I feel the need to apologise for my actions towards a particular model, and though likely to fall on this persons deaf ears, I will feel some form of relief for my confession. I am not seeking forgiveness or sympathy, nor is my crime severe, but I just feel the need to share.
First some background.
I have an addictive personality.
I am in my 40's, but have a very immature heart and mind.
I was 21 before spending any amount of time with a girl (they petrified me)
This girl would become my one and only relationship, lasting 18 years.
The breakdown of this relationship is the only experience I have had with heart ache.
The bitter end to this relationship 5 years ago resulted in me setting up a hardcore BDSM Tumblr page.
My experience with beautiful sexy liberated women is non existent.
My experience with the cam modelling world is limited, preferring to lurk and admire from a distance.
My experience with forums is also limited, this likely being my most active by far.
My Timezone makes it difficult to catch some models when they are on.
My Story
I came upon this forum whilst searching for a model to reenact a particular clip. Though I had many recommendations from models and members, one particular model, who contacted me via PM, stood out. She was perfect. I was hooked (addicted). We conversed a few times discussing the particulars of my requirements and her fee. Though I knew nothing of this women, the events that followed would lead to a cancellation of the custom video and being ignored on this site and Tumblr.
My first mistake was to misinterpret our correspondence as more than just making arrangements for a custom video. The PMing was fantastic, fuelling my ego, a feeling of euphoria that such a sexy young woman would want to engage in dialogue with me. It was not merely a customer/provider relationship, but the beginnings of a wonderful friendship (in all honesty I was likely hoping for more).
I couldn't wait the agreed upon week for the completion of the video and begin to PM her on this site about anything, purely to get a response, just one more word, anything. Withdrawal set in. After a fair amount of communicating over 3 days, I was someone special, someone she cherished and not someone to be ignored. Nothing. In my frustration I sought other ways to converse.
Although hesitant at first, due to the content of my Tumblr account, I eventually followed her and was opened to a whole new world. Bombarded with images of this body I wanted to touch, to hold, I fell completely for her. I was putty in her hands. I wanted to do anything and everything for her. I asked questions, and sent fan mail, but still nothing.
In my desperation I began to reblog her advertising posts, hoping to drum up business for her. No additional text, just her pics and clips, youth and beauty. These appealed to my followers, but the simple fact was they wanted a certain type of post. A fetish twist. A reason to visit her various pages, and so, and with much regret, I obliged.
It wasn't a case of not thinking it through, as I said, I wanted nothing more than to help her by attracting more followers, and in turn more customers of her various business endeavours. Obviously I offended her greatly, as soon after making the post I received a PM advising that my custom had been cancelled, and she would be ignoring me on ACF and Tumblr.
I was gutted. The video was so close to arrival and now I would never see the perfect reenactment. I was reminded by members that there were thousands of girls out there who would likely be capable of producing what I wanted. I didn't want anyone else, I wanted her. She was truly perfect, ticking all the boxes, young, long hair, toned body, nice bum, nice boobs, lovely figure, and her moves, oh my god she could dance just how I liked it.
I believed I could change her mind, and most likely just made it worse. Private Messages on ACF, asks and fan mail on Tumblr. Everything she told me she didn't want. I couldn't let her go, I needed her. In desperation I bought more of her videos hoping money might talk, but alas my mistake had cost me dearly.
It did take me some time to come to terms with the situation, and my enthusiasm has been diminished somewhat. I have some videos of her dancing, and though not the recreation I was hoping for, changing the audio has served its purpose. I will continue to follow her and may even try to visit her room one day, but for now I have learned a valuable lesson.
Just as celebs have their stalkers, I realise I too had become one. I am forever indebted to this model for teaching me many lessons, and I will endeavour to curb my enthusiasm should I fall for another model in the future.
To the model in particular, I would like to publicly apologise for any stress I may have caused, though in all likely hood I am just another one of those obsessive fans you have all encountered at some stage in your careers and she has forgotten all about me.
First some background.
I have an addictive personality.
I am in my 40's, but have a very immature heart and mind.
I was 21 before spending any amount of time with a girl (they petrified me)
This girl would become my one and only relationship, lasting 18 years.
The breakdown of this relationship is the only experience I have had with heart ache.
The bitter end to this relationship 5 years ago resulted in me setting up a hardcore BDSM Tumblr page.
My experience with beautiful sexy liberated women is non existent.
My experience with the cam modelling world is limited, preferring to lurk and admire from a distance.
My experience with forums is also limited, this likely being my most active by far.
My Timezone makes it difficult to catch some models when they are on.
My Story
I came upon this forum whilst searching for a model to reenact a particular clip. Though I had many recommendations from models and members, one particular model, who contacted me via PM, stood out. She was perfect. I was hooked (addicted). We conversed a few times discussing the particulars of my requirements and her fee. Though I knew nothing of this women, the events that followed would lead to a cancellation of the custom video and being ignored on this site and Tumblr.
My first mistake was to misinterpret our correspondence as more than just making arrangements for a custom video. The PMing was fantastic, fuelling my ego, a feeling of euphoria that such a sexy young woman would want to engage in dialogue with me. It was not merely a customer/provider relationship, but the beginnings of a wonderful friendship (in all honesty I was likely hoping for more).
I couldn't wait the agreed upon week for the completion of the video and begin to PM her on this site about anything, purely to get a response, just one more word, anything. Withdrawal set in. After a fair amount of communicating over 3 days, I was someone special, someone she cherished and not someone to be ignored. Nothing. In my frustration I sought other ways to converse.
Although hesitant at first, due to the content of my Tumblr account, I eventually followed her and was opened to a whole new world. Bombarded with images of this body I wanted to touch, to hold, I fell completely for her. I was putty in her hands. I wanted to do anything and everything for her. I asked questions, and sent fan mail, but still nothing.
In my desperation I began to reblog her advertising posts, hoping to drum up business for her. No additional text, just her pics and clips, youth and beauty. These appealed to my followers, but the simple fact was they wanted a certain type of post. A fetish twist. A reason to visit her various pages, and so, and with much regret, I obliged.
It wasn't a case of not thinking it through, as I said, I wanted nothing more than to help her by attracting more followers, and in turn more customers of her various business endeavours. Obviously I offended her greatly, as soon after making the post I received a PM advising that my custom had been cancelled, and she would be ignoring me on ACF and Tumblr.
I was gutted. The video was so close to arrival and now I would never see the perfect reenactment. I was reminded by members that there were thousands of girls out there who would likely be capable of producing what I wanted. I didn't want anyone else, I wanted her. She was truly perfect, ticking all the boxes, young, long hair, toned body, nice bum, nice boobs, lovely figure, and her moves, oh my god she could dance just how I liked it.
I believed I could change her mind, and most likely just made it worse. Private Messages on ACF, asks and fan mail on Tumblr. Everything she told me she didn't want. I couldn't let her go, I needed her. In desperation I bought more of her videos hoping money might talk, but alas my mistake had cost me dearly.
It did take me some time to come to terms with the situation, and my enthusiasm has been diminished somewhat. I have some videos of her dancing, and though not the recreation I was hoping for, changing the audio has served its purpose. I will continue to follow her and may even try to visit her room one day, but for now I have learned a valuable lesson.
Just as celebs have their stalkers, I realise I too had become one. I am forever indebted to this model for teaching me many lessons, and I will endeavour to curb my enthusiasm should I fall for another model in the future.
To the model in particular, I would like to publicly apologise for any stress I may have caused, though in all likely hood I am just another one of those obsessive fans you have all encountered at some stage in your careers and she has forgotten all about me.
