody else would know - so can't think it was intended to appeal to anyone else.
I should not let this bother me, I know. But it was just so unexpected, and a sad way to end nearly a year of online fun.
Side note - I am a Scorpio - probably explains my need to understand a loss of trust!!

 

[NotYou]

Honestly, I don't think you did anything wrong at all and you were even decent enough to tell her immediately that you went to cheer the friend up again for 5 mins.
Had you hidden this, then sure I can understand her getting a bit pissy (regardless of how much you tipped).

But I would imagine she is going through some sort of problem/stress, and it just all was an overreaction and I am sure she will realise it and like @EliMarie717 said, she will apologize.
If she doesn't, then just go in the room to see how she is with you - maybe she will even act like nothing happened? but not sure if that's better or worse to be honest

 

[MarieElise]

All the correspondence after the event was in pm, or off-site, so nobody else would know - so can't think it was intended to appeal to anyone else.

Yes, in this case, it sounds like she was genuinely jealous.
Who knows what's been going down between the 2 of them (model 1 and model 2) this last week. Sounds like something significant and mysterious has gone down.
Also sounds like model 1 is starting to like you too much for the context. It happens. Maybe this is her way of pushing you away, because she's liking you too much.
I guess you'll do what you will w that, if that's what is going on, which it likely could be.

ETA; I don't think you should be the one to back down over this though. If she doesn't apologize she needs to know that she's in the dog house though imo. I doubt I need to tell you this (given Scorpio), but she needs to know this kinda thing won't be tolerated.

 

[Smores]

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the room of a model I really like, and have been visiting for the best part of a year. She told me that a friend of hers in the same city was online, and having a bad day. She suggested visiting the friend and trying to cheer her up.
So we both entered the room, and had some fun in public chat and I tipped a few menu items (like choosing some upbeat songs, dancing, ass-slapping etc). The friend seemed really grateful, and both of us left after maybe 10-15 minutes, going back to the first model's room together.
Around a week later, in the first model's room, I saw the friend's username in the list of those viewing. I opened her room up in another browser window, and saw she had only 9 viewers, one of which was the first model I really like. She was still working towards the first goal, and looked pretty downcast. So I said hi and tipped her for a few more fun (but non-explicit) menu items. Was only in there for 5 minutes or so. Then went back to the model I really like. I told her I had just dropped in on her friend and said hi, tipped a little. And she completely freaked out and went nuts at me..........

So I have had this happen too many times with studio models. Remember that the models within a studio are often cordial with each other, but they view each other as competitors too. They are very sensitive to issues about one model stealing another model's customer. Rather than keep that competition between them, often the emotions just spill out and you get a display like the one you saw. It can be very petty, and it is also really confusing to the viewer who does not see all of the details of what goes on in the studio.

I do not think there is a nice way to say this, but usually the model doing the complaining views you as her "customer" in a purely business sense. It is not about liking you. It is about wanting to keep your continued business and not share that money with anyone else.

P.S., She is not trying to end your relationship. This is a negotiation.

 

[MarieElise]

So I have had this happen too many times with studio models. Remember that the models within a studio are often cordial with each other, but they view each other as competitors too. They are very sensitive to issues about one model stealing another model's customer. Rather than keep that competition between them, often the emotions just spill out and you get a display like the one you saw. It can be very petty, and it is also really confusing to the viewer who does not see all of the details of what goes on in the studio.

I do not think there is a nice way to say this, but usually the model doing the complaining views you as her "customer" in a purely business sense. It is not about liking you. It is about wanting to keep your continued business and not share that money with anyone else.

P.S., She is not trying to end your relationship. This is a negotiation.

This makes total sense too, but then why would she have brought him in there to cheer model 2 up in the first place? Better just to keep him to herself, or am I missing something here? I'm curious too, I wanna know how some of these studio models think.

 

[SMuser69]

I would move on if I where you. Personally, a person with a personality that is free to abuse someone they've known for a long time, you're just going to be sitting there waiting for her to explode on you again and again. Understand the moment this stops being entertainment for you, you need to ask yourself WHY are you still there? There are a lot of models from abused backgrounds that don't know or care when they push that abuse on others. You're NOT a therapist to models you're always income. You can not buy friendship and a one sided friendship is a mindfuck and not health.

 

[rockin_rod]

P.S., She is not trying to end your relationship. This is a negotiation.

OK, now I'm sincerely intrigued! What would need to be negotiated? And who should apologise?
I value what has happened between us in the past, but don't see that I did anything that needs an apology or bargaining in this situation, beyond what I already told he by way of explanation.
I never told anyone on a camsite that they had, or could expect, my total exclusivity.
The sad thing really is though, that I do not roam around much at all, and just have 3-4 models that I enjoy time with.

 

[rockin_rod]

I will add that I am not sure that this is a studio situation.
Honestly, if I was fairly new in model 1's room, I might think it was a hustle to guilt me into throwing more tokens her way to make up for some perceived lack of judgement.
But after almost a year of regular visiting and consistent tipping behaviour?

 

[Smoothie]

If the conflict between the models was serious, that might explain the overreaction. Hard to know without all the details (but also, you probably don’t want to know more … best to stay out of it).

I agree it could be as simple as the first model assuming the second model has stolen “her” customer and is trying to make you feel guilty over it. I’ve had similar happen to me. Or maybe she is expecting an unreasonable amount of exclusivity from you (and that is different from loyalty… you can be loyal to your favorite models without being the exclusive customer of one).

Whether her reaction was business or personal - or a little or both - I have a feeling she will calm down after a few days, especially if you were a longtime regular before. I doubt she’ll feel good about chasing away a regular over something like you described.

 

[Smores]

This makes total sense too, but then why would she have brought him in there to cheer model 2 up in the first place? Better just to keep him to herself, or am I missing something here? I'm curious too, I wanna know how some of these studio models think.

I doubt we would want to hear their private conversations. It would be like being back in high school again, and I for one am not going back. But the meaning behind the words is often something like "My customer, therefore my rules. I will share my customer's money with you when I feel like it, and don't take what is not yours otherwise." Of course we don't know what happened in this case. But I have seen situations like this and models can be very territorial about customers.

 

[MarieElise]

I doubt we would want to hear their private conversations. It would be like being back in high school again, and I for one am not going back. But the meaning behind the words is often something like "My customer, therefore my rules. I will share my customer's money with you when I feel like it, and don't take what is not yours otherwise." Of course we don't know what happened in this case. But I have seen situations like this and models can be very territorial about customers.

Ah, I see. How fucked up, but yeah I don't doubt that it happens. That's some straight-up, fucked up B.S. if that's what's going on here. Thanks.

 

[Smores]

OK, now I'm sincerely intrigued! What would need to be negotiated? And who should apologise?
I value what has happened between us in the past, but don't see that I did anything that needs an apology or bargaining in this situation, beyond what I already told he by way of explanation.
I never told anyone on a camsite that they had, or could expect, my total exclusivity.
The sad thing really is though, that I do not roam around much at all, and just have 3-4 models that I enjoy time with.

She is doing a loyalty test. She says "...go to her if you like her more than me." She doesn't want you to go to her. She wants you to want to be with her, but she needs to hear you say it. That sounds like something that happens in a personal relationship, but in this case it is probably just business. She wants to hear her customer say that he is still her customer.

In this case, you are not dating and she probably just wants a return to the status quo. So you probably don't have to establish your right to see other models. You can simply tell her that you want to continue to spend time with her and nothing changed, and over time I am pretty sure the problems will all fade.

 

[rockin_rod]

I doubt we would want to hear their private conversations. It would be like being back in high school again, and I for one am not going back. But the meaning behind the words is often something like "My customer, therefore my rules. I will share my customer's money with you when I feel like it, and don't take what is not yours otherwise." Of course we don't know what happened in this case. But I have seen situations like this and models can be very territorial about customers.

I would not have thought that a consideration. Model 1 knows very well how much I tip her each visit, and over both visits to the friend, only tipped maybe 1/10th of that amount. Most of those were during the first visit, together with model 1, who thought it was a great and fun time.
And I have not been back to the friend since, seemed like a nice girl but just not my type, and no chemistry.
Honestly I enjoyed it more at the time from the fact that model 1 seemed happy that her (then) friend had cheered up and was smiling.

 

[Smores]

I would not have thought that a consideration. Model 1 knows very well how much I tip her each visit, and over both visits to the friend, only tipped maybe 1/10th of that amount. Most of those were during the first visit, together with model 1, who thought it was a great and fun time.
And I have not been back to the friend since, seemed like a nice girl but just not my type, and no chemistry.
Honestly I enjoyed it more at the time from the fact that model 1 seemed happy that her (then) friend had cheered up and was smiling.

Okay, but webcam models are more like poets than accountants. They are not weighing numbers. They are weighing feelings, and model 1 just feels bad when she thinks she owns something and it feels like that is being taken from her.

 

[KenzieCams]

Ew, so childish. I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[rockin_rod]

Okay, but webcam models are more like poets than accountants. They are not weighing numbers. They are weighing feelings, and model 1 just feels bad when she thinks she owns something and it feels like that is being taken from her.

Been wondering why both models were still in each other's rooms, even after the apparent falling-out of their friendship? To me, that indicated that they were still in contact. Or could they have been checking up on each other's rooms - who was there, who was tipping etc? But if they really were no longer friends, would think they'd each kick out the other.
This is taking me back to being 15 again..... yikes. Maye I should just start visiting the lovely models of this forum instead, although it could feel a little awkward.

 

[NotYou]

Been wondering why both models were still in each other's rooms, even after the apparent falling-out of their friendship? To me, that indicated that they were still in contact. Or could they have been checking up on each other's rooms - who was there, who was tipping etc? But if they really were no longer friends, would think they'd each kick out the other.
This is taking me back to being 15 again..... yikes. Maye I should just start visiting the lovely models of this forum instead, although it could feel a little awkward.

There are so many possible reasons, it's probably honestly best to ask her briefly when/if she does apologize and you resolve things. I would, if I was you, at least ask out of curiosity so you know not to try and be helpful like it again.

 

[rockin_rod]

There are so many possible reasons, it's probably honestly best to ask her briefly when/if she does apologize and you resolve things. I would, if I was you, at least ask out of curiosity so you know not to try and be helpful like it again.

Right now, we are not talking off line, and my parting line before leaving the room was that I hoped she would think about what I did, and realise that everything I said had been truthful.
I know I can be too stubborn for my own good, so I won't say I never plan to visit her again. But I am not going to just breeze back in and seem like I will do or say anything necessary to get back in favour.

 

[rockin_rod]

Now that I think of it, around New Year she took a 2-week break. When I next caught her show afterwards, one of the first things she asked me was (paraphrasing) "did you visit any other girls while I was offline? It's OK if you did, I was just wondering".
Maybe she has been suspicious of me for a while, and the introduction to the 'friend' was a deliberate act to see if I would stray and then lie about it.
But if so, why? This is a business interaction between adults.

 

[Smoothie]

Now that I think of it, around New Year she took a 2-week break. When I next caught her show afterwards, one of the first things she asked me was (paraphrasing) "did you visit any other girls while I was offline? It's OK if you did, I was just wondering".
Maybe she has been suspicious of me for a while, and the introduction to the 'friend' was a deliberate act to see if I would stray and then lie about it.
But if so, why? This is a business interaction between adults.

Trying to keep you loyal, I guess. But if so, it’s the wrong approach. Repeatedly asking someone if they’re loyal will make them resent the distrust after a while. Even if they have been loyal, they’ll get sick of being grilled about it and “tested.”

And again, there’s the fact that most members visit more than one model. There’s nothing a model can do about it. So rather than make things weirdly possessive or flat-out chase you away, you’d think she would want to maintain whatever business she could and just be cool about it. Especially since you did nothing wrong or unusual.

The next guy will visit other models too. Is she going to angrily chase them all away?

 

[Brit]

The minute you are no longer having fun in a room is the minute when you should stop going to said room.

I really don't feel like I should have to defend or explain myself, even if I had visited the friend for my own gratification (which I did not), that's my choice and nobody else's concern.

This.

Okay, but webcam models are more like poets than accountants. They are not weighing numbers. They are weighing feelings

Wtf? When did you become a webcam model and why are you speaking on behalf of all other webcam models?

 

[MarieElise]

Okay, but webcam models are more like poets than accountants. They are not weighing numbers. They are weighing feelings, and model 1 just feels bad when she thinks she owns something and it feels like that is being taken from her.

And this is where you lost me entirely. What. The. Fuck? Poets?

I made up a poem the other week though. Right enough;

There’s a member named Janus,
Who came straight from Uranus,
He tried to camsplain us,
With his head up his anus.

I tried so so hard not to post this in the public part of the forum. Oh well. Too late now. I guess we are poets My poetry, in particular, is extremely high brow, with rich emotional depth, and a heady complexity

 

[rockin_rod]

Writing all this down seems to have given me even more clarity. While I still feel this whole situation is not my fault, maybe it was getting a little too cosy.
Example: whenever she takes a private, I close my browser and go off and take a break from the screen. Not to make a point, just that I like to use the time to keep busy - I might mow the grass, listen to music, walk the dog, whatever. I go back when I'm done, if she's there, great, if not - there's a next time.
But she always messages me as soon as the private is over, and follows up again if I'm not back in the room within 5 mins or so.
I have explained why I leave, and what I do, but still the same messaging. Maybe she thinks I just switch rooms, and the explanation is just BS.....

So a break - temporary or permanent - might actually be a good thing.
Just have to get over the withdrawal, there was definitely great chemistry.

 

[nightwish]

ooooh those women, lol.

if there is one thing i learned in all this time than it is not to talk about other models in a models room. You are there for that model, so give her the attention she needs or leave.

 

[Smores]

Wtf? When did you become a webcam model and why are you speaking on behalf of all other webcam models?

It is wrong to make blanket statements about groups, and I was wrong to do that. Sorry.

Some people are more emotive than analytical. This particular model - as judged by her actions and words - appears to be weighing her feelings, not doing a cold calculation about income.

 

[rockin_rod]

ooooh those women, lol.

if there is one thing i learned in all this time than it is not to talk about other models in a models room. You are there for that model, so give her the attention she needs or leave.

Totally agree!
Unlike this scenario, one model encouraging a regular to go visit and tip another.
And I'm damn glad I told her immediately (in PM, not public chat) about the second visit, especially if it was all about her testing my honesty.

 

[Ozzie_]

Writing all this down seems to have given me even more clarity. While I still feel this whole situation is not my fault, maybe it was getting a little too cosy.
Example: whenever she takes a private, I close my browser and go off and take a break from the screen. Not to make a point, just that I like to use the time to keep busy - I might mow the grass, listen to music, walk the dog, whatever. I go back when I'm done, if she's there, great, if not - there's a next time.
But she always messages me as soon as the private is over, and follows up again if I'm not back in the room within 5 mins or so.
I have explained why I leave, and what I do, but still the same messaging. Maybe she thinks I just switch rooms, and the explanation is just BS.....

So a break - temporary or permanent - might actually be a good thing.
Just have to get over the withdrawal, there was definitely great chemistry.

I would say it is likely that something "major" has gone down between the girls. Or Model 1 has other issues that are weighing on her mind that have made her overreact.

Only you can know for sure what to do next. But.. do not cut off your nose to spite your face. It seems that you feel you have a genuine friendship with this girl. Well.. sometimes genuine (IRL) friends fall out over things. It's always best to talk. Communication is key in all relationships even more so with online ones as there is no visual cues or body language to fill in the gaps. If I was you, I would visit her room again. Ask her straight out (in a non-accusing manner) As to why she reacted as she did. Reinforce to her how much you genuinely value her friendship, but during ensuing conversation be firm that she was unreasonable in her reactions.

I have a model friend I have been visiting for almost 3 years, we communicate outside of the site she cams on and both consider the other to be a genuine (real) friend. (I am not in love with her as she is younger than a couple of my great-nieces but the friendship is true.) Sometimes during that 3 years, we have had disagreements and misunderstandings. Even though she is very intelligent & level headed there have been times when she has reacted with what can only be considered jealousy to somethin I have said. (And in truth sometimes I have actually been a dick and she has been justified in being annoyed with me!) But we always discuss things in a calm, considered manner (Which given how unreliable Google Translate can be, is a pleasant surprise, lol) and well.... we are still friends after all this time, so it works.

Good luck!

 

[Highlander884]

Another thing is that some girls do get jealous. No they're not looking at you as a boyfriend or planning on dating you or anything but there can still be this insecurity that you prefer spending time with other model then her.
I know it sounds stupid, but I'm sure we can agree that some people on webcam are insecure and part of the appeal about webcamming is having people show interest in you so while they are aware that almost everyone visits more than one person it still can hurt if they think they're not the favourite.
Just another possibility.